Written by Destiny and Etched in Blood: A FF (Ch 54: Pg 100 NEW) - Page 44

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Posted: 8 years ago
Chapter Twenty-One: The Song of Ecstasy

In Uttara Meru,

Padmanand, Dhananand, Amatya Rakshas, Malayketu and his uncle Veerabahu were planning and plotting against Chandragupt and Chanakya.

PN: Amatya why aren't we able to do anything against this Chandra and Chanakya? It makes me feel effeminate and ignoble to sit here doing nothing.

AR: Maharaj, we are building up our forces against Chandra and Chanakya in the frontier and mountainous regions of Magadh. We have gathered ten army regiments. They may be sufficient for waging guerrilla warfare or indirectly weakening our enemy. But still, all that is not sufficient to take them head-on. On top of it, we are not personally present in Magadh with our contingents to lead and guide them properly. Any army without its leader becomes directionless and ineffective. That is what is happening to our cause.

DN: If that is the case, Amatya both of us will go to Magadh to oversee the regrouping of our armed resources . Pithaji will remain behind here along with Malay and Veerabahu until the time is right and opportune for us.

AR: Kumar, it is a very big risk. If at all Chanakya or Chandragupt manage to trap us within the borders of Magadh, it means sure death for us.

DN: But we will have to take this risk, Amatya!

PN: I feel Kumar Dhananand is right, Amatya! I trust in your abilities to protect and keep Dhananand safe and sound, Chanakya and his men notwithstanding!

MK: Maharaj, I think Amatya is right in being cautious and careful. I know my Guru Chanakya and Chandragupt very well. A fox wilier than him, or a lion braver than that Chandra do not exist! And when the lion and fox join together, they rule the jungle.

PN: I don't understand why all of you perpetually keep praising our enemies!

VB: I know it irritates you Maharaj. But the truth is the truth. Unless we properly estimate our enemies and ourselves, we can never win any battles!

AR: Maharaj, from my reports, I understand that our supply lines for the army contingents are cleverly being cut. Our finances are being stopped from circulation by introducing a new set of coins and currency which we have been unable to fake till now. So we are unable to use our old gold coins within Magadh for our subversive activities or pay our soldiers adequately. Everything is being careful monitored, the identification documents of everyone in the border regions of Magadh are being examined very carefully from time to time. If at all our men get caught, they are instantly and immediately being executed. The morale within our troops is at an all-time low. All this points to the presence of a mole or spy within our ranks.

DN: If that it the case, it becomes even more important to nip this in its bud itself. We need to be there in Magadh with our army contingents at all costs!

AR: Alright Kumar, if Maharaj wishes so, both of us will leave immediately for Magadh.

PN: I think this will be the best decision for all of us!

In Chaaya's Chamber:

Chandragupt's elder sister Chaaya was holding a letter very close to her heart. She was looking at it in such an intense manner as though her very life depended on this letter. Just then, she heard someone close by. She hastily hid the letter within her bosom. It was one of her maids telling her that the Palki and soldiers were waiting for her and that they could leave for the Temple whenever she wanted. She slightly tilted her head to convey her approval.

As soon as the maid left, she took out the letter and hid it in a secret compartment within her chest. After this, she proceeded outside her chamber as though none of this actually ever happened. Just a slight murmur escaped from her mouth, inaudible to a second person but herself, "Satyajit!" That one name held a dreadful thirst and longing for her! It was a secret she had kept hidden in the deepest corner of her heart. A secret which she feared could be exposed any day!

In Nandini's Chamber,

Once the thought took hold of Nandini that she was going to see if there were the scars that Acharya Chanakya had mentioned on Chandra's body, it became unstoppable and irresistible. She latched on to it the way one would do the last glass of water in an otherwise empty pitcher.

The hope that this one single thing was going to turn the tables and would make every wrong thing right between her and Chandra made her unreasonable and to some extent illogical. She now badly wanted this relationship to work. Even if she went away from there, she really had nothing to look forward to in life except the fact that she was a living testimony of a failed marriage. She wanted to avoid that at all costs.

Before Chandragupt's Chamber,

The idea she got just now seemed very outrageous but it could work if she used it properly. She sashayed to Chandra's chamber. As expected, she was stopped at the door by the guard who hesitantly and gingerly said, "Maharani, Maharaj snan kar rahe hain!" (Maharani, Maharaj is taking his bath!)

Nandini did not know how she became so courageously shameless to tell in reply to this, "Gyath hai mujhe! Isi liye main ayi hoon yahan! Maharaj ne khud mujhe yahan is samay par bhulaya tha! Koi aapathi hai aapko?" (I know that! That's why I came here! As a matter of fact, Maharaj himself asked me to be here at this time! Do you have any problem with that?)

The man plainly swallowed, his eyes not venturing above the ground level, as he let Nandini pass without a second word of caution. Nandini saucily went in, her head held high up. She felt the man's interference between her and Chandra at this particular moment like that of an irritating mosquito she wanted to just swat down.

She really did not know what went into her that she was able to lie with such impunity about something like this. But this was important for her. She was not going to be held back from it by such petty concerns of what somebody would think about her. What mattered to her at this moment was Chandra and Chandra alone.

In the Snankaksh,

As Nandini entered the Snankaksh, her ears were stuck by the sweet, and base voice of her husband singing a song in full glory. She was extremely surprised by this. This was a revelation to her. She had never known till now that her husband was such a good bathroom singer.

The Snankaksh was deserted just as she thought it would be. Chandra preferred taking his bath by himself. He hated when Daasis touched him in an intimate manner. Nandini was mesmerized by whatever Chandra was singing. She had never heard any song like this. The lyrics must have all been his own composition.

She stood wherever she was lost in its beauty. The song held a magnetic appeal for her. She felt as if everything in it was addressed to her soul. She listened in complete silence. But never before had her own silence seemed so evocative to her.

She stood still wherever she was for what seemed an age in a beautiful time warp where everything stood transfixed wherever it was. What seemed to be moving were the floating and vibrating notes of his song resonating throughout the room.

This must have been how the Gopis must have listened to Lord Krishna playing the flute in Brindavan. It must have been music notes like this flowing out of Krishna's flute that must have dragged a sleepy and languorous Radha out of her bed, towards her Kanha, step by step, inch by inch against her own volition or better judgement. Nandini felt like Radha for her Kanha, during this fleeting, evascent and effervescent moment for Chandra.

This was an enchanted spell from which she never wanted to get out! This must have been how the waves in the ocean would have caressed the ragged lines of the shore, rising up and falling down in perfect symmetry and harmony; her whole mind and persona were dancing inwardly in response to his song.

This was what the Moh(captivation) about which poets spun reams and reams of poetic flights of fancy must have been like! She knew the meaning of this word before, but she truly understood its essence only now. She felt like that during this moment for Chandra.

She was melting with the melody. It roused a thousand unspoken emotions within her. It set a forest fire raging within her. She felt hot and cold at the same instant. The sun's rays cooled her while the moon's rays burnt her. She became a bundle of contradictions.

She was transformed and transported into a world where opposites co-existed in perfect harmony. She was dead and alive at the same instant. The world ceased to exist for her. Only he and his song existed and she felt herself coming tremendously alive in them. She had perhaps never lived so fully before this.

His song ran like this:

"O companion of my heart, where art thou?
Are you in the gentle rays of the Sun?
Or the cooling beams of the moon?
Or the gentle and fragrant breeze of Spring
Laden with flowers of the finest and brightest hues?

I see you everywhere even when you are absent!
What magic is this? Is my mind playing tricks with me?
I seek answers from everywhere but receive none!
I question everyone I meet,
But they run from me!

Then I finally turn to the Sun and the Moon
But they too set on the horizon
Leaving me all alone with my questions!
I have lost myself forever; I cannot find myself!
Will you find myself for me, O vanished companion of my heart?"

We really do not know how long Chandra would have continued singing, but he heard at this moment the sound of Nandini's tinkling anklets as she was softly tapping her feet in harmony with his song. He immediately became self-conscious and stopped singing. Nandini too came out of her spell remembering that she was here to perform a task of utmost importance to her. But her heart still couldn't get enough of this experience.

Chapter Twenty Two: The Tale of a Snankaksh

Nandini, who was simply mesmerized by Chandra's song, requested him, "Won't you continue singing?"

Chandra was by now getting even more conscious of his state of apparent undress. He was completely bare-chested with just a small piece of dhoti wrapped round him. Nandini did not seem to be noticing any of this. She was so completely absorbed only in the song but this was becoming uncomfortable and embarrassing for him.

He quickly grabbed a shawl that was lying beside, wrapped himself in it hurriedly, before he said, "I generally don't sing outside my Snankaksh!"

Nandini cutely reiterated, "Not even for me?"

Chandra with a half-angry pout, "Not even for you! Not even for anybody!"

Nandini: Then for whom will you sing?

Chandra: I sing for myself! I do not sing to entertain. Don't ask me to sing again. I will not do it.

Nandini: I guessed as much! But shall I tell you something?

Chandra (a bit hurriedly): Yes, what's it?

Nandini: If at all you have to express your love for someone, just sing it to them. Nobody will ever be able to refuse you!

Chandra (asked the same question again, this time wistfully): Nobody?

Nandini: Yes, nobody! And promise me...

Chandra (curious by now): I have already given the seven solemn vows of marriage to you. Is there anything bigger or greater than that? What should I promise now?
Nandini: That you will never sing to either Durdhara or Helena! If at all you ever sing outside the Snankaksh, it has to be only for me! Exclusively! Understood! (She said this with the exact intonation of a teacher to a student.)

Chandra, like an obedient student, "I will not! But will you please explain to me the reasons why I have to do so?"

Nandini: Because I don't like it!

Chandra: There must be a reason for it, I assume!

Nandini, as she paced about the Snankaksh, her jealousy taking complete hold of her, and clearly visible to Chandragupt, "There is! I hate it when I see them hovering over you like bees over flowers and you keep hanging over their lips like..."

Even the memories of those visions she had had the opportunity of occasionally glimpsing, in many occasions clearly imagining or making up in her mind's eye based on the palace gossip mongers, made her feel sick. She was just not able to visualize Chandra in proximity with anybody else. She saw him as belonging only to her exclusively.

Chandra with a highly amused look and a grin on his face as he egged and led her on, "Like..."

Nandini: Like your face!

Chandra (surprised): What happened to my face now? I'm told that my face is good looking and handsome. That's what Helena tells me during our intimate moments. She finds it irresistible.

Nandini: Chi, how cheap and crass is that! Helena tells you all that? I wonder how she finds it in her to be mouthing all such stuff during such moments. In that place, I wouldn't have been able to speak a single word. I would just have been so absorbed that...

Chandra: That...

Nandini: Hmmm...Hmmm...I was just citing an example. I did not exactly mean it. And by the way, no King talks such stuff to his Queen. Similarly, no Maharaj or Emperor indulges, flirts and fools with his Queens like that for all and sundry to see. I hate all this public display of affection. It is not at all polite and against decorum. It sets such a bad example.

Chandra: I see! If it was somebody else's wives I could understand. But why can't an Emperor flirt with his own wives?

Nandini: It is highly distasteful! Such gossips it generates throughout the palace maids.

Chandra: Oh, so I should stop paying attention to my wives, wives whom I married before you, just because a few palace maids can't stop talking, tattling and carrying tales? By the way, what tales did they carry to you?

Nandini: You went for a boat ride with Durdhara ten days ago, seven days ago I was told that you spent a very special night with Helena, five days ago you shared a private dinner with Durdhara, and...and...three days ago you gifted Helena an exclusive necklace of pearls and diamonds which you specially got crafted for her from the finest artisans in Magadh...not only that...you made her wear it...with your own hands...

Chandra smiled a sly smile as he very innocently exclaimed, "You seem to be very up to date with everything happening in the palace. I really did not know that you had such a well-knit spying and gossip network. I always prided on mine. But I was wrong! From next time onwards, I should be more careful. My behavior was pretty atrocious, wasn't it?

Nandini: Yes, that's right! And this whole while you didn't even bother if I was living or not! YOU...HARDLY EVER SOUGHT ME...OR SPENT TIME...WITH ME...

Chandra: My! My! How bad of me! Does this by any chance mean that you were missing me then?

Nandini: Not...exactly! I just wondered...what became ...of you when you went missing for so long!

Chandra: You were talking about palace gossip just a short while ago...Do you even realize how bad this adventure of yours is going to be for several days from now?...Maharaj aur Maharani Snankaksh main(The King and Queen did this in the Snankaksh)...Helena is going to plainly shoo me away from her chamber on hearing this...though Durdhara might permit me into her chamber...she is not at all going to properly talk to me after all these Rasleelas which she must most obviously presume took place between us...

Nandini: I'm sorry! I didn't realize all that! Are you feeling bad about all this? I could go away if you want!

Chandra: I was just joking!

Nandini by now became self-conscious that she was giving too many hints to him and kept resolutely quiet. A week ago if anybody had told Chandra that Nandini was jealous, he wouldn't have believed them. But that was what the case seemed now after he had heard and witnessed with his own eyes and ears.

Her whole face and aspect was a picture of acute jealousy. Otherwise, there seemed to be no plausible reason why she was here this particular moment at a delicate time like this. However, Chandra realizing she was becoming uncomfortable did not pursue that train of argument.

Chandra: If you are here now, it must be for something important. If you will just give me five minutes, I will properly change myself!

Nandini: No! You cannot do that!

Chandra: Kyon? (Why?)

Nandini: Kyonki main chahthi hoon...ardhath Rajmata chahthi hain ki main tumhari Snan karwaon! (Because I want...I mean Rajmata wants me to give you a bath!)

She heaved a big sigh after giving this tacky and unconvincing explanation.

Chandra highly flustered, "Par Kyon?" (But why?)

Nandini thinking on her toes, "You go about in the Sun for long hours and meet a lot of people. The Rajmata thinks that your skin is getting tanned because you are not taking your bath properly or seriously!"

At this Chandra burst out into peals of full-throated laughter that almost brought the tears to his eyes before he said, "Tum bhi vichitra ho! Rajmata ne kaha aur tum yahaan aabhi gayi! Tumhe aisa kuch bhi apne ichcha ki virudh karne ki avashyakta nahin hai! Main Rajmata seh jhoot bol dunga ki tumne mera Snan Karwayahai!" (You're strange! Rajmata told you and you even came here! There is no need for you to do anything like this against your will. I will tell a lie to Rajmata that you gave me a bath!)

Nandini seeing that her plan was almost on the verge of flopping, "Nahin! Tum aisa nahin karsakta. Yeh mera jeewan ka udhesh hai!" (No! You cannot do it. It the aim of my life!)

Chandra by now deciding that the girl had completely become nutty for whatever reasons, "Tum sach main mera Snan karwana chahthi ho?" (You really want to give me a bath?)

Nandini: Haan, tumhe Snan karwana mere liye athyanth mahatvapoorna hai! Tumhe koi aapathi hai? (Yes, giving you a bath is the most important thing for me. Do you have a problem with this?)

Chandra still a bit unconvinced, "Tum karna chahthi ho toh mujhe kya aapathi hosakthi hai? Par kya tum sach main yeh karna chahthi ho? Tumhe sir main chot toh nahin lagi? (If you really want to do this, what problem could I have? But do you really want to do this? You didn't get hurt in the head recently?)

Nandini: Are you going to take out this shawl now or you expect me to take that for you as well? I have to give you a bath not Puja ki Arti! (Her hands on her hips)

Chandra: Shadi ke turanth baad, Draupadi ki pratishod wali Atma tum main guss gayi, woh toh samaj aatha tha! Par ab Dussasan ki vastraapaharan wali Atma tum main guss gayi, woh samajne main thoda mushkil horahi hai! (Immediately after marriage, when you were possessed by Draupadi's vengeful spirit, I understood it. But now, the fact that Dussasan's disrobing spirit has possessed you, is a bit difficult to process.)

Nandini resolutely stood her ground. She was not going to back track today whatever jibes or jokes he was going to crack on her. She was going to see once for all. Chandra took off his shawl still unable to understand the reason for her brazen behavior.

The first time, he heard that she wanted to bathe him, she had shocked the daylights out of him. But when she mentioned that it was the Rajmata's wish, he understood that perhaps his mother, sensing that things were not right between both of them, wanted them to spend some time together intimately and resolve their differences. Not a really classy or tasteful ploy he would have expected out of a person like her. But then she was a mother and would know what was best for her children!

He removed the shawl and revealed himself to her in his full bare-chested glory. Nandini's eyes wandered and caressed his strong muscles and well-toned physique for a fleeting instant. She forgot for a my moment what she was here to see.

She was lost in her imagination of how glorious it would be to remain entangled and enveloped in those strong arms of his, close to his heart, listening to the symphony of his heart beat mingling with hers, to feel his strong manly odor waft up her nostrils, to hear his soothing words cooing in her ears, and to feel safe and secure there without a care about the rest of the world. If this was not bliss, what else was!

Chandra recalling her back to the present, "If you are done ogling...then can we...I am literally freezing!

Nandini asked him to be seated on a small foot stool while she took her position behind his back. She took some oil effused with the most soothing, cooling and healing herbs and fragrant scents in existence. It was placed in a small silver bowl near the small bathing pool in the Snankaksh. She poured a little of that oil into her palms.

She gently started massaging it into his scalp with circular motions applying very gentle pressure with the tips of her fingers. She continued pouring more and more oil on the scalp which she continued to press, tap and then massage giving the exact and correct pressure at the nerve endings and acupressure points.

She then started massaging his whole body with the same oil rubbing it within his skin. Her touch felt soft, warm, and exquisite like gossamer. Chandra closed his eyes trying to absorb the whole pleasurable feeling of this experience of his beautiful and piquant wife doing all these simple things for him.

He never imagined even in the wildest of his dreams that a proud, pampered, haughty and bratty princess as he had originally taken her to be could be so soft, modest and utterly without any ego in doing what anybody would have considered a very menial job. Even now everything felt surreal to him.

Nandini had finished his chest and his back. As she was doing this, her fingers brushed at several uneven and a bit darker portions just as Acharya Chanakya had mentioned. True enough! Those scars left behind by the whiplashes and bee stings were there, though greatly faded by the passage of time.

Nandini silently promised herself as she cried inwardly seeing them, "I and my own did this to you. I will make up for all that. I will try to give you that every thing you lost. I will forever stand between you and whatever pain this cruel world throws at you. I will absorb all your pains and sorrows. I will let only happiness and bliss reach you. I will give you all the happiness in the world that any earthly mortal has the ability or power to give. I will cherish and protect everything that is yours in the deepest corner of my heart. I wholeheartedly accept you into my life today! No questions, no answers, no doubts! I am yours for an eternity."

She recollected and recomposed herself. She moved over to the front and sat down to massage his feet. As she touched his legs to place them on her lap so that she could massage them better and they would feel relaxed, he quickly pulled them away from her. He caught hold of her hand and made her stand up from there. She raised her quizzical glance to him in order to ask what happened so suddenly.

Chandra replied, while pointing towards his feet, "Yeh tumhari stan nahin hai! Utto! (Pointing towards his heart, he said) Yeh hai tumhari stan!" (This is not your place! Get up! This is your place!)

Nandini's eyes filmed over in gratitude as he said these words. She hugged him tight unable to hold herself back any longer. For a spilt second, Chandra was shocked and astonished to see the emotions overflowing in her for him. But he too could not hold himself back from her any longer. He too returned her embrace as ardently and passionately. This was all he had ever wanted and desired.

Now that it was all happening, it seemed too incomprehensible even for belief. It seemed like an exquisite and mesmerizing dream. She was melting within his arms. Her eyes held tears for him. He gently wiped them and kissed them away.

He gently soothed and tucked her unruly locks of hair behind her ear and cupped her face with his palms to behold and take in every inch of the face of the woman he loved; her dimpled chin, her shy and downcast but sparkling eyes, with rich, luscious and thick eyebrows and eyelashes, and her coy smile! All this pristine, untouched beauty was for him, him alone!

Chandra planted a slight kiss on Nandini's forehead as he continued to stare and savor every inch of her. The vision was like an imprint etched on his soul. Both of them remained like that untouched by time, space and reality lost in each other's eyes. His eyes sought hers and hers sought his. There was no need for words. Their silences spoke. The unquenched longings and thirst of ten previous lifetimes were instantly quenched in this single moment of this lifetime.

Both of them simultaneously came out of this mesmerizing and enchanting spell. Nandini led him by the hand to the bath pool filled with lukewarm water, rose petals and fragrant scents. Both of them got into the water. She took the paste of sandalwood, turmeric and rose water and was about to rub this onto his skin when he deferred, "Can we leave this out? I hate keeping this sticky thing all over me."

Nandini: Nothing doing! This is very good for the skin and will remove the tan and the accrued skin damage caused due to excessive exposure to our hot and sultry skin. This keeps the complexion soft and maintains the skin tone as it is.

Chandra: Oh ho! So you care so much about my complexion and skin tone?

Nandini blushing hot and coloring a deep red, "Not me! It is the Rajmata! Remember? I told you that she wanted me to give you a bath because she thought you were not doing it properly. Let me do it properly, or I am complaining to the Rajmata that you are not at all co-operative!

Chandra, a bit reluctantly, "Alright have it your own way!"

Nandini explaining as she was doing, "You're supposed to apply a thick layer of this throughout your skin and keep it on for at least fifteen minutes before scrubbing and washing it off."

She had thickly slathered a thick layer of this paste all over him.

Chandra (a bit peeved): I'm looking like a joker! Aren't you satisfied even now? How much more of that stuff are you going to apply on me?

Nandini: This paste is still left in the container. I ought to apply this too but I don't find any space remaining!

Chandra: There is still some space. Shall I tell you where?

Nandini: Yes, of course! Which space did I leave? ...I see none...

Chandra: But I see it!

As he said this, he took the remaining paste in the container and cheekily applied it all over her cheeks and face. For an instant, Nandini was too shocked to react before she began cutely splash some water on him and he too splashed some water on her in retaliation.

Chandra wagged his finger before her saying, "Serves you right! Now you will know what it is to keep that sticky and slimy paste all over and sit doing nothing for fifteen minutes. I'm not the only one who is tanned and doesn't take good care of the skin. You too don't pay any attention to the way you look. You ought to thank me that I thought so much about your glowing complexion. You will also keep that on along with me if you expect me to keep it.

Nandini: Alright, alright! I'll keep it on!

After the fifteen minutes were over, Nandini touched his cheeks to see if the paste had completely dried. It was dry. She demonstrated how it had to be scrubbed off by adding just a little water before washing off the entire thing. Both of them started doing it simultaneously to the paste on their skin and kept all the excess paste on the slab in the same place. Once they had done that, they washed themselves clean.

Just then, a thought stuck Nandini. She took the residual paste and started making odd shapes with it. Soon she started making the image of a baby boy with it. Chandra was at the same time curious and also pleased to see her so excited. He asked her, "What are you doing with it?"

Nandini: I've had heard the story of how Mata Parvati made Ganesha out of residual paste like this one during my childhood. Ever since it has been a playful whim and fancy for me. Silly isn't it?

Chandra: Absolutely! What are you making by the way?

Nandini: The image of a small boy! (She continued making it) See, I've made it. Doesn't he look exactly like you?

Chandragupt too began finding this pastime interesting by now. He took some of the leftover paste and started making the image of a baby girl. As soon as he had accomplished the task, he held it up for her to see saying, "See what I made! A baby girl! Isn't she beautiful? She's just like you, isn't she?

Both of them bent over to see what each had made out of the paste like two innocent, cute, sunny and bonny babies. They laughed in childish delight when they saw what each had made. It was almost as though both of them had together regressed and revisited their childhood together.

Just then, Chandra stuck by a wild thought after which he shook his head as he exclaimed, "If only I had power to breathe life into these images, they would have been our first born. Can you even imagine it?"

Nandini blushed at this seemingly innocuous but deep and soulful comment. Noticing that she was a bit disconcerted by the remark, he changed the topic telling, "It's pure nonsense both of us are doing and talking! Let me wash all this off. After that if you will step behind the curtain, I will instruct the maids to bring your clothes from your room. I see that you are as wet as I am. It wouldn't do for you to go back in these wet clothes."
Nandini held back his hand as he was about to wash it away telling, "No, don't do that! I will take back and keep these images with me if you have no problem. It is not nonsense. It makes perfect sense to me!"

At this Chandra gave Nandini a deep and soulful look before he turned aside to give her space so that she could go and stand behind the curtains while he summoned the Daasis to fetch her clothes from her room. He stepped out of the pool, hastily dried himself with a towel, wrapped an angavastra around him, as he clapped his hands for the Daasis.

Once the Daasis were gone on the errand, he turned to face where Nandini was standing, her hair, face, body and clothes dripping all over with water. He pulled aside the curtain screen, handed over his towel to her, and pushed back the curtain so that she could also wipe herself dry freely and comfortably. As she was drying herself, he spoke from this side of the curtain, "Do I have to wait for you tomorrow also before I start my Snan? Should I keep a store of your clothes in my cupboard for an eventuality like this?"

Nandini vigorously nodded her head to and fro from the other side of the curtain in embarrassment as Chandra started laughing boyishly looking at her confusion. He thought to himself how could a person be so brazen and yet so shy and modest!

Chandra: Did you come here today just because the Rajmata wanted you to give me a Snan? Is that the real reason?

Nandini: Yes, there is no other reason!

Chandra: You could actually tell me if you want. I am waiting! I have all the time in the world for that!

At this point, they were interrupted by the arrival of the Daasis along with Nandini's clothes. After they left, she changed into these clothes, picked up those images both of them had made and hurriedly rushed out in embarrassment but not before saying this, "I will be waiting for you in my chamber tomorrow for Dinner. I hope you will make time for me for that! I will prepare it for you with my own hands!" Nandini did not even wait after this to hear what his reply was before she ran to her room.


Edited by shailusri1983 - 8 years ago
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14th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 8 years ago
Chapter Twenty-Three: A Few Pleasant Daydreams and Unnamed Fears

In the Snankaksh,

Just after Nandini rushed out of the Snankaksh telling him that she would be expecting him tomorrow evening for dinner in her private chamber without even waiting for his answer, he was reminded of the fact that he already had a prior engagement. He was scheduled to set out immediately on a tour of several drought hit villages in the eastern part of Magadh.

The whole tour would perhaps take two or even three days. Chandra decided that he would send Nandini a message not to expect him or wait for him. But after some thought, he decided that he would cut short his tour a bit, or hasten a bit, and return in time for the dinner engagement. This was the first time she had requested something like this from him. So he was going to oblige her to the best of his abilities as far as it was earthly possible.

During the tour, while on horseback,

Chandra was reliving and cherishing all the scenes that happened earlier that day. The more he thought about it, the more pleased he was. It brought a pleasant and pleasing smile that continued to play on his face throughout the day.

Whatever his ministers seemed to be telling him or informing him plainly seemed to pass over his head. He continued nodding mechanically and making a few remarks as required by the situation. His whole concentration and attention seemed to be elsewhere.

This was the first time Chandra felt that he was unequal to do what his duty was calling upon him to do. He wanted to fly to Nandini's side with the wings of fancy, remain with her throughout the day, watch her every minute actions as she went about her daily chores, watch her delicate smile, hear her voice, to converse with her, to get lost in her eyes, to spend the whole day with her.

Chandra's anticipation and expectations of what he was going to do along with her brought such a wide grin on his face. Suddenly, the minister who was riding beside him got transformed into Nandini. He nodded his head in such a sweet manner and was about to even reach out to the man. Only then did he realize that it was a daydream, and that he had been hallucinating and been on the verge of almost knocking down the man from his horse in his confused state of mind.

After visiting the people and hearing to their problems throughout the day, Chandra sat down in his tent with his sumptuous repast before him. In the place of the Daasi who had been serving and arranging his meal, he again saw Nandini. He pinched himself twice to make sure that it was not Nandini and to prevent making a perfect fool of himself. He just wished Nandini was also with him to share this beautiful night. He did not feel like eating anything. His heart and stomach were so full and satiated.

Chandra asked the Daasi to take away his repast and give it to the hungry or the needy as he wasn't hungry and had not touched it at all. He went outside his tent, joined his soldiers round the bonfire. At first, all these simple men were a bit aloof and wary as he was their king. But they gradually warmed up to him and shared their jokes and cracks and bits and pieces of their own life.

Chandra had been one among them until recently. Sitting on the top and ruling over people never appealed to him. He just wanted to serve his men and his country by being one among them. Kingship only meant that he was given this opportunity, responsibility and power of serving his country and his people better. It didn't mean that he was superior or greater than anybody or that he was entitled to more luxuries than anyone, or that he was above law, or a law unto himself.

For the first time in his life, he felt at ease with himself and his life. There was nothing more he could ask or seek out of life. Throughout his childhood he had regretted that he had been deprived of a normal family. For that matter, he had never had a childhood. He lost his innocence when he was very young. He had become the beast of burden. He bore the weight of everyone's dreams and aspirations. He hardly had any dreams or aspirations of his own. He hardly encouraged them. He nipped them in their bud because he knew they would never be fulfilled. Every beautiful thing was always snatched beyond his reach since childhood. Now he longer felt so.

Nandini had accepted him. He had got everything that he had lost or ever been deprived of. He was going to have a beautiful family of his own. A mother, a sister, three beautiful wives, and the youngest, Nandini, the most beautiful, charming, and alluring woman he had ever come across. She was somebody who had literally blown him away with her sweetness and charm, somebody who made him believe that life is beautiful despite all its ugliness. She was somebody who made him believe and trust in himself as a person, and not just as a weapon of war, or as an instrument of revenge and retribution, or a righteous king to his people. She made him believe that he, Chandra, mattered as a person.

The very same night, in Avantika's chamber,

Nandini had been in conversation with her mother. She had not spoken all these days about anything that had been happening in her life to her mother out of fear of endangering her health or mental condition. But now she had fully recovered from the trauma of Nand's torture. So she spoke to her mother about how things stood between her and Chandragupt, discreetly leaving details like Chandra trying her to force her to reverse her stand to the former status quo by coming close to her.

Nandini wanted her mother to respect him and think about him in a good manner. Whatever he had done with her, was done at the spur of the moment. He had not been in a proper frame of mind, and she had also played an equal role in angering him and testing his patience and forbearance to the maximum. So though he was wrong, she was also equally to blame in this matter.

Nandini however told Avantika about the happenings in the secret passage, the revelation that happened there, its impact on her, her altercations and misunderstandings with Chandragupt in their aftermath, and how he had tried to appease her and how she had been unrelenting.

She also told her about how she had wanted to go away, tried escaping from the palace once and failed at it, about how this had increased the differences between both of them, and finally the three months condition between them where he had promised to send her away if she wanted to go.

Then she spoke about Acharya Chanakya's account regarding Chandra's childhood which made her see him in a new light, and her change of heart. At this juncture, she gave an abashed look and confessed to her mother how she had brazenly made her way to the Snankaksh to verify about the details written by Chanakya and how they had ultimately turned out to be true and how she had thawed and melted completely at this revelation. A pregnant pause ensued at this juncture. Avantika broke this first.

Avantika: So do I understand that there were several difference between both of you before this and they got resolved after you verified the truth with your own eyes?

Nandini: Yes, Maa.

Avantika: What have you done, Putri?

Nandini: Did I do anything wrong? I thought I was right! I tried to give my marriage another chance and make it work. You too would have wanted and expected the same out of me.

Avantika: It's not done like that, you stupid girl!

Nandini: Then how else or what else should I have done? Anyways your son-in-law has forgiven me and whole heartedly accepted me. He told me that my place was not at his feet but in his heart. What else would any girl need?

Avantika: You think it's so simple. If I am not wrong, you went to the Snankaksh engaged in a very elaborate facade, made him believe that you were doing all this out of your own care and concern, secretly and silently verified a few scars, and gave him the impression that you had whole heartedly accepted him, when you actually did not! Have you ever thought about the ramifications of your act, Nandini?

Nandini: But Maa, I did accept him...whole heartedly...I mean

Avantika: Just tell me one thing, if you had complete faith and trust, where was the need to check or verify anything? What earthly difference was any of that going to make? You could have taken Acharya Chanakya's words at face value. Your faith and trust have been shaken.

Nandini: But they are back in place now, Maa. Now that I have seen everything with my own eyes, there is nothing that is going to delude or mislead me ever again.

Avantika: Putri, convincing your mind and convincing your heart are two very different things. I have always tried to the best of my abilities to make you independent and self-sufficient in my own way. But I have failed invariably then and now. I made a number of mistakes in my life. I have regretted them. This is one more regret to that list.

Nandini: Maa, you weren't wrong then or now. You gave me the right upbringing, for that matter, even ...Pithaji! Both of you have made me into a strong, independent and courageous woman.

Avantika: Strength is both physical and emotional Putri. In terms of physical strength, the ability to wield a weapon, or to engage in a witty debate or conversation, you are up to it. But when it comes to the storms of life, you need an emotional anchor. Earlier it was your father, now it is Maharaj Chandragupt. It is just a difference of degree not of kind.

As a matter of fact, now that your illusions about your father no longer remain, you depend and cling on to Chandragupt with redoubled or tripled the vigor that you did for your father. You need him to keep you grounded. You need him for keeping your life stable and complacent. But the day he is not there with you, you are completely lost. You are like a rudderless ship or a kite whose string has been cut.

Nandini: But I am relying on my husband only, not any outsider. What is so wrong?

Avantika: Nandini, anybody is an outsider; even your own husband until you accept him completely. I have nothing against Maharaj Chandragupt. As a matter of fact, I respect and esteem him. But you gave away the command of your life to Maharaj Chandragupt this time. You didn't take charge of your own life in your hands this time as well.

Nandini: You need not fear for me this time Maa. I am in safe hands. I know that my husband will never let me down.

Avantika: I always instinctively knew that he was the right life partner for you. That's why I often tried to make you accept him much against your own wishes during the initial days of your married life. Whatever the storms of life, he will be that rock solid, unshakable, and immovable mountain behind you that will shield, protect, and nurture you, and take and absorb the shocks himself.

But I only wish you weren't this weak, brittle and fragile! Together you are alright, but on your own, you are again lost! Child, you shouldn't have done anything of what you had done in the Snankaksh. You really should have consulted me before this, not after!

Nandini: But what else could I have done? I got carried away by the moment...

Avantika: That is the problem with you Nandini! You never think. You just allow your heart to rule over your actions and behavior.

Nandini: I trust my husband now wholeheartedly. He loves me and I love him. Isn't this enough for any marriage?

Avantika: No it is not! You are not physically or emotionally ready for any proximity with your husband. Yet you gave him a very misplaced impression that you too want it. I am really scared for you now, Nandini. It could either make your marriage empty or hollow, or break you from within.

Nandini: Maa, it is really not as bad as you fear...We did have...our moments...I wasn't uncomfortable...

Avantika: These are not some random moments child!...Conjugal intimacy means letting go...letting go of every single thing...even your own self!...Can you let go of everything? ...By everything...I mean everything!

Nandini kept silent. She had no answer to this question.

Avantika continued, "I've received my answer. You are definitely not ready to take your marriage to the next level while your husband is. This is pretty disastrous because you yourself gave him the mistaken impression that you wanted it and were ready for all this proximity."

Nandini started crying by now, " What shall I do now Maa? I don't want to lose Chandra a second time!...I really cannot bear it..."

Avantika was surprised at the mention of the word "Chandra" out of her daughter's lips to address her husband. It was the first time she had heard her doing it in her presence. Her daughter was so much in love with her husband. She could see that with her own eyes. Her heart went out to her daughter.

Avantika (after careful thought): It is very delicate for any mother to say this to her daughter. Don't repeat or discuss all the things you told me just now with your husband. These are still early days in your married life. You don't know each other properly. There is a chance that...your husband might misunderstand...and go away from you...forever. So in the best interests of your marriage...if your husband...wants intimacy from you... you will just close your eyes...and permit him...

Nandini: Maa, does it actually happen like that? ...Is it so easy?

Avantika: No, it is not...but I used to do it with your father...even when my whole self was revolting and repulsing from it...and it is the only chance I see...without any ...unpleasant explanations...on your part...to Maharaj Chandragupt...I don't even know...if you will...be able to manage it...but since there is nothing here...in Maharaj Chandragupt...to either revolt or repulse you...so...

Early next morning in Chandragupt's chamber,

Chandra had been restlessly tossing and turning in his bed, kicking the pillows about, occasionally hugging them, gently holding them, murmuring within his breath, recollecting himself, pushing them away, smiling softly at his own predicament, and hitting his own head with a slight and gentle tap for all this apparent foolishness.

Chandra to himself, "What have you made out of me, Nandini? I am a bundle of contradictions. I don't understand a single thing about what is happening to me. I see you everywhere. The whole world looks like you. Now you've snatched my sleep away from me! What else are you going to snatch out of me? Tumhe pane ki Chaahat main apna sab kuch kho raha hoon! Kash tum yahaan hoti mere saath! Tum dekhthi ki tumne kya karliya hai mere saath! (In the hope of winning you, I'm loosing myself. I wish you were with me just now! You would be able to see what you have done to me!)

Chapter Twenty-Four: The Language of the Blossoms

The next morning, in the Royal Udhyanvan of Patliputra,

Nandini had been in a greatly troubled frame of mind. Instead of feeling better after speaking to her mother, Avantika yesterday night, she had been even more unnerved. She had been seeking reassurance from her that she had been right in going to the Snankaksh and behaving as she did there, but the advice she had got in return was really disturbing.

Did everything really boil down to that? Was a wife no more than a toy, a trophy, a political pawn or a heir-bearing machine to her husband? Did a woman really have no choice as her mother seemed to be making out? Was she always supposed to fall in line with her husband?

She always had problems conforming to the stifling patriarchal norms. All the women around her were like that. None of them had problems with anything. Her own mother was such a staunch upholder of tradition, patriarchy, and discipline. Such high standards she expected from her!

At the slightest lapse or indiscretion on her part, she took her to task. She continually reproached her for thinking from her heart. She always kept on expostulating her for her unplanned, on the spur, knee-jerk reactions, and behavior. If one kept on thinking like that, when would one ever live? Had her mother never committed even the slightest mistake that she expected her to be the epitome of perfection?

"Kya Pathi ke rang me rang jana hi uski niyati hai? Kya uska koi apna rang nahin hosakta tha kya? Kya uska koi apna astithva ya koi apna chayan nahin hosakta tha kya? Toh kya hua ki woh aur Chandra Pathi Pathni the toh! Toh kya hua ki woh aur Chandra pehle Satru the! Toh kya hua ki ab woh use apni humsafar manne lagi toh! Toh kya hua ki woh apna sa lagne lage toh! Toh kya hua ki uski taqdeer Chandra seh judi hui toh! Toh kya hua ki usko anya pathniyon ki nasdeekiyan Chandra seh bardash nahin hua toh! Toh kya hua ki woh kuch skshan ke liye behak gayi toh! Toh kya hua ki use kuch skshan ek stree hone ki aur uske purush hone ki anubhuthi hui toh! Apne aap ko dene ki chayan toh apna hona chahiye naki uski Pathi ka! Apne aap par adhikaar pehle apna hota

(Is coloring yourself in your husband's color the destiny of every wife? Can't she have a color of her own? Can't she have an identity and choice of her own? So what if she and Chandra were husband and wife! So what if she and Chandra were enemies before this! So what if she had started treating him as her life partner! So what if he seemed to her like her own! So what if destiny saw it fit to unite both her and Chandra! So what if she was unable to tolerate Chandra's closeness with his other wives! So what if she got misled for a few moments! So what if she became aware of her own femininity and his masculinity for a few moments! Giving herself should be her own choice and not her husband's! The right over herself was hers first!)

That's when a soft voice from within spoke, "Adhikar ki baath karogi toh tum Chandra ko khodogi! Tumhe kya chahiye? Apna astithva aur adhikaar...yaa Chandra? Tumhari zindagi main mahatvapoorna kya hai? Tum ...ya ...Chandra?"
(If you are going to seek your rights you will lose Chandra! What do you want? Your identity and rights...or...Chandra? What is most important in your life? You...or...Chandra?)

As she was walking aimlessly like this, she found Rani Durdhara approaching from the other side. She had a small basket in her hand. Durdhara greeted Nandini very pleasantly.

Durdhara: Good morning, Nandini!

Nandini: Good morning. What brings you here so early in the morning?

Durdhara (laughing) I could ask you that question as well for that matter. I was collecting flowers from the garden for my morning Puja. And you?

Nandini: I was just wandering about aimlessly. I was feeling bored!

Durdhara: In that case, would you prefer joining me in collecting flowers. Both of us are going to have a rocking time.

Durdhara: Alright!

Both of them started walking forward, chatting pleasantly, occasionally picking a bright and fragrant flower that had caught their eye. They came upon a tract in the Udhyanvan to which none of them had been hitherto. It was so beautiful, green, blooming with flowers of all hues and colors.

Nandini reached out her hand and was about to pick a flower, when she heard a stern and stentorian voice reprimanding her, "This patch in the garden is mine. Don't you have the minimum sense when you invade into my flower patch to at least seek my permission to pluck?"

The owner of this voice was Rani Helena. She had been in one corner watering the plants when she had noticed Nandini in the act of trying to pluck a flower.

Nandini apologized, "I didn't know this tract was yours! I was just helping Durdhara in picking flowers for the Puja."

Helena: It's not just this tract or this flower. You've always had this habit of snatching what was mine without my permission.

At this remark, both Durdhara and Nandini squirmed about uncomfortably not knowing how to react to this without sounding rude or unpleasant. The import of the remark was about something else, as a matter of fact, somebody else!

Rajmata Moora who was also present with Helena on the same tract of the garden tried to smoothen matters telling, "Nandini, Durdhara, you can pluck flowers for your Puja in the tract I am growing and nurturing! These have not yet bloomed fully. My flowers are in full bloom! Helena saw mine and expressed interest in planting a similar tract. I was teaching and helping her out. Helena is very possessive about her blossoms. She likes them on the plants as they are!"

Durdhara: Maa, you will teach only Helena and not me or Nandini? We too are your daughters!

Moora: If both of you are interested, I will teach you too. You can join us and see how we have worked and toiled in creating this beautiful tract. Helena wouldn't you like to show off your flower tract to Durdhara and Nandini? You are the eldest, and you must teach and guide them how it has to be done!"

Helena with great alacrity, forgetting her argument and sarcasm of just a few minutes ago, in her pride at being able to show off her achievement, "If you would have seen this patch of land, a couple of months ago, it wouldn't have been like this. I'm happy Maa taught me how to do this. This helped both of us connect and bond with each other.

I've spent some of my happiest hours in this palace, in this tract of land creating something beautiful and magical. Nurturing anything takes time and care. You have to understand the language of these plants and flowers just like you understand people.

At least people speak, these blossoms don't. You've to learn to listen to their silent voices. For that matter, we people are also often like these blossoms. We never speak what we have. We expect the others to understand our silences. But we often fail to understand the other's silences. I laugh with them, cry with them, speak to them, I almost feel as if I am one with them.

Each flower and blossom is very different from the other. They have an individuality of their own. There is no use arguing why all of them are different and why they can't be alike. You cannot make all of them conform to a particular norm. It is their diversity which makes them more beautiful.

These flower plants need to be kept in the shade when it is too hot, and those flower plants there need abundant sunlight. The flower patch to Nandini's left needs to be constantly watered both in the morning and evening. Or else it withers! These flowers have thorns. You have to be very careful while handling them or you will get hurt. But these are the most fragrant and beautiful blossoms in this entire garden. You would get so attached to them that you would never like to share them with anybody.

Durdhara, that patch of flowers near where you are standing need minimal quantities of water. If they are watered in excess, those plants tend to die. If you try to hurry up or speeden this process before its right time, these plants will all wither and die a slow death. Even the flowers which wither after blooming and fall down from the plants have their own benefits. They become the manure on which the new flowers thrive. You get the most beautiful blossoms only when you are willing to wait for the right time and right place. Our lives are also like that, isn't it?"

Nandini and Durdhara were listening to her spell bound. They had never seen this side of Helena before. Moora moved closer to Durdhara and Nandini and whispered so that it would be beyond the hearing of Helena who was so engrossed in her garden, "Yavani main kuch toh achcha hai! Kabhi vishwas nahin tha ki main yeh kahungi uske baren main!" (This Greek Lady does have some admirable qualities in her. I never thought I was going to say something like this about her!) Durdhara and Nandini broke into tiny giggles at this.

After this remark, Nandini excused herself from there telling she had a lot of work today and had to attend to it. As she continued walking away from there, she turned back to catch a glimpse of the three women she had left behind her, giggling away, cracking jokes, spending time with each other, bonding over the blossoms and flowers.

Helena's words, "For that matter, we people are also often like these blossoms...We never speak what we have. We expect the others to understand our silences...But we often fail to understand the other's silences...Each flower and blossom is very different from the other. They have an individuality of their own...There is no use arguing why all of them are different and why they can't be alike...These flowers have thorns. You have to be very careful while handling them or you will get hurt...But these are the most fragrant and beautiful blossoms in this entire garden...You would get so attached to them that you would never like to share them with anybody...Even the flowers which wither after blooming and fall down from the plants have their own benefits. They become the manure on which the new flowers thrive...You get the most beautiful blossoms only when you are willing to wait for the right time and right place" continued ringing within Nandini.

Nandini told herself, "I have to learn to understand and appreciate your silences if I expect you to do mine!" She was stuck by their relevance to her situation with Chandra. Elders could not be infallible always. They too could make mistakes. Her mother, Avantika was wrong this time. She was expecting her and trying to fit her into a set pattern which wouldn't suit her. If she wasn't the way she was, she would stop being Nandini. Even if she was wrong, she would rather make her own mistakes being who she was, face their consequences, and learn her own lessons rather than be making the mistakes her mother advised her and regret them forever.

Nandini after having finally decided her course of action said to herself, "Mere jeevan main main bhi mahatvapoorna hoon aur Chandra bhi! Agar main apne aap ka samman nahin karungi toh Chandra mera samman kaisa karega? Mujhe apne aap par aur Chandra par vishwas karna hoga! Kithni bhi katinaiyiyan aaye toh unhe paar karna hoga...apne liye...aur Chandra ke liye! Maa ki seekh ke viruddh Jana padega!Chandra ki Ardhangani banana chahthi hoon toh uske neeche nahin uske samatulya hona seekna padega!"
(In my life, I am important for myself and Chandra too! If I don't respect myself, how will Chandra respect me? I have to learn to trust in myself and Chandra! Whatever the difficulties in my path, I have to face them for myself and for Chandra! I have to learn to go against Maa's teachings! If I wish to be Chandra's life partner, I have to learn to be his equal and not his inferior!)

If she was going to get scared for fear of getting hurt and stop trying, she was going to be bereft of the most beautiful blossoms. If she wasn't careful enough, she was going to get hurt. She had to keep her patience. It would neither do for her to hesitate to take even the first step. She had to take the first step. Similarly, if she was going to take ten steps at a time, she was going to obviously falter and make mistakes as she was presently doing.

She was making a vain attempt to erase the past as if it never existed or turn back the clock to the time that suited her. Neither of these things was going to happen. The past would always remain. The clock could only move forwards but not backward. Still, the past had the potential to teach her the right lessons and become the manure for her present.

She had to graduate in life from being a lost and downcast flower lying by the wayside waiting to be protected by someone into becoming the gardener herself capable of nurturing a hundred such blossoms with her magical touch. She had to learn to reinvent herself. Everything was going to be perfect at the right time and right place. If she was going to rush into it or hasten it, its magic was going to prove elusive.

Her heart which had been disturbed since yesterday night after her conversation with Avantika was somewhat put at ease by the light-hearted and pleasant moments she spent here this morning. Now she could prepare for the night's dinner without any further worries.

She would face and take in her stride whatever was going to come her way. If she had made mistakes, she was going to correct them. If she was hurt, she was going to heal herself. If she had hurt him, she would apply the balm on his wounds and heal him too. She was going to nurture their relationship in right earnest.

She was not going to spoil her mood over it or indulge in doom and misery even before there was cause for it. She was going to be her own truthful and sincere self. She was not going to do any of what her mother had advised her.

That would be the surest way to snuff out and wither a once beautiful blossom. She would confess whatever she had done in the Snankaksh and why she had done it to Chandra. She was going to trust to his good nature and leave the rest to fate. If he was going to be angry, she was going to weather it down with her patience. How long could he continue to be angry with her?

Writer's Note

Here are my views on the story and characters till now, and why I wrote something the way I did, and the logic behind it. I hope all of you will find them interesting:

1. Firstly, if there are any scenes which appear aberrations or conflict the general trend according to you, the easiest way to understand it is to take it as it is given without going into the logic or psychoanalysis behind it. Even though I generally plan on keeping things simple, these things unconsciously seep into my story. So if you adopt that line of approach, you can stop reading these points now and here itself.

2. Nandini's character starts off as being excessively blind, unreasonable, conditioned and emotionally clinging when the FF begins.

3. In Chapter 2 and Chapter 3, all the illusions surrounding her family and their apparent righteousness are rudely snatched away from her. The bubble has been broken. She is bereft of everything she has believed till date.

4. It is a very painful experience and also an important landmark in Nandini's character development. One bubble breaks, and she immediately hastens to settle herself double quick in another bubble regarding her husband. She gives that place she gave to her father to her husband now.

5. Since Chandragupt is the antithesis of what her father or brothers were, she believes that at least this time she is safe and her bubble is secure. But she is proven to be wrong in Chapter 11 where her bubble about her husband breaks this time too. That she is bound to react very badly to this situation is a given.

6. The cracks and differences between the couple keep on widening from Chapter 12 to Chapter 16.

7. So as we can see for ourselves, Nandini's character needs an emotional anchor to keep her grounded. So when her bubble about her father and brothers breaks in Chapter 2 and 3, in that vacuum, she instantly creates and jumps into another bubble around Chandragupt. That becomes well-established and strengthened through chapters 4 to 6. Even that bubble breaks in Chapter 11.

8. From Chapter 12 to 19, we find her again struggling to find her footing. She is once again lost. This time she doesn't have a back up option or third bubble to create and enter into.

9. Chapter 16 is the rock bottom as far as the relationship of Chandra and Nandini is concerned. It is almost as though both of them have reached the dead end in a one-way street with no way forward.

10. Chanakya's words offer her a way out of this impasse. She convinces herself that if she is able to verify the fact about Chandra's difficult childhood and the scars on his physical body, she is going to let go of the emotional scars she sustained due to him in Chapter 16.

11. During the controversial Snankaksh scene, if you notice carefully, Chandra is a bit hesitant, wary, standoffish, and embarrassed by the situation. It is an apparent role reversal between Chandra and Nandini, where he becomes more like her, and she becomes more like him. Unless this happens Nandini would never be able to barge in and verify if those scars were there or not on his body.

12. The conversation after this, her jealousy, her intolerance towards the claims of his other queens, his playing her along, his reassurance that she means a lot to him, and her gratitude, the ensuing momentary physical closeness and intimacy are all very temporary, fleeting, and evanescent emotions.

13. These feelings too are similar to the occasional soaring, soulful highs both Chandra and Nandini temporarily achieve from time to time. But the only disadvantage is that none of these feelings have anything to do with the ground realities and cannot be sustained on a continuous basis.

14. So all the odd things that happen in Chapter 20 and 21 with their how, what, where, when and why regarding her odd behavior with Chandra are tied to her vain attempts to erase the past as if it never happened, or to turn back the needle of the clock to suit her own needs and convenience.

15. Now let us move to Chandragupt's side of the story. Both their expectations from the relationship are at loggerheads. Chandra displays definite signs of physical attraction and infatuation along with emotional commitment. He wants her deeply at a physical level and seems to have a kind of single pointed fixation for Nandini.

16. In the beginning of this FF, Chandragupt displays and maintains an impassive and impervious stance towards Nandini. It is initially not clear why he does not either imprison Nandini or punish her for her crimes.

17. However, Chapter 2 clarifies that his mission requires him to win over Nandini to his side. He has to gain her faith and trust so that he could use her as a political pawn, weapon, and shield against her father, now the overthrown, and in hiding former King of Magadh, Padmanand.

18. In the process of acting a part and manipulating Nandini, he becomes the part himself.

19. In, Chapter 6, we find Chandra getting physically attracted towards Nandini for the first time. The split between his perceptions of Nandini are very evident in his conversations with his alter-ego which come in Chapter 6, 10, and 17.

20. Chandra occasionally fights it off, occasionally gives in, is occasionally in a state of denial. He has never been emotionally attached or dependent on anyone before this. This is the first time he is experiencing these conflicting emotions. So he is obviously ignorant about what to make out of this entire thing and how to handle himself with Nandini.

21. Though things proceed smoothly till Chapter 11, after that it is a downward spiral, and his character itself takes as severe beating in the life-altering changes and experiences he is going through. In Chapter 16, he is at the worst phase of his character.

22. Nandini on her side, though not immune to the physical side of their relationship would mainly prefer to keep things platonic at this stage. She is trying to see her lost father in Chandra. For that very reason why she finds it difficult to sustain his advances in Chapter 16. That is another reason why she is conflicted by her mother, Avantika's advice to allow Chandra to have his way with her in Chapter 23.

23. Now to an important point, Nandini's character is still in the process of maturing from a dependent and emotionally clinging girl to a woman of her own worth, unconnected to either her husband or her father. She has to learn to make her own choices and decisions and not have her strings pulled by everyone in this direction and that like a puppet.

24. Regarding Avantika's advice to Nandini, she is merely upholding the norms of patriarchy and trying to force her daughter to conform to set patterns. She is just trying to recreate her parallel with Padmanand in advising Nandini to allow Chandra to have his way with her.

25. If ever Nandini really accepts this advise and acts upon it, there would be no love story between her and Chandra. Love happens between equals not between a superior and an inferior who has no choice, no voice, or no decision of her own.

26. True love happens between a man and a woman, and not a girl and a man. She has to emotionally and rationally mature to become his equal.

27. She saw her all along as a lost, lone flower to be taken care of by somebody. She hasn't taken charge of her life till now. It was always in the hands of the men in her life. First her father, then her husband. She never visualized herself as a gardener who could take care of both her garden and herself.

28. Chapter 24 depicts her coming on her own. Her journey from becoming Nand Putri to Chandragupt's Pathni to her becoming Nandini.

29. Ironical that she comes to this realization, not after her conversation with her mother, but after her interaction and spending time with her equals and contenders to Chandra's attention, her co-wives.

30. Many of you have started having apprehensions that Chandra will go away from Nandini if she refuses to tow his line.

31. Let's take the case of Avantika and Padmanand. She wholly gave herself in every sense to him, but did he ever belong to her? Did their relationship ever graduate beyond the physical level? As a matter of fact it degraded as time passed. She objectified herself for Padmanand and she remained that for him always.

32. Chandra and Nandini are different people with different priorities. So they are going to be different from the rest, as is going to be their love story.

33. Their bonding and connect with each other is always going to transcend the physical level and blossom into something very beautiful and magical.

34. First things first, Chandra is no Padmanand. So he wouldn't want Nandini to do something she doesn't want to do. Even in the Snankaksh scene, he questions her again and again if she really wants to do whatever she is suggesting, i.e. Giving him a bath.

35. Even if he is angry or disappointed with Nandini, she herself has matured a lot and is mentally prepared to face the consequences of her actions and win him back.

36. Chandra will ultimately understand and love Nandini for what she is. He will esteem and respect her all the more for it unlike his foster mother who became a complete doormat in her love for his foster father.

37. Chandra will realize after seeing Nandini that love doesn't weaken a person or make them conflicted. It empowers them and gives them the hidden resources to face all the calamities and challenges of life.

38. What Chandra seeks from Nandini is not a physical relationship, even though he appears to be physically attracted towards her. He seeks a true companion to whom he belongs and who will belong to him. What he wants is a beautiful journey together, sharing the small joys and sorrows of life on an equal plane. So this decision of Nandini will bring both of them together in the long run though there might be a temporary respite.

Edited by shailusri1983 - 8 years ago
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Chapter Twenty-Five: Varying Degrees of Light and Darkness

In the Afternoon within Nandini's Chamber,

Nandini, while she was giving instructions on arranging and getting her room organized by the maids for the evening dinner, "Keep those chests carefully in that corner. They hold all my confidential things. Be careful with them. You can take the clothes in these chests. I hardly wear them. You can divide them among yourselves if you please. I have also kept some jewels and Swarn Mudrayen aside from my own personal monthly savings. Have them distributed among the poor and needy in Magadh!"

Just then, three of the maids who were shifting one of the heavy confidential chests about which Nandini had asked them to be careful, suddenly lost balance and dropped it on the floor. The lock of the chest was an old one came loose and broke due to this concussion. The contents of the chest got scattered throughout the room hither and thither.

Nandini was about to remonstrate them when all of them instantly fell on their feet and apologized for their carelessness. They promised that they would instantly clear up the entire thing and get a new lock made for the chest. Once they had finished collecting, Nandini said, "See to it that you leave nothing behind outside. It wouldn't do for anyone to find them lying around. Close the chest securely and get a new lock made immediately."

What neither Nandini nor any of the maids had observed at this juncture were a few parchment sheets lying beneath the bed. They had forgotten to recheck properly in their hurry. Nandini espied Acharya Chanakya on his way back to his chamber after his morning duties at the Raj Sabha. In Chandra's absence, he was the most important person in Magadh. His approval and permission was required for any major decisions or royal orders.

Nandini instantly stepped outside the room and courteously greeted him, "Acharya koi samachar Maharaj ke baren main? Woh kaise hain? Sab kushal mangal hai na? Kab laut rahen hai, Maharaj?" (Acharya is there any news about Maharaj? How is he? Everything is alright, isn't it? When is Maharaj returning?)

Chanakya: Everything is alright, Maharani. There is nothing to worry. As a matter of fact, Maharaj will be returning much earlier than what was planned. I am expecting him to return anytime after dusk. That was what I was informed.

Nandini: I partook the Prasad you sent me Acharya, and also wore the Raksha Sutra on my hand. Since the past seventeen days, I have been doing it regularly and religiously. I have also attended the special Pujas you have organized on Fridays for me. Acharya, is anything wrong? Is there a specific reason for all this?

Chanakya (carefully weighing and measuring each of his spoken words): Nothing to exactly worry! But our Raj Purohit informed me that the indications in your horoscope weren't exactly favorable. So I instructed these Pujas and remedial measures to be done in your name. I did not inform Maharaj about these things because he was already worried and preoccupied with the affairs of the state and its administration. It would be better if Maharani were to desist from telling any of this to Maharaj. He would be needlessly concerned.

Nandini: I understand, Acharya! I will not mention any of this! Good afternoon, Acharya!

Chanakya: Good afternoon, Maharani!

The Hour of Dusk, Chandra on his horseback,

Chandra had wanted to complete his assignments and return early for his dinner with Nandini. But things had been terribly delayed and at a time when he ought to have been in Patliputra, he was still on his way riding into the dusk along with his ministers, soldiers, and retinue. He was trying to hasten up but with such a large group of people to congregate and set out on a journey, things would take some time.

After a while, one of his ministers suggested, "Maharaj, all our men are tired. They will not be able to proceed for much longer. Moreover, it is becoming dark. It would be unsafe to proceed further. It would be better if we set up camp here and preparations for dinner are made. What would you suggest, your Majesty?"

There had not been another occasion when he had felt so impatient with everything. However, he realized the validity of whatever the minister was suggesting. His men could not proceed any longer without having something to fill their stomachs. They had been traveling for hours. Their schedule and itinerary had become very cramped as he had wanted to complete the tour which would have taken two full or even three days within one and a half days. Their stomachs must have been growling.

He said at last, "Alright, let preparation for dinner be made. I am pretty full. So I do not want anything for myself. But see to it that all our men are well fed and refreshed! Since urgent affairs require that I be present in Patliputra, I will set out with a small contingent of my cavalry soldiers immediately after the men have had their repast. The rest of my retinue can resume their journey in the morning and can come at a leisurely pace."

The minister deferred for a slight instant, "Maharaj, it will become midnight even with the fastest horses to reach Patliputra. It is unsafe and..." However, one look at the resolute and determined face of Chandragupt made the man decide to desist from completing the sentence he began.

At the Palace of Patliputra,

Nandini had completed preparing and serving the dinner which she had made with her own hands in the silver Thali. One of the items in the thali was the very Sukhi Bajre ki Roti and hung curd along with green chilies about which Chandra had reminisced and been nostalgic about on the night of Theej when he had come to her chamber to break her fast. She covered the served Thali with another silver Thali to keep the dishes she had prepared fresh and warm.

After she had finished checking and cross-checking if everything was fine twice, she sat down. There had not been a moment to spare all day. She had been on her toes throughout the day. Now she could afford to rest her feet until Chandra came. After he had his meal, she would tell him the entire truth about why she came to the Snankaksh, and about still needing some time to take their relationship forward. She was sure that he was going to understand her.

On her forehead, there were beads of perspiration due to her hectic and eventful day. She always had a very pampered and spoilt childhood. She hadn't been taught cooking of any sort. And after marriage too, since she was a queen, nothing was really expected out of her. There were always maids enough to do her work.

Nandini never had to strain even a single muscle of hers. So she wasn't used to much hard work. It was the first time she was learning and doing something for her husband. She wiped aside her forehead with her left hand and one small bead of sweat from her forehead dropped and fell to the ground on the soft, rich, and velvety-red carpet spread throughout the expanse of her chamber.

While waiting in the open before the bonfire for his men to complete their Dinner,

Chandra caught hold of a small, slight, and glistening dew drop that descended towards him from the Heavens and looked long at it as he said to himself,"Why do I feel you are trying to tell me something? In what strange language are you trying to convey that there is someone out there afar waiting for me to return HOME. YES, HOME IT IS AT LAST! Why do I see her presence in you? You seem to be a part and parcel of her! (Addressing these words to the dew drop he had captured within his palm as he closed his other palm also over it to carefully protect it from falling down)

While he was in this frame of mind, he was suddenly and rudely disturbed from it by the sudden voice of his minister trying to recall him to the present and inform him that his horse and his men were ready for him, and he could proceed if he wanted. The encapsulated dew drop fell down from his palms to the ground.

During the journey, Chandra glanced at the gifts and parcels he was carrying,

There were gifts for everyone at the palace, including his mother, sister, and his elder queens as well. But hers were special. He had brought her a red embroidered saree with extensive filigree and mirror work. It had been crafted in a such a way that the person wearing the dress would be reflected from the hundred small mirrors stuck on the dress in different angles to the eyes of the beholder.

Another specialty was that the beholder himself would be a part of and reflected along with the person wearing the dress. Both of them would be seen together even when they were standing apart in the hundred different mirrors on the dress. He had also commissioned jewels and accessories made exclusively of flowers of all hues, colors, and textures for her like earrings, necklaces, mang tikka, kamar band, anklets, armlets, and bangles.

She would love this more than jewels made of gold, silver or diamonds. She must have seen and worn all these since childhood. But she wouldn't have seen anything like these flower jewels till now. If she was not so embarrassed or hesitant and ready to permit him, he was going to dress her up with his own hands in the same beautiful way as she appeared in his dreams.

As he was riding on his horse, he crossed over through the wall of darkness into a chamber filled with brilliant light through his wings of imagination. As he entered her chamber, such grace, glow, youth and beauty rose up to greet him that for a second, he was thrown off his balance.

Though he recovered, he continued to stare at her with an unblinking gaze. He was seated on the sofa and she stood beside him listening to excepts from his travel and journey with a rapt attention and an absorbed gaze. He held her hand and gently gestured her to be seated beside him instead of standing there. She hesitated and blushed for a moment before she complied.

He gave her the presents he had bought for her. Her excitement and childish glee was such that she wanted to try on the dress immediately. She excused herself inside to her dressing chamber. After a short while, she came outside shinning and reflecting the brilliance of a thousand suns. He was spell bound at the beautiful apparition he beheld before him. She served him his dinner and sat down beside him fanning as he was eating his dinner and occasionally wiping his forehead with the hem of her saree while she continued to listen to his account about how his trip had been.

In the brief intervals between his words, she communicated only through her eyes and expressions how much she had missed him during this short period of absence and how much his return meant to her as she continued drinking his entire self in. Only then did Chandra realize that this whole thing which had been running before him was his imagination.

At midnight in Nandini's chamber,

Though he rode post-haste, Chandra couldn't reach Patliputra before midnight. When he entered Nandini's chamber, he observed her resting her head on a nearby small side table, and sprawled on the ground, and fast asleep in her sitting position itself, beside the served and closed Thali, with a fan in her hand. He gave a soft smile seeing her like this in this curious position.

Chandra gently lifted her up as though she were a gentle feather, and put her to sleep on her bed. He covered her with her silken blanket and planted a soft and stolen kiss on her forehead. He could have filled his stomach just by looking at her like this. Her innocent and childlike appearance filled his heart with peace.

As he witnessed her smiling softly in her sleep and dreaming blissful dreams, he observed that a small hair from her eyelashes was on her cheeks. He was reminded of how she had remarked once in his hearing that whatever you wish after placing the fallen strand of hair from the eyelashes within your closed fists, and then blow away with a puff of air, would surely be fulfilled.

Chandra wished, "Hey, Eshwar, keep her always smiling and happy like this. If possible, make me the cause and reason for them! Give me the strength to preserve and protect this expression of childlike innocence on her face forever. I want nothing else in this universe after that! Keep her with me always! I cannot bear to be separated from her even for a single moment. I would rather die a thousand deaths than remain without her!"

After this, he placed the gifts he had brought for her beside her on the bed and sat down to see what she had made for him. He became nostalgic as he saw his favorite Bajre ki Roti, green chilies and hung curd along with the other dishes. He ate and savored everything in that Thali with relish. The balance of the tastes and flavors like saltiness, hotness, sourness, sweetness, and bitterness was a bit off, a bit up and down in many dishes. A true connoisseur of a meal was always going to call this flawed and imperfect. But who cared for perfection?

It was beautiful and perfect according to him. It was her first effort for him with her own hands. She wouldn't have tasted it, neither would she have allowed anyone to taste it or correct the balance of tastes and flavors. As she was the Queen and had prepared the entire thing with her own hands, it wouldn't have been taste-tested by anyone even for security reasons!

After he had completed eating everything and drinking water, he settled down beside her on the bed taking care to place himself at a comfortable distance from her so that he would not wake her up. He tried his best to sleep and rest after his tiresome journey, but sleep continued to elude him. At last, deciding that it was a fruitless and useless attempt to sleep, he got up and gently started pacing her room to and fro. Suddenly his eyes fell on something under her bed. He picked them up and casually took a look at it. His gaze tightened and became fixated.

The hours passed gradually and the early rays of dawn peeked through the windows into Nandini's room and fell on Chandra before they fell on Nandini. Though the light fell on him, he was in the dark. He stood wherever he had been standing statue-like, immoveable, inscrutable and resolute. The softness in his expressions had vanished. In its place was an unblinking and unyielding stare. The dreams of yesterday had vanished, and in its place was the harsh reality of today. However, he withstood the blow. He was not going to give way to his anger as he had done the previous time.

He was going to pick up the broken pieces and treasure them in his heart forever so as to teach him the lesson to never trust or be vulnerable again. He was going to build the walls of his fortress so high that nobody could penetrate. He wouldn't give anybody the slightest access, cause or reason to play with him again. The mask of indifference was back! If at all there was anything that gave away anything regarding his present frame of mind, it was the slight tinge of bitterness that laced the expression of his eyes.

Chapter Twenty-Six: The Stranger Wife

In Nandini's Chamber,

The rays of the sun filtered through the curtains falling on Nandini's visage and tickling her lazy eyes into unwillingly opening up. She stretched herself, rubbed her eyes with her hands. Her gaze on opening her eyes first fell on Chandragupt. She gave a pleasant and dazed smile due to early morning disorientation. Only then did she realize that it was morning and that she had slept off in the night before he returned. She gave him a blooming and brilliant welcome smile and greeting. As she was about to rise up, she saw the gifts he had brought for her.

The flower jewels had wilted and dried up. But the saree he had brought for her was as brilliant as ever. Nandini's face lit up in childish excitement and glee. After whole heartedly thanking him and apologizing for having slept off the previous night, she was about to excuse herself to try on the saree immediately. He nodded his head and stood unmoved wherever he was, his face displaying not even the slightest degree of what was running across in his mind.

Nandini: When did you return? I was awake till very late in the night!

Chandra: It was past midnight!

Nandini: I see! That's why I must have slept off! But you could have woken me up!

Chandra: I didn't think it necessary!

Nandini: I had kept everything ready! How did you like the dinner? It was the first time so...

Chandra: I ate!

Nandini: It's a pity that these had to dry up! But this saree looks brilliant! Shall I try it on now? I've never seen such an exquisite saree before this! Thank you!

Chandra: Of course! It's yours! Do what you please with it!

Nandini went inside and changed into the saree he had brought for her. She came outside to seek his opinion about how it looked on her. Without saying anything, he shook his head in approval. Something was definitely wrong in the way he was behaving. Their conversation was not going very great. He seemed miffed for some strange reason. She assumed it must have been something related to either the tour or administrative affairs.

Nandini: Is everything alright?

Chandra: Yes, it is NOW!

Nandini: I was a bit worried if it was something to do with the administration or affairs of the state. How was your tour?

Chandra: Fine!

Nandini was contemplating if she should tell him the truth about the Snankaksh escapade of hers and the fact that she still needed some more time seeing that his mood was very off at the present moment for whatever reason. Just then Chandragupt began slowly walking towards Nandini. She began walking backwards.

Things were happening too fast. Nandini did not have any time to organize her thoughts or think how she was going to handle or deal with this situation. She closed her eyes but could sense him standing just a feet apart from her. His manly odor was wafting up her nostrils. It had not been like this in the Snankaksh. It had been very soothing and peaceful. But now the prospect which loomed before her only appeared disturbing. Of all the hundred times she had contemplated giving this explanation to him, she never thought she would have to do it like this.

The words just stuck and choked in her throat. Her lips and throat became parched. Her thoughts became incoherent and her whole face and aspect became clouded and convoluted. Her whole body started quivering and giving way to spasms unconsciously and instinctively. It was as though she had no control over whatever was happening with her body or facial muscles. She definitely had to tell something at this juncture if she had to prevent herself from being misunderstood by him.

She tried to attain some amount of sanity and coherence before trying to piece together a few words to this effect. Her eyes were still tightly shut because she was scared to see the expression in his eyes as she said this, "I am sorry! ...I am still not ready for this...I need some time..."

The wind whistled past her face gently caressing her and her entire body. There was perfect silence all around the chamber. Somehow all this seemed ominous. Nothing seemed right! It all seemed terribly wrong. She was unable to piece together what was amiss or the reason for it.

But at this juncture, she expected a response from him. She slightly opened her eyes to see his expression when she was terribly shocked to see her chamber bereft of anyone but herself. Did whatever happened here just now happen in real or was she making up the entire thing in her feverish imagination?

She pinched herself twice to make double sure and looked at the red saree she was wearing thrice before she decided that this entire thing had actually happened in real and was not a figment of her imagination. Why did he leave so suddenly? His behavior since the time she had woken up had been very odd and unnerving.

She needed her answers just now. This could not wait any longer. She ran outside her room, the hem of her saree trailing on the ground and getting frayed and gathering dirt and dust. But she was least bothered by this. She ran as though for her very life depended on it. She reached Chandragupt's room and barged in before any of the guards could say anything or stop her.

In Chandragupt's Chamber,

Completely breathless from running, she collapsed into a huge cushioned chair and stammered in between her gasps, "I want to know...We need to talk...What is wrong...Why did you go away...Are you angry with me..."

Chandragupt had been standing with his back turned towards Nandini. He clapped his hands and ordered, "Ekant!"

After everyone in his chamber had left, he turned to face her and said in an icy cold manner meant to put off, "I wish you gave me a hint the next time you try something similar. At least, I had the benefit of growing with shepherds and not being aware of these niceties until a few days ago. You were always a princess and must be knowing things about royal protocol and decorum."

Nandini completely clueless and unable to understand what was going on, "I don't get what you are saying. Are you mocking me? If it is a joke, it is a very bad one!"

Chandra (wryly): My! My! I'll be careful from next time onwards! I thought Rani Nandini enjoyed such pleasantries and practical jokes.

Nandini (got up from wherever she was sitting, extremely perplexed): Did I do anything wrong? Why do you keep on calling me Rani Nandini?

Chandra (his icy cold manner getting even colder): Because you are a Rani, Rani Nandini! You are, of course, the epitome of perfection, and can never do anything wrong. If at all anybody has committed any mistake, it must of course be poor me, Chandragupt Maurya!

Nandini (getting terribly worried by now): Please be clear! If you are displeased with me please let me know the reason for it. I will try to change or adjust myself.

Chandra (sarcastically): A pity isn't it! Even when I hated you, I understood you! Now when hatred no longer remains, I understand your spoken and unspoken words, your turn of countenance, your gestures, your everything like an OPEN BOOK while to this day you understand nothing about me.

Nandini (not making head or tail out of anything): Ardhath? (What do you mean?)

Chandra (continuing caustically): After you had the occasion to drop the flower pot which was supposed to descend upon me on Maa's head, we had a similar conversation. You had the very same questions and expressions and I had much the very same answers.
Nandini stared on even more puzzled and intrigued.

Chandra continued, "I warned you then not to get entangled with me, and that I was a difficult man to understand. I advised you not to try but you wouldn't listen. I still repeat, 'You don't know me and I don't expect you to try doing so!'"

Nandini was becoming hazier with every passing moment. The mists surrounding her started getting even more thicker. She blurted, "But all that was the past, wasn't it?"

Chandra: But the past never dies, does it? If it did, both of us wouldn't be here...having this conversation. I shouted myself hoarse, you didn't understand; I became angry, you didn't understand; I literally lost my balance and self-control, you didn't understand; I withdrew myself and patiently waited, you didn't understand; now I think it's better we stopped trying. Both for your sake and mine!

Nandini: Please...please ...can we speak clearly? These riddles are beyond me!

Chandra took off the Angavastra he was wearing with a sudden flick of his hand and pointed towards his chest and back saying, "It's this, isn't it?"

It was now that realization dawned upon Nandini. She tried to explain, "I was about to tell you everything about whatever happened at the Snankaksh. None of my actions were intentional or meant to hurt. I just wanted a perfect closure to the past and to move on. I thought if I could see and verify with my own eyes, I would be able to forgive and forget everything."

Chandra: If that was all you wanted to see, you could have told me so plainly and I would have obliged. Why this pretense and elaborate charade?

Nandini: I...didn't know how you...would react to...such an impossible and ...stupid idea...

Chandra: So you saw the scars on my body! Of what earthly difference did it make to you?

Nandini: I thought that...I would forget...my own pain...if I learnt about your pain...and deprivation...I thought...this would ...help me...in making...a new beginning...I thought...I would forget...my emotional scars...if I was able ...to see...your physical scars...with my own eyes...

Chandra: So, going by your logic, this should have made a difference! But did it, really?

Nandini: I was about...to tell that...to you...

Chandra: Really when, Maharani Nandini? After your whole face became clouded and convoluted? After your whole body literally quivered and went into unpleasant spasms at my very approach?

Nandini: Oh God! You're understanding everything in the wrong manner! I just need some time for everything.

Chandra (getting angrier and angrier): You could have really saved me the trouble by telling before hand! I would have spared you! I have seen everything there was to see with my own eyes. So save your breath instead of those explanations!

Nandini (her eyes freely overflowing with tears by now): Please, Chandra! This is hurting me!

Chandra (with cutting precision) I am just repaying you in kind what I received myself, Maharani Nandini. When you give hurt, be prepared to receive it as well.

Nandini: I wanted to atone and make up for everything that my family, and indirectly, I, did to you and deprived you of.

Chandra: So in essence, you were pitying me. Is that it? Did I ever tell I needed your pity? (His voice not raising in pitch but rising in the sarcasm dripping through it) If it was pity I had wanted out of you, I would have told you these things myself! I wouldn't have waited for Acharya Chanakya to do the honors. I have seen whatever Acharya had written with my own eyes underneath your bed in your room. So you cannot deny any of this forthrightly. Even here, you needed verification of his account in that absurd way.

Nandini (Her sobs becoming more vehement): This was not how I wanted it to be. I wanted to set every wrong thing right.

Chandra: Then how else did you want this to end? In which unique way do you propose to set every wrong thing right? Stop crying, Maharani Nandini! Samrat Chandragupt Maurya will not be pitied by anyone.

Nandini (crying even more vehemently): This is not the end! This was just the beginning! You are misunderstanding me! I just need some time that's all!

Chandra, beginning with wry humor, and ending in absolute bitterness, "I don't understand how you do it every time. At a time when I ought to be crying tears of blood, I remain calm and unfazed. And you keep crying at every smallest opportunity, and make me end up feeling smaller than a worm!

I have never forgotten or stopped condemning and mentally flogging myself for my behavior that day in your chamber. It is my worst memory about myself. But that was my worst! Not the best I was capable of! I wanted to show you and give you the best in me...but sadly, you don't seem to want it.

You wanted time for three months, I gave them to you. I never wanted to force you to do anything you didn't want to. I argued with Acharya Chanakya for your sake. I took your side. That day, in the Snankaksh, I kept asking you again and again if you really wanted this to happen.

You could have spoken then. But you never did. You led me on! Today, after witnessing with my own eyes how obnoxious and disturbing my very presence is to you, the way your entire body reacted to my closeness, what do you expect me to assume?

That you love my very presence? I expected you to speak at least then! Yet you would have led me on if you could. If I had not discovered, you would never have spoken up or been truthful with me. You would have kept on leading me!"

Nandini dried up her tears for an instant. So that was the crux of his problem: that she had led him on! She spoke, "But I did, Chandra! I spoke up as soon as I could find...my voice and words...but you were gone before that!"

Chandra: I see! You have nothing to fear from me. You can leave after the three months we agreed upon. I won't stop you!

Nandini despondently remarked, "But this was my worst fear, Chandra! Whether you now believe me or not, all my falsehoods stem from that! To lose you as I did my Pitha Maharaj once! You are the idol and ideal in the temple of my heart. I once believed a false Deity and dearly paid for it. Now I have learnt to believe in a true Deity, but I have turned false this time round in the eyes of my Deity.

I will not go away from you after three months, three years, or thirty years, or till the end of my life unless you want me to. That day in the Snankaksh, none of my actions, words, or behavior there were thought out or rehearsed. They were instinctual. It was my gratitude that I still meant a lot to you speaking.

I gave you that place in my heart that I once used to give to my Pitha Maharaj! I need some time to forget everything, and start anew. Even though my heart and soul need none, my physical body needs it. That is what I realized later on.

Chandra, you may think has this woman no shame or self-esteem that she is talking all this and demeaning herself even after everything that has happened. I have no ego where you are concerned! Tum seh Lajja kaisi Chandra? (Why should I be embarrassed of you?) Just give me some time to become your wife! I am trying!"

Chandra: Your wish, Maharani Nandini! I have always wanted you to lead your life on your own terms and conditions. You have the freedom to choose what you want to do. Stay if you want! Leave if you please! Become my wife if you want! Be a Queen, or else, an even better suggestion, let's be strangers! No expectations, no attachments, no responsibilities, and duties!

Nandini (her tears completely dried up and only a resoluteness in her voice): As you please, Chandra! I was wrong this time, and I will atone for it. But for how long can you see me hurt? Or how long can you keep on hurting me? At some point, you will see that my hurt is even more yours than it is mine! At some point, you will see our relationship beyond the balance sheet of good and bad, right and wrong, perfection and imperfection, profit and loss, winning and losing, heart and the mind. If you want to be a stranger to me, you're welcome! But I can never become a stranger to you! Main tumhari Ardhangani thi, Ardhangani hoon, aur Adhangani rahoongi! (I was your life partner, I am your life partner, and will always be your life partner!)

There words elicited an expression of complacence and utter bliss from Chandragupt for a tiny and fleeting moment before they were replaced by his original expression of icy coldness, sarcasm and wry humor. He had to remind himself once again that he could not allow any apparent cracks or dents to appear in the tall and unassailable fortress he had built round his heart. He tenaciously convinced his errant heart and truant emotions for which these words were like soothing nectar that he could not afford to expose himself another time. Much better not to have loved and be in such deep pain!

Chandragupt immediately ran for cover to his caustic and cutting remarks. As was his usual practice, he could neither give up nor concede victory either in a battle of brawn or a battle of wits even to the people who mattered to him. He had to have the last word. So he quickly retaliated telling, "Strange logic you have Rani Nandini! I wonder how you are going to partition your Ardhangani share of me with my other queens. Since I am equally married to all, Helena, Durdhara and you must be equally vying for one half share of myself which amounts to 50%. And this divided by 3 amounts to 16.6666%. I too would have no problems giving such a small percentage of myself to you seeing how negligible and minuscule it is!"

Nandini felt that it was really wicked and vicious on his part. He needn't have mentioned or rubbed it in her face that she had to compete for him and his attentions with two other ladies even after knowing fully well how this situation often irked her. He needn't have brought either Helena or Durdhara in between this at all. It only showed the extent of his hurt and anger for her. Just because he had no apparent competition or threat, he needn't play off one favorite against the other. What if someday he had an apparent threat of being supplanted, then he would realize how difficult and trying that circumstance is!

At this Nandini reminded herself! Vain thoughts, girl! When will you find somebody who equals Chandra so that you can play each other off? It is never going to happen! Chandragupt is matchless and incomparable! That's why he is so cocky, saucy, demanding, and full of himself. All the same, she told herself that she wasn't going to give him a walkover as she had formerly done.

If he was not ready to listen to sense, she would drive that sense into him. She would contest and compete against whatever she felt was not right. And whatever he said just now was precisely that. It was meant to put her down. She was being very truthful, sincere and serious and he was having one sarcastic barb after the other at her expense! She was talking and contemplating about a companionship and togetherness for life, and he was engrossed in parts, halves and percentages? There was a limit to everything!

After a pause, Nandini slowly but unwaveringly replied, "Ardhangani didn't mean I was fighting for a half or a part of yourself. I was fighting for my whole in your part. There is a shloka in Sanskrit which goes like this:
'Poornamadah, poornamidam, poornaat poornamudachyate
Poornasya, poornamaadaaya, poornamevaavashishyate!'

Ardhath,
'That is complete, this is complete, from the completeness comes the completeness
If completeness is taken away from completeness, only completeness remains!'

I wasn't taking anything away from you or anyone! Even if I took, it would still be whole! I hope I needn't explain any further, Chandra, or it would be an insult to your training in Takshashila and Acharya Chanakya's teaching capabilities which I do not doubt in the least!"

This repartee left Chandragupt seething inside that she had managed to knock out even his best logic with her in depth her learning and wisdom. It was really rare to find this quality in someone so young. In one corner, he was proud to have lost this round of his battle of wits with her. She made both a worthy companion and also a worthy adversary. He could not accept her as his companion after she had failed him so badly. But as an adversary perhaps, she was good enough! Ghosh! He was again treading on treacherous territory. He reminded himself again of his strong resolution!


Edited by shailusri1983 - 8 years ago
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Chapter Twenty-Seven: Consumed by the Flame

In Rajmata Moora's Chamber,

Rajmata Moora was having an argument with her daughter and Chandra's elder sister Chaaya. The princess had been putting off and insidiously evading one proposal of marriage after the other. She had been secretly sabotaging her marriage prospects by writing discreet anonymous letters raising doubts and questions on the credibility of her own character. To say that the queen mother was livid and furious was to say the least.

Moora: God knows for how long this has been going on and how people must have been sniggering behind their backs about the Princess of Magadh! If it was somebody else tarnishing your image and sabotaging your marriage prospects, I would have understood. But why you yourself are doing it is beyond me. Chaaya if you are doing or have done anything you shouldn't have, you'd better tell me?

Chaaya: Maa, why should I be afraid of anything? My brother is the Samrat of Magadh! I don't want to marry! That's all!

Moora: You are six years older than Chandragupt! Your brother has already married thrice! Already, it is becoming very difficult to get good alliances for you as you are past the appropriate age of marriage in royal families. If you will not marry now, then when will you?

Chaaya: It's my marriage, Maa! And I will get married when I please. Am I a burden on you that you want to get rid of me, Maa?

Moora: Not like that, Chaaya! But every mother has the dream of seeing her daughter in the bridal attire! When will you understand?

Chaaya, cracking up a bit at her mother's tear-stricken and cracking voice full of emotion, but quickly reminding herself that in her situation, she had no choice but to do whatever she was doing. She was already secretly married to Satyajit! There was no way she could get married again. It would be a sin and lead to an even bigger scandal. But neither could she immediately tell this truth to her mother or her brother. She had to wait till Satyajit returned from his assignment and both of them could tell the full truth.

Chaaya: If that was your wish, I could wear that benighted bridal attire here itself and show you, and you could see me to your heart's content. What is the need to marry for that?

Moora: When will you understand me, Chaaya? I'm your mother!

Chaaya: I could also equally retort, when will you understand me, Maa? I'm your daughter!

Moora: Chaaya, please tell me if there is anything! Why are you so against marriage? Do you like somebody? If that is the case, tell me! Kahan ke Maharaj ya Rajkumar hain? (He is the King or Prince of some place?) I will discreetly make inquiries and send a proposal in a suitable manner.

On hearing the words till 'Do you like somebody?' out of her mother's mouth, Chaaya was about to speak up about herself and Satyajit. But the minute she heard the query 'Kahan ke Maharaj ya Rajkumar hain?', her intent to confess the truth died a speedy death. She realized that royalty and family pride was all that mattered to her mother, and even if she were to tell the truth, her mother would never understand or accept it.

Chaaya: I don't want to get married. I don't want to live the rest of my life as someone's Daasi. It is as simple as that. I will speak to Chandroo. He will understand! He will not force me to get married against my wishes!

A resounding and smart slap descended on Chaaya's cheeks from the Rajmata's hands as she said, "Don't you drag your brother into all this. He spoils you as though you are the younger sister and he is the elder brother. You throw all these tantrums and he puts up with all this. But you cannot fool me. I am your mother! Behave your age! Go to your room now. I do not want to hear any more complaints about you!"

Chaaya, her eyes blazing with anger and cheeks red in color, the effect of the smarting slap on her cheeks by her mother; was leaving the room, as Nandini was entering it to seek an opinion and advice relating to several changes she was contemplating regarding the shifts and working hours of the palace maids.

Moora tried to suitably recompose herself but her mood was so off that it was very evident even to Nandini though she hadn't seen or heard what happened before this in that room. She was about to launch into her issue, but realizing that her mother-in-law was terribly upset about something, she said, "Nothing very urgent, Maa. This one can wait. I will come some other time when you are feeling better. Is there anything I could help you out with, Maa?"

Moora: This stupid girl just doesn't understand the heart of her own mother! While you; though you come from another family, and are the daughter of our enemy as well; seem to understand me better! Surprising, isn't it, that though you are nearly eight years younger than my Chaaya, you behave much more sensibly and maturely than her?

Nandini realized that the queen mother was referring to her sister-in-law, Chaaya. But she was at a loss to comprehend the reason why the Rajmata was upset with her Nanand (sister-in-law). She gently asked, "Maa, has Didi done something to anger you? You know you could trust me and share your problems with me. Would you like me to personally talk to Didi as friend to friend?"

Moora initially, "Yes, it would be nice if you could! This girl takes all my words in the wrong spirit...However, on second thoughts, just leave her alone, for now! You would be needlessly stirring up a hornets's nest. She is friendly and confides in her Bhabhis, at least for now. If you were to talk, there is no knowing how she is going to react. The rift in one relationship is enough. I wouldn't like to spoil the camaraderie both of you share by involving you in this!

Nandini: As you wish, Maa! Is there anything I can do to serve you or make you feel better?

Moora after deep thought, "I haven't spoken of this to anybody! It is something I wouldn't wish to be known to anybody. For that very matter, I haven't spoken about it to Chandra. He is already too engrossed in many problems and issues related to the state, so I didn't want to trouble him with this. I am suffocating within myself in not being able to share my problems and worries with anybody. I myself don't understand the reason why I am telling you all this instead of my son. But it is so. I am trusting and confiding in you. You will also maintain utter confidentiality about whatever I reveal.
Nandini sat beside the distraught queen mother and simply held the gruff hand of Moora in her young, soft and tender hands and gently placed her other hand in affirmation without saying anything.

Moora said, "Sit here! It's a long story!"

Nandini listened to everything Moora was saying very carefully and intently. Moora spoke in hushed tones about how she had been looking for alliances for Chaaya and how her age itself was causing many alliances to go astray, and how the rest who were willing for this alliance were being insidiously sabotaged by Chaaya herself by writing discreet and anonymous letters raising questions on her own integrity and credibility.

Except for the fact that Chandra was the Samrat of Magadh, and everybody was scared to speak or voice these things in the open, the Princess of Magadh had become a joke in many of the kingdoms to which her alliance had been sent. Though the reason they were being told why the proposal was being rejected was an apparent mismatch of horoscopes, the real reason was these surreptitious missives.

Nandini interjected at this point, "Maa, how can you be so sure that Didi is doing all this? Somebody else could have been planning and plotting against Magadh! These things are very common in politics. If you cannot directly take down the enemies, hit at them indirectly! Use their women and children against them! Tarnish their name and honor! I can't believe Didi must have done all this!

Moora digressed at this point, "Like Chandra used you against your father?..."

Nandini hesitating at this point, "Maa, let's not go into that issue at all. I have long forgotten all that. I have made peace with it. I am Maharaj's wife now and I do not regret it in the very least as I do my birth.

Moora approvingly said, "You have a really big heart, Nandini! I am lucky regarding all my daughters-in-law! ...By the way, has Chandra ever told you he is lucky to have you in his life?"

A lump started forming in her throat and her heart started getting constricted as she heard these generous words of praise out of her usually strict mother-in-law's mouth. Would there ever come a day when she would hear such equally sweet and generous words about her from his lips? What she heard most of the times out of his lips were angry, uncharitable words and sarcastic barbs that pained and hurt her terribly.

Nandini recovered herself from her reverie before saying, "Maa, meri aur Maharaj ki nok jhok toh chalthi rahegi! Baat yahaan Chaaya Di ki hain! Humein us par charcha karna chahiye!" (Maa, my petty squabbles with Maharaj are insignificant! The issue here is about Chaaya Didi! We should discuss about that!)

Moora too left that conversation midway and returned to the original issue which was Chaaya's marriage. She said, "Your Didi is doing these things. Why she is doing is beyond me! I have counter checked the handwriting in these anonymous letters. They are in Chaaya's handwriting. I have questioned her and she has confessed. So there is no doubt about this at all."

Nandini: This is really alarming then! Did Chaaya Di give any specific reason for this?

Moora: No, there lie all my worries about her! Chandra is scheduled to go to the kingdom of Rajnagari on the invitation of Maharaj Indupratap along with Maharani Helena and Maharani Durdhara and stay with him for ten days. Both the kings are contemplating a political and war alliance. It is a very crucial diplomatic venture for both the kingdoms. In the event of everything working out properly, both the kingdoms will benefit a lot from it. Especially, we do, standing as we are on the brink of war with your father and brother, and with a couple of neighboring kingdoms going over to their side. This alliance has to materialize at all costs to boost our army prowess!

Nandini had known about this impending diplomatic mission. She had even felt a bit jealous that she was not a part of this mission and had perhaps been excluded in an arbitrary fashion due to her personal differences with Chandra.

Moora continued, "And that is not all! We have even received a marriage alliance for Chaaya to Kunwar Arjun, the Crown Prince of Rajnagari!"

Nandini: That's great news, Maa! Have you told Maharaj and Chaaya Di about this?

Moora: No! As a matter of fact, I am in two minds about this marriage alliance. There are several rumors about Kunwar Arjun that are rife among the general public. Firstly, he is a widower and has a son who is one year old. Though in a way, Chaaya's advancing years will not be a problem here as the expectations for a heir will not be there, I still don't know if Chaaya will be able to adjust in that household or set up. Will she be able to be a good mother to a motherless child in addition to being a queen and wife?

Though Chaaya does not have to contend with two other wives for her husband (At this point, the Rajmata bit her lip. It was a slip of a tongue but one that was very relevant to her own son's marital life), she has to fight with the memories and nostalgia of a dearly loved dead wife! Can she do that? Will Kunwar Arjun wholeheartedly accept Chaaya as his wife?

Secondly, his reckless and dare devil behavior after the loss of his wife has received very bad press. His behavior before that loss and after that loss are so radically different that people feel as if he is not their Kunwar at all. Somebody who was so occupied in state affairs, wars, diplomatic missions, visiting his people, solving their problems and issues, etc, suddenly became an avid hunter, a jovial and merry epicurean more bothered about good food, drink, gaming, smiling, laughing, being happy and keeping everyone happy.

How could a human being change so much so suddenly? Is there something wrong with his mental state? Is it a case of split or dual personality? If it is, then in wishing for this marriage to happen, I would be Chaaya's worst enemy. Being a mother, you can understand my worries regarding these aspects. Even if everything is alright, and these are mere tumors and tell tales, there is a chance that in contemplating and clinching this marriage alliance, the diplomatic alliance could be affected or fail.

I don't want that to happen. We need the diplomatic mission to succeed at all costs whether this marriage proposal works or not. As a matter of fact, both these things are co-incidental and came up simultaneously. Maharani Swaralika was looking for alliances for Kunwar Arjun and the matchmaker suggested Chaaya's alliance in that connection.

Nandini: But Maa, we cannot give up such a good and promising marriage alliance just like that without looking into it. The death of a close family member has a deep impact on any person. I was just like Rajkumar Arjun whom you have described...before the death of my brothers. ...I grew up and mellowed down after my loss. Perhaps Kunwarsa has regressed a bit to his youth after his loss. I wish I too could go to the mission so that I would have the opportunity of closely and personally observing Kunwar Arjun and his character and whether he is suitable for Chaaya Di. Then you might perhaps like to decide what you would want to do based on my own observation.

Moora thinking carefully about the proposition, "This looks like a feasible idea. But you must promise me not to reveal any of this to Chandra. I will see if I could flatter and convince Helena by referring to her excellent managerial and administrative capacities and how I and Acharya Chanakya would need somebody to help us out with the administrative and palace affairs, and how you were utterly incapable or unequal to this challenge. Helena is sure to take this bait and stay behind and suggest that you go for this diplomatic tour instead along with Durdhara.

Nandini: Maa, but wouldn't Maharaj be angry that I am coming instead of Maharani Helena? He wouldn't like this! He is bound to think I schemed for it.

Moora: Why would he think like that my dear when Helena would be the one refusing to go?

Nandini (the tone of her voice subdued and mirthless): Maa...Maharaj would deem that even if a crow had loose motions, or if the crops have failed in a distant village in the border of Magadh, I must have been the cause of it! ...I am held responsible for anything and everything!

Moora (a bit concerned at this point): Why do you sound so hopeless, Nandini? Is everything alright? I wouldn't want to be interfering much because interference sometimes makes matters worse!

Nandini: Maa, I was remarking just by the way. It's nothing serious, nothing at all for you to be concerned!

Moora: If you say so, then I must accept it! Sometimes when our whole life starts revolving around a single person, we start ascribing everything, good and bad, to them. We do this even when the other person does not have anything to do with any of this. And this observation has nothing to do with you or Chandra. It is just by the way! So don't take it to heart if it does not apply to you.

Nandini: Maa, you have a way of putting even the most sublime truths in a capsule. I always feel better after speaking to you.

Moora: So now, let's get back to the original issue we were discussing. Since you do not want to go, I will have to get Durdhara to do this bit of observation though I am not sure how good she is at it. My dear, if you were to think about it seriously, in a positive light, you will get more opportunities of spending time with your husband and resolving your internal differences if there are any during this tour, which you will not get if you remain cooped up in the palace. I will talk to Chandra and tell that I insisted that you go along with him.

Nandini (sheepishly): I've already used that excuse before with Maharaj! So this time round, he may not believe it!
Moora (a bit surprised): What's going on in the palace behind my back Nandini?

Nandini (a bit embarrassed by now): Maa, it's alright! I will tell you later after I come back from the diplomatic tour. I too feel it will be better if I go. I will not bother whatever Maharaj thinks or assumes about me. I will do this for Chaaya Di. If she gets a good life partner because of this, I will be all the more happier for it even though I and Maharaj might have an argument or two over this!

Moora wholeheartedly hugged Nandini as she told, "I cannot tell you how happy I am with this decision of yours. This is an affair which has to be handled smoothly and with finesse. I doubt even if I had told Chandra, he would handle this well. He is not at all good in these small things. Moreover, he would favor Chaaya telling if she did not want to get married, why force her! He would reject this proposal outrightly!"

Two days later,

So the end result of all this was that Nandini found herself in the retinue accompanying Chandragupt for his diplomatic mission. Her palanquin was at the rear end with a few foot soldiers and her maids following it, while the major chunk of the cavalry and Chandragupt's personal body guards rode flanking their Maharaj and the palanquin of his second queen Rani Durdhara on whose side he was riding.

Chandra had been silently raging since a day when he was informed by Rajmata Moora that Helena would be staying behind with her and not accompanying him. And in her stead, Nandini would be joining them. Helena too it seemed had originally not been willing to leave Patliputra and go.

Helena had been so worried that the maids and gardeners were not going to properly take care of the garden flower patch in which she took so much pride. She was so sure that these incapable and inefficient people were going to ruin and kill all the plants over which she had labored for hours together. So when Moora suggested that she would prefer Helena to stay behind instead of Nandini, she had instantly jumped the offer because that was what she had been wanting to do all along.

She had feared Chandragupt's displeasure and had not mentioned it. But with Moora on her side, she grew bolder and said that was what she had wanted to do all along and that she would find the diplomatic tour highly boring. Only now, she had got used to everyone at Patliputra including Rajmata Moora who had initially been a bit hostile towards her. In a new place, it would be the same old story. She would be feeling the odd one out again.

Chandragupt assumed for some strange reason that Nandini had ingratiated herself with the Rajmata and plotted to go along with him on the diplomatic tour instead of Helena. She would no doubt be thinking she was going to get close to him. He wasn't going to give her the slightest opportunity of playing with his emotions again. He was going to plainly ignore her.

During the journey,

Three days of journey had passed. They set up camp for the night and for meal times en route. Chandragupt hardly spoke anything at all to Nandini. He behaved as though she wasn't coming with them at all. Nandini made an attempt a few times to start a pleasant conversation when her attempts were cut short by Chandragupt's apparent disinterest in speaking to her.

Though he wasn't exactly rude to her in the presence of the maids, the soldiers, the ministers accompanying him, and Durdhara, it was very evident to her that her words and very presence seemed like a literal torture to him. His whole demeanor reflected his preference to be elsewhere than listening to whatever she was telling him.

He spent the whole of his time dancing attendance to Durdhara and even her slightest whims. It did not seem as though he was paying attention to Durdhara because he liked it or wanted to. It was more to show her what all she had lost. Many a time during these three days and nights Nandini wondered if this was the same man whom she had loved, the same man who said that his most beautiful moments in life were the ones he spent with her, the man who said that he would wait for her for a life time, the man who said that he would never stop hoping that he would win her back one day, the man who said that her place was not at his feet but in his heart!

Now her place did not seem to be near his feet at least. It was nowhere in his life. Then was whatever he spoke about his feelings for her all a lie? Why couldn't he just forgive her for one small mistake when she forgave him for so many? Why did he have to be so unyielding? Hadn't she explained everything and duly apologized for it, something he hadn't done properly with her till date for all his mistakes? Why did she have to keep on perpetually proving herself for whom, and for what?

Nandini did not think when she agreed to go for this diplomatic tour, she was going to feel so horrible and forlorn. It was becoming more like a corporeal punishment to her. She had agreed for the sake of Chaaya Di. But all the same, she thought that apart from an argument or two, both she and Chandra were going to attain some degree of normalcy like any other bickering but caring husband and wife.

Durdhara had occasionally tried to speak with her and make some small talk, but she herself had not been very welcoming. So she stopped trying after an attempt or two. Nandini started feeling isolated and like an unwanted piece of furniture. Her days and nights passed in utter loneliness and unvarying despair. Neglect and disappointment were too small to actually describe all the tumultuous emotions running through her.

All these things began taking a toll on her sleep. She hadn't slept properly for the past two nights in a row. She had lost her appetite for food. The circles around her eyes kept becoming blacker and deeper. Her eyes became sunken. She was plainly wasting away. She thought he would at least visit her now and tell her to eat and sleep properly as he had once done. But he seemed least bothered by anything regarding her.

During the night in Chandragupt's tent,

The camps had been set up for the night. Chandragupt was in his tent brooding over Nandini and her irresponsible and insensitive behavior. He was playing with his index finger with the wick of the lamp which had been lit beside his bed. He closed his eyes and allowed his mind to dwell over the warmth of the flame wrapping and twisting itself around his finger and taking him in its grip.

One flick to the left and right...

"Nandini I see and realize everything that you are doing..."

Second flick to the left and right...

"If you think you are going to impress me by inflicting masochistic punishment on yourself...you are mistaken..."

Third flick to the left and right...

"The way you seek opportunities to speak with me and make up...I will not relent...I am determined..."

Fourth flick to the left and right...

"I'm least bothered!...Especially after you hurt me so much and so badly...Why you have not even been able to gauge the extent of my hurt...

Fifth flick to the left and right...

"I gave you my heart...and you drew back...you made me feel unloved...but now you will never know what I feel...nor how much I love you...I will never tell you..."

Sixth flick to the left and right...

"I really don't care...whatever happens to me...whatever happens to you...whatever happens to us...I loved...and you drew back from me..."

Seventh flick to the left and right...

"My defenses are up...nobody can get past me when I intend to hold back...not even you...NANDINI...You thought a small explanation...a slight apology ...an apt shloka...a few good sounding and pleasing words...would assuage everything I have been through ...and appease me...

Eight flick to the left and right...

"I sought your love...and you pitied me...why do you even want me...when you cannot bear to be close with me...

Ninth flick to the left and right...

"You made me hate myself...and my love for you...I will never forgive you for it..."

Tenth flick to the left and right...

"You do not reciprocate what I feel...What I seek you cannot give...what I can give you do not want...what you want I cannot give..."

This last time he was a bit slow in taking his finger out of the searing tongue of the flame and ended up burning the skin on top of his index finger. This physical pain and suffering were nothing compared with the raging forest fire blazing in his heart. He was literally like a ball of fire. What he was experiencing now was something all-powerful, overwhelming, indomitable, intimidating and vice-like in its absolute grip over himself. It so all-consuming and eating away his inner vitals. He was going to raze down anything and everything in his path.

He was gone beyond the scope of reason, cause and effect. He was hurt, he was suffering; and he was going to hurt and make her suffer. Even if he wasn't going to feel better in her hurt or suffering, he was going to do it. At least they would be one in their hurt, pain and suffering if not in their love, togetherness and bliss. He put out the lamp after this and remained completely awake in the pitch darkness of his room, aware of the even greater darkness and gloom descending upon his heart and soul.


Chapter Twenty-Eight: Dhoop aur Chaon

The next day during the journey,

It was an unusually hot and sultry day out in the merciless Indian sun. There had been nothing at all to protect or cast a shadow against the blistering and blinding heat. The retinue had been trudging along for a couple of hours by now. Nandini had been suffering from indisposition since the morning.

She had already vomitted a couple of times since morning. Her maids had been attending to her in the palanquin and helping her feel more comfortable to the best of their abilities and powers. However, she was feeling terribly unequal to continuing this journey any further.

Perhaps they might have to stall the journey and take some medical help. This was a decision only Chandragupt could take. Nandini was sweating profusely by this time. She sent her maid with a request asking Chandragupt to come to her immediately as she wanted to talk to him. The maid duly did the task she was assigned and returned back to her place.

Nandini: Did you tell Maharaj that I wanted to speak to him?

The maid: Yes, Maharani Saa! Maharaj heard whatever I told him!

Nandini: Alright then! He will come over when he is disengaged! You go back and take your place.

With her heart breaking to a thousand pieces, Nandini watched with eyes that seemed to be getting bleary and vague every moment at Chandragupt budging not even an inch from wherever he was, riding beside Durdhara, occasionally talking to her, smiling into her eyes, and seemingly oblivious of everyone around him.

In this span of time, he had occasionally handed over a cooling and soothing tender coconut or two that he had been drinking for her to share. It was all becoming too painful for her to watch or even comprehend. She had specifically sent a maid and asked him to step over just for a moment, and he did not have time even for that!

Nandini, her head splitting apart with a throbbing and numbing headache, had this single thought running through her confused brain, "He does not care what happens to me! He does not care whether I live or die! He does not want me in his life at all!"

However perceiving her condition worsening considerably with every passing moment, she gave up her inhibitions and embarrassment and called out to him from the palanquin sitting wherever she was, "Maharaj, aap ek skshan ke liye aasakthe hain!" (Maharaj, can you please come over for a second?)

Durdhara who was sitting in her palanquin said, "Chandra, Nandini is calling out to you! I think you should go! Perhaps she needs something!"

Chandra, unconcerned and pretending as though he had not heard Nandini calling out to him at all, "I know her very well! All these are vain, attention-seeking tantrums! Just ignore them! She has maids enough to do whatever she needs. If she wants to speak something, she can always come over here and speak to me! Why should I go to her? The proud princess who will not step on the bare ground and needs everyone to dance to her tunes!"

This time an even fainter sound, "Maharaj..." came from her palanquin.

Durdhara: Who knows, Chandra! She might have been really needing you. I think you at least ought to go and inquire what she needs. She sent her maid a while ago. She has called out to you twice.

Chandragupt: You do not know her as well as I do. If she calls me a third time, I will go and ask what she wants.

But the third time never came. Nandini's pride and self-esteem came in between that. Even if she was going to die, she was not going to beg or seek his attention a third time. And this was mere exhaustion, indisposition and headache. She told herself again and again, "I will manage on my own...I don't need you...I will manage...If you are not bothered...I too am not bothered..."

She had already lowered herself and her stature a lot. She wasn't going to sink any further for him. A couple of her maids who were walking beside her palanquin were getting a bit scared by now seeing the deterioration in Nandini's health condition. They pleaded, "Maharani, please allow us to go to Maharaj and tell that you are not well and need medical help!"

Nandini even in her distraught state, "None of you will do any of this! I don't need anything! Nobody needs to be informed anything. That is my order!"

Her maids in despair, "But Maharani, your state of health?"

Nandini: We are nearing the end of our journey. Once we reach, help me to my room and seek the advice of a local medical practitioner.

One of her maids: Should I give you something to eat, drink or make you feel comfortable?

Nandini: Just dissolve some rock salt and jaggery in some cool water and give it to me. That would help me carry on for the present. There is a pink silk pouch in my palanquin. It has a stick of sandalwood within. Just make some paste and apply it to my forehead, neck, hands, and legs. I will most probably be able to manage the rest of this journey.

Maid: As you wish, Maharani! Your orders will be instantly carried out!

Nandini: There is an blue Angavastra among my things in the chest. Pass it over to me!

It belonged to him! So what if he wasn't beside her. She had something that was his to keep her company. She drank the water mixed with salt and jaggery. After her maid had finished applying the sandalwood paste on her forehead, neck, hands and legs, she took the Angavastra that was handed over to her and wrapped herself within it, feeling his soft and soothing touch and comfort in the feel of the cloth around her.

Nandini instructed, "Main sona chahthi hoon! Mujhe ekaanth chahiye! Rajnagari pahounchne ke baad mujhe uttalena!" (I wish to sleep! I need some privacy! After we reach Rajnagari, wake me up!)

The maid who was accompanying her in her palanquin demurred, "Jaisi aap ki agnya, Maharani!" (As you wish, Maharani!) and got down from the palanquin, closed the curtains of Nandini's palanquin, went behind and started walking with the rest of the maids in the retinue.

Nandini's unshed tears started overflowing now in a continuous and never ending stream. She clutched and drew even tighter the Angavastra she was wearing around her with every passing sob and tear. Everything was becoming vague, blurred and unclear, and the blinds were being drawn over her eyes. Her splitting and throbbing headache returned again. It was becoming worse every passing minute. She curled up and drew herself and her entire body even closer. She did not realize when she lost consciousness or cried herself to sleep.

After reaching Rajnagari,

They had reached Rajnagari. They were warmly greeted and welcomed to their capital by Maharaj Indupratap and Maharani Swaralika. Maharaj Indupratap informed them that Crown Prince Arjun Pratap was away on some important affairs and would return shortly. As soon as he arrived, he would introduce him to Maharaj Chandragupt. Chandragupt also acquiesced to that. Chandragupt then introduced Durdhara who was standing along with him as his second queen and Maharani.

Nandini and her group had been standing in the sidelines. For some strange reason, he excluded mentioning or introducing Nandini. Chandragupt was too busy and preoccupied in talking to Maharaj Indupratap and his ministers to notice anything else amiss. All the others in their party like Durdhara or the ministers, were too tired by the journey to devote attention to another person but themselves.

Truth be told, he hadn't noticed or observed where Nandini was among the rest of the retinue. She would probably be sulking that she wasn't being introduced. Why should he bother? He hadn't wanted her to come to this trip at all. She was surely not welcome, not after she had let him down so badly. Why should he keep turning back, again and again, traveling in those lanes of their collective story which brought only absolute and abject misery and angst?

Nandini was too ill by now to notice this affront or insult to her by Chandragupt or take it to heart. She was extremely thankful when all of them had been allotted their respective guest chambers. She just wanted to sink into her bed and take a long nap from which she would never have to wake up or face the reality.

Nandini's maids barely managed to somehow shuffle her along with them and lay her down on the bed. In her vague and deteriorating state of health, she just managed to instruct her maids to get a medical practitioner to treat her immediately without attracting too much notice, attention or alarming anybody, specifically their Maharaj by telling anything.

Her maids were in a flurry. They had never handled such an emergency before.

Maid one: We ought to inform our Maharaj at least now before it is too late!

Maid Two: But hadn't Maharani Nandini forbidden us from doing so? Don't you remember? Maharani sent me to Maharaj asking him to come but he didn't. She called him twice as well. So if we go now and tell Maharaj, wouldn't he be angry with us for troubling and pestering him? When Maharani herself does not want to disturb him, can we afford to?

Maid Three: I think we should disobey Maharani and inform Maharaj immediately. I am leaving. We have wasted enough time already. We ought not to have listened to Maharani in the first place. We should have informed Maharaj long ago. Maharani is ill, so she is not thinking clearly. Take care of Maharani till I come!

It had been a while since the maid was gone bringing no news. The other two maids were getting nervous and jittery now. Nandini's condition had considerably worsened.

Maid Two (lamented): It is a long while since she has left to inform Maharaj. I wonder why she hasn't returned till now? Maharani's condition has worsened in all this while. How I wish we were in Patliputra instead! We would have known where to find the Raj Vaid and got our Maharani treated instantly. Here we hardly know anyone. Where do we find a medical practitioner to treat our Maharani?

Maid One (in a suggestive tone): Perhaps I ought to step outside and make a few inquiries regarding a medical practitioner to somebody out there!

Nandini moaned: Main tumse bath nahin karungi! ...Main tumhare saath nahin khelungi! (I will not talk to you!...I will not play with you!)

Maid Two (audible to herself and Maid One): What was that now? Why does Maharani not want to speak to us? Why was she talking about playing? (Audible to Nandini) Maharani Saa, about whom are you talking? Me or her?

Nandini gave a wild look and a frantic smile as she said: Yeh Chandra bhi naa...main nahin baath karungi...main nahin khelungi...(This Chandra naa...I will not talk to him...I will not play with him...)

Maid One (despairingly) Heavens support me!...Maharani Saa is delirious! (She hurriedly touched Nandini's forehead and found it burning hot with fever) She has high fever...You keep giving cold water packs...I will somehow find a Vaid and bring him immediately...

In the corridor,

In her terribly distressed state of mind, the maid who had gone to find a Vaid, did not know which way she was going, or whom she was bumping into. She had taken ten steps from her room when she unknowingly bumped into a twenty-eight year old member of the royal family of Rajnagari.

That was what the maid had surmised based on the handsome appearance, the sun-bronzed complexion, the warrior-like gait, the rich silken and velvet attire he was wearing, the aura of authority he exhuded, and the regal manner in which the man looked, walked, talked and carried himself. She instantly dropped on her knees and apologized for her faux pas while demurely explaining her distressed state of her mind, the reason for it, and conveying her sense urgency.

The man spoke, "Main Kunwar Arjun Pratap hoon! Aap..." (I am Kunwar Arjun Pratap! And you...) He was trying to figure out who the maid was because she wasn't wearing the uniform of the maids in Rajnagari. It looked different.

A flood of relief washed over the maid at this revelation as she continued, "Kunwarsa, Pranam! Ab aap hi hamari sahayatha karsakte ho! Meri Maharani Saa bimar hain!" (Kunwarsa, accept my greetings! Now only you can help us! My Maharani Saa is ill!)

Outside Chandragupt's Guest Room,

The maid who had gone to inform Chandragupt had been loitering in the corridor waiting for her to be permitted to Chandragupt's presence by the guards at the door. The seconds ticked by turning to minutes. She had been waiting since the past half-hour doing nothing.

At any other time, this would not have bothered her because that was the way it was with common people like her if they sought an audience with their Maharaj. Waiting was an integral part. That was the procedure and protocol. It had never irked and irritated her before, but today, every passing moment seemed to irk and exasperate the maid greatly.

She had asked her fellow guard the tenth time if Maharaj would grant her an audience, or if Maharaj was free to hear her out, and the man had asked her to wait in as irritated and exasperated a fashion, telling that Maharaj was with Maharani Durdhara, had requested for 'Ekant', and was resting after a very tiring journey, and that her problems and issues could wait.

The maid was about to explain that this was not about her but her Maharani, but the man was too recalcitrant to give her even an ear.She finally asked as a last ditch effort if he wasn't willing to let her in, to give a small scroll which she would give to him to Maharaj to be read immediately. The man thought hard for a moment and agreed.

She hurriedly scribbled, "Maharaj pranam! Skshama aapke ekaant bhang karne ke liye! Maharani Nandini atyanth bimar hai! Abhi seh nahin, subah seh hi! Apko yeh suchna deni thi!" (Maharaj greetings! Sorry to disturb your privacy! Maharani Nandini is very ill! Not just now but since the morning! I had to give you this message!)

Inside the room,

The guard had given the scroll to Chandragupt. The minute his eyes fell upon the words, "Maharani Nandini atyanth bimar hai! Abhi seh nahin, subah seh hi!", his heart had started pounding so loudly that he could almost hear it. He broke into a cold sweat as the words, "Maharani Nandini atyanth bimar hai! Abhi seh nahin, subah seh hi!" kept reverberating and echoing within him.

His breath was almost withdrawn for a moment at this revelation. All the repercussions of his actions since morning stuck him anew with ten times their actual force and literally numbed his senses for a moment. The fear of losing he felt at that moment was literally debilitating and crippling. The words froze in his mouth. His tongue became clammy.

At this moment, he suddenly saw Nandini before his eyes. She said to him or so he imagined, "You aren't infallible, Chandra. I trusted you. But your ego was bigger than your love for me. You let me down. I am tired. I am fatigued. I needed you beside me. But you deserted me. Now I have given up. I am not fighting any further. I am deserting you now forever just as you deserted me in my hour of need. I am going. Live with your ego your whole life."

Chandra stretched his hand out in an instinctual gesture to catch Nandini's hand and prevent her from eluding his grasp. But the vision gradually began fading away and slipped through his hands like sand within closed fists. Everything was slipping away from him. His life was running away from him. He uttered an agonized "No!" but in vain.

He instantly ran out, not bothering about what kind of clothes he was wearing or the state he was in. All he cared at this moment was that she was going away from him and he had to stop her at all costs. He would snatch her life even from the clutches of Yama, the God of Death.


Edited by shailusri1983 - 8 years ago
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Posted: 8 years ago
Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Night Vigil

Kunwar Arjun, realizing the gravity of the situation, clapped his hands and instructed his soldiers to summon the Raj Vaid of Rajnagari.

Arjun (turning back and addressing the maid): Yes, I was informed by Pithaji just now about Maharaj Chandragupt's and Maharani Durdhara's arrival here. As a matter of fact, I was on my way to pay my respects to Maharaj Chandragupt as I had been away on urgent affairs when your party reached our palace. So you say Maharani Durdhara is ill?

Maid One: Maharani Nandini, Maharaj Chandragupt's third queen is ill!

Arjun (extremely surprised): What? I wonder why I didn't know about it or why Pithaji missed telling me about it. It so not like Pithaji to leave out details.

The maid, a bit spontaneously and unwittingly, said, "Kunwarsa, your father did not miss out anything. As a matter of fact, our Maharaj somehow missed out introducing Rani Nandini to your father and mother."

The blow had been dealt. But Arjun did not reveal what had exactly been running through the his mind in the cool and composed way in which he remarked to the maid, "I see! That accounts for it!"

After this, he strode in huge and big steps towards Nandini's room, while the maid running after him, barely managed to keep up pace.

Immediately he sought information about Maharani Nandini's present state of health from the other maid in the room. The maid gave a deep bow and launched demurely into an account of how the fever was getting worse.

Maid Two: Maharani has been delirious all this while. She is completely oblivious of what she is saying or doing. She is mixing and jumbling up things. The fever is also much worse. The cold packs are not at all working.

Arjun, not satisfied with just the account, was about to check the pulse and temperature before deciding on the future course of action. As he was about to do so, Nandini caught hold of his hand and said, "Dhan Bhaiyya...aap aagaye? ...Dekhiye yeh Chandra bhi na...meri sath ankh main choli khel raha hain!...Kahin jaakar chup gaya...aur main dhund hi nahin paarahi hoon!...Aap meri madath karenge na, Bhaiyya?...Aap Chandra ko daantenge naa, Bhaiyya?" (Dhan Bhaiyya...you came?...Look at this Chandra...he is playing hide-and-seek with me!...He has gone and hidden himself somewhere...and I have not been able to find him!...You will help me, won't you Bhaiyya?...You will scold Chandra, won't you Bhaiyya?)

Her maid tried to correct her by telling, "Maharani Saa, he is Kunwar Arjun Pratap, and nor your Dhan Bhaiyaa. Please see..."

Kunwar Arjun raised his arm at this to restrain the maid from telling anything further for fear that it would upset Nandini and worsen her health condition. To say that he was taken aback and touched at the same time to hear Rani Nandini associating him with her dear brother would be an understatement. He never had any sister though he would have loved to have one like Rani Nandini.

But at the present moment, he let that pass. The situation was so tense that his mind refused to dwell on it. He reassuringly spoke to Nandini, holding her hand, "Main hoon there saath Behen! Main Chandra ko dhundunga aur bathaunga ki usne anuchith kiya hai!" (I am with you sister! I will search for Chandra and tell him that his behavior was inappropriate!)

Nandini happily blubbered,"Main ...athi ...prasanna ...hoon ...ki ...aap... aagaye, ...Bhaiyya!" (I am very happy that you came brother!) Nandini's speech was becoming dreadfully slurred. It had become highly unintelligible by now. She was swallowing a whole lot of her syllables and not able to apply the correct stresses and intonation at the right places. There was lack of connectivity or logic in her utterances.

Arjun questioned, "Since when has the condition of your Maharani been like this?"

Maid one: Maharani Nandini has been suffering from indisposition since morning. During the journey she appeared a bit exhausted and had a throbbing headache. We observed the alarming symptoms like fever and delirium only after arriving here.

Arjun, almost instinctively, "What? And yet you continued the journey?" He stopped at this realizing that the maids could not be held accountable for what was a mistake of their Maharaj Chandragupt. A tremor of disgust ran through him as he pondered what sort of a man this Chandragupt must have been.

Firstly, he hadn't introduced his own wedded wife to his hosts. Such a gross disrespect of etiquette and decency! Whatever issues he had with his wife, they were personal. But washing all this dirty linen in public wasn't at all behavior expected from a king and Samrat. It showed him in such poor light. If he was the king, he wouldn't even be contemplating a diplomatic relationship with such a king who couldn't treat his own wife properly or justly.

His wife was seriously ill, and this man was nowhere to be seen or available. From the accounts of the maids, he could surmise that the Maharani had been terribly sick and ill, and yet this man didn't seem to have a clue or was not bothered about anything. How could anybody be so cold, indifferent, cruel, and hard-hearted? They hadn't taken any medical help or temporarily stalled the journey till the Maharani was better.

And he had also heard a few tales about how Chandragupt had married the daughter of the former king, Padmanand, and how both the Royal families shared a family enmity. He supposed the poor girl was paying for her father's deeds. To cap it all, his own mother had been contemplating to get him married to this man's sister if everything worked out fine. Personally speaking, he didn't exactly want a wife at this point of time, but all the same his little son needed a mother. So he had agreed to consider this alliance when his mother had suggested it to him.

If the man was like this, how would the sister be? Anyways, he was generalizing too much. How could he know what the sister was like based on his impressions about the brother? Rajkumari Chaaya could have been good and exceptional as the matchmaker said. Anyways, he had no business interfering in the personal affairs of Maharaj Chandragupt. But since the Maharani was their guest, and her welfare was their responsibility, he had to look into this matter at all costs.

Arjun checked the fever and pulse once more before he decisively said, "We have to do something immediately. Don't allow your Maharani to sleep until the arrival of the Raj Vaid. Keep sprinkling water on her face from time to time if you find her becoming unconscious or falling asleep. Continue the cold water packs. And you...(gesturing to one of the maids) crush some tulsi leaves, mix it with water and continuously make your Maharani to drink this at regular intervals. This is usually effective in temporarily controlling the body temperature. Don't be silent even for a moment. Keep talking and make her talk and respond to you."

Nandini was slipping and sinking into oblivion. Arjun and the maids tried to wake her up or keep her conscious till the arrival of the Raj Vaid. All their home remedies were to no avail. Nandini's skin had become very dry and reddish. Her body was burning hot with fever and her pulse was racing by now. Arjun stamped his foot in frustration as he agitatedly muttered within himself, "Not again! Last time was enough! Don't take another life before my own eyes...Please don't take another life...Give me the strength and power to save..."

He paced up and down the room constantly asking the maids for the latest developments.

Maid one: Maharani Saa is not waking up or responding to any of our words.

Arjun, realizing that these maids were utterly incapable and incompetent of dealing with such a situation, pushed them aside, took Nandini's hands in his hands and began speaking in a loud, imposing and rasping voice that was terribly grating on the nerves in order to keep her awake, "Behen, tum janthi ho main...(Sister, you know I...)

He kept this up continuously and incessantly while giving a slight rap on Nandini's knuckles when he occasionally found her losing track with herself. Nandini too smiled meaninglessly and blabbered and meandered along unconnectedly. Most of the events and incidents she referred to were from her childhood experiences with her Dhan Bhaiyya, and the recalcitrant behavior of her friend, Chandra, who was not at all cooperating or playing with her properly, and how she was feeling very lonely and isolated.

After a few minutes, even this was not working. Nandini fell unconscious with a blissful and beatific smile on her face. At this, Arjun who was by now pushed to the wall by the circumstances, gave Nandini a tight slap on her cheeks to wake her up.

A loud and kingly voice roared at this, "Teri ithni dussaahas! Main tumhe nahin chodunga!" (Such impertinence! I will teach you a lesson!)

Nandini, though in delirium, woke up on hearing this voice, "Chandra, tum aagaye?" (Chandra, you have come?)

Arjun coldly looked up for a slight instant to catch a glimpse of the man about whom he had been hearing all this while, and who was being ardently expected. It would not be an exaggeration to say that he was severely prejudiced against the man. So this was the man!

He had to admit that his very appearance was impressive and awe-inspiring. It had the kind of charisma and magnetism that could attract thousands and thousands to follow him and lay down their own lives fighting for his cause without a single question or doubt in their minds.

Otherwise why would one of the finest brains in the country like Acharya Chanakya back him, or how would powerful kings, poor peasants, workers, carpenters, blacksmiths, dacoits accept him as their undisputed and unchallenged leader to lead the revolt against tyrannical Padmanand.

Otherwise, why would a woman like Rani Nandini love him so wholeheartedly despite his despicable behavior towards her? So the man would obviously have his good points. But seeing what he had seen today, he couldn't be so charitable with a person who could be so cold, indifferent, and cruel towards his own wife.

Kunwar Arjun looked perfectly unperturbed. He did not devote a second look to Chandragupt. He looked beyond Chandragupt's shoulder at the Raj Vaid who had arrived just now and spoke in a nonchalant tone, "Vaidji, aayiye! Aap Maharani ko Chikitsa Kendra lejana chahenge yaa inka upchar aap yahin karenge?" (Vaidji, please come in! Would you like to shift Maharani to your hospital or would you prefer to commence her treatment here itself?)

Raj Vaid: Main apni sari aushadiyaan saath laaya hoon! Chikitsa Kendra lejane ki koi avashyakta nahin hai! (I have brought all my medicines along with me. It is not necessary to go to my hospital!)

Arjun: Theek hai! Aap upchar turanth shuru kijiye! (Alright! Please start the treatment immediately!)

After this he slowly turned towards Chandragupt, and casually asked, "Main aapko jantha hoon?" (Do I know you?)

Chandra, a bit imperially and bombastically, "Main Chandragupt Maurya, Magadh ka Samrat!" (I am Chandragupt Maurya, the Samrat of Magadh)

Arjun with crisp indignation and acrimony, "Toh anthatha aap aahigaye, Magadh Naresh! Pehle jaayiye aur apni Pathni ka kyal rakhiye! Woh mrityu ki khagaar par hai! Main bhi yahin hoon aur aap bhi yahin hain! Meri dussaahas aur aapki saahas baad main dekh lenge. Ab kyunki meri avashyakta yahaan nahin hain, main chaltha hoon! Main Kunwar Arjun Pratap hoon! Bahut prasannatha hui aap seh milkar, Maharaj Chandragupt Maurya! Angnya deh! Vaidji, yeh hamare athidhi hai! Inka upchar theek seh karna! Main baad main aap seh suchna lunga!" (So at last, you came, King of Magadh! Please first go and take care of your wife. She is standing in the jaws of death. We will see about my impertinence and your courage and confidence later on. Since I am not needed here now, I will get going. I am Kunwar Arjun Pratap! Very happy to meet you, Maharaj Chandragupt Maurya! Please excuse me! Vaidji, they are our guests. Please treat her properly. I will seek information from you later on!)

But the way in which he gave his intonation, it seemed as if Kunwar Arjun Pratap had not been very pleased to meet Chandragupt. By this time, even Chandragupt understood that Arjun had done whatever he did to save Nandini and not to insult her or to affront him. Despite the accusatory tone in which Arjun spoke to him, Chandragupt was not angry today. If he was angry with anybody, it was with himself. His unpardonable behavior had merited every bit of the reproof he had got. He had again failed himself and everybody. His anger and king-sized ego had again clouded his judgement.

Firstly, he had not investigated what the problem with Nandini was though she had called for him twice from her Palki. He had just assumed things on his own. Secondly, he hadn't introduced his wife to his Royal hosts. The way the whole thing had bludgeoned out of control, and Nandini's real identity had come in front of the royal family of Rajnagari, they wouldn't be having a very good or flattering opinion about it.

It reflected very badly on his judgement and dealing of affairs. While today in comparison, Kunwar Arjun's behavior had been spotless and blameless. He had done everything to save Nandini and fulfilled his Athidhi Dharm (duty towards one's guests perfectly). Chandra even dreaded to think what would have happened to his Nandini but for him. Had Arjun stayed a minute longer, he would have thanked him for everything he had done today. But alas, that heartfelt thanks had to wait for some other time or some other day.

The Raj Vaid carefully examined Nandini and then informed that she was suffering from a heat stroke and that he had given the requisite medicines and applied the necessary leps. Since she had previously been suffering due to lack of sleep and indisposition, it had greatly aggravated the situation by making the heat stroke severer.

The fever would subside gradually within the next twenty four hours. The critical period was past now. Everything would return back to normalcy in a few days. There was nothing to really worry now except if the fever shot up again. If that happened it meant that her body's temperature regulating mechanism was severely damaged. And that was a dangerous sign. Otherwise none of the other things were really life-threatening.

The delirium, headache, and stomach indisposition would also gradually settle down. He said that the Maharani would have to endure a lot of pain and discomfort for the next few hours. That couldn't be helped, though the medicines he had administered and prescribed would take care of them, and alleviate the discomfort to some extent. He duly finished explaining about the medicines to be given, in what quantities, time intervals, the diet restrictions to be observed, and additional care to be taken.

Chandragupt hung onto each and every word from the Vaid's mouth carefully and attentively. After the Raj Vaid departed from there, he thanked Nandini's maids for helping and faithfully serving their Maharani in her hour of need. He later dismissed them asking them to rest properly for the night telling that they must have had a very hectic and strenuous day.

Maid Three (demurred): But Maharaj, if we go away, who will give Maharani her medicines and change her cold water packs throughout the night.

Chandra: I will stay back. All of you have diligently performed your duty till now, I will do mine now.

After everyone had left, Chandragupt walked to the couch, took her hands in his, and stared at the reclining and recumbent figure of Nandini, occasionally wincing in pain and discomfort, the crinkled lines on her forehead clearly visible, occasionally speaking something disjointed, tossing about this side and that when one particular side was becoming too hot, and yet in the midst of all this clutching at his blue angavastra, for a long while in silence.

He had checked her body temperature the eighth time in fifteen minutes. It was almost becoming a compulsive reaction. The temperature was a bit high but not abnormal. It was neither increasing nor reducing. It was stable wherever it was. He knew that it was not going to change instantaneously or miraculously. But still his heart kept on hoping that the fever and pain were going to subside during the next minute itself.

He checked the lep the Raj Vaid had given to applied to her chest. It was dry by now. He applied a thick layer of the lep once more near her chest. Later, he saw what else he could do to make her comfortable. He adjusted the pillow beneath her neck. Then he observed that as a result of this sickness, she was looking terribly sooty, grimy, unkept and untidy.

He decided that he was going to wipe her clean with a wet cloth. She would definitely feel better and fresh. If he kept on thinking doing nothing, he was getting very negative and guilty thoughts. He tried to push them away by keeping himself busy and making himself useful to her.

He gently removed his blue angavastra that she had been clutching so tightly as though for dear life. His chest became heavier and heavier. It was one more reminder of where and how he had failed his love again. He gently and soothingly spoke to her, "Just let that go! I am here with you now. You don't need that any longer. I am with you!"

He gently wiped her face, her neck, her hands, her legs with a soft muslin cloth dipped in water. He did this as softly as though she were a delicate feather or the softest flower in existence which would wilt or break at his slightest touch. He did this taking care not to wake her up. After this, he raised her gently, held her up carefully against his broad shoulders, combed her hair, and tied it up securely in a small bun so that it would not keep falling on her face again and again irritating her, before he laid her back to sleep on her pillow.

Chandra (to himself): Now you look better! Let's see what else I can do. You mustn't have drunk water since a long time. In this condition, you would need a lot of fluids to recover.

He again held Nandini up in his arm, gently pried open her mouth, made her drink water slowly in small sips, and midway through when she coughed and hiccuped a bit while drinking, he smoothed and patted her back and her head gently to relieve them. After this, he again laid her down gently on her pillow, and sat down beside her.

Chandra (to himself): Let's see if I have to wet your cold pack again!

He checked the cloth. Sure enough, it wasn't wet. It was very dry by now. He dipped it in water and again placed it on her forehead again and allowed his hands to rest over the wet cloth on her forehead.

Some time had elapsed. She suddenly woke up with a jerk. She still wasn't in her senses. She was still delirious. She didn't know who he was or who she was. She wasn't able to speak clearly even now.

[Edited out portion: She made a few gestures as if she was feeling a slight discomfort in her stomach.

Recognizing and understanding what she was trying to convey in her disturbed and distraught state, Chandra asked, "Do you feel like vommiting out? (He instinctively stretched and held out his hands before her mouth and said) Here! Out with it! Don't think! It's alright! Just get done with it! You will feel better and relieved."

Without the slightest bit of thought or disgust, he caught it in his hand as she vommited. Then he gently placed her on her pillow, and quietly went aside and washed his hands. When he returned, he found that] She was restlessly tossing about and squirming in terrible pain.

Greatly alarmed, he asked, "What's happening? Aren't you alright? I'll call for the Raj Vaid!"

She caught hold of his hand with a vicious grip, "Nahin!...Tum mat jao! ...Mujhe akela chodkar tum math jao!" (No! ...Don't go!...Don't leave me alone and go!...)

Chandra: What's happening to you?

Nandini began crying and whimpering as she told, "Mujhe atyant peedha horahi hain!" (It's paining terribly!)

Chandra: Kahan? (Where?)

Nandini: Yahan...yahaan...yahaan...pure shareer par...meri puri badan tap rahi hain! (Here...here...here...in my whole body...my whole body is burning!)

Chandragupt started fumbling for the medicines the Raj Vaid had left behind, "Which one was it?...This one?...That one?...Or the other one?...Which one is the pain killer?...Ghosh!...Why am I forgetting everything?...Why can't I find a single medicine properly?...Why am I so confused?...Why are my hands shivering like this?"

At last, he identified the pain killer among the medicines and made Nandini drink it.

Chandra (a bit hopefully now): You are feeling better now, aren't you?

Nandini trailed behind, "No! ...It still pains...here...here...here...it burns like hot molten wax...poured all over my body..."

Chandra (after a few more minutes): Are you feeling better now? The painkiller must have started working! Is it less?

Nandini gritting her teeth in great pain, "No...it isn't!...It's still paining!

This vigil and ordeal had become harrowing and nerve-racking by now. He was is such excruciating mental pain himself. He was unable to stand as a helpless bystander and watch her writhe and wriggle in pain. It made him loathe himself and his unpardonable behavior during the journey. If only he had heard...if only he had acted earlier...if only...she wouldn't have been in such pain!...And he had even been gloating...that he had taught her a lesson...

In utter despair and a self-condemnatory mood, he bit his lips and walked back a few steps towards the nearest wall where he hit his clenched fists again and again in a highly abrasive manner every time he heard her groan or murmur in pain. His lips became reddish and swollen, and the skin near his knuckles got scraped off at a number of points. There were several deep gashes on his knuckles as a result of this violent action of his.

He ran to her and pleaded, "Just tell me you are feeling better and in lesser pain than before! I don't want anything else!"

By this time, her pain and weakness took complete toll of Nandini. She just weakly stared at him completely exhausted, barely managing to keep her eyes open, unable to tell anything in reply to his queries.
He ravenously gathered her in her arms as he kissed her face, her cheeks, and said brokenly, "Ab sab theek hojayega!...Sari peedha chali jayegi!...Theri sari peedha main apne aap main samaunga!...Theri peedha mujhe dehdo!...Meri sari khushiyaan tum lehlo!...Tum sirf prasanna rehna!...Mujhe aur kuch nahin chahiye!...Kuch nahin!" (Now everything will be alright!...Your whole pain and discomfort will be gone!...I will absorb all your pain within myself!...Give me your pain!...Take all my happiness!...You just remain happy!...I don't want anything else!...Nothing!)

As he was tightly clutching Nandini like this, he felt a slight wetness on his cheeks. He slightly touched them with his finger to see what it was. As he held up the small glistening tear on his index finger with perfect disbelief, "Ashroo? ...Mere ankhon main?" (Tears?...In my eyes?)

He wiped it aside. But they kept coming again and again. He exclaimed in wretched misery and anguish, "Yeh ashroo rukthe kyun nahin?" (Why don't these tears stop?)

Chapter Thirty: From the Innermost Recesses of the Heart

Nandini fell asleep within the next few minutes. The pain killer had started taking effect. The excruciating pain and discomfort she had been feeling got numbed as a result of it. Chandra heaved a sigh of relief when he saw this. He gently let her go. He strolled towards the window.

Several scenes from the distant past flashed before his eyes:

A small boy of seven was sitting in his hut for his mid day meals.

"Maa ek aur Roti paroso!"(Maa serve one more Roti!)

"Tum pehle yeh kaalo phir main baad main tumhe parosungi!" (You first eat this one, I will serve later!)

"Theek hai Maa! Tum bhi baitho aur mere saath khao!" (Alright, Maa! You too sit along with me and eat!)

"Main baad main khalungi! Tum pehle bhojan karlo!" (I will eat later on! You first eat!)

The boy understood that his mother was lying and there was nothing at all left for her to eat. He understood that there wasn't the extra Roti he had asked her earlier to serve him as well.

He immediately said to his mother, "I will borrow some more atta from the Bania for you to make more rotis, and both of us will eat together."

At the Bania's shop,

"So what if your mother is starving. I see only my profit."

"Take pity on my mother! She will go to bed hungry! Don't you feel bad about it?"

What will I get from you if I start indulging in all this pity and sympathy? I would rather be a rich man than a good man. I need something in cash or kind. What can a boy like you bring me? Nothing!"

"I can bring you honey from a honeycomb every alternate day. Will you give me atta and some groceries in return?"

The groceries and quantity of atta the Bania agreed to give him in return for the honeycomb was very less. The boy protested.

"This is fleecing and exploitation! Honey from one full honeycomb costs three times more."

"Who told it is just? You need my help now very badly but I don't need yours! You can ask the other merchants here as well. They wouldn't even be dealing with a scrawny boy like you. This is the best deal you are going to get! Take it or leave it!"

"Alright! Give me the atta and groceries you promised me now. I will bring the honeycomb tomorrow."

"These are the quantities of atta and groceries you will get for a honeycomb! Atta and the rest of the groceries cost..."

"But your rates are too exorbitant! This is five times more than the rate in the main Mandi!"

"This is my shop and I decide the price! I am accountable to no one, not even Maharaj Padmanand!"

The boy gave the man a long and unblinking stare. He muttered to himself, "Yes, with such a worthless and incompetent King like Maharaj Padmanand at the helm of affairs nobody is accountable to anybody."

"Why are you folding your little finger like that?"

"I was just keeping a count of things! I will not forget this!"

"I don't care! Remember by all means! What can a powerless boy like you do any day?"

"One day when I have the power in my hands I will change all this. Till then, make hay!"

The present day,

"I, Chandragupt Maurya, hereby declare that prices of all commodities will be fixed and decided by a committee. None of the merchants in Magadh will be permitted to overprice the items they sell, or undervalue the items of small scale vendors by forming a cartel, or to hoard food grains and later black market them. It will be considered a crime on the soil of Magadh!"

Royal Seal of Maharaj Chandragupt Maurya.

A young and promising nine year old student at Takshashila Vishwavidyalay.

He had accidentally touched one of his fellow students while completing a learning assignment. His fellow scholar had recoiled with disgust and revulsion from his touch.

"Dur hato mujh seh. Main Raj Kul ka hoon aur tum ek Charwahe ka Putra! Patha nahin Acharya Chanakya tum par daya kyun kar rahen hai! Tum hamare saath utne baitne ki ya Vishwavidyalay main Samakaleen hone ki yogya nahin ho! Acharya apathradhan kar rahen hai! Tum Shiksha ke liye Ayogya ho. Tum kisi bhi vishay ke liye Ayogya ho!" (Step away from me! I am from the royal family and you are the son of a Charwahe! Don't know why Acharya Chanakya is showing all this sympathy and pity towards you! You are not fit to sit and stand up as a co-scholar along with us in the university. Acharya is lavishing his attention on the unmeritorious. You are unfit and undeserving to be educated! You are unfit and undeserving for anything!)

"Main apni yogyatha siddh karunga! Woh karne ke liye mujhe teri parichay patra ki avashyakta nahin hai! Meri skshamatha hi paryapth hai! " (I will prove my self-worth! I don't need your certificate or introduction letter for that! My potential and talent alone is sufficient for that!)

"Jao! Jao! Hans ki bhasha bolne seh Kauwa Hans nahin ban Jayega! Kauwa Kauwa hota hai, aur Hans Hans hota hai!" (Go! Go! By speaking the language of a swan, a crow does not become a swan! A crow remains a crow and a swan remains a swan!)

"Tujh Jaisa Hans seh toh mujh Jaisa Kauwa hi theek! Main hamesha Kauwa hi rehna pasand Karunga!" (Better I remain a crow than become a swan like you! I would prefer remaining a crow always!)

The boy bent another finger to keep count.

The present day, Chandragupt Maurya in a speech to his Praja,

"From today onwards, nobody in Magadh will be discriminated or outcaste or denied opportunities based on their birth, class, caste or fortune. Everybody will be treated equally by the law and nobody is above the law. Anybody indulging in any sort of discriminative practices will be severely punished."

Back to the past again,

After a few months, the young boy worked very hard and tried his best at excelling in whatever he was taught at the Vishwavidyalay. Those who taunted him earlier had all shut their mouths after witnessing his exceptional performance in his academics. But even now, things weren't bright or happy for the young lad.

His excellence or perfection did help him in winning any true friends. His co-scholars were now even more apprehensive and wary of him. Even now, they kept him at an arm's length. They weren't ready to place shoulder on shoulder on him and walk together. If he came this way, they stepped aside and took the other way.

In the initial days, he used to feel bad that they would not include him in their games or other activities. He felt bad that they wouldn't accept him as their companion or he didn't have anyone whom he could regard as his companion. But as time passed he got attuned to his being alone. He revelled in it. He took pride in his self-sufficiency and the fact that he did not need anybody to complete his life or be a part of it.

The young boy folded another finger this time to remind himself that he was independent and self-sufficient and did not need another person to complete him. It was to remind himself that he could remain alone and did not need a companion to make him happy.

A young student of twelve at Takshashila Vishwavidyalay.

"Acharya I have a doubt about what you have explained. Will you please clarify it for me?"

"How dare you Charwahe's son question me! Many of your professors here are tolerating you just for the sake of Acharya Chanakya!"

"Gurudev I wasn't insulting you. I was just seeking answers for a few questions!"

The same evening, the boy was with Acharya Chanakya. He had been ruminating over the day's happenings.

"Acharya, is seeking answers to one's questions wrong?"

"Got into trouble with Acharya Vidyapathi again? Seeking answers to your questions is not wrong, but seeking them at the wrong place and from the wrong person is. Your expectations are bound to be disappointed."

"Did you never commit such a mistake in your life, Acharya?"

"I did it once, Putra and that is the reason why I ended up taking that pledge of never tying my untied hair until I fulfill my Pratigya."

"Acharya, you found the wrong person before. But did you find the right person later?"

"I did!"

"Where is he?"

"Right in front of me! You are the answer of all my questions! Someday, you too will find somebody who will be the beginning and ending of all your doubts and questions."

"Acharya, I clarify all my doubts with you! Does this mean you are my answer just as I am yours?"

"Maybe, maybe not!"

The young lad folded a finger again to keep count, but this time not in anger, but in hope and anticipation that someday, he too would find or come across that person who would be the answer of all his questions.

A young lad when he was thirteen. He was back in his village after a long time for a vacation. He was playing with his childhood friend, a girl of almost the same age. The girl was the daughter of the richest merchant in his place.

As they were loitering about the streets in which he had roamed as a child, his gaze fell on a beautiful silken embroidered dress that was being sold by a vendor. The dress had caught his fancy. He fingered it very longingly. He wanted to wear it very badly. He wanted to be the proud possessor of that garment. He wanted his name to be etched on the finest fibers of this fabric as its possessor.

He glanced into the inner folds of his dress to see if he had money enough to afford it. But alas! He didn't have the requisite amount. He continued walking forgetting all about that dress.

However his childhood friend was not ready to forget this incident which did not escape her notice. She brought him that dress he had badly wanted. She had expected that he would be very pleased with it. But he was not. He was roused to a raging temper.

"I wanted to buy that dress but with my own money."

"But you didn't have the money with you, while I had more than what I ever wanted! So what if I brought it for you?"

"If I did not have the money, I would have earned it or won it by my own effort. I don't want your pity or your alms. Keep this dress with you. I never want to see this again."

"I wanted to do this for the sake of my friend. Is it so wrong to buy a gift for a dear friend?"

"I want to refuse this gift for the sake of myself and my self-respect! If you want to remain my friend, never bring this give and take or doing favors between us. I would hate to lose this friendship but I would rather loose this friendship than be pitied or doled out favors. This is the only expectation I have from this friendship."

"Ha! Big words! Let's see where all this self-respect and self-belief of yours will take you!"

"You will surely witness one day where my self-respect and self-belief will take me!"

The young lad folded another finger to keep count.

The present day, Acharya Chanakya declared, "I hereby crown Chandragupt Maurya, son of Maharaj Suryagupt Maurya and Rani Moora as the King of Magadh."

Chandragupt walked back towards an unconscious Nandini, the five clenched fingers of his hand closed over her hand:

"You see this clenched hand of mine over yours. This is my life and love for you in a capsule. You are both my strength and weakness, Nandini. With you by my side I can fight the whole world. But I cannot fight against myself for you.

My past was not in my hand. But I see my present and future with you. I want you to love me for what I am, not because I am the King of Magadh, not because I am rich and powerful today, not because you have no refuge or nowhere to go today, not because your own conspired against me and my family and took away my childhood, and not as an expiation of their sins.

I don't know if you even remember these things or not. That day in your tent, when you were heartbroken after you had learnt the truth about your father and brothers, after you were completely disillusioned, after your whole world was turned upside down, after you were crying your heart out, I felt for you the first time.

I wanted to badly do something that would right every wrong thing, that would preserve your innocence, your childlike mentality, your belief in humanity, in people, in relationships. I wanted to reassure you that the world was not so bad as you thought it was. Just because your father and brothers were monsters, it did not mean the whole world was peopled with monsters as well. I wanted to preserve that fragile glass house of your trust and faith.

Then, on that monsoon night, when you voluntarily placed your hand on my shoulder in a gesture of empathy and companionship, I really cannot tell you how blissful and at ease I felt that I too mattered for somebody.

In the temple of Gowri Mata, I saw how much both of us thought alike, how well you understood me. At last I had a companion to whom I needn't explain anything, a companion who would walk with me on any path, good or bad, happy or unhappy, easy or difficult!

Then I saw your intelligence, intellect, your learning, your kindness, your compassion for other people in the way you spoke in the Raj Sabha for the soldiers, their family members, and their welfare. I had at last found my equal in you.

Then came that day of panic during the Theej festival when your father attacked us. I would have been dead but for you. You saved me, you became my shield. But I was rude to you. The situation was tense, and I did not know what else I could have done in that situation.

However, both of us easily made up when I came to your chamber to complete your incomplete fast. For the first time, I told you a few things about myself and my childhood. I felt like opening up with you. I felt I could trust myself with you.

After that, things started going terribly wrong between both of us. Your father came between both of us and the dam of my patience broke. I spoke a number of things which I never actually meant. I broke your faith and trust in me. We had endless arguments. You couldn't stand to be with me in the same chamber. However, I hoped that you would see the light at the end of it after some time had elapsed.

I tried to rebuild your faith and trust in me in my own way, the way I knew, but in vain. Things started becoming even worse. You tried to escape from Patliputra and go away from me. You cannot even imagine what my state of mind was when I came to know this. However, I let that pass pretty calmly.

Then I tried to appease you in many ways like the puppet show. But as always my endeavors ended in vain. Your words that you felt nothing at all for me and that I was like one of the inanimate things in your chamber pushed me to the edge of my personal precipice. I fell into that deep abyss. I was at my worst! I never knew I was capable of some of the things I did then. But the truth remains that I did them.

I thought we had reached the dead end of a one way street with no way forward. The three months condition between us notwithstanding, I thought that this was the end for us. My fears were confirmed when I saw you stepping back from me even after you had forgiven me. I distanced myself from you.

Then that day in the Snankaksh happened. It seemed as though life had given me another chance to love and be a better person. All my hopes started building up. But my hopes were once again dashed to the ground when I found that your change of opinion regarding me was not love or affection but pity.

To top it, my presence and proximity did not evoke the same keep kind of passion in you that your presence and proximity evokes in me. I saw revulsion in you for me. Though you were only partly to blame, I wasn't so accommodating or understanding. How could I be?

I was angry that you schemed your way into my contingent to win me back. I wished to show you your place. I ignored you, evaded you, distanced you from me like an outcaste. I saw your pain and suffering still I pretended ignorance. I had noticed each and everything you were doing in the initial stages of our journey. But I pretended as though I had been unseeing and was untouched by anything.

But let me assure you that I did not know you were so ill. I was ignorant of the facts. I should have investigated the facts properly. You called out to me twice but I refused to listen. I wasn't with you when you needed me the most. I regret whatever I have done. But I cannot help what is past. I would never have behaved in that abominable way with you if only I had known everything! But I didn't!

Nandini, I seek your hand and heart, not your pity or your favors. I want you to need me as badly as I do you. I am passionately drawn and attracted towards you. But the minute I draw near you, I see only revulsion in you for me.

I see a home and family with you. I want to belong to you completely. But you do not want to belong to me! I don't know what you exactly see in me or want from me. You keep saying I am your wife, your Adhangani and I just need time. I wouldn't mind waiting. But will it really change anything regarding me in you?

It is not as if I am blind to the way in which you cling to me, my memories and even personal things like my Angavastra. But what I want is not for you to cling to me out of compulsion but as an independent choice and decision to be fully with me in every sense of the word, to be fully and wholly mine, just as I am fully and wholly yours.

Call me intolerant, impatient, demanding, possessive, or whatever you will! But I cannot brook any competition for you or your attention. I don't even know if you will understand any of this even if I actually tell you when you are conscious. Words will fall short to describe what I feel for you.

You are the answer of all my questions. You are the kind of companion with whom I always wanted to place shoulder on shoulder and spend the rest of my life together. But am I the companion you always wanted? I love you so much, but from your side I see only duty, responsibility, pity, compromise, helplessness and indecision.

I know that this marriage was a compromise for me and for you. For that matter, all my marriages were political necessities and compromises. At that time, it did not matter. I had no problem with it because I was not personally affected by it. If the equation and dynamic had remained the same, I wouldn't have been in pain nor would you.


But it has changed as far as I am concerned. This marriage matters to me now. It is no longer a compromise for me. I can no longer pretend or fool myself. You are not my enemy, nor are you my friend and companion, nor are you my queen and wife. You are what my soul thirsts and hungers for, a hunger, a thirst, a hankering which may never be destined to be satiated.

I am saying all this to you now because I cannot hold back all this any longer. But I know very well that you are not listening to any of this. If you had actually been listening, I wouldn't have been able to confess any of this because I would dread to hear what your answer to this would be.

I would expect perfect reciprocity. I would have been disappointed if your answer reflects that your state of mind or feelings are even one degree lesser than mine. I wouldn't have been able to tolerate it. Call it my ego or whatever you feel like! But I would want to hear that what you feel and experience for me is more than what I feel and experience for you.

If you try to hold sand within your fists, it slips away. But when you open the same palm and let go, the sand on your palms stays. I am doing the same thing! I wouldn't risk what we have between us by confessing it to you.

These things are better left unsaid, incomplete and imperfect as they are, than in trying for perfection, wholesomeness and ending up with a bruised heart and disappointed hopes. You know Nandini, I have finally discovered that I too have a heart. And this heart beats only for you. But a pity! You will never know this!"

Chapter 31 to Chapter 41: Page 85 and Page 86

Edited by shailusri1983 - 8 years ago
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14th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 8 years ago
Dear Readers,

I told that the next chapter wasn't going to come before Thurday. But since I had the time to write down and complete the chapter today, I am updating it. But as I said earlier, it is becoming difficult giving two or three updates per week. I will most probably be able to manage only one update per week.

The credit for the line the present chapter takes belongs to Amina who asked me for something funny and light-hearted. It was not there according to my original plan for the next few chapters. They were meant to be more serious and bring in the jealousy angle.

But as it stands now, the next few chapters will be a laugh riot though a bit jejune. Even if it is a bit out of place, I cannot help it. I too love indulging my regular readers occasionally just as I love occasionally experimenting with my own writing technique.

And if you read the present chapter, you will get to know that the edited out throwing up bit in The Night Vigil chapter has to be retained. It is related to the later storyline. So that bit is finally in after all those flip-flops of included-excluded. Now I would like to hear what my readers feel about this chapter.

Shailaja.



Chapter Thirty-One: Ek Stree ka Man

The rays of the sunlight filtered into Nandini's chamber, slowly, little by little, in a gradual manner. Nandini tossed and turned to the other side instinctively, pulling away her hand which had been in Chandragupt's hand, breaking him from his reverie and bringing him back to the reality.

He recollected and recomposed himself as if nothing at all of the previous day and night had happened, as if none of those tears which had wetted his cheeks, Nandini's cheeks, her shoulders, her bed had ever been shed. He became as impassive, impassioned and impervious as he always was. It seemed as though none of the past scenes which had flashed through his mind, and none of his confessions to Nandini the previous night had actually happened.

By now, the sun's rays had filtered over to this side to which Nandini had turned. She started rubbing her eyes and twitching her eyes unconsciously, still asleep. Chandragupt was dressing and getting ready to go to the court and meet Maharaj Indupratap. He had been in the act of parting his hair and freeing it of any possible tangles and knots. When he observed Nandini's reflection in the mirror, his chest got constricted for a tiny moment before he released his breath in a mighty gasp.

The comb still in his hands, he closed his eyes to shut out the tumultuous thoughts that were running before his open eyes. All the hard won composure and control flew out of the window the minute he glanced at the reflection of Nandini's sleeping form in the mirror. An even deeper and clearer vision and reflection of her was imprinted in his heart.

He could see it before him throughout his waking hours, behind his closed eyes, his dreams, everywhere he went. It literally and inexorably pursued him wherever he went. His love for her followed him like his shadow. The scenes and thoughts became even haywire behind his closed eyelashes. He breathed heavily in and out and opened his eyes realizing that all his attempts to bring about a sense of normalcy were in vain. He wasn't in control. The more he tried to suppress everything and withhold everything, the worse it was getting.

After previous night, the need to indulge himself, his feelings for Nandini, to confess them to her when she was conscious, to be beside her were getting worse. After getting a brief respite and the opportunity to indulge himself and his feelings for Nandini the previous night, without inviting any unwanted attention or observation from prying and inquisitive eyes, even those of Nandini herself, they were vociferously making their presence felt. It was almost like an addiction to opium. He was reeling under the impact of these withdrawal symptoms which were taking him in their hold.

At last he blurted out aloud, "To heavens, there was a comb to remove the knots and tangles in my heart just like this comb in my hand!"

He turned towards Nandini who had tossed and turned once again to escape the bright and brilliant light of the day. It was broad daylight by now. Any direction she turned, the scorching rays of the sun were falling on her. They were shining brilliantly and she couldn't escape them.

Chandragupt, observing this, went to all the widows in the chamber, and drew aside all the curtains in the room. Nandini had a slight smile on her face even in her sleep and continued sleeping blissful. He spoke softly to a sleeping Nandini, "Ab yahan Chaon hai! (Now it's shady in here) Sleep well, Nandini!"

Saying this, he strode out of Nandini's chamber. He instructed the maids who were standing outside, "I am going to the court. I can't remain here any longer. My duty calls me. But all of you will take good care of Maharani, her diet, her medicines, and her rest. If you find anything to worry, you will send word for me immediately."

It was mid-day before Nandini woke up. She was feeling much better now. As she opened her eyes, the first face her searching eyes sought were those of Chandragupt. But her hopes and wishes were in vain. The delirium was gone but she was still feeling weak. Her maid who was beside her expressed her relief, "Maharani, aap ne kal hum sab ko daradiya! Hum sab aap ke liye chinthith the!" (Maharani you scared all of us yesterday! We were all very concerned for you!)

Nandini: Maharaj kahan hai? (Where is Maharaj?)

Maid: Maharaj Raj Sabha gaye hai! Aap bholengi toh main Maharaj ko suchna bejdungi ki aap unse milna chahthi hain? (Maharaj has gone to the Raj Sabha! If you tell, I will intimate Maharaj that you want to meet him?)

Nandini: Koi avashyakta nahin hain! Maharaj ko jab aana hoga woh aajaayenge! Waise ek baath puchni thi...Kisne meri upchar karwaya? (No need for that! Maharaj will come when he wants to! I wanted to ask something...Who got me treated?)

Maid: Kunwar Arjun Pratap! ...Woh yahan turanth aaye teh jab unhe suchna milli...Raj Vaid ko bulaya...Raj Vaid ki aane seh pehle aapka kayal rakha...Aur hum sab ka margdarshan kiya ki is paristhithi main kya karna chahiye...(Kunwar Arjun Pratap!...He came immediately after he got information...Summoned the Raj Vaid...Before the Raj Vaid came, guided all of us on what to do in this particular situation...)

Nandini: Achcha...phir toh hume unhe danyavaad kehna padega ki unhone hamari madath ki! (Is it...then I might have to thank him for helping me!)

Maid: Maharani, do you know you kept on calling Kunwar Pratap as Dhan Bhaiyya again and again when you were delirious?

Nandini (greatly surprised) Did I?...But then he protected me and took care of me exactly like a brother! ...He must surely be very special despite what all these rumors about him say!

Maid (by now giving way to her admiration for the prince): Yes, Maharani!...He is very special...There must be none like him!...The way he guided us all...The way he took care of you...The way he dealt with you when you were delirious...The way he resolutely kept you from falling unconscious when none of our words were reaching you...I really can't do justice to all that...

Nandini: Was Maharaj informed of my illness?

Maid: Yes, Maharani.

Immediately after this, the maid again branched off to her babbling of Kunwar Arjun Pratap, his fair complexion, his sharp and clearly etched features, his magnificent and alluring eyes, his pointed nose, his tall and manly profile, and his charming and charismatic personality.

Nandini let the maid continue her ecstasies about the Crown Prince of Rajnagari who seemed to have charmed her and swept her off her feet without stopping her. From this account, it seemed as though he would make a perfect match for Chaaya. However, she could not jump to any conclusions. She would have to personally meet him and interact with him before forming any opinions regarding his suitability for Chaaya.

It did not strike the maid to inform Nandini that Chandragupt had spent the whole night along with her and took care of her, and that he had left her to go to the Raj Sabha only when the situation was well under control. Nor did Nandini ask her maid for clarification regarding whether Chandragupt has seen her after coming to know about her illness.

Nandini simply assumed that he was still angry with her and was neglecting her, and that he had not at all come to see her. Her face became downcast and gloomy with the thought that Chandragupt did not care for her at all even when she was so ill. She told herself that she too was not going to bother if he was not bothered about her.

After all, she had people enough to take care of her, people who really cared, unlike Chandragupt for whom his ego and his anger was the foremost, so much so that it clouded his feelings and emotions for even the people he cared for. In one corner of her heart, she still hoped that she was part of the list of people for whom Chandragupt cared for. But whatever, she was seeing and observing since the past few days was proving to be directly contrary to this.

At around four in the afternoon, as she was looking out of her window, she was joined by Durdhara. Durdhara hugged her tightly as she said, "You frightened all of us, Nandini. I was very scared for you. I went to the nearby Shiva temple today and got a Mrithjunjay Jaap and Puja done on behalf of you for your speedy recovery. Here is the Prasad of that Puja! I am keeping it here on this side table. Have it after you take a bath!

Nandini: That's so kind of you! Even at Patliputra, Acharya Chanakya regularly got several Pujas done on my behalf everyday. I even personally attended many of them.

Durdhara: Now you surprise me! Did Acharyaji tell you why he was getting so many Pujas done?

Nandini: Don't know! He just told me that the present period was not very favorable for me. That's why he was getting these Pujas done. However, he asked me not to tell Maharaj as he would he alarmed. Seeing my present illness now, I should also say his fears were not unfounded. This period must really have been highly unfavorable to me.

Durdhara (a bit alarmed): Those Pujas must have been interrupted when you came along with us to Rajnagari. Don't worry! Now that you have told me, I will get those Pujas done on your behalf here too. I won't tell Chandra if you don't want to inform him.

Nandini: Thank you, Durdhara! You are really very good and sweet! I wish I could have at least half of your goodness.

Durdhara: Not so good, Nandini! Yesterday when you were calling out to Maharaj again and again, I should have investigated. But I too was careless. I didn't think it would be anything serious. If only I had known, I wouldn't have ignored like that. I am really really sorry! I hope you believe that!

Nandini: I don't blame you, Durdhara because you didn't know! Hence the fault was not yours! You don't have to apologize for anything.

Durdhara: Thank you! Yesterday, I told Chandra to go and ask what was the matter when you were calling from your Palki again and again. Don't know why, but he would not budge!

But it did not strike Durdhara who told this to Nandini to also tell her that Chandra was with her the whole of the previous night and took care of her. She assumed that the maids would have told her that anyway. Durdhara actually wanted to clarify with her co-wife that she was not to blame for any of this, and that she had not kept Chandra beside her wantonly even when Nandini had been calling for him again and again during the journey. She wanted to have a friendly and cordial relationship with both Helena and Nandini, and yesterday's incidents could have been misunderstood if perceived in a mistaken light.

Durdhara: I also brought these flowers for you. You will also feel better if you see all these colorful flowers all round you. Okay, now I should go! You take rest! I will come and visit you tomorrow. Any help you need, I am always there. Send word for me!

Nandini: Thank you for the flowers! They're beautiful!

After Durdhara had left, Nandini instructed her maid, "Arrange these flowers in the vases we have in this room...And my coverlet looks terribly dirty...Just a doubt? Did I throw up?

Maid: Don't know Maharani! I wasn't attending you at that time. It must have been the other maid who was with you at that time.

Nandini: Looking at the state of this coverlet, I most certainly threw up when I was sick and delirious. Whoever it was, they really must care a lot about me. I ought to reciprocate and show that I too care equally by personally thanking the person. So it wasn't you?

Maid: No it wasn't me!

Nandini: No problem! I'll inquire my other maids and ask if it was any of them. Now change the bed coverlet!...We are bound to have more visitors!...The whole room looks terribly untidy...Take away all these basins, these unused leps, these medicines and neatly stash them away in that drawer...When it is time for my medicine, you can take them out...And do not mix this Vibhuthi Maharani Durdhara brought for me with the other things...Keep it carefully...Help have my bath now! ...I will do my Puja and take the Prasad after that!

Maid: No, Maharani! The Raj Vaid advised that you could not have a bath before tomorrow morning.

Nandini: Alright, then keep this Prasad there carefully. I am feeling terribly bored taking rest and sleeping all the while like this. There are a few of my books in my trunk. Take them out for me. I will read them in the night if I don't feel sleepy!

She carefully stood up from her bed and was supervising the maid who was cleaning up her room, changing her bed coverlet, and taking out her books out of her travel trunk. She was suddenly dizzy due to weakness and was about to fall down when she she was caught by a strong pair of arms which prevented her from having a bad fall and hurting herself. Her maid had been too stunned by this to react.

Arjun: Maharani Nandini, I hope you are fine!

Outside in the lawn,

Chandragupt was pacing up and down the lawn furiously. The slimy hood had reared it head. He knew he was wrong. He told himself so: "Chandra, tere vichar anuchith hai! Tum vyarth mai chinthith ho! Woh Paavan hai Ganga ki tarah aur woh bhi bahut hi shresht aur agnyakari purush hain! Tumhe lajja aani chahiye teri soch par!"(Chandra, your thoughts are unwarranted! You are getting anxious over nothing! She is pristine and pure like Ganga and he too is an exceptional and dutiful man. You ought to be ashamed of your thoughts!)

In Nandini's Guest Chamber,

Kunwar Arjun straightened Nandini and helped her sit down at the nearest divan where she lay down for a minute until the dizziness passed away. He gave his hand to lead her till her bed before he remarked with concern, "Maharani Nandini, you are still weak. You shouldn't stress yourself too much. (He turned towards the maid and remonstrated her) It is your duty to see that the Maharani's reserves of strength are not too much taxed. She is still weak and in the process of recovery.

Maid: Skshama kardijiye, Kunwarji! Main aage seh dhyan rakhoongi! (Please forgive me Kunwarji! I will be careful from now onwards!)

Nandini (explained): Please don't scold her! She was just following my orders! I found the room and the bed coverlet a bit dirty. So I had asked her to clean up!

Arjun: This means I might have to remonstrate you for being careless and not taking proper care of yourself, Maharani Nandini! How are you feeling today? Yesterday, you frightened all of us!

Nandini: Thank you! I am fine. Thank you for your concern. (In an aside to herself with a heavy lump in her heart) I seem to have frightened all but one! Everyone, but the one whom I seem to care for, care about me!

Arjun: I hope you find your chamber comfortable?

Nandini: Yes, very much! You're all kindness and concern! My maid told me about how you saved my life yesterday. Thank you!

Arjun: You're welcome! I did nothing extraordinary! I only carried out my Athidhi Dharm!

Nandini: It is your modesty which makes you say so. But what you did for me was very special and out of the way. You did what any true brother would have done for his sister. Thank you!

Arjun: You too addressed me many times as Bhaiyya when you were delirious. I don't have any sister. I would like to have one. I accepted you as my sister from that very moment itself. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Nandini: Nothing else! You have already done a lot for me. I have already caused all of you a lot of inconvenience!

Arjun: A sister can never be an inconvenience to her brother. I promise you this day that Kunwar Arjun Pratap will always come to your aid, whatever the circumstances, whenever you seek it! Yeh ek bhai ka vada apne behen ke liye! (This is the promise of a brother to his sister)

Nandini's eyes filmed over in gratitude at this expression of fraternal affection for her by Kunwar Arjun Pratap. Chaaya would not get a better or caring husband than him. She had to take care that this alliance would materialize at all costs. She would see to it that it wouldn't go astray at any cost!

Arjun glanced around the room and remarked, "Nobody would say that this is a sick room after looking around! These flowers look beautiful!"

Nandini: My co-wife Durdhara brought them for me. She even got a Puja performed for me!

Arjun: That is really so sweet and considerate of her! All the people around you are very good except...

His voice trailed off here. He had been on the verge of referring to Chandragupt but refrained from completing his sentence for purely diplomatic reasons. Nandini understood that Arjun had been about to refer to Chandragupt. She couldn't allow this to go unexplained. She couldn't allow anybody to misunderstand him. She felt herself called upon to speak something here in his favor.

The diplomatic and war alliance and the marriage alliance of Chaaya were at stake. She spoke, "Whatever happened, Maharaj cannot be blamed! I am equally responsible for it! He is very good! There are times when his behavior is open to question and doubts. But I must say that he is the best King the Praja of Magadh could have, the best son a mother could have, the best brother a sister could have, and the best student an Acharya could have, the best ally any other neighboring king could have! Words will not do justice to describe what he really is!"

Arjun (inquisitively) But is he the best husband to a wife according to the eyes of a brother?

Nandini: If he is not the best husband in existence, some of it is the wife's fault as well. Taali ek haath seh nahin bajhthi! Taali do haathon seh bajhthi! (One cannot clap with a single hand! It takes two hands to clap!)

Arjun did not pursue this topic any further. There was validity in whatever Rani Nandini said. He didn't know anything about this. So he ought not to be making sweeping judgements based on whatever he had seen. He ought to endeavor to know Chandragupt better before he was forming opinions about him. He owed that much to him, even more so when the Queen Mothers of Magadh and Rajnagari were contemplating a marriage alliance between him and Rajkumari Chaaya.

He began talking about something entirely different to change this topic, "I observe a lot of books here outside. Are you interested in books?"

Nandini: There is nothing I find more soothing and comforting in this world as reading a book! But I have read all these books a number of times. There is nothing new in them now!

Arjun: I feel differently about this! You uncover new meanings out of people and books every single time you read them. So one cannot have read or understood enough even if you are reading the hundredth time. But since you have expressed this, I can send a few books you might never have read. I have a huge personal collection of books!

Nandini: That's really very thoughtful of you! I would love to read them!

Arjun: Aap Shastra ki pustaken padthi hai, ya Rajneeti ke, ya kavitayen, ya hamare Ithihaas, ya Puraan, Vaidya Shastra? Aap ko kis prakaarke pustaken main ruchi hain? (Do you read books related to our Shastras, Politics, Poetry, History, Puraanaas, Medicine? Which kind of books interest you?)

Nandini: Pustaken toh main sabhi prakaar ki padthi hoon! Par abhi ki manah sthithi mai main Amar Prem Gathayen padna chahthi hoon! Man ko halka aur prasanna rakhenge aisi kahaaniyaan! (I read all sorts of books! But in my present frame of mind, I would like to read some tender love stories! Such stories will keep the mind light and happy!)

Arjun: Alright, I will immediately send some books of this genre!

In Durdhara's Guest Chamber,

After the lawn, now Chandragupt was furiously pacing the chamber of his second wife, Durdhara. She spoke nothing for sometime. But seeing that this was going to continue the rest of the evening and night as well if she did not break ice first, she began, "Didn't you go and visit Nandini? I thought you would be with her today evening and night. She needs you!"

Chandra: Don't you feel bad if I pay attention to Nandini?

Durdhara: Why would I? As a matter of fact, I would feel bad if you didn't pay attention to her or take care of her now when she is in such delicate state of health!

Chandra: Yes, you're right! It is my duty to take care of her now. She became so ill only because of me. If only I had gone when she called me, she wouldn't have been so ill.

Durdhara (a bit curious): Chandra, I am asking you something as an old friend. Aren't you being too harsh on yourself? There was no way you would have known anything unless you were told. And you weren't informed?

Chandra: No, I am not! I am just being just! She tried telling me. I didn't listen! It is my fault and I ought to take responsibility for it.

Durdhara (astutely): Chandra, tell me one thing! Are you taking care of Nandini because of your guilt, or your sense of responsibility, or something else? You really care for her, don't you? I know you wouldn't admit it as you would think it a sign of weakness or vulnerability to profess that you care for somebody. But all the same, I do think that you care for Nandini!

Chandra: What a vivid imagination you have my friend! It gallops at the slightest pretext like a chariot drawn by wild horses! Me and Nandini? How can you even imagine something like this?

Durdhara: Why shouldn't I when she is so sweet, charming, talkative, bubbly and beautiful and you are so young, handsome, silent, dark and brooding? It fits all my theories! What is to prevent both of you from falling in love with each other?

Chandra: Durdhara, you forget that both of us have a past, a troublesome history. The future we could possibly envision isn't very bright either. Our story can never be written on a perfectly white and clean slate. It has blood to it and will have more blood on it in future. It has been doomed and tainted at its very outset.

Durdhara: But both of you have a beautiful present in your hands. Why can't both of you live it to the fullest with no reference to either your past or future? I am imagining everything, am I? I am your friend and I see no need to hide behind sophistication and wordplay. I will not mince my words. I see a definite connection between both of you. Something which was missing between you and me, and Helena and you. And I will say it to your face.

Chandra: Nobody can argue with you! If these elaborate fancies give you pleasure, I will not curtail them in the least. You're free to indulge in them. I have to go now. I will be spending the night with Nandini.

Durdhara: Anyhow I knew that! There wasn't a need to inform me this! As a matter of fact I too have advised the same. Did you come here and spend so much time in my chamber to inform me this simple detail?

Chandra: No! I actually wanted to ask you something.

Durdhara: What's it?

Chandra: Tum Stree ho! (You're a woman!)

Durdhara: Big discovery! Didn't Maharaj know all this while that I was a Stree?

Chandra: No, I did not mean that! I just meant that being a woman you would understand the heart of a woman much better. Streeyon ko samajna kithna katin hai! Ek Stree ka man padna kithna mushkil hai! (It's difficult understanding women! How difficult it is to read the heart of a woman!)

Durdhara: Yeh kis Stree ki man ki bat horahi hai? Kahin woh Stree Nandini toh nahin? (About which woman's heart are we talking about? And is that woman in question Nandini?)

Chandra (exasperated): Phir tum wahin pahunch gayi!...Yeh mere aur Nandini ke baren main nahin hai! Main toh sirf aise hi janna chahtha tha! Ek Stree ek Purush main kya dhoondhthi hai? (You got back there again!...This is not about me and Nandini! I just wanted to know for the sake of improving my general knowledge! What does a woman look for in her man?)

Durdhara: Ek Stree ek Purush main Purush dhoondhthi hain...aur kya? Ha!...Ha!...Ha! (A woman looks for a man in her man...What else? Ha!...Ha!...Ha!)

Chandra: Uphaas math udao mera!...Sach sach batao! (Don't make fun of me! ...Tell me the truth!)

Durdhara: Theek hai bhathathi hoon! ...(Thinking to herself really hard and racking her brains while telling) Purush ko Sundar hona chahiye! (Alright, I will tell you!...A man has to be handsome!)

Chandra to himself, "Sundar toh main hoon...par woh bhi toh Sundar hai!" (I am handsome...but he too is equally handsome!)

Chandra (aloud): What if two handsome men are pitted against each other? Which Sundar Purush will that Stree choose?

Durdhara: What a silly question! Of course the one who is the most handsome!

Chandra, at this point, returned back to his mental calculations of the relative handsomeness between him and Arjun. His confidence definitely started taking a back seat. Arjun might be considered even more handsome than him if judged impartially.

Chandra: Kya ek Stree ek Purush main sirf Sundarta hi dekhthi hai? (Does a woman seek only handsomeness in a man?)

Durdhara: Waisi bath nahin! Sundar hai toh achcha, par Sundar hai bhi nahin toh woh us Purush ko zyada pasand karegi joh usse meethi meethi shabdh kehtha ho, nain seh nain milatha ho, uske nainon main khojatha ho, aur khud us Stree ko uske Aakarshak Nain seh lubhatha ho! (Not like that! If he is handsome, well and good, even if he isn't, a woman will like that man who talks sweet words to her, locks eyes with her like this, gets lost in her eyes forever, and attracts the attention of that woman with his own magnetic glance!)

Chandra (very confused by now): Yeh nain seh nain ka milan zaroori hai?...Bahut vichitra nahin lagega?...Aur Bhagwan ke liye, koi kaise apni nainon seh Ek Stree ko Aakarshak karsakta hai?...Aur nainon seh...aise...aise...kisi ko lubhasakthe hai Kya? (Is it necessary to lock eyes like this? ...Won't it appear strange?...And how the heavens does one attract a woman with his magnetic glance?...And can one attract a woman with one's glance...like this...like this...and like this?)

Durdhara: Kyun nahin karsakthe! ...Bilkul karsakthe hai! ...Jaise hi uske sameep jao...usko aise kaskar pakdoge...aur uske ankhon main aise dekhkhoge...aise...(Why can't you do it?...Of course, we can do it!...As soon as you get close to her...you have to hold her tight...look into her eyes...like this...)

As if telling was not enough, Durdhara even practically demonstrated the entire manner in which the above scene had to be done by staring into Chandragupt's eyes without batting even a single eye lid. He was perfectly unsettled by now. To ward this off, he said, "Theek hai! ...Jab avashyakta padega toh main aisa hi karunga!...Aur kya kya Ek Stree Ek Purush main chahthi hai? ( Alright! ...When the need arises, I will adopt this procedure!...What else does a woman look for in a man?)

Durdhara, by now completely into this game, and secretly enjoying herself at Chandragupt's confusion and discomfiture, "Aur bhi bahut hai! Tumhe us Stree ki Badi Badi ankhon ke baren main...uske hoton ka laal laal rang...in sab ke baren main aise aise sabhdon ka upyog kar kar kahoge...ki woh Stree wahin ke wahin dang reh jaye...use dubara sochni ki skshamatha hi nahin chodoge...Aur woh turanth us Purush ko sweekar karlegi...(There is a lot more! You have to compliment about the big big eyes of this lady...the reddish hue of her lips...you will use such such words from the vocabulary to describe the beauty of that lady...that she will be transfixed wherever she is...she should not be in a position to think anything further...and she will accept that man then and there...)

Chandragupt cutting the whole topic short, "Theek hai! Theek hai! Main in sab ke baren main us Stree ko bathaunga!" (Alright! Alright! I will tell that woman about all those!)

Durdhara: Chandra, Maine kab Kahan ki tumhe yeh sab kuch kehna chahiye? ...Yeh sab kuch us Purush ko kehna chahiye joh apni Stree ko apni or akarshith karna chahtha ho! Tum toh Prem Aur Hriday par toh vishwas hi nahin karthe! Tumhe in sab ki toh avashyakta hi nahin padega! (Chandra, when did I tell that you needed to tell all this?...I was just remarking in a general fashion that a mam who wished to attract a woman should say all this! You don't even believe in heart and love! You will never need any of this!)

Chandra: Haan...Theek kehrahi ho Tum...mujhe toh aisi sabdhon ki avashyakta hi nahin...Main chaltha hoon! (Yes!...What you tell is right...I will never need to use any such words or vocabulary...I will get going now!)

After Chandragupt's exit, from the room, Durdhara broke out into peals of laughter on thinking about her conversation with her husband, "What a novice and inexperienced hand you are in this sort of thing! I suspect that all your questions and doubts were related to Nandini! What wouldn't I give to be in Nandini's room today night to watch what all you were going to speak and how you are going to act in her room today! It is going to be real fun! Alas! I will miss this!"

On his way, Chandragupt was trying to secretly rehearse all that he was going to say in Nandini's room, "Teri badi badi anken...mujhe jalarahi hai..." (You big big eyes...they are burning me...) At this point, Chandragupt groaned in perfect exhaustion. What kind of pure drivel was he expected to speak to please a Stree! Good heavens! He never knew that wooing a woman was so difficult!
Edited by shailusri1983 - 8 years ago
amina1 thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
Oh my shaillu what a treat ,these wives of chandra kesa bhasa bechara ,ab kiya hoga jab nandani se yeh sab kahega ,i can picture rajat while reading it oh my if hes given this script aag hi lag jayegi ,you can write and so welll too thank you dear
Kuwar partap is very handsome and our hero will be very jealous hope its suspence about brother sister angle for chandra doesn't know and his mind will be wild with imagination
JanakNandini thumbnail
8th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
Amazing Shailu... Nice part... so sad Nandini did not know cgm services.
ARJUN as bhaiya is welcome. Durdhara praying for nandini is so nice...Offering the prasad was heart touching...Cgm Going to propose Nandini ... wow I am waiting...
But one thing i did not get along how can maids so ignorant about cgm presence... he only asked them to go right...
JanakNandini thumbnail
8th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
Shailu, Please in next chapter write comical love confession dont bring mu... my sincere request as a fan of your ff... lots of mu already there everywhere...
sashashyam thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 8 years ago
My dear Shailaja,

This chapter has come out very well, all the different parts. I loved the Arjun-Nandini scene, and the last segment between Chandragupt and Durdhara is genuinely funny.

But as I am always frank, and I am very fond of you, I must also tell you what I did NOT like. There was absolutely no need for you to go into Geeta Govinda territory to enumerate the kind of compliments a man should pay a woman he loves. There might be many here who would enjoy that, but I am not among them. I was shocked and dismayed.

Shyamala Aunty

Dear Readers,

I told that the next chapter wasn't going to come before Thurday. But since I had the time to write down and complete the chapter today, I am updating it. But as I said earlier, it is becoming difficult giving two or three updates per week. I will most probably be able to manage only one update per week.

The credit for the line the present chapter takes belongs to Amina who asked me for something funny and light-hearted. It was not there according to my original plan for the next few chapters. They were meant to be more serious and bring in the jealousy angle.

But as it stands now, the next few chapters will be a laugh riot though a bit jejune. Even if it is a bit out of place, I cannot help it. I too love indulging my regular readers occasionally just as I love occasionally experimenting with my own writing technique.

And if you read the present chapter, you will get to know that the edited out throwing up bit in The Night Vigil chapter has to be retained. It is related to the later storyline. So that bit is finally in after all those flip-flops of included-excluded. Now I would like to hear what my readers feel about this chapter.

Shailaja.



Chapter Thirty-One: Ek Stree ka Man


Edited by sashashyam - 8 years ago

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