Polygamy - how to be just? - Page 2

Originally posted by: Hiral_Halwa

a very well penned post😳

so this is what I feel - men and emotional analysis run in two different directions...they in general dont have a very high emotional quotient...and hence think its better to be straight forward - no matter the repercussions of their one saying/ act can lead to...

its better to be a jalebi (keep certain things hidden) at times as u rightly said, to keep things in peace. Basically bindusara here is just a weak person - a weak king, a weak husband, a weak father, a weak leader...he is kaan ka kaccha, he is lost into his own problems and is unnecessarily complicating things around him, blaming sushima for not being mature enough to handle an empire - but dude - did u ever sit down to explain and teach ur son on how to lead? how come he is unaware of charumitra's voodooo ways? he doesnt know where his chief queen is disappearing off too or doesnt care? he himself never tried to get dharma back to palace once he returns back, but is drunk and lol confesses his love to noor on their wedding night - lol at that time dharma was alive for him as well - why couldnt he just get her?😕

his indifference is the reason here atleast more than anyone else...

Originally posted by: Meself

Reserved! :)

Edited:

A brilliant post by any standards! If I were to talk about myself then I am a strong shipper of marriage being a private affair. I honestly believe that this relation stays between husband and wife and no third sphere should play a role in domineering either of spouses.

Talking about Bindusara then he had a huge empire to look after. And surest way of no mutiny is political alliance through marriages. But then again it is not easy as if seems. Polygamy instigates hate and jealousy among women bound by it. And this is the major reason behind empires falling apart for the mindset that governs these women is that if I can't then nobody should.

It is a natural human instinctive to be drawn to a person exclusively, and if that person in bound in a loop where such favoritism cannot be shown the matter aggravates and blows out of proportion. Bindusara's agramasi is Charumitra, she is the empress consort yet she feels pangs of jealousy when Bindusara spends his time with Noor. This has prompted her to resort to demonic ways. Noor on the other hand was dealt with a bit rough hands. Not that she is a saint but the way Bindusara openly confessed that he'll never be able to love her, it prompted her to take measures to safeguard her own interest. This is also the possible reason behind her toying with Justin to find solace for herself. Subhrashri on the other hand has accepted her fate that she can never have her own husband's love!

With all this equations playing out side by side, the only conclusion that can be drawn is polygamy can never be just to any woman. Firstly because it encourages a very negative competition between the women tied in this setting, thereby encouraging all political sabotages and conspiracies. Secondly it reduces the stand of woman in her own household. Since she has share not only her husband but all her rights with other women, it is painful at one level and humiliating at the other. Thirdly, the children born out of a polygamous relationship almost never have any healthy relation between them. Too many contenders for the throne means a sanguinary element out in motion.

The only conclusion that I can possibly draw here is that neither polygamy is just nor can a man be just in a polygamous relation. It is expected that a man treat all his wives with an equal card but that cannot be made possible.

Originally posted by: Moumimon

a very well written post...brilliant one ofcrse...


well how to behave or maintain wives and children in polygamy?? a big question...

wives case:
its may anyone not able to give equal love attention to every wife in polygamy but at-least they should try to give respect equally...atleast man needs to know about his wives...man need to know the basic need of any wife...as every wife need love attention and respect and in case of kings they wanted power too...and when there is an issue about power so man needs to behave more carefully here...cause of his carelessness he/his throne will suffer in next...his people may get a unstable king in next. when mans are this much busy can't even see or get time to spend with his kiddos, in that time its only mother's values kiddo's learn and if any child noticed a carelessness towards his/her mother its always gives children negative values mostly...

it is quite true that no one can love so many women as his wife equally...but there is no need to tell everyone whom you love most...you may convey your love to your fav queen and may tell her that she is your fav...but you don't need to convey that mgs with each and every wife of yours...what make others wife crazy...

all in all man need a brain to maintain relation in polygamy along with sensible heart not a stupid heart which goes in majnu mood anytime for his laila...he need to hold emotion at time...


kiddo's case:
well its says parents can't choose from their kiddo's whom he/she love most...it says parents love unconditionally all of his/her child's... it may happened that one of my child have exceptional quality he/she get more attention but thats not he/she loves him most as all kids are equal for parents... its happened in monogamy too when you have more then one child in your family but its not create issues as here kiddo's have one mother only... but in case of polygamy as kiddo's have different mother's, so every kiddo's take the perspective of his/her mother's how his father behave with his/her mother...how much their mother get love/attention from his/her father, he/she grown up with that much hatred feeling, jealousy and all idiotic values only...

so man need to behave and care properly in polygamy ofcrse...


case Bindusara in show:well i am talking about shows bindusara only don't take it otherwise.
he need brain to run his kingdom and family...he is all "kaan ki kacche".. and "dil ki sacche" may be... and his big problem is easily he gone crazy by anyone's word...didn't try to think by own...its his step mom take dicsion for him or Chankya or Khoorasan...which is clearly not acceptable, a king should need to think by own yeh he can take advices but its not needed he depend on them completely... a nature of believing everyone is not gone with a kings perspective...

bindusara here is totally kind of unaware of every fact of his palace...he have no idea about his wives, his children, his step bro and mom, his mantri sava...infact he have no idea about his love dharma lol

he need to know his wives and kiddos at-least...infact he ignore obvious things as in that winning ceremony on palace its was clearly shown that charumitra have problem with noor and so as noor...and sushim siyamak have same prolem...it was clearly shown that its only about throne they are after power only...still he was keep his mouth shut...

in polygamy hubby need to observe his wives, children's..and at time need to make them understand, need to specify his attention toward themselves...

Originally posted by: ksn1

very interesting topic...

to be able to reply I am only focusing on the plot and story line of this story and not the reality of the story Ashoka.

Bindusar is polygamous... face it --it was the norm of most kings. Bindusar was after all one of the most powerful of them all so much so the mighty greeks came in search of the fabled wealth of Patliputra.
Yes it shows he is a little insensitive in telling noor on their wedding night. But plz remember this is 150 BC. Samrat Bimbisar was a alpha male. To hell with soothing female sensibilities and pandering to their ego. Infact most royal women of those times were used to being treated like chattels and were usually married off / married to as alliances. Having said this the serial actually shows bimbisar treating his wives with a modicum of respect as queens. The queens themselves too are not exactly the most docile creatures... scheming Charumitra, power hungry Noor or the damsel not in need Subrasri...
One queen only wants him to support her son. other wants him for her power and her fathers power , third surfaces only during glamorous times to be seen .
IMHO he is definitely treating them equally ... he is a equal opportunity abuser. 😉

Originally posted by: Ekstase

I completely agree that marriage should be a private affair, husband and wife, no third wheel. To be honest, when I first found out that back then polygamy was practiced even in Hindu society, I was surprised, at first. Since nowadays, a man isn't allowed to have more than one wife (at least law forbids it, correct me please if I'm wrong here^^) I thought that has always been the norm and was something religious 😛

Actually in Hindu society polygamy has been in existence for long time If you were to read Ramayan or Mahabharata, explicit mentions of polygamy is made. So it isn't something new. The law doesn't allow any man to marry again without being legally separated from the first wife!

True, marriages were the best way to secure alliances. I always get the feeling that in those times, love wasn't such a huge criterion for marriage, anyway, at least not for people in high positions. Like, for a king, his realm comes first and if marriage would ensure the safety and strengthen his realm, that was the way to go, I guess. And obviously, within these circles, a power struggle between the wives is un-avoidable- every queen wants her son to be on the throne, so negative feelings to other queens and their children naturally arise. I think that's also because they have this mindset 'It's her son!' - not viewing the children of another women as their own even though they, too, are the blood of their same husband. That's what's very obvious in this show- I doubt, for example, that Charu has any deep feelings for Bindusara. The reason she gets jealous of Noor (like she did two days ago, when she thought he was with Noor) is mainly because she fears that he might prefer Siamak over Sushim and thus, announce Siamak successor to the throne. And we get the same cliche of step-mothers being evil...

No king in his sane mind would attack a kingdom that has his daughter as a queen. Since in Hindu culture, this is unethical...polygamy was a sureshot way to guarantee mutiny free alliances. Hence polygamy got an even rigid hold. But this also instigated negative competition. How can a woman share her husband and rights to other woman. So power play came into existence and that is what blew away mighty empires!

I guess it's hardly possible to be just in such a relationship. It also depends on the character of your wife, how she might be able to handle this (there are women who can, after all), whether she's a very jealous person or not and so on. As you said, no wife would like to share her husband with anyone. That's just natural, although there might be/are exceptions (as I believe there might be good, human reasons to take another wife, though probably not in today's society, but earlier ones). And if you do take more than one wife, then at least make sure that you know what's going on in your own family and take it seriously if your sons try to kill each other 🤔

Bindusara, obviously, can't handle it (though, he does respect them all, as it seems. But for a better conclusion in this regard, they need to show more interactions with him and his wives) - and there are 'only' four/three wives in the show, in reality he had 12? 😆 A monogamous relationship is hard enough to work out, why burden yourself with the impossible task of a polygamous one?

Thanks for your reply 😉