Heyya meri restless, 
Happy birthday, may the lord bless you with all the happiness and prosper.
Let all your dreams come true.. on the coming year you achieve that you always wanted to and spread happiness with your smile..god bless dear
Here is the small gift that I could give you on this special day. Hope you like it.
Swaron os: Discovering The Unknown Feeling.
I was in sitting in my balcony gazing at the beautiful sky filled with shining stars and a big moon. Glowing with its shine and giving light in the dark night.
I was soo confused i re-read the letter which swayam had given on the last day of our college. it was the farewell party we all were sad that our college life has come to an end. Remembering the joyful days we spent and the crazy stuffs we did. Thousands of promises were made that all will be in touch. Meet at least once in a week, dance together and will stay as friends forever.
The party was over and my best friend from the day 1 in the college swayam shekhawath came to drop me home. It was our daily routine that swayam would pick me up in the morning and drop me back home in the evening.The feeling of not saying "meet you tomorrow" hurt me. The whole drive was silent both of us dint utter a word. And finally we reached my home. I just said bye and was about to get down he called me and handed over this letter to me he just said "read this I will be waiting." And just left.
I was soo confused what he actually wanted to tell me, he was not the kind of person who spoke through riddles. And the intensity I saw him in his eyes was making me more and more confused. There was not a single thing about swayam that I dint know. What he wanted me to say through this letter the letter just read
Discover what you feel I am waiting
"Hope"
swayam
That was it nothing more was written what he wanted me to discover, which feeling he was talking about the more I thought the more I got confused. Its been a week since he gave me that letter. I did try asking him what was it, what he wanted me to discover about no answer came and his eyes just told me how hurt he was and we ended up fighting today talking about it.
It was after ages we fought we always understood each other every feeling the un spoken words but today I was I not able to understand what he is trying to say me.it hurt me more to see him hurt but why I couldn't understand.
I sat there under the stars thinking for a long time not able to discover the answers for the questions that held in the letter and in his eyes.
Next morning
I couldn't get a peaceful sleep his hurt eyes were flashing in front of me again and again making me restless.
There was a plan of outing with the whole team and rey had messaged me saying he would come to pick me up within an hour. I felt bad it was not swayam who would come to pick me up.
I got ready rey came a bit early. And saw me soo lost.. "hey shar kya hua tum bohoth lost lag rahi ho, yahan tum aisi baithi ho aur wahan swayam tum dono ke beech kya hua hai?" rey asked concerned.
Hearing swayams name I just lit up I unknowingly asked "kaisa kai swayam tumse kuch bataya usne". "nahi sharon usne tho kuch nai bataya, kya hua hai bolo mujhe mein apne dosto ko aisa nahi dekh saktha" rey told me. I dint have any other option at this situation rey was the only one who could help me. So I said him what ever had happened in the farewell and the letter and our fighting.
Rey just smiled at me "its soo simple sharon, par mein tumhe nahi bol saktha, swayam is right you need to discover the feeling". "par rey please mujhe batao. Aisi kounsi feeling ke baare mein swayam baath kar raha hai" I asked tensed.
Rey finally spoke after a pause which seemed like eternity to me "sharon sach sach bolo tum swayam ke baare mein kya feel karthi ho". "kya feel mathlab wo mera best friend hai, bohoth accha hai, caring hai, sweet hai bas" I spoke casually.
"I dint say to tell me swayam kaisa hai, I just asked what you feel towards him, while you talk to him."rey said in a soft voice. I couldn't understand anything swayams face came in front of my eyes his wide smile those chocolate brown eyes, that naughtiness, his genuine nature everything "swayam, use baath karthe waqth time ka patha hi nahi chaltha, uske hasi mein kahin kho jaathi hoon, uski baathei sunne ka mann kartha hai, jab mein use muskuraathe huye dekhthi hoon apne app mere chehre par bhi ek wide smile aa jathi hai, jab koi ladki uski taraf dekhthi bhi hai tho mujhe lagtha hai ki mein uski aankhe hi noch loon..." I was go on speaking dreaming fully lost in my thought not even knowing what was I actually saying.
When I came out of thought I saw rey grinning widely he said "that's it.. kya hai sach mein sirf dosti hai?". I couldn't make out what he meant. "sharon ab chalo sab wait kar rahe honge" rey said changing the topic and I just nodded not able to make any sense out of it.
We reached swayams home from there we were supposed to go.i was thinking about the thing rey told me the relation between me and swayam is only friendship??
I saw swayam arranging things in his car, and completely avoiding me he dint even say me hi I was hurt by his behavior.we all left for our destination it was a hill station, and the beauty of nature was more enhanced. On my way I was thinking about the whole issue.
It was evening and all of us were sitting and chattering And suddenly rinni out of nowhere said something "kayi baar humein pyaar ho jaath hai par patha hi nahi chaltha kab hua, aur hum us feeling ko dosti ka naam de dethe hai" I was shocked to hear this. What did rinni say just now really!!! "kya mein swayam se pyaar karthi hoon, yahi baath swayam mujhse kehna chahtha hai" thinking about it over and over again I was getting more and more surety that I am in love with swayam.
Just a mere thought of being in love with swayam gave butterflies in my stomach. I felt relieved finally I found out what swayam meant "wait a minute that means swayam also love me, and knew that I love him too, usne mujhe bataya kyon nahi duffer kahin ka" I had a wide smile on my face i wanted to talk to swayam say him that, that I found out what he really meant.
Whole evening passed by but I couldn't speak to swayam I was being restless I had to talk to him. And finally when I saw swayam sitting on the bench alone I went and sat next to him. I dint know what I would say him but I was sure I couldn't live without him even for a second the new found feeling was giving me the feeling of contentment.
"hey" I said blushing a bit, but I couldn't control it. he just turned and looked at me with a questioning eyes as if to say what?????. I knew I made him wait for a long time, and could even understand how he would have felt to wait for such a long time. "swayam we need to talk, please" I said as if I was pleading for my life. He just nodded. "yahan nahi swayam wahan chalthein hai" there was a lake nearby and the place was soo quite and very suitable for two souls waiting to be claimed as theirs.
"haan bolo kya bolna chahthi ho"swayam said a firm tone. I dint know what should I say "swayam wo, wo letter,"I started to fumble. "wo wo kya kar rahi ho sharon, mujhe aur bhi zaroori kaam hain aur.." I dint allow him to continue and blurted out "I love you swayam" swayam was taken a back with whatever I said. And even I realized what I said and the hotness raising in my cheeks not able to face him I just wanted to run away from there and hide myself. I was about to run away swayam cought my hand came close to me and whispered slowly "phirse bolo". I just managed to say "please swayam" which was barely audible. "nahi sharon aur nahi, meine bohoth intezaar kiya hai is pal ka is din ka, please sharon sirf ek baar" swayam asked turning me towards him. His gaze fixed over me I just closed my eyes and said "I love you swayam, I love you a lot" and hid myself in his chest hugging him tightly. He hugged me back with the same intensity and finally said what I wanted to hear those magical words "I love you too sharon" I felt soo complete there, it was as if it was a right place where I belonged.Coming out of the hug.
I asked him "tumne mujhe pehle kyon nahi bataya, itne sathane ki kya zaroorath thi". He just smiled "sharon I fell in love with you the day we first met, I wanted to tell you earlier but I wanted you to love me as much as I do, we became friends, I could see that you loved me but you yourself dint know that you loved me I wanted you to discover that feeling because I know how beautiful the feeling is to discover that you are in love.. but you still couldn't make out so I had to give you that letter." Swayam said all this looking straight into my eyes.
I felt as if I was drowning in his eyes "swayam tumne hope kyon likha tha at the end of the letter mujhe wo samjhme hi nahi aaya" I said still being confused
"HOPE yeh hi tho ek chees thi jo itne saal thak mere saath thi that HOPE one day you will be mine HOPE you will realize that you love me all my love was based on this HOPE for this long" he said looking at me lovingly.
I felt soo blessed to have such a person who loved me unconditionally for years and waited for me to discover this heavenly feeling. I just hugged him soo tightly as if to say that I will be there with him forever.
So that was it, it's a bit long I don't know how it went by HOPE you like it diya
Love
shini
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