10 January - The Perfect Place
Santu quietly walked into the room and saw DM resting on the bed. With light footsteps she walked over to the wardrobe and opening its doors quietly, she put away the contents in her hand. Looking back at the figure of her husband in bed she felt a sudden sense of being alone and she didn't know why.
The feeling was fleeting as much as it was sudden. Santu felt a need to be reassured, to be comforted. And yet she had not the faintest notion why? She walked over to the sleeping figure of DM who was stirring but still dozing. Before she even gave herself the chance to think, she found herself sitting on the edge, lifting her legs onto the bed and laying down.
At that moment DM opened his eyes, surprised by the sudden appearance of somebody in the room, and even more by the appearance of Santu laying next to him, her head on his shoulder. Santo was as startled by his sudden waking as he was by the feel of her so close.
She looked at him in bewilderment, slightly embarrassed and more than a little bashful. DM looked at her, a twinkle in his eyes
"Arre Santuuudi, what's the reason for this sudden closeness today huh?" Santu, her head still on his shoulder replied somewhat nonchalantly "do I need a reason to be close to my husband. DM hmmed and nodded. "Haan, yeh toh barabar hai. Tu mere Patni hai na? Teri adhikar hai, mujhse kareeb aney ke liye. Santu smiled and replied in far more of a playful manner than she had intended, "lo, mein toh yehi kehrein hi hoon".
As soon as she realised what she had said Santu bit her lips and screwed her face. She opened one eye partially to see DM's reaction. When she saw he was smiling her face broke into a smile to match his.
DM twirled his moustache. "Hmm. Agar kareeb ana hi hai, toh achche se aja". Santu, now a feeling a little more comfortable and confident in her position both physically and mentally, and somewhat bolstered by her success moments ago, replied in the same teasing manner. "Acha? Toh app bhi bataye kaise kareeb ani chahiye?"
DM turned her on her side horizontally to mirror his own position, their faces mere inches apart. He put the arm that had been lying under himself under her body and placed a hand on her back. He felt the smoothness of her skin above the low-cut back of her choli. He tenderly lowered her head onto his shoulder and Santu's eyes dipped. He took her free hand and bringing it over his body wrapped it around his back, and taking his own free hand, he similarly wrapped it around her waist. He placed his top feet just a little over her own and made circular and sweeping strokes with his toes on the soles of her feet. It was all Santu could do to stop herself from letting out a sound, which if heard, would have seemed most uncouth for a lady. In a final movement DM pulled her closer against his body and whispered "aise".
By now Santu felt as if her whole body had melted into nothing. She didn't know why she had had that fleeting feeling of loss earlier. She only knew that this moment was the perfect remedy for it. She couldn't imagine herself anywhere else. This was the only safe place she knew. Here in her husband's arms. A place where she felt the warmth and softness of wispy clouds as well as the firmness and strength of steel bars. She felt safe. She felt protected. She felt as if no-one and nothing could touch her.
DM smiled mischievously. "Ab toh bata, kya khas vaje hai aj aise mere paas an eke liye?" Santu answered softly "Koi khas vaja nahi hai". DM whispered gently "Nahi?" Santu replied almost silently "Nahi". DM, still looking at her asked several more times before Santu, her resolve crumbling under the joint pressure of his intense gaze, his physical proximity and his unwavering insistence upon hearing something different from her.
"I...I...I wanted to hear your heartbeat. To see if it beats to the tune of mine". Her voice quivered as she spoke. She looked up to see him looking at her. He said nothing. Santu realised he was waiting for her to go on. She lowered her head onto his chest and listened to the steady but firm beating of his heart. It sounded like the rhythmic beating of a drum. She lifted her head back onto his shoulder and their eyes met. "And?" he asked. "Does it beat to the tune of yours?"
"Pata nahi" she replied. "Kyun ke abh mujhe apni apki dil ki dhadkan sunai nahi derehi hai". DM gave his signatory hmm. And saying so, he lowered his own head in an identical manner and laid it against her chest. He could hear the rapid beating of her heart. Like her, it was soft but constant. DM lifted his head back up and met Santu's gaze. And in that instant for a single moment it seemed to both that they could each hear the others heartbeats and it resonated deep within the other.
"Is that all you wanted to know?" asked DM. Santu nodded and immediately noted the disappointment that flashed across her husband's face. "Nahi, I wanted to know what I can see in your eyes. DM fixed his eyes on her and said "toh dekh le". Santu gazed into his dark penetrating eyes. Over the course of a day Santu stared into, or caught glimpses of these eyes many times. Sometimes she thought she knew what they were saying, at other times she had no idea. But in that moment Santu saw nothing. Except the reflection of herself in the dark centre of her husband's eyes. Whatever else malik may or may not have been seeing, or thinking, right now, his attention was completely and utterly focused on her. Santu felt a sense of comfort.
DM was equally occupied in the same task. Looking into Santu's eyes was like looking into water. Clear and fluid. Nothing was hidden. He had learnt to read these innocent eyes. At any given moment of the day he could pretty much tell what Santu was thinking just by her eyes. Santu's lips may, and often do, try and hide things from him. But her eyes never do. And if what people said was true, that a person's eyes were a window to their souls, than they never could. Because Santu's soul was true, and pure and loving, and all things good. Looking into them right now, what he saw gave him strength and support. For what he saw in Santu's eyes were hope, faith and unconditional love. Hope in their future happiness together, faith in him to deliver them, and unconditional love for him.
"Aur kya jaanna chahthe hai tu?" He asked. Santu gulped as she spoke. "Mein yeh jaanna chahthi hoon, mein apke liye kitni khas hoon? Ap mujhe kitna pyar karthe hain? Aur kitna chahthe hain ap mujhe?" DM was somewhat taken aback by Santu's sudden frankness, but remained outwardly calm and collected. Truth be told he didn't quite know himself the answers to these questions. Santu's questioning was not wrong. He had never explicitly declared his real feelings to her, but merely made everyday implications of it, which he guessed was probably not quite the same thing.
She exasperated and pleased him in equal measures. She was irritatingly simple sometimes, but endearingly innocent at others. He could become tired at her voice going on and on, and yet feel calmed by its constant presence. He felt proud of the fact that she had such faith in him, and at the same time fearful that in his old age, he would not be able to bring her the fruits of that faith. He admired her courage whilst at the same time despairing of her timid nature. And he worried about her. He worried about her all the time. It suddenly dawned on him that he probably loved Santu a lot more than he realised. Now how to answer her?
"When thoughts of you, in whatever capacity they may be, take up two-thirds of my night and day, then surely you are a most precious thing to me. That which we care about the most is what we think about the most". Santu smiled, pleased to hear that she was in her husband's thoughts so often. For not a moment of the day goes by when she does not think about him.
"Main tu je kitna pyar karthe hoon, yeh tu abhi thak nahi jaan thi? Kabhi kabhi thoughts of you enter my head at the most strangest and innoprtune moments. Then I find myself wondering why? I love you, because you care about me so much and show such devotion. You always help me and support me and understand my emotions. I love the way your eyes shine when you look at me. The dreams that I dream now, all involve you, the endless possibilities of things we can do" He took her hand and held it against his chest. "You know what this heart thirsts for"? Santu whispered "kya?" "You" he replied. Santu felt the beating of her own heart quicken at his words. DM carried on. "Aur ajeeb baat yeh hai ke haar pyas mein, ek dard hai, aur yeh dard tera ehsaas hai". Santu felt herself drowning in her own elation. "I could say many things about why and how much I feel for you, but the only thing you must know is that my love is real. This is how much I love you, that it has become a never-ending cycle".
Santu was mesmerised by every word uttered. She had longed for malik to voice the thoughts of his heart. She had wanted to make a place for herself there, and she had. It didn't matter anymore how much he loved her. Only that he did. To love someone at all, was love enough.
"As to how much I want you? Yeh toh main hamesha tu je samjane ki koshish karthe hoon, lekin tu duffor hain na? Toh tu samaj nahi pathi". Santu was just a tad hurt at his chastisement, but not much as she knew he meant it lovingly. "Lekin aj toh main tu je samjah kar hi rahunga!" So saying DM wrapped his whole body around Santu. His hands caressed her back, whilst his feet travelled the length of her lower legs making them tremble. His face above hers, DM placed a kiss on her forehead, and slowly brought his lips level with hers, brushing them against various parts of her face as they sought their destination. He kissed the corner of her lips and gently, tenderly brought them in to the centre. He could feel the tremble of her lips and allowing himself one last look at their rosy dew, he put his mouth over hers and closed his eyes.
Edited by Rakhie_08 - 15 years ago
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