Chapter Twenty-Seven: Consumed by the Flame
In Rajmata Moora's Chamber,
Rajmata Moora was having an argument with her daughter and Chandra's elder sister Chaaya. The princess had been putting off and insidiously evading one proposal of marriage after the other. She had been secretly sabotaging her marriage prospects by writing discreet anonymous letters raising doubts and questions on the credibility of her own character. To say that the queen mother was livid and furious was to say the least.
Moora: God knows for how long this has been going on and how people must have been sniggering behind their backs about the Princess of Magadh! If it was somebody else tarnishing your image and sabotaging your marriage prospects, I would have understood. But why you yourself are doing it is beyond me. Chaaya if you are doing or have done anything you shouldn't have, you'd better tell me?
Chaaya: Maa, why should I be afraid of anything? My brother is the Samrat of Magadh! I don't want to marry! That's all!
Moora: You are six years older than Chandragupt! Your brother has already married thrice! Already, it is becoming very difficult to get good alliances for you as you are past the appropriate age of marriage in royal families. If you will not marry now, then when will you?
Chaaya: It's my marriage, Maa! And I will get married when I please. Am I a burden on you that you want to get rid of me, Maa?
Moora: Not like that, Chaaya! But every mother has the dream of seeing her daughter in the bridal attire! When will you understand?
Chaaya, cracking up a bit at her mother's tear-stricken and cracking voice full of emotion, but quickly reminding herself that in her situation, she had no choice but to do whatever she was doing. She was already secretly married to Satyajit! There was no way she could get married again. It would be a sin and lead to an even bigger scandal. But neither could she immediately tell this truth to her mother or her brother. She had to wait till Satyajit returned from his assignment and both of them could tell the full truth.
Chaaya: If that was your wish, I could wear that benighted bridal attire here itself and show you, and you could see me to your heart's content. What is the need to marry for that?
Moora: When will you understand me, Chaaya? I'm your mother!
Chaaya: I could also equally retort, when will you understand me, Maa? I'm your daughter!
Moora: Chaaya, please tell me if there is anything! Why are you so against marriage? Do you like somebody? If that is the case, tell me! Kahan ke Maharaj ya Rajkumar hain? (He is the King or Prince of some place?) I will discreetly make inquiries and send a proposal in a suitable manner.
On hearing the words till 'Do you like somebody?' out of her mother's mouth, Chaaya was about to speak up about herself and Satyajit. But the minute she heard the query 'Kahan ke Maharaj ya Rajkumar hain?', her intent to confess the truth died a speedy death. She realized that royalty and family pride was all that mattered to her mother, and even if she were to tell the truth, her mother would never understand or accept it.
Chaaya: I don't want to get married. I don't want to live the rest of my life as someone's Daasi. It is as simple as that. I will speak to Chandroo. He will understand! He will not force me to get married against my wishes!
A resounding and smart slap descended on Chaaya's cheeks from the Rajmata's hands as she said, "Don't you drag your brother into all this. He spoils you as though you are the younger sister and he is the elder brother. You throw all these tantrums and he puts up with all this. But you cannot fool me. I am your mother! Behave your age! Go to your room now. I do not want to hear any more complaints about you!"
Chaaya, her eyes blazing with anger and cheeks red in color, the effect of the smarting slap on her cheeks by her mother; was leaving the room, as Nandini was entering it to seek an opinion and advice relating to several changes she was contemplating regarding the shifts and working hours of the palace maids.
Moora tried to suitably recompose herself but her mood was so off that it was very evident even to Nandini though she hadn't seen or heard what happened before this in that room. She was about to launch into her issue, but realizing that her mother-in-law was terribly upset about something, she said, "Nothing very urgent, Maa. This one can wait. I will come some other time when you are feeling better. Is there anything I could help you out with, Maa?"
Moora: This stupid girl just doesn't understand the heart of her own mother! While you; though you come from another family, and are the daughter of our enemy as well; seem to understand me better! Surprising, isn't it, that though you are nearly eight years younger than my Chaaya, you behave much more sensibly and maturely than her?
Nandini realized that the queen mother was referring to her sister-in-law, Chaaya. But she was at a loss to comprehend the reason why the Rajmata was upset with her Nanand (sister-in-law). She gently asked, "Maa, has Didi done something to anger you? You know you could trust me and share your problems with me. Would you like me to personally talk to Didi as friend to friend?"
Moora initially, "Yes, it would be nice if you could! This girl takes all my words in the wrong spirit...However, on second thoughts, just leave her alone, for now! You would be needlessly stirring up a hornets's nest. She is friendly and confides in her Bhabhis, at least for now. If you were to talk, there is no knowing how she is going to react. The rift in one relationship is enough. I wouldn't like to spoil the camaraderie both of you share by involving you in this!
Nandini: As you wish, Maa! Is there anything I can do to serve you or make you feel better?
Moora after deep thought, "I haven't spoken of this to anybody! It is something I wouldn't wish to be known to anybody. For that very matter, I haven't spoken about it to Chandra. He is already too engrossed in many problems and issues related to the state, so I didn't want to trouble him with this. I am suffocating within myself in not being able to share my problems and worries with anybody. I myself don't understand the reason why I am telling you all this instead of my son. But it is so. I am trusting and confiding in you. You will also maintain utter confidentiality about whatever I reveal.
Nandini sat beside the distraught queen mother and simply held the gruff hand of Moora in her young, soft and tender hands and gently placed her other hand in affirmation without saying anything.
Moora said, "Sit here! It's a long story!"
Nandini listened to everything Moora was saying very carefully and intently. Moora spoke in hushed tones about how she had been looking for alliances for Chaaya and how her age itself was causing many alliances to go astray, and how the rest who were willing for this alliance were being insidiously sabotaged by Chaaya herself by writing discreet and anonymous letters raising questions on her own integrity and credibility.
Except for the fact that Chandra was the Samrat of Magadh, and everybody was scared to speak or voice these things in the open, the Princess of Magadh had become a joke in many of the kingdoms to which her alliance had been sent. Though the reason they were being told why the proposal was being rejected was an apparent mismatch of horoscopes, the real reason was these surreptitious missives.
Nandini interjected at this point, "Maa, how can you be so sure that Didi is doing all this? Somebody else could have been planning and plotting against Magadh! These things are very common in politics. If you cannot directly take down the enemies, hit at them indirectly! Use their women and children against them! Tarnish their name and honor! I can't believe Didi must have done all this!
Moora digressed at this point, "Like Chandra used you against your father?..."
Nandini hesitating at this point, "Maa, let's not go into that issue at all. I have long forgotten all that. I have made peace with it. I am Maharaj's wife now and I do not regret it in the very least as I do my birth.
Moora approvingly said, "You have a really big heart, Nandini! I am lucky regarding all my daughters-in-law! ...By the way, has Chandra ever told you he is lucky to have you in his life?"
A lump started forming in her throat and her heart started getting constricted as she heard these generous words of praise out of her usually strict mother-in-law's mouth. Would there ever come a day when she would hear such equally sweet and generous words about her from his lips? What she heard most of the times out of his lips were angry, uncharitable words and sarcastic barbs that pained and hurt her terribly.
Nandini recovered herself from her reverie before saying, "Maa, meri aur Maharaj ki nok jhok toh chalthi rahegi! Baat yahaan Chaaya Di ki hain! Humein us par charcha karna chahiye!" (Maa, my petty squabbles with Maharaj are insignificant! The issue here is about Chaaya Didi! We should discuss about that!)
Moora too left that conversation midway and returned to the original issue which was Chaaya's marriage. She said, "Your Didi is doing these things. Why she is doing is beyond me! I have counter checked the handwriting in these anonymous letters. They are in Chaaya's handwriting. I have questioned her and she has confessed. So there is no doubt about this at all."
Nandini: This is really alarming then! Did Chaaya Di give any specific reason for this?
Moora: No, there lie all my worries about her! Chandra is scheduled to go to the kingdom of Rajnagari on the invitation of Maharaj Indupratap along with Maharani Helena and Maharani Durdhara and stay with him for ten days. Both the kings are contemplating a political and war alliance. It is a very crucial diplomatic venture for both the kingdoms. In the event of everything working out properly, both the kingdoms will benefit a lot from it. Especially, we do, standing as we are on the brink of war with your father and brother, and with a couple of neighboring kingdoms going over to their side. This alliance has to materialize at all costs to boost our army prowess!
Nandini had known about this impending diplomatic mission. She had even felt a bit jealous that she was not a part of this mission and had perhaps been excluded in an arbitrary fashion due to her personal differences with Chandra.
Moora continued, "And that is not all! We have even received a marriage alliance for Chaaya to Kunwar Arjun, the Crown Prince of Rajnagari!"
Nandini: That's great news, Maa! Have you told Maharaj and Chaaya Di about this?
Moora: No! As a matter of fact, I am in two minds about this marriage alliance. There are several rumors about Kunwar Arjun that are rife among the general public. Firstly, he is a widower and has a son who is one year old. Though in a way, Chaaya's advancing years will not be a problem here as the expectations for a heir will not be there, I still don't know if Chaaya will be able to adjust in that household or set up. Will she be able to be a good mother to a motherless child in addition to being a queen and wife?
Though Chaaya does not have to contend with two other wives for her husband (At this point, the Rajmata bit her lip. It was a slip of a tongue but one that was very relevant to her own son's marital life), she has to fight with the memories and nostalgia of a dearly loved dead wife! Can she do that? Will Kunwar Arjun wholeheartedly accept Chaaya as his wife?
Secondly, his reckless and dare devil behavior after the loss of his wife has received very bad press. His behavior before that loss and after that loss are so radically different that people feel as if he is not their Kunwar at all. Somebody who was so occupied in state affairs, wars, diplomatic missions, visiting his people, solving their problems and issues, etc, suddenly became an avid hunter, a jovial and merry epicurean more bothered about good food, drink, gaming, smiling, laughing, being happy and keeping everyone happy.
How could a human being change so much so suddenly? Is there something wrong with his mental state? Is it a case of split or dual personality? If it is, then in wishing for this marriage to happen, I would be Chaaya's worst enemy. Being a mother, you can understand my worries regarding these aspects. Even if everything is alright, and these are mere tumors and tell tales, there is a chance that in contemplating and clinching this marriage alliance, the diplomatic alliance could be affected or fail.
I don't want that to happen. We need the diplomatic mission to succeed at all costs whether this marriage proposal works or not. As a matter of fact, both these things are co-incidental and came up simultaneously. Maharani Swaralika was looking for alliances for Kunwar Arjun and the matchmaker suggested Chaaya's alliance in that connection.
Nandini: But Maa, we cannot give up such a good and promising marriage alliance just like that without looking into it. The death of a close family member has a deep impact on any person. I was just like Rajkumar Arjun whom you have described...before the death of my brothers. ...I grew up and mellowed down after my loss. Perhaps Kunwarsa has regressed a bit to his youth after his loss. I wish I too could go to the mission so that I would have the opportunity of closely and personally observing Kunwar Arjun and his character and whether he is suitable for Chaaya Di. Then you might perhaps like to decide what you would want to do based on my own observation.
Moora thinking carefully about the proposition, "This looks like a feasible idea. But you must promise me not to reveal any of this to Chandra. I will see if I could flatter and convince Helena by referring to her excellent managerial and administrative capacities and how I and Acharya Chanakya would need somebody to help us out with the administrative and palace affairs, and how you were utterly incapable or unequal to this challenge. Helena is sure to take this bait and stay behind and suggest that you go for this diplomatic tour instead along with Durdhara.
Nandini: Maa, but wouldn't Maharaj be angry that I am coming instead of Maharani Helena? He wouldn't like this! He is bound to think I schemed for it.
Moora: Why would he think like that my dear when Helena would be the one refusing to go?
Nandini (the tone of her voice subdued and mirthless): Maa...Maharaj would deem that even if a crow had loose motions, or if the crops have failed in a distant village in the border of Magadh, I must have been the cause of it! ...I am held responsible for anything and everything!
Moora (a bit concerned at this point): Why do you sound so hopeless, Nandini? Is everything alright? I wouldn't want to be interfering much because interference sometimes makes matters worse!
Nandini: Maa, I was remarking just by the way. It's nothing serious, nothing at all for you to be concerned!
Moora: If you say so, then I must accept it! Sometimes when our whole life starts revolving around a single person, we start ascribing everything, good and bad, to them. We do this even when the other person does not have anything to do with any of this. And this observation has nothing to do with you or Chandra. It is just by the way! So don't take it to heart if it does not apply to you.
Nandini: Maa, you have a way of putting even the most sublime truths in a capsule. I always feel better after speaking to you.
Moora: So now, let's get back to the original issue we were discussing. Since you do not want to go, I will have to get Durdhara to do this bit of observation though I am not sure how good she is at it. My dear, if you were to think about it seriously, in a positive light, you will get more opportunities of spending time with your husband and resolving your internal differences if there are any during this tour, which you will not get if you remain cooped up in the palace. I will talk to Chandra and tell that I insisted that you go along with him.
Nandini (sheepishly): I've already used that excuse before with Maharaj! So this time round, he may not believe it!
Moora (a bit surprised): What's going on in the palace behind my back Nandini?
Nandini (a bit embarrassed by now): Maa, it's alright! I will tell you later after I come back from the diplomatic tour. I too feel it will be better if I go. I will not bother whatever Maharaj thinks or assumes about me. I will do this for Chaaya Di. If she gets a good life partner because of this, I will be all the more happier for it even though I and Maharaj might have an argument or two over this!
Moora wholeheartedly hugged Nandini as she told, "I cannot tell you how happy I am with this decision of yours. This is an affair which has to be handled smoothly and with finesse. I doubt even if I had told Chandra, he would handle this well. He is not at all good in these small things. Moreover, he would favor Chaaya telling if she did not want to get married, why force her! He would reject this proposal outrightly!"
Two days later,
So the end result of all this was that Nandini found herself in the retinue accompanying Chandragupt for his diplomatic mission. Her palanquin was at the rear end with a few foot soldiers and her maids following it, while the major chunk of the cavalry and Chandragupt's personal body guards rode flanking their Maharaj and the palanquin of his second queen Rani Durdhara on whose side he was riding.
Chandra had been silently raging since a day when he was informed by Rajmata Moora that Helena would be staying behind with her and not accompanying him. And in her stead, Nandini would be joining them. Helena too it seemed had originally not been willing to leave Patliputra and go.
Helena had been so worried that the maids and gardeners were not going to properly take care of the garden flower patch in which she took so much pride. She was so sure that these incapable and inefficient people were going to ruin and kill all the plants over which she had labored for hours together. So when Moora suggested that she would prefer Helena to stay behind instead of Nandini, she had instantly jumped the offer because that was what she had been wanting to do all along.
She had feared Chandragupt's displeasure and had not mentioned it. But with Moora on her side, she grew bolder and said that was what she had wanted to do all along and that she would find the diplomatic tour highly boring. Only now, she had got used to everyone at Patliputra including Rajmata Moora who had initially been a bit hostile towards her. In a new place, it would be the same old story. She would be feeling the odd one out again.
Chandragupt assumed for some strange reason that Nandini had ingratiated herself with the Rajmata and plotted to go along with him on the diplomatic tour instead of Helena. She would no doubt be thinking she was going to get close to him. He wasn't going to give her the slightest opportunity of playing with his emotions again. He was going to plainly ignore her.
During the journey,
Three days of journey had passed. They set up camp for the night and for meal times en route. Chandragupt hardly spoke anything at all to Nandini. He behaved as though she wasn't coming with them at all. Nandini made an attempt a few times to start a pleasant conversation when her attempts were cut short by Chandragupt's apparent disinterest in speaking to her.
Though he wasn't exactly rude to her in the presence of the maids, the soldiers, the ministers accompanying him, and Durdhara, it was very evident to her that her words and very presence seemed like a literal torture to him. His whole demeanor reflected his preference to be elsewhere than listening to whatever she was telling him.
He spent the whole of his time dancing attendance to Durdhara and even her slightest whims. It did not seem as though he was paying attention to Durdhara because he liked it or wanted to. It was more to show her what all she had lost. Many a time during these three days and nights Nandini wondered if this was the same man whom she had loved, the same man who said that his most beautiful moments in life were the ones he spent with her, the man who said that he would wait for her for a life time, the man who said that he would never stop hoping that he would win her back one day, the man who said that her place was not at his feet but in his heart!
Now her place did not seem to be near his feet at least. It was nowhere in his life. Then was whatever he spoke about his feelings for her all a lie? Why couldn't he just forgive her for one small mistake when she forgave him for so many? Why did he have to be so unyielding? Hadn't she explained everything and duly apologized for it, something he hadn't done properly with her till date for all his mistakes? Why did she have to keep on perpetually proving herself for whom, and for what?
Nandini did not think when she agreed to go for this diplomatic tour, she was going to feel so horrible and forlorn. It was becoming more like a corporeal punishment to her. She had agreed for the sake of Chaaya Di. But all the same, she thought that apart from an argument or two, both she and Chandra were going to attain some degree of normalcy like any other bickering but caring husband and wife.
Durdhara had occasionally tried to speak with her and make some small talk, but she herself had not been very welcoming. So she stopped trying after an attempt or two. Nandini started feeling isolated and like an unwanted piece of furniture. Her days and nights passed in utter loneliness and unvarying despair. Neglect and disappointment were too small to actually describe all the tumultuous emotions running through her.
All these things began taking a toll on her sleep. She hadn't slept properly for the past two nights in a row. She had lost her appetite for food. The circles around her eyes kept becoming blacker and deeper. Her eyes became sunken. She was plainly wasting away. She thought he would at least visit her now and tell her to eat and sleep properly as he had once done. But he seemed least bothered by anything regarding her.
During the night in Chandragupt's tent,
The camps had been set up for the night. Chandragupt was in his tent brooding over Nandini and her irresponsible and insensitive behavior. He was playing with his index finger with the wick of the lamp which had been lit beside his bed. He closed his eyes and allowed his mind to dwell over the warmth of the flame wrapping and twisting itself around his finger and taking him in its grip.
One flick to the left and right...
"Nandini I see and realize everything that you are doing..."
Second flick to the left and right...
"If you think you are going to impress me by inflicting masochistic punishment on yourself...you are mistaken..."
Third flick to the left and right...
"The way you seek opportunities to speak with me and make up...I will not relent...I am determined..."
Fourth flick to the left and right...
"I'm least bothered!...Especially after you hurt me so much and so badly...Why you have not even been able to gauge the extent of my hurt...
Fifth flick to the left and right...
"I gave you my heart...and you drew back...you made me feel unloved...but now you will never know what I feel...nor how much I love you...I will never tell you..."
Sixth flick to the left and right...
"I really don't care...whatever happens to me...whatever happens to you...whatever happens to us...I loved...and you drew back from me..."
Seventh flick to the left and right...
"My defenses are up...nobody can get past me when I intend to hold back...not even you...NANDINI...You thought a small explanation...a slight apology ...an apt shloka...a few good sounding and pleasing words...would assuage everything I have been through ...and appease me...
Eight flick to the left and right...
"I sought your love...and you pitied me...why do you even want me...when you cannot bear to be close with me...
Ninth flick to the left and right...
"You made me hate myself...and my love for you...I will never forgive you for it..."
Tenth flick to the left and right...
"You do not reciprocate what I feel...What I seek you cannot give...what I can give you do not want...what you want I cannot give..."
This last time he was a bit slow in taking his finger out of the searing tongue of the flame and ended up burning the skin on top of his index finger. This physical pain and suffering were nothing compared with the raging forest fire blazing in his heart. He was literally like a ball of fire. What he was experiencing now was something all-powerful, overwhelming, indomitable, intimidating and vice-like in its absolute grip over himself. It so all-consuming and eating away his inner vitals. He was going to raze down anything and everything in his path.
He was gone beyond the scope of reason, cause and effect. He was hurt, he was suffering; and he was going to hurt and make her suffer. Even if he wasn't going to feel better in her hurt or suffering, he was going to do it. At least they would be one in their hurt, pain and suffering if not in their love, togetherness and bliss. He put out the lamp after this and remained completely awake in the pitch darkness of his room, aware of the even greater darkness and gloom descending upon his heart and soul.
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Dhoop aur Chaon
The next day during the journey,
It was an unusually hot and sultry day out in the merciless Indian sun. There had been nothing at all to protect or cast a shadow against the blistering and blinding heat. The retinue had been trudging along for a couple of hours by now. Nandini had been suffering from indisposition since the morning.
She had already vomitted a couple of times since morning. Her maids had been attending to her in the palanquin and helping her feel more comfortable to the best of their abilities and powers. However, she was feeling terribly unequal to continuing this journey any further.
Perhaps they might have to stall the journey and take some medical help. This was a decision only Chandragupt could take. Nandini was sweating profusely by this time. She sent her maid with a request asking Chandragupt to come to her immediately as she wanted to talk to him. The maid duly did the task she was assigned and returned back to her place.
Nandini: Did you tell Maharaj that I wanted to speak to him?
The maid: Yes, Maharani Saa! Maharaj heard whatever I told him!
Nandini: Alright then! He will come over when he is disengaged! You go back and take your place.
With her heart breaking to a thousand pieces, Nandini watched with eyes that seemed to be getting bleary and vague every moment at Chandragupt budging not even an inch from wherever he was, riding beside Durdhara, occasionally talking to her, smiling into her eyes, and seemingly oblivious of everyone around him.
In this span of time, he had occasionally handed over a cooling and soothing tender coconut or two that he had been drinking for her to share. It was all becoming too painful for her to watch or even comprehend. She had specifically sent a maid and asked him to step over just for a moment, and he did not have time even for that!
Nandini, her head splitting apart with a throbbing and numbing headache, had this single thought running through her confused brain, "He does not care what happens to me! He does not care whether I live or die! He does not want me in his life at all!"
However perceiving her condition worsening considerably with every passing moment, she gave up her inhibitions and embarrassment and called out to him from the palanquin sitting wherever she was, "Maharaj, aap ek skshan ke liye aasakthe hain!" (Maharaj, can you please come over for a second?)
Durdhara who was sitting in her palanquin said, "Chandra, Nandini is calling out to you! I think you should go! Perhaps she needs something!"
Chandra, unconcerned and pretending as though he had not heard Nandini calling out to him at all, "I know her very well! All these are vain, attention-seeking tantrums! Just ignore them! She has maids enough to do whatever she needs. If she wants to speak something, she can always come over here and speak to me! Why should I go to her? The proud princess who will not step on the bare ground and needs everyone to dance to her tunes!"
This time an even fainter sound, "Maharaj..." came from her palanquin.
Durdhara: Who knows, Chandra! She might have been really needing you. I think you at least ought to go and inquire what she needs. She sent her maid a while ago. She has called out to you twice.
Chandragupt: You do not know her as well as I do. If she calls me a third time, I will go and ask what she wants.
But the third time never came. Nandini's pride and self-esteem came in between that. Even if she was going to die, she was not going to beg or seek his attention a third time. And this was mere exhaustion, indisposition and headache. She told herself again and again, "I will manage on my own...I don't need you...I will manage...If you are not bothered...I too am not bothered..."
She had already lowered herself and her stature a lot. She wasn't going to sink any further for him. A couple of her maids who were walking beside her palanquin were getting a bit scared by now seeing the deterioration in Nandini's health condition. They pleaded, "Maharani, please allow us to go to Maharaj and tell that you are not well and need medical help!"
Nandini even in her distraught state, "None of you will do any of this! I don't need anything! Nobody needs to be informed anything. That is my order!"
Her maids in despair, "But Maharani, your state of health?"
Nandini: We are nearing the end of our journey. Once we reach, help me to my room and seek the advice of a local medical practitioner.
One of her maids: Should I give you something to eat, drink or make you feel comfortable?
Nandini: Just dissolve some rock salt and jaggery in some cool water and give it to me. That would help me carry on for the present. There is a pink silk pouch in my palanquin. It has a stick of sandalwood within. Just make some paste and apply it to my forehead, neck, hands, and legs. I will most probably be able to manage the rest of this journey.
Maid: As you wish, Maharani! Your orders will be instantly carried out!
Nandini: There is an blue Angavastra among my things in the chest. Pass it over to me!
It belonged to him! So what if he wasn't beside her. She had something that was his to keep her company. She drank the water mixed with salt and jaggery. After her maid had finished applying the sandalwood paste on her forehead, neck, hands and legs, she took the Angavastra that was handed over to her and wrapped herself within it, feeling his soft and soothing touch and comfort in the feel of the cloth around her.
Nandini instructed, "Main sona chahthi hoon! Mujhe ekaanth chahiye! Rajnagari pahounchne ke baad mujhe uttalena!" (I wish to sleep! I need some privacy! After we reach Rajnagari, wake me up!)
The maid who was accompanying her in her palanquin demurred, "Jaisi aap ki agnya, Maharani!" (As you wish, Maharani!) and got down from the palanquin, closed the curtains of Nandini's palanquin, went behind and started walking with the rest of the maids in the retinue.
Nandini's unshed tears started overflowing now in a continuous and never ending stream. She clutched and drew even tighter the Angavastra she was wearing around her with every passing sob and tear. Everything was becoming vague, blurred and unclear, and the blinds were being drawn over her eyes. Her splitting and throbbing headache returned again. It was becoming worse every passing minute. She curled up and drew herself and her entire body even closer. She did not realize when she lost consciousness or cried herself to sleep.
After reaching Rajnagari,
They had reached Rajnagari. They were warmly greeted and welcomed to their capital by Maharaj Indupratap and Maharani Swaralika. Maharaj Indupratap informed them that Crown Prince Arjun Pratap was away on some important affairs and would return shortly. As soon as he arrived, he would introduce him to Maharaj Chandragupt. Chandragupt also acquiesced to that. Chandragupt then introduced Durdhara who was standing along with him as his second queen and Maharani.
Nandini and her group had been standing in the sidelines. For some strange reason, he excluded mentioning or introducing Nandini. Chandragupt was too busy and preoccupied in talking to Maharaj Indupratap and his ministers to notice anything else amiss. All the others in their party like Durdhara or the ministers, were too tired by the journey to devote attention to another person but themselves.
Truth be told, he hadn't noticed or observed where Nandini was among the rest of the retinue. She would probably be sulking that she wasn't being introduced. Why should he bother? He hadn't wanted her to come to this trip at all. She was surely not welcome, not after she had let him down so badly. Why should he keep turning back, again and again, traveling in those lanes of their collective story which brought only absolute and abject misery and angst?
Nandini was too ill by now to notice this affront or insult to her by Chandragupt or take it to heart. She was extremely thankful when all of them had been allotted their respective guest chambers. She just wanted to sink into her bed and take a long nap from which she would never have to wake up or face the reality.
Nandini's maids barely managed to somehow shuffle her along with them and lay her down on the bed. In her vague and deteriorating state of health, she just managed to instruct her maids to get a medical practitioner to treat her immediately without attracting too much notice, attention or alarming anybody, specifically their Maharaj by telling anything.
Her maids were in a flurry. They had never handled such an emergency before.
Maid one: We ought to inform our Maharaj at least now before it is too late!
Maid Two: But hadn't Maharani Nandini forbidden us from doing so? Don't you remember? Maharani sent me to Maharaj asking him to come but he didn't. She called him twice as well. So if we go now and tell Maharaj, wouldn't he be angry with us for troubling and pestering him? When Maharani herself does not want to disturb him, can we afford to?
Maid Three: I think we should disobey Maharani and inform Maharaj immediately. I am leaving. We have wasted enough time already. We ought not to have listened to Maharani in the first place. We should have informed Maharaj long ago. Maharani is ill, so she is not thinking clearly. Take care of Maharani till I come!
It had been a while since the maid was gone bringing no news. The other two maids were getting nervous and jittery now. Nandini's condition had considerably worsened.
Maid Two (lamented): It is a long while since she has left to inform Maharaj. I wonder why she hasn't returned till now? Maharani's condition has worsened in all this while. How I wish we were in Patliputra instead! We would have known where to find the Raj Vaid and got our Maharani treated instantly. Here we hardly know anyone. Where do we find a medical practitioner to treat our Maharani?
Maid One (in a suggestive tone): Perhaps I ought to step outside and make a few inquiries regarding a medical practitioner to somebody out there!
Nandini moaned: Main tumse bath nahin karungi! ...Main tumhare saath nahin khelungi! (I will not talk to you!...I will not play with you!)
Maid Two (audible to herself and Maid One): What was that now? Why does Maharani not want to speak to us? Why was she talking about playing? (Audible to Nandini) Maharani Saa, about whom are you talking? Me or her?
Nandini gave a wild look and a frantic smile as she said: Yeh Chandra bhi naa...main nahin baath karungi...main nahin khelungi...(This Chandra naa...I will not talk to him...I will not play with him...)
Maid One (despairingly) Heavens support me!...Maharani Saa is delirious! (She hurriedly touched Nandini's forehead and found it burning hot with fever) She has high fever...You keep giving cold water packs...I will somehow find a Vaid and bring him immediately...
In the corridor,
In her terribly distressed state of mind, the maid who had gone to find a Vaid, did not know which way she was going, or whom she was bumping into. She had taken ten steps from her room when she unknowingly bumped into a twenty-eight year old member of the royal family of Rajnagari.
That was what the maid had surmised based on the handsome appearance, the sun-bronzed complexion, the warrior-like gait, the rich silken and velvet attire he was wearing, the aura of authority he exhuded, and the regal manner in which the man looked, walked, talked and carried himself. She instantly dropped on her knees and apologized for her faux pas while demurely explaining her distressed state of her mind, the reason for it, and conveying her sense urgency.
The man spoke, "Main Kunwar Arjun Pratap hoon! Aap..." (I am Kunwar Arjun Pratap! And you...) He was trying to figure out who the maid was because she wasn't wearing the uniform of the maids in Rajnagari. It looked different.
A flood of relief washed over the maid at this revelation as she continued, "Kunwarsa, Pranam! Ab aap hi hamari sahayatha karsakte ho! Meri Maharani Saa bimar hain!" (Kunwarsa, accept my greetings! Now only you can help us! My Maharani Saa is ill!)
Outside Chandragupt's Guest Room,
The maid who had gone to inform Chandragupt had been loitering in the corridor waiting for her to be permitted to Chandragupt's presence by the guards at the door. The seconds ticked by turning to minutes. She had been waiting since the past half-hour doing nothing.
At any other time, this would not have bothered her because that was the way it was with common people like her if they sought an audience with their Maharaj. Waiting was an integral part. That was the procedure and protocol. It had never irked and irritated her before, but today, every passing moment seemed to irk and exasperate the maid greatly.
She had asked her fellow guard the tenth time if Maharaj would grant her an audience, or if Maharaj was free to hear her out, and the man had asked her to wait in as irritated and exasperated a fashion, telling that Maharaj was with Maharani Durdhara, had requested for 'Ekant', and was resting after a very tiring journey, and that her problems and issues could wait.
The maid was about to explain that this was not about her but her Maharani, but the man was too recalcitrant to give her even an ear.She finally asked as a last ditch effort if he wasn't willing to let her in, to give a small scroll which she would give to him to Maharaj to be read immediately. The man thought hard for a moment and agreed.
She hurriedly scribbled, "Maharaj pranam! Skshama aapke ekaant bhang karne ke liye! Maharani Nandini atyanth bimar hai! Abhi seh nahin, subah seh hi! Apko yeh suchna deni thi!" (Maharaj greetings! Sorry to disturb your privacy! Maharani Nandini is very ill! Not just now but since the morning! I had to give you this message!)
Inside the room,
The guard had given the scroll to Chandragupt. The minute his eyes fell upon the words, "Maharani Nandini atyanth bimar hai! Abhi seh nahin, subah seh hi!", his heart had started pounding so loudly that he could almost hear it. He broke into a cold sweat as the words, "Maharani Nandini atyanth bimar hai! Abhi seh nahin, subah seh hi!" kept reverberating and echoing within him.
His breath was almost withdrawn for a moment at this revelation. All the repercussions of his actions since morning stuck him anew with ten times their actual force and literally numbed his senses for a moment. The fear of losing he felt at that moment was literally debilitating and crippling. The words froze in his mouth. His tongue became clammy.
At this moment, he suddenly saw Nandini before his eyes. She said to him or so he imagined, "You aren't infallible, Chandra. I trusted you. But your ego was bigger than your love for me. You let me down. I am tired. I am fatigued. I needed you beside me. But you deserted me. Now I have given up. I am not fighting any further. I am deserting you now forever just as you deserted me in my hour of need. I am going. Live with your ego your whole life."
Chandra stretched his hand out in an instinctual gesture to catch Nandini's hand and prevent her from eluding his grasp. But the vision gradually began fading away and slipped through his hands like sand within closed fists. Everything was slipping away from him. His life was running away from him. He uttered an agonized "No!" but in vain.
He instantly ran out, not bothering about what kind of clothes he was wearing or the state he was in. All he cared at this moment was that she was going away from him and he had to stop her at all costs. He would snatch her life even from the clutches of Yama, the God of Death.
Edited by shailusri1983 - 8 years ago