The idea of a fan...smart topic....
I have to tell you that my religion doesn't allow me to "adore" anyone but God...so when I was a teenage, I was a bit passive about boys bands and actors....Being a fan is basically to worship according my religion and that's a serious "sin"...So very young I managed to be distant about the whole fandom....
To be franck, I tuly and deeply like all the IF members with whom I've interacted and certainly most than any BW stars because you guys are real and we share a strange and mysterious e-bond that make us special to each other in some way.
I used to be a fan of Tom Cruise secretly but one day he divorced his wife for financial motives and I found it to be dishonest. I wasn't disappointed, I always avoided to read gossips or mags so I wasn't concerned in an extensive way.
The thing is sometimes there's some hole in your life and in your heart and you seek some distraction to forget the void and the sorrow and just by chance you start watching something new : Hindi movies and you understand the feelings, the values, the characters..You belong to the world....You realize that everyone is connected some way or another, your hope rises again..A bit mystical and spiritual...
BW is my sane addiction, it doesn't hurt me.
And I have to say that I'm the worst fan ever, because I have faves everyday...I'm a bit an unfaithful fan....
I like criticizing my faves (ot's my way to deal with my liking for them) when they act idiot or talk nonsense...or does ads promoting that a brown guy can't find a beautiful fianc because he's not gori........The stupid message ever considering 90% of white people I know date non white girls and I tell myself colonization has been such a disesase...
I like saying that I find them cute when I search pix of them to examine them because I'm an amateur photograher, I like examining the cinematography, listening to the songs and noticing that most of them are kinda copied from arabian songs....I like hearing Hindi...I use the words to curse at my ex and he doesn't even understand one thing...😆
I like learning Hindi songs so that I can sing them in my heart and I feel alright!
And because Hindi songs are like prayers to God....They reach such an emotional level that takes away for a long long time😛 And you feel secure in that bubble of wonders..I daydream a lot and they help my head to remain within the Galaxy of what my dreams are made of....It's a sweet cycle that never ends!
So fandom just happens to be a good drug to get rid of all the negativity that surrounded me....
So I'm not a real fan...I'm able to see the two sides of a same coin because that's how my mind works.
I've been taught to have several opinions about one thing because it's all about perspective and how you see things...We have culture, education, parents, family, studies, jobs, environement that make us who we are now and sometimes they can interfere in the process of our thinking or when you start exchanging ideas with others..The truth is we don't know who the celebs are. And we never will, and thanks God for that, it's delusional because some of them are really mediocre and very vulgar and low in real life....
I like reading my fave(s) mind, I like hearing what they think, what they want, what is their story all about, what makes us human, what makes us people and not celebs....I like hearing "hinglish" that makes me special because I absorbe a culture which I can learn from a lot. And when I hear normal english I'm like "I don't understand a word"...
Glam is just a glass window that gives a different reflection to the celebs..
Above all I like cinema : all cinemas, I like travelling in a script , in the mind of characters, I want to reach their inner humanity, the soul of their birth, I want to feel who they are, creating my own stories about them.....I'm just a fool a bitter dreamer...
Edited by lalixlili - 15 years ago
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