25th February - The Long Road Ahead
DM closed the folder in his hands and dropped it on the bench. He just couldn't concentrate today. He had been going over the same page of the ledger for the best part of the morning and nothing had sunk in. He hadn't done any work on it. Just stared at for hours, deep in thought.
As always these days, his thoughts wandered to Santu. DM was worried about her. The events of the past week had been tough for all of them to cope with. But naturally, they had been much harder for Santu to cope with.
Initially, he had thought that she was doing well, but for the last few days he had noticed a change in her. She seemes quieter and had withdrawn into herself somewhat. She still managed the household and it's affairs. But it was done in almost a silent, detached manner. As if she was unaware of anything beyond herself.
Even he knew that this wasn't something that she could shake off easily. But he was worried that the psychological effects ran deeper than they realised. He hoped that Santu would be able to overcome the trauma and be herself again.
He missed the old Santu. The duffor. He smiled as he remembered the occasions which had given her this nickname. DM climbed down from the platform in his office. He'd leave the work for tomorrow. It had been a waste of a morning anyway, and it didn't look as if it was going to be anymore fruitful than that.
The heat and humidity of the day had sent Santu out to the open air of the angaan. Sat on a low stool, she was shelling peas, lost in her own thoughts. She was trying hard not to think about what had happened. She really was. But to no avail. It seemed that no matter what she did, the recollection would somehow work it's way into her thoughts.
And everytime it did, the memory chilled her to the bone. She didn't know what frightened her most. The thought that she had come so close to being violated, or the fact that she had nearly lost malik. Had Sandeep's hand not been jerked by the jolt from Maulik's gunshot, then surely malik would not be alive today. The bullet from Sandeep's gun missed the side of malik's head by mere millimeters.
She sat there oblivious to her surrounding for a long-time, silently and methodically working with her fingers. Suddenly, a loud bang from somewhere jolted her out of her reverie and off her seat. She dropped the peas in her hand and covered her ears. Her eyes closed, she sat there huddled and shaking.
The loud popping and banging grew louder and increased in numbers. Santu closed her eyes tight, trying not to think about it. She was back there. In that building. Lying semi-conscious. Sandeep was firing at malik. He was firing again and again. The loud blast reverberating through her head as the bullet ricocheted around the building. Oh God, oh God. Not again. not again she pleaded. Make it stop. Make it stop.
Her breathing quickened and she was gasping. Just when she thought she would faint from the fear, she felt someone hold her close, their arms enveloping her completely. The touch was familiar, and without even opening her eyes Santu knew she was safe in them.
DM was walking past the open door leading out to the angaan, and had seen Santu cowering on her stool as if afraid. For a moment he was mystified by her behaviour. But when the sound of the firecrackers caught his attention he realised exactly what was going on.
'Ey Santu. Ssshh. Main hoon na. Ssshh'
Santu slowly calmed down and her breathing became more steady. DM held her, until she she had stopped trembling and was reassured enough to open her eyes. Santu's head lay on his shoulder and her arms held onto the front of his kurta. With one hand, DM stroked a cheek and brushed away the hairs from her face. All the while comforting her with his words.
'Don't be afraid. I'm here na? You're OK'. Santu's voice was almost a whisper when she answered him.
'Malik, I felt as if...' She couldn't finish her sentence. The thought alone made her heart beat faster and she buried her head deeper in the crook of his shoulder. DM took one hand in his and stroked it.
'I know what you thought. It was only the noise from some fire-crackers. Nothing else. Just fire-crackers. Tu, teri ghar pe hi hai. Mera pas'
Santu allowed her body to relax a little more. DM held her like so for a few minutes. Until he was sure she had calmed down. He stood up, still holding her. 'Chal, andar chal'. Santu looked at the peas strewn all over the floor.
'But the peas...' DM shook his head.
'Champakali can come and sort that out. Tu chal. Tuje aram ki jarurat hai'. The softness in his voice, and the manner in which he was coaxing her, it was as if talking to a child.
DM held her and led her back into the house.
Book Talk
Anupamaa
