Originally posted by: Ashley.Tisdale
SUPER LONG POST BUT PLEASE READ TILL THE END.
Okay, so I have been meaning to write something like this for a long time but couldn't type four words without crying.
I vividly remember the year 2009 when all the aunties, teen girls and even kids were glued to the television during weekdays to watch a show called Pavitra Rishta. Everyone was in love with the pair of Manav and Archana. Every evening I would hear the song Saathiya Tune Kya Kiya playing somewhere. My own friends would be sending this song to each other using Bluetooth. Suddenly we had a heartthrob on television called Sushant Singh Rajput and an equally talented Ankita Lokhande.
A year later this talented boy was on the dance reality show Jhalak Dikhlaa Jaa. Now while I was not an avid viewer on PR nor was I a mega fan, I knew that particular season of JDJ was special because of two reasons- Madhuri Dixit and Sushant Singh Rajput. I had seen him dance on another show and was rooting for him to win. From Day 1 the man was a stunning performer. My mother would yell at me for using up all her SMSes and increasing the phone bills because I wanted to vote for Sushant! I remember in particular a dance he performed on O Re Piya with his partner Shampa and that was the first thing I remembered on hearing his demise.
When I heard that this bundle of talent was going to be in movies I was truly skeptical. I never doubted his capabilities as a performer, but was worried coz how vicious the industry is. Nonetheless I hoped for the best.
The next couple of years, I saw his performances in SDR and MS Dhoni and thought he was truly a great package. I was never a film buff until 2020 and wouldn't visit the theatres much anyways but made sure to watch these two films in cinema at least.
2018 onwards, there were slowly a bunch of articles on him that shows him in bad light. My heart sank, I was hoping the film industry hadn't changed him. For the next 2 years, I was not in India and was living in a place where not many Bollywood movies would be shown in theatres. However, I always hoped for the best and even hoped that even if all the blinds are true, he should get out of those situations as he is a fab performer and that's all that matters.
Cut to 2020, I was scrolling through social media and saw a meme page's post about Sushant's demise. My heart legit froze. 'No no, we've lost Wajid Bhai a few days ago, this better not be true!'. I rushed to turn on the TV and the news channels confirmed my worst nightmare. At that very minute my parents came into the room asking me why I was running around. Not knowing what else to do, I just pointed towards the screen with tears in my eyes. Their shock was indescribable.
I went into my room, locked the door and burst out crying. I wept and wept as I remembered every time I saw him on TV and in films. How much I loved his work. How I had hoped that he shouldn't change after entering the industry. My heart was hurting as much as it is today. And this is coming from a person who never cried on hearing such news from Bollywood, excluding the music industry. (Not insensitive, it just never happened)
And then I began to read about him. His likes, interests, hobbies. That just shattered me even more. Having been a misunderstood person my whole life who never fit a social norm or standard as discussing physics or Hinduism is considered medieval and not cool, I could only imagine his state of mind. At the same time I knew exactly how it feels to just channelise all your energy into the one thing that you love doing, only to face shit amount of politics there.
Today its been approximately three weeks and I cannot stop choking when I think about him. I might have not been a stan, but I loved whatever amount of his work I saw. I had hoped secretly that he would get the recognition that Ayushman got recently.
I had legit seen him growing up and maybe it was his humble nature that made me connect to him at the time. Maybe thats why it feels so personal. Everyday I wake up hoping that the news would be fake.
There is an automatic repulsion from inside me whenever I think about Bollywood now. I change the channel if a Bollywood actor/star is on the screen. I am so put off and disheartened...and I never even knew the man personally.
I don't know the reason for Sushant's untimely demise, but I do know this feeling might never go away. It might take a few years. And I hope the truth is out one day.
All I know is that the world lost someone very special. You probably have attained Moksha, and I hope you are out of this vicious cycle of life. Rest peacefully now boy, shine upon us as you always would. I wish the world would have given you the recognition and appreciation when you were amongst us.
जाति नीति कुल गोत्र दूरगं
नाम रूप गुण दोष वर्जितम् |
देश काल विषया तिवर्ति यद्
ब्रह्म तत्त्वमसि भाव यात्मनि ||२५४||
Beyond caste, creed, family or lineage,
That which is without name and form, beyond merit and demerit,
That which is beyond space, time and sense-objects,
You are that, God himself; Meditate this within yourself. ||Verse 254||
— Vivekachudamani, 8th Century AD
EDIT: Ever since I heard this particular song recreation on MX Player's Times of Music, Sushant's thoughts come to my mind. I hope you all listen to it you will know exactly what I am trying to say. Never knew that this song could be more emotional than all it is...all credit goes to (Kalyanji) Anandji 💔
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G7qIZaF5gk
! No one will be able to deal with this loss. A man worked his way up through talent, hard work and perseverance. He was what any child would be given the example of. That through hard work anything is possible. You don’t need lineage or sur names. His death was not just the death of a sweet humble soul. It was death of someone who was inspiration for Indian youth. 
1