My Bollywood Script Discussion Session for YRF (True Lies)!

Many years ago I had watched Aditya Chopra Directed MOHABBATEIN. I was coming home with mixed feelings about the film.

While Amitabh and Shahrukh had disappointed me in the film, I was stunned by the promise shown and acting spark of Uday Chopra.👏

As soon as I entered my home, my cute sis asked me,"So? How was this Amitabh Bacchhan & Three Bandars film?" 😉

Obviously this three Bandar bit was for Uday Chopra and the other two kids in film. I shrugged off my hurt and wrote a piece for The Hindustan Times' that proclaimed Uday Chopra as immensely gifted and the next big thing of Bollywood.

To cut a long story short, I have a dear friend in Bollywood, who is into script writing and two weeks back, I received a call from him that Yashraj films (read Aditya Chopra) wishes to discuss something with me and would a Skype conversation be OK as I am based in Russia?

Once it was clear he wasn't joking, concealing my delight, I said ofcourse its OK.☺️

A day later, I was on a Skype video call with great Aditya Chopra himself.

There seemed to be typical MBPS limitations issue on the Indian side and just as the call began I saw his grainy image on my laptop. Aditya had a kid with long hair, sitting on his lap.

Finally the mystery cleared and it got revealed it was Uday Chopra,who had followed my crap writings and contributions all over the web and print over the years and recommended me to bro Aditya as a potential script writer for next Yashraj Film venture!😲

Aditya frankly told me he wasn't sure if I am the right man for doing this job as from what he has seen, mostly I write fun scripts and caricature personalities.

Their clear need was to make something like RABB NE BANA DI JODI (Remember? Simple Surinder Suri marrying gorgeous Tani Ji and failing to win her heart, does a daily makeover transformation to dashing Raj, who is almost successful in wooing Tani Ji, who at the very last moment realizes that RABB or God is inside Surinder Suri not Raj and does her final course correction?) 🥳

Aditya said they expected me to write a script on similar lines.

Suddenly I heard an eerily familiar voice as if few frogs started croaking together.

To my horror, I discovered, the kid on lap of Aditya was none other than sweet Rani Mukherji. Croaking frogs in her throat suggested story should be a bit different this time and Tani-2 should run away with a married man. She felt this would help break stereotype of traditional heroine acts in Hindi films.⭐️

I asked for 3 days and came back, with images of generous-magnanimous Uday Chopra smiling like Bhagwaan Rama in my mind and heart!

THREE DAYS LATER-SKYPE-CALL-2

I profusely thanked Aditya, Rani and Uday for considering me for this daunting task and said were it left to me, I would call the sequel as SABB NE BANA DI JODI. I said I will explain what is SABB, a bit later.

I sensed Rani wanted to jump off Aditya's lap and scratch my face image on their computer screen but Aditya briskly patted her and calmed her down even as I started explaining my reasons.😲

I said I had watched RABB NE BANA DI JODI in a small town of UP and though, I myself was bowled over by the heart touching theme, I got stung by a front bencher, may be some Rickshaw-walla bhaiyya screaming aloud,"Abey Saala Dono Ka Dono Saaarukh Khan Hai be---same Saarukh hai Dono----".😉

So I said I wish to do away with this idea of same husband transforming himself with make up and presenting himself as another guy to his wife!

My logic was if front benchers know it is same Shahrukh playing both Surinder and Raj, why the hell would a wife for Christ's sake...not know it is her miyaan only posing as Raj as well as Surinder?? 😕

Next I dropped the bombshell!

I said I would want them to consider Monalisa Biswas as the happily married wife to a simple guy. In her happy, married life, would enter a dasher play boy Manu Punjabi, who convinces her WHY, she should desert her simpleton husband and abscond with him in his BMW! 🤗

Aditya said he likes the idea. He guessed in the end Monalisa would realize her mistake and see RABB in the face of her simple husband, right?

I said,"No! Totally wrong Sir!" 😲

I said I want Monalisa to be presented as revolutionary woman of substance, a woman of today who kicks aside the RABB in the face of her simpleton husband for the SABB that Manu Punjabi offers her as package deal! ⭐️

A visibly excited Rani straightened on Aditya's Goadi and croaked in excitement, urging me to go on!

I said in the script I have included the character of one Om Swami Baba who represents whatever is outdated, traditional and dakiyanoosi in our society! 🤢

I said in the script, I have used lots of symbolism and metaphors.

Om Swami Baba would put up rock solid arguments to ensure Monalisa treats Manu Punjabi as an avoidable distraction , a Lafanga, and their dialogues would contain essence of script!

Rani jumped off Aditya's lap in excitement, but I saw he patiently picked her up and once again patted her to sit quiet and asked me to present a few dialogues!

I started reading out from my script:

SCENE 16 (Dilemma of Mona & Persuasions of Rhoodiwaadi, Dakiyanoosi Samaaj):

MONA: Nahin Baba Ji, nahin! ---------------Mera khud apne dil par koi control nahin hai is waqt! -----Pati ke saath Maruti Alto mein jaati hoon, toh Red Light crossing pe Manu Punjabi apni BMW ke andar se muskura ke mujhe apni ore aane ko kehta hai----😕

OM SWAMI BABA: Mona Beti, ye saraasar charitra-heenta hai----Apne Pati ki Maruti Alto mein sukh dhoondho tum---😲

MONA (Sobbing): Baba! Maheene ke aakhir mein----paison ki bahut tangi hoti hai-----Door se Manu mujhe Ek Bori dikhaata hai---jismein poore------ ek karod rupaye hain-----do aur automatic cars bhi hain us ke paas baba! 😭

OM SWAMI BABA (Tersely): Apne mann ke ghodon pe lagaam lagaayiye aap--Budhaape mein ye sab shobha nahin deta hai aapko Mona Devi----😡

MONA (Crying Now): 😭 Nahin Baba Ji Nahin!---Mere Pati ke ghar se baahar jaate hi----Manu garm doodh ka gilaaas le kar aata hai aur mujhse haath jod kar kehta hai main us ka gilaas jootha kar doon--------Hey Bhagwaan---Main kya karoon?-----------------Kahaan jaaun?

OM SWAMI BABA (Angry): 😡Ye Paapachaar hai, Vyabhichaar hai, Durachaar hai!----Jo aurat paraaye mard ke doodh ka gilaas joothha karti hai, --------wo paap ke rasaatal mein gir jaati hai----hamesha-hamesha ke liye----😡

MONA: Baba please! Manu ro-ro ke jaan de dega apni agar maine us ka gilaas joothha nahin kiya toh----😭

OM SWAMI BABA: Moorkh naari! -----Tum aaj Manu ka gilaas joothha karogi----kal ko tumhaare ghar ke a aage, ----wo---wo--Manveer Lassi ka gilaas le ke khada hoga-----Naveen kahega Mona meri Kulfi chaat do please-------Gaurav kahega Mere Gulab Jaamun pe bite maar do zara-----kuchh socha hai kahaan rukegi tumhaari ye mrig-trishna?---Buddhu aurat! 😡

BANI JUDGE (Guest Appearance): Arey Sab Kutte aa jaayenge! 🤢

(As I had said I would be using lots of symbolisms and metaphors)----

So what was the climax that I was proposing, asked Rani?

I said in breath taking climax scene, from a distance Mona's husband, with deen-heen-gareeb-luta-pita looks would be coming towards Mona in his Maruti Alto.

Background would have, both in words and tunes, loud, repeated screams of SABB NE---SABB NE---SABB NE-SABB NE------- SABB NE-------BANA DI JODI----

----Visuals of Manu's BMW, a sac (Bori) containing One Crore Rupees, a Land Cruiser and a Hyundai Sonata would keep flashing in Mona's mind and eyes and we will have Manu approaching with a glass of milk, smile on face, love in eyes!

BMW, Bori of 1 Crore, Land Cruiser, Hyunadai Sonata would together make up SABB-----------------and SABB would make the Jodi finally--------Mona would rush into the arms of Manu Punjabi and drink the milk gat-gat-gat-gat! ----Manu would hug her and say,"Bas Pagli---Do ghoont mere liye bhi chhod de---bahut barson ki pyaas hai meri------Alka Yagnik would lick rasgulla inside her mouth and croon aloud---------SABBB NE------(Long Pause)----BANA (LONGER PAUSE)----DI---JODI--------HAAAYEEE! 😳

I concluded audience would wipe tears at this Manu-Mona Milan, even as they will suppress their smiles at Om Swami Baba Ji killing himself taking Jal-Samaadhi in frustration! 😕

Aditya promised to get back to me in two days time!

After 2 days I got the Skype call.

It was Uday Chopra alone this time.

I can never forget his beautiful smile and twinkling eyes even as he said, "Cruiser, ------yaar Aditya Bhaai feels your script is way ahead of times. Our audiences won't accept a wife deserting her simple husband and freely sipping milk from glasses offered by paraaya mards-------...you know what I mean na?? 😲--------but bro----I tell you what-----you surely have it in you to become greatest script writer of all times!"👏

I sincerely thanked Uday.

I still maintain, Uday Chopra, will be the next big thing in Bollywood soon.

If you liked the above crap, you might as well check the other crappier ones here:

1. Fun Post-UN-DEKHA ACTION--Snippets of October 18th Episode (Not Shown)

2. Weekend Ki Haaye, Salman Sataaye--Preview Snippets (FUN TAKE)

3. REVEALED! Annual remuneration of Kamya Punjabi! (Fun Take) :)

4. Fun Post-- Azab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahaani! :)

5. One genuine question related to Monalisa... (Fun Post) :)

6. FUNopsis-1 (Expected episode contents Day 12)

7. Facebook Chat of Bigg Boss-10 Housemates (Fun Take)! :)

8. Weekend Ka Waar, Salman Ki Maar (Excerpts 5th Nov Shoot) FUN Take!

9. Facebook Chat of REAL BIGGIES of India on Bigg Boss-10 (Fun-Take)

Wonderful post Cruiser.

It was so real(until the BB10 characters came into picture) 😆that I started imagining u as HT journalist who reviews films and also into script writing for Bollywood movies.

MBPS limitations,ur mistaking the kid with long hair sitting in Adi's lap as Uday and later finding it to be Rani was hilarious.

This line-
Suddenly I heard an eerily familiar voice as if few frogs started croaking together.😆

The entire Mona-Baba convo. is damn hilarious specially this portion-

OM SWAMI BABA: Moorkh naari! -----Tum aaj Manu ka gilaas joothha karogi----kal ko tumhaare ghar ke a aage, ----wo---wo--Manveer Lassi ka gilaas le ke khada hoga-----Naveen kahega Mona meri Kulfi chaat do please-------Gaurav kahega Mere Gulab Jaamun pe bite maar do zara-----kuchh socha hai kahaan rukegi tumhaari ye mrig-trishna?---Buddhu aurat! 😡

BANI JUDGE (Guest Appearance): Arey Sab Kutte aa jaayenge! 🤢

----Visuals of Manu's BMW, a sac (Bori) containing One Crore Rupees, a Land Cruiser and a Hyundai Sonata would keep flashing in Mona's mind and eyes and we will have Manu approaching with a glass of milk, smile on face, love in eyes!

BMW, Bori of 1 Crore, Land Cruiser, Hyunadai Sonata would together make up SABB-----------------and SABB would make the Jodi finally--------Mona would rush into the arms of Manu Punjabi and drink the milk gat-gat-gat-gat!

Om Swami Baba Ji killing himself taking Jal-Samaadhi in frustration! 😕

Originally posted by: devil_heart

this is very hilarious

uday chopra😆

Originally posted by: queen51

Baba & Mona conversation 🤣 🤣

Originally posted by: alexstar

Rani mukherjee ka frog se resemblence hilarious🤣

And it seemd like real convo between u n aditya at first until mona entered d scene😆