Radhika Apte is spot on - Page 2

Originally posted by: Raijeera

Like in English winglish movie, where Sridevi's character says if woman cooks it's their duty, if man cooks it's art.

“Mard khana banaye toh kala hai. Aurat banaye, toh uska farz hai.” (When a man cooks, it’s an art. But when a woman cooks, it’s her responsibility)

I LOVED these lines!!! Shows how men monetise everything.

Originally posted by: Mallika-E-Bhais

Absolutely your last lines. Patriarchy, as a whole, greatly & completely fears a woman realising that she is worth much more. That she is worth a lot & can exercise her birth-right AKA her agency, as & when she likes. Plus all the Incel men & pick-me women that crowd the Internet, would ofc hate for the mirror to be shown to them. Apte pointed out very correctly how domestic labour is even today, however well-educated/well-paid a woman might be; solely a woman’s job. Esp in her parent’s generation.

No wonder so many women are just quitting Marriage & Men.

I concur. Many Indian working women work a day job and come back immediately to cooking, cleaning and taking care of elders and children at home. Husbands work the same job but come back home expecting to relax and park their posteriors in front of the TV while the women yet again slave in the kitchen. The point is not that the women are happy/unhappy about the social roles that are thrusted on them. It's that there's no choice. Men COULD cook or relax. Women MUST cook. There are a handful of men who cook a day in a month and throw the cursory "I too cook" nonsense around. All in all, a woman could be a CEO or go to space or achieve whatever impossible feat but is yet a slave to social traditions and roles.

People just keep missing the point. Shared responsibility in house work does not depend whether one partner is happy or unhappy doing it - expecting a single woman work like a clockwork and be 'hey but she does everything with a smile on her face'. It's both sharing and doing the work.

Originally posted by: ohophelia

I concur. Many Indian working women work a day job and come back immediately to cooking, cleaning and taking care of elders and children at home. Husbands work the same job but come back home expecting to relax and park their posteriors in front of the TV while the women yet again slave in the kitchen. The point is not that the women are happy/unhappy about the social roles that are thrusted on them. It's that there's no choice. Men COULD cook or relax. Women MUST cook. There are a handful of men who cook a day in a month and throw the cursory "I too cook" nonsense around. All in all, a woman could be a CEO or go to space or achieve whatever impossible feat but is yet a slave to social traditions and roles.

People just keep missing the point. Shared responsibility in house work does not depend whether one partner is happy or unhappy doing it - expecting a single woman work like a clockwork and be 'hey but she does everything with a smile on her face'. It's both sharing and doing the work.

Absolutely. Also, I hate it when people discount/shrug off a housewife’s work!!! Literally makes my blood boil!!! Working even 14 hours a day & working 24/7, looking after Home, Hearth & Kids, is an ABSOLUTELY thankless job & no-one can change my mind about it. Men are given, nay, EXPECTED, to relax & let loose the day’s steam. Everything is catered for & to them, whereas a working woman has no choice. She doesn’t have anyone telling her to relax, take a bath, just gather her thoughts & just BE.

On a similar note, marriage as an Institution, studies have shown, ONLY benefits men. There’s nothing much that a woman gets out of marriage. She only stresses which in turn ages her more & on an average, she dies before the man too!! Male spouses live longer b/c their female spouses do alll the physical, emotional & mental labour.

And then we’ve WhatsApp uncles & hideous men laughing & talking about how “they’ve been forced into marriage/marriage is so difficult/ hahahah now he can’t do anything b/c his wife controls him.” W. T. F. 😡🤬😡

Originally posted by: Alpenliebe

These wokeflix kinda dudes are poison to the society. Just look at his Twitter bio. For them women having liberal thoughts are wokes and those who supports them.

The worst. Now that Musk Melon has made the blue tick accessible to every phalana dhimkana, content like this gets pushed for outrage engagement.

Originally posted by: Mallika-E-Bhais

Absolutely your last lines. Patriarchy, as a whole, greatly & completely fears a woman realising that she is worth much more. That she is worth a lot & can exercise her birth-right AKA her agency, as & when she likes. Plus all the Incel men & pick-me women that crowd the Internet, would ofc hate for the mirror to be shown to them. Apte pointed out very correctly how domestic labour is even today, however well-educated/well-paid a woman might be; solely a woman’s job. Esp in her parent’s generation.

No wonder so many women are just quitting Marriage & Men.

Well said

On a serious note, my mom works and does housework. My dad occasionally makes pizza or takes her out to eat. He has hired a cleaning lady and was willing to hire a cooking lady. But she did not like the way she cooked. She herself insisted on doing most of the cooking herself. My dad does yard work, fixing things, remodeling and taking care of the pool area, and outdoor-type household chores. But my mom does most of the small type cleaning. We have a rumba to mop and vacuum all the floors in our house. But still, there is an expectation that even if a woman is doing a full-time job she is responsible for most of the household work. My dad def works harder than my mom. Running a business is much more difficult the 9-5. He gets fewer holidays because he can not trust any employee to run his business honestly and responsibly.

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I also read a study that because women are now working full time and still responsible for most of the domestic chores, due to patriarchal norms. It is a huge reason why they have a lot less sex drive compared to men. By the time they hit the sack their bodies just desperately want a good night's rest.

Originally posted by: Mallika-E-Bhais

Absolutely. Also, I hate it when people discount/shrug off a housewife’s work!!! Literally makes my blood boil!!! Working even 14 hours a day & working 24/7, looking after Home, Hearth & Kids, is an ABSOLUTELY thankless job & no-one can change my mind about it. Men are given, nay, EXPECTED, to relax & let loose the day’s steam. Everything is catered for & to them, whereas a working woman has no choice. She doesn’t have anyone telling her to relax, take a bath, just gather her thoughts & just BE.

On a similar note, marriage as an Institution, studies have shown, ONLY benefits men. There’s nothing much that a woman gets out of marriage. She only stresses which in turn ages her more & on an average, she dies before the man too!! Male spouses live longer b/c their female spouses do alll the physical, emotional & mental labour.

And then we’ve WhatsApp uncles & hideous men laughing & talking about how “they’ve been forced into marriage/marriage is so difficult/ hahahah now he can’t do anything b/c his wife controls him.” W. T. F. 😡🤬😡

Completely, marriage and religion are both institutions that have made women miserable. How many positives one points out, historically both these institutions have existed to opress and subjugate women to their gender roles and fearing equality.

Modern men who stand for women's rights also recognize how inbuit these systems are to unfairly advantage them. The least one can do is appreciate and share responsibility with chores rather than spin par wo toh aurat hein or ghar ka kaam or bacchon ki dekbhaal se aurat ko khushi hoti hein crap.

Most women I know don't speak out and put on with the dredge because they are made to feel grateful that they are working mothers by in-laws. You say something of this sort at homes and they be like toh kisne bola tumko naukari karne ko. Lol point one person who's happy working 9 hours day job and them working the next 8 hours at home, pyaar mamta and all that crap aside. Ain't one happy soul there.

This "farz" "Khushi" is also well manufactured idea to keep a check. It's passed down generations and is used to guilt trip and shame women who are unable to live to those impossible expectations.

This interview with Radhika Apte was so thoughtful and fun.

One of the biggest problems with the women's liberation movement is that women's responsibilities and burdens increased. The burden of childcare, eldercare, and running the household never decreased when women entered the workforce. They did everything.

Not only did men fail to step up and support women in the workplace or at home. Many women fell into the trap where they felt obligated to do everything. Radhika nicely highlighted this lopsided obligation. I don't know why so many people have taken rabid offense.

I have always had a talent for cooking. When I was a teen, I would make snacks for my cousins. Usually simple, like toast and omelets. I used to make this stovetop chocolate bread pudding they loved. It was milk, sugar, cocoa, and cornstarch into which I would throw torn pieces of slice bread, dried fruit, and nuts. It was something I made up all on my own.

But I refused whenever my mom talked to me about learning to cook. Even though I clearly enjoyed experimenting in the kitchen and had a knack for it - I refused to cook. Back then, I thought cooking would be this shackle that would bind me to domesticity. So I related hard to how so many liberated women use cooking as their rebellion. Now that I am well past my expedition date, even by Western standards, I can enjoy cooking more and more without worrying about domestic shackles.

I am glad, though, that Indian men are changing. I started playing women's cricket last year, and the number of men cheering their wives and taking care of children so their wives could play was heartwarming.

My dad, too, who was one of the patriarchal men who expected my mom to do everything, understands what we're saying. He has a sense of regret that he missed out on bonding when you care for and feed a child. Another one of our relatives who was that way is now making up by being a caretaker for his grandchild with a disability.

Today the same society makes you feel guilty if you dont have a career, if you dont own a house, a car etc as if it is grocery list that needs to be tick...

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

This interview with Radhika Apte was so thoughtful and fun.

One of the biggest problems with the women's liberation movement is that women's responsibilities and burdens increased. The burden of childcare, eldercare, and running the household never decreased when women entered the workforce. They did everything.

Not only did men fail to step up and support women in the workplace or at home. Many women fell into the trap where they felt obligated to do everything. Radhika nicely highlighted this lopsided obligation. I don't know why so many people have taken rabid offense.

I have always had a talent for cooking. When I was a teen, I would make snacks for my cousins. Usually simple, like toast and omelets. I used to make this stovetop chocolate bread pudding they loved. It was milk, sugar, cocoa, and cornstarch into which I would throw torn pieces of slice bread, dried fruit, and nuts. It was something I made up all on my own.

But I refused whenever my mom talked to me about learning to cook. Even though I clearly enjoyed experimenting in the kitchen and had a knack for it - I refused to cook. Back then, I thought cooking would be this shackle that would bind me to domesticity. So I related hard to how so many liberated women use cooking as their rebellion. Now that I am well past my expedition date, even by Western standards, I can enjoy cooking more and more without worrying about domestic shackles.

I am glad, though, that Indian men are changing. I started playing women's cricket last year, and the number of men cheering their wives and taking care of children so their wives could play was heartwarming.

My dad, too, who was one of the patriarchal men who expected my mom to do everything, understands what we're saying. He has a sense of regret that he missed out on bonding when you care for and feed a child. Another one of our relatives who was that way is now making up by being a caretaker for his grandchild with a disability.

My dad changed my dirty diapers, burped me, and bottle-fed me. My parents def divided the childcare responsibilities. I heard this when my paternal grandfather was in the house (he loved and spoiled my mom so much). He would order my dad to vaccum and clean the house. My dad would complain this is the equivalent of jadoo pocha in America. He would go I DON'T CARE you are doing it. He never gifted my dad with anything. But he would spoil my mother with any type of jewels she wanted. Which I will be inheriting!