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BEING WITH YOU
"Pick up the phone dammit!" she shouted, not able to make contact for the seventeenth time in a row. She had dialed his number again and again, and each time her call had gone unreturned and it was now that her patience was giving its way to frustration. Unable to hear his voice from the other side, her anger directed itself to her cell phone which shattered into little pieces after striking against a hard wall.
He had left her house trapped in a whirlwind of emotions, each one of them equally damaging, She had searched for him everywhere and he was no where to be found. She cursed herself for inflicting the pain upon him. Why did she have to blame him for something which was no fault of his? He had been already going through so much and she had just added another burden which she knew he would be unable to bear.
Snapping her eyes shut, she tried to remember all the places where he took refuge when he wanted to be alone. College Terrace. Check! Rehearsal Hall. Check! Basket-ball court. Check! Property Room. Check! His own house! She knew that was the last place where she could expect to find him, especially when he was troubled and needed to vent out. She had no clue where he could be yet she badly needed to find him out. When upset, he was like a calm ocean just before the storm; his outer self peaceful and devoid of any emotions with rage and hurt building up deep within him, so deep that it would not only hurt him but would also hurt those around him, in turn hurting him more. And at that moment she knew where he would be.
He allowed the cool breeze ease him out of his thoughts as he buried his head deep in the sand. The waves touched his feet and retreated in a harmonious pattern, never getting tired of the monotonous routine. The silence around him served as a sharp contrast to the chaos that went inside his head, and not to mention, his heart. It was late at night and the majority of the crowd had already taken a safe shelter in their homes. Not far away, he could see a small group drowning their sorrows in beer bottles while having a carefree laugh plastered on their faces. At least they seemed happy.
It was then he felt her presence, her shadow perfectly blending with his. He didn't know how she had found him as he had never told her about that place'or had he? He prepared himself to ask her to leave him alone the moment she intruded into his chain of thoughts; but she said nothing leaving a comfortable silence between them. A short while later, he felt her lie down beside him, her fingers softly entwined in his.
"That's a boat," she said, her fingers pointing towards the sparkling dots millions of miles away, as she traced out the shape. "And there is another one."
He couldn't believe himself. The last thing he would expect Sharon Rai Prakash to do was to let her guard down and make her innocent self surface in front of others and here, she laid beside him doing exactly the same. He wondered if she had finally given him access to her soul, fragile and vulnerable.
"Your turn now!" she turned towards him, breaking his chain of thoughts. When he didnt show any movement, she nudged him playfully on his elbow. "Come on! Be a sport!"
"I didn't know that you liked counting the stars," he replied, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
"I am not counting the stars," the same soft voice replied, "I am trying to make sense out of something which makes no sense at all."
He wasn't sure if she was talking about her patterns or his life but either way it sounded good.
"That may either be a flower or a cupcake! I am confused between the two." Sharon murmured, her eyebrows joined together. On the other hand, he was desperately trying to form a figure with success miles away.
"That is a snowflake," he shouted excitedly, finally making out a shape.
"That is a snowflake," he shouted excitedly, finally making out a shape.
"I love snowflakes," she whispered. "They are beautiful and they remind me of mom. She always used to say that don't worry about your problems. Just like snowflakes, they too will fade away."
"Some problems stay in your life forever Sharon," he muttered, "The more you try to kick them out, the deeper they affect your life."
"Then don't!"
"Excuse me!"
"Then don't Swayam," she whispered, this time looking directly into his eyes, "Don't try to kick them out. Let them be where or whatever they are and stop bothering about them. The problems will gradually disappear."
"It's not my life that I worry about Sharon, but others'."
"You can't sort out everyone's life for them."
"But I do create complications in others life'don't I?! Dad hates me for reason I don't know of, I shouted at my best friend for no fault of his and now it's because of me that my sister has to break up with her boyfriend, the person she considers as the love of her life."
"You hate your dad too Swayam and it works both ways! Just give the relationship your best shot and if he still fails to understand your worth it's his loss not yours."
"And what about Rey and Taani? Isn't it me who is to blame for their breakup?"
"Maybe!" she replied, her voice confident, "Or maybe not."
He stared at her vacantly, failing to comprehend what she meant. How could it be his fault and not his fault at the same time?!
"There are a lot of reasons for breakups Swayam. Not all relationships on this earth survive beyond a certain period of time. You might have taken a passive step in initiating the process but you couldn't be the only one to blame. It is about Rey and Taani, not you, and trust me, they will sort it all out between themselves'not today or tomorrow, but someday."
He wanted to counter her and tell her that it was his entire fault; it was he who was to blame and no one else. If only had he got hold of his temper that day and had not ended up shouting at Rey, his sister would have been happy. But somehow, she seemed to be making an odd bit of sense. How was it his fault if their relationship hadn't been strong enough? He would have never broken up with Sharon if she had shouted on Taani for no fault of hers. It was their problem and it was for them to solve. He already had enough on his mind without having to worry about them. Sharon was right! They were mature people and they would handle it themselves.
"What about us?" he asked all of a sudden, failing to make any sense.
"Excuse me?" She looked at him, curiosity evident behind the dark brown orbs.
"What about us Sharon?" he continued, knowing full well that he needed to get this off his chest, "When will we sort it all out? I am tired of this comfort zone. I am tired of being'I mean pretending'to be best friends. I am tired of being so close yet so far. To be honest, this comfort zone is the most uncomfortable phase our relationship has ever gone through."
She slowly rose up, trying hard to frame a proper answer in her mind. She knew what he was telling was the bitter yet sweet truth and she couldn't deny that she herself was tired of what they were living at the moment. What they shared was a lot more than what friends did, and it bothered her as well. She knew that they were the two halves of a whole and that's how they were meant to be. She wanted to belong to him but her illness, how could she impose it on his life?!
"It doesn't matter," she heard him say. He didn't realize was that he had answered
the question which had inhibited the growth of their relationship for so long. "I just needed to vent this all out."
"You are right Swayam! It doesn't matter" she whispered, closing in the last inches of space between them, "Not anymore."
"You are right Swayam! It doesn't matter" she whispered, closing in the last inches of space between them, "Not anymore."
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