'People said I looked like mom in drag' - Saif

SET TO COMPLETE TWO DECADES AS A LEADING MAN ON SUNDAY, SAIF ALI KHAN GETS CANDID ABOUT ROLES AND REGRETS

Saif Ali Khan has more than one reason to celebrate this week. While his latest release Go Goa Gone is doing well at the box office, more importantly he completes two decades of being a leading man in Bollywood on Sunday the 19th.

Yash Chopra's Parampara (1992) might have been his first release, but the 1993 film Aashik Aawara was Saif's first solo lead. The film, opposite Mamta Kulkarni, sank without a trace much like many Saif starrers in the '90s but the actor persevered. Two decades on, Saif has a handful of acting trophies and blockbusters to show for his time under the spotlight.

The Khan was understandably in a nostalgic mood when we met him in his lavish Bandra office. With his trademark wit and charm, he told us why his '90s films were disastrous, what he learnt from Shah Rukh and his only regret in two decades (it's personal).

Aashik Aawara, your first solo lead, released 20 years ago on May 19. What is your first thought when I mention the film?

(Laughs) It's been a long journey. There have been lots of ups and downs. I looked terrible then, didn't I?! I look better now. 40 is a great age. You look your best and you have a wealth of experience.

What are your memories from Aashik Aawara?

I just remember my knees bleeding while we were shooting the title track. For some reason I didn't wear knee pads and most of the song had me on my knees. Saroj Khan, who was the choreographer, said something very filmi about giving my blood and sweat to the film and that it would take me places (laughs)'. Also, Mamta Kulkarni used to take some pills to stop her from sweating, that I thought was very scary'. I remember having to give 59 takes for really simple dialogues. Everyone around me used to be so exasperated by the end of the shift. I am sure they were all cursing me. They must have thought 'Kahaan se aaya hai'? Of course, after the film released I remember some journalist wrote that I looked like Sharmila Tagore in drag!

You got a lot of negative reviews at the beginning of your career'

And they were all justified. There was no reason for someone to praise my work or looks. My aspirations in the earlier years were very simple. It started with me not wanting to be booed when I was on screen (laughs). Then it progressed to wanting to be a part of a hit film. I used to watch my films in theatres to see how the audience reacted to me. I remember taking solace when the audience seemed to like something that I was doing in films like Yeh Dillagi.

It must have been tough to deal with film after film not working at the box office?

It was getting tough. I used to be depressed very often. I was getting superstitious. While driving to work, I would keep wondering what it is going to take to get a hit film. It was a vicious cycle. After a flop, I'd start stressing about whether anyone is going to sign me; then signing the 'best' from the lot of crappy films I would get offered and shooting it even though I would know that the film will not work, and then the expectations and stress closer to the release date. It's not like I had the choice of not signing a film, that's how I made money to run my household! So, it was a tough phase.

What kept you going?

I think it was just mad resilience on my part. Also, I had burnt a lot of bridges and so I had no choice but to keep doing what I was doing and hope and pray that something changes. Amrita (Singh, ex-wife) was very supportive. And I had Sara and Ibrahim (their kids). There was a strong support system around me.

Did your mother have any specific advice in those days?

Not really. Her career was different. The industry and its people were different during her time. But I remember her telling me that 'If you give a little to the industry, it will give you a lot in return'. That was what she had experienced. At that point, I used to think, 'Well, exactly the opposite is happening in my case. I am giving so much to the industry and getting nothing in return' (laughs). Even within the industry, things work differently for different people. There are those who are born to success and those who slog for their success and those who never see success no matter how hard they work or their pedigree.

You have said you weren't serious about acting in those days. When did you get serious about films?

I started acting on a lark, much like I did everything in those days. I didn't have the drive and passion. Now, I am doing what some stars do at age 25. I now understand that I can create something special that could touch people's lives. I am not talking about changing people's lives but make films that entertain the audience for the two hours that they are in the dark theatre.

So, when did your attitude towards your career change?

I think it's a combination of understanding that everything is going to end some day and age. Also, I was working so hard and I wanted to be respected like my peers. It was okay to be an errant 20-year-old but I had to grow up.

I think, my attitude changed during Kal Ho Naa Ho. Seeing Shah Rukh (Khan) I realised that I also wanted to play a male lead and that I was ready to shoulder the responsibility of a film. Thankfully, that's when Aditya Chopra offered me Hum Tum and I grabbed the opportunity. I learnt a lot from Shah Rukh during KHNH. You can be funny and charming on the set but at the core you have to be alert to your responsibility to a film. On the face of it, all actors seem the same but the leading man will always have an added sense of responsibility.

What would you say are the highs and lows of your career?

My run-ins with the law were avoidable. Losing your temper is never cool and I am working at controlling my temper. There have been some personal lows with the divorce and some personal highs like meeting Kareena (Kapoor). Going to hospital with a near heart attack in my 30s resulted in me quitting smoking and being a really fit 40-year-old. A lot of my lows are very closely connected with the highs.

No regrets?

No regrets (pauses). Actually, if anything, I wish I had given Sara and Ibrahim a traditional home. I hope to make it up to them over the years.

If you got a chance to redo the last two decades, would you have done anything differently?

I would have definitely gotten a hair cut much earlier (laughs). But seriously, I would take my career a lot more seriously if I had to do it all over again. Actually no, I don't think I would have done it any differently career-wise. Who I am today is a sum total of my experiences over the last 20 years. On the personal front, yes I would have liked to do somethings differently.

Which one of your films do you watch if you catch it on TV?

I was watching the promos of my recent films on YouTube recently. The Kurbaan promo still looks so good. I watched bits of Parineeta recently. Though a lot of it looked like set pieces, I liked myself in the film. I guess I could watch Omkara or Salaam Namaste but definitely not the films from the '90s. Those were disastrous.

Originally posted by: desigal90

What kept you going?

I think it was just mad resilience on my part. Also, I had burnt a lot of bridges and so I had no choice but to keep doing what I was doing and hope and pray that something changes. Amrita (Singh, ex-wife) was very supportive. And I had Sara and Ibrahim (their kids). There was a strong support system around me.