Chup Chup Ke (2006)

Deliberately released to coincide with Phir Hera Pheri, Priyadarshan's Chup Chup Ke is the dead horse of this race. Caught up in a story of love that springs from chaos, its stars Kareena Kapoor and Shahid Kapur can do little to compensate for the film's innumerable flaws. It's a wonder such accomplished actors considered starring in it; that the filmmakers spent time and money making it; and that anyone might contemplate watching it. The best advice you've ever had? Don't.

Jeetu (Shahid Kapur) is so heavily in debt that his only escape is to kill himself so that his family can claim the insurance money. Unfortunately, he can't even get that right and is hauled out of the sea by fisherman Bandya (Paresh Rawal). In a bid to conceal his identity, Jeetu pretends to be a deaf-mute. His deceit leads him to singleton Shruti (Kareena Kapoor), presenting him with an opportunity to clear his debts and find love in one fell swoop.

With a perfectly respectable cast list and a noted director at the helm, you'd be forgiven for expecting a film that is at least watchable, but Chup Chup Ke defies all expectation. With a disjointed plot that leaves you bewildered and the absence of any real story or characterisation, the cast are presented with more than a few problems at the outset. The over eager Shahid simply tries too hard, while Kareena is called upon to do little more than simper on cue.

The dialogue itself is so appalling it's a blessing that Kareena plays a mute. Even the smattering of cinematic stalwarts can do little to salvage this film. Indeed, it's a real worry when the best performances come from Suniel Shetty and Neha Dhupia.

"APPALLING"

The film's makers are advised to keep quiet about this one. Chup Chup Ke should not be seen or heard. By anyone. Ever.