Posted:
"Hello Inspector, I am Tanisha and this is Armaan. Sorry for being late. What's the matter ? "
"Abe Inspector, kya problem hain ? Kyon boolaaya ? " Armaan inquired politely while scratching his hairy, sweaty bellly vigorously with one hand and picking his nose with another. He then extended the same hand to Inspector Waghmaare and Waghmaare let out a shriek similar to the one in Zankar Beats.
Waghmaare observed blood shot red eyes and moronic, tobacco tainted smile of muscle flexing Armaan and instictively reached for a phone to place calls to Agra and Thane institutes to inquire about recent cases of mentally deranged, escaped convicts. But then he checked himself and pointed them to the chairs in front.
"What's the matter inspector ? "Tanisha prodded again covering unsuccesfully her swollen cheek.
"Well.. Tanishaji.. An FIR is filed against respected Armaanji for causing you errr.. a teenyweeny discomfort."
Tanisha: "What discomfort ?"
Waghmaare: "Well.. I mean .. hmmm.. slapping you in public. "
Inspector Waghmaare, a sincere cop of frail frame, chose his words very carefully. He had same feelings of inadequacy in front of Armaan as famished Woody Allen would have in WWF match against overfed Undertaker on high testosterone drugs.
He shot a quick, stealthy glace towards Armaan, tightened grip on his rusty, dysfunctional revolver and mentally resolved to be fully insured as soon as this meeting is over.
"Galti ho gayi to maaf karna. Haath jodta hoon, pair padta hoon aur aukat me rehana.Bas."
The apology from Armaan who was staring at celing fan, felt almost robotic, well rehearsed and distant.
Waghmaare, surprised, let out a huge sigh of relief. Well, then that's settled. He said happily, eager to end the meeting.
Waghmaare, surprised, let out a huge sigh of relief. Well, then that's settled. He said happily, eager to end the meeting.
Tanisha's face was getting flustered with confusion and indignation.
"Ek minute, Inspector. How dare you accuse Armaan like this ? He is the kindest, gentlest and most compassionate, civilised person in the world. Only yesterday, when I cut my hand badly while preparing his lunch, he took time to check me in the kitchen during commercial break. He got angry with me, taunted me, questioned my aukat out of his deep luv and concern for me, before rushing back to TV. He is a real sher worthy of a place in zoo." Tanisha said proudly.
Waghmaare stole another quick glance at Armaan. Sher Armaan was now busy wiping his hands against the chair to dispose off all the booty that he collected while exploring his nostrils.
Waghmaare shuddered. "Well Tanishaji.. No need to drag. It's settled then."
Tanisha was not about to let it go.
"Inspector, who is this low calibre, low class person who filed FIR to malign Armaan ? My poor Armaan is so unassuming even after being hugely popular actor in 17 movies. "
Waghmaare wondered.. This guy is in movies ? Must be the role of one of hired goons who stand behind Chunky Pandey, with clenched fist and cycle chain or broken soda bottle in hand, ready to get beaten by hero.
Waghmaare asked. "Do you mind recounting that incident in the market ? What happened ?"
Tanisha: "Well let me see. It was a busy morning as usual. I had just finished massaging Armaan's legs, cooking, cleaning and flossing his teeth, and flushing toilet after him, in nutshell typical daily chores expected in any household.
Armaan was in great mood. He even complimented me by saying that I am not such a big, shameless idiot as he previously thought. Mind you, coming this from Armaan is indeed great honour as he is very sparing in this department." (along with personal hygiene.. Waghmaare thought) Tanisha was choked with emotions.
Waghmaare, cutting her short. "This is all good. I have a video recording here which shows Armaan slapping you hard in your face right in the middle of the street. "
Saab chai - a tea delivery boy offered tea to all.
"Oh galti hui to maaf karna. Haath jodta hoon, pair padta hoon.". Armaan started with his mechanical monologue when Tanisha stopped him and made him aware that this is only tea.
Tanisha looked at the video recording with disbelief.
"Inspector, now I remember. Its true that Armaan was very angry with me when this incident happened. But he did not raise his hand to hit me as it appears in the video. You see Inspector.. It was a very hot day and I was perspiring. Armaan very thoughtfully raised his hand to create a shadow over my face. Then all of a sudden Ajaz passed by, farting loudly. The pent up gusty wind was so powerful that it pushed Armaan's hand against my cheeks. You mistook it to be a slap.
Can you please file FIR against Ajaz ? Inspector, you seem little unwell... Are you alright ? "
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