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SEPARATED
An ocean was roaring inside her heart. Two of it's drops glistened her eyes for a moment and desisted before they could roll down her cheeks. Closing eyes, Ganga asked herself whether she took the right turn. Her fuddled mind had no answers. No questions were able to find an answer for her quest for him.
As she again had his thoughts, she opened her eyes and reminded herself her decision of never thinking about him. Suddenly, from the aching heart, a lump of sorrow moved up, filling her pearly white eyes. She tried to seek peace within, but saw only his smiling face in her inner-self. Ganga forgot all pains for a moment and smiled for no reason... But her smile faded realising she was only returning to where she came from- merciless uncertainity.
The same uncertainity had twirled around her from the very moment she was born. At the age before her anklets learnt not to tinkle disobediently, with a chain tied around neck, she was sold to a butcher. Not only Ganga, her hopes, her wishes, her dreams and aspirations were also sold... If her caretakers could, they would've sold her heart and mind too.
The butcher, Ratan, took her to his slaughterhouse pulling the chain he tied around her neck and tied up her between the walls. He broke her singing anklets. Cattles enjoyed more love and care than what she got there; at least they never got raped. She was slaughtered and molested many times. Her self-respect was questioned downtrodding her identity of being a woman. Everytime her bleeding heart was being burnt, Ratan was getting more and more intoxicated and enjoyed the smell of her burning fresh blood. He spent days beating up and abusing her; nights feeding at her wounded bleeding tender flesh, like a hungry beast... No love... No care... Not even a single merciful look at her from anyone. Only rotten smell of burnt flesh and the power of a master on his slave existed between them. Like crushing a flower, he ruthlessly trampled her under his feet.!
Anywhere her eyes reached was a lonely dark desert. She cried for a drop of water, a gleam of hope and ran everywhere with soul-stinging pain. She found nothing than illusions... only mirages of the barren land. Tangled in devastating cold and darkness, she felt the pain of being pierced by a thousand knives. She saw herself dying like a river drying up somewhere in a hopeless desert. The last tear drop in her eyes also disappeared. The last ray of hope too faded. She was nothing than a leather doll, being mocked and torn, inch by inch, in hands of fate.
Knowing she had no doors opened, Ganga smiled insane at her fate and fell down, awaiting her breath to desist... That was the moment she realised a new life was budding inside her. That alone was enough for her to fight six seasons and seven worlds. A mother was born and Ganga was reborn. Though fatigued, she managed to follow a trail through melancholy storms. Like a hen, she protected her little son from lashing winds and raging rains. To save her son from the hands of that ruthless moron, she ran...ran until her legs could move no further...and again fell at the foot of her laughing merciless fate.
No hope was seen.
What was the mistake for which she suffered all these at a very young age? Why none of her prayers were not answered? She kept asking questions, but never got answered...
'Kahan jaana hai?' - asked a voice... (where you want go?)
Ganga woke up from her thoughts.
'Oh behen, kahan jaana hai aap ko?' (where you want go, sister?) asked the conductor again.
'Jaipur' - Ganga replied in fragile voice.
The conductor gave her tickets and walked away. She looked at Mannu who was sleeping in her hands. Bending forward a little, Ganga kissed his forehead, cuddled him more towards her, speaking in trembling voice- "ab tu hi mhara bharosa hai Mannu. Thare liye sirf main aur mhare liye sirf tu...aur koi nahin... Hum phir se akele hain iss andhere mein... Toh bhi hum jaate jaate ek doosre ke roshni ban jaayenge." (now you alone are my trust, Mannu. Only you for me and myself for you. No one else... We're again lonely in this darkness...but somehow we'll brighten each other)
As the night's cold wind lashed at her face again, Ganga closed the side window and lazily looked inside the bus. It was not very crowded. People were sleeping. A young couple caught her attention; the girl was sleeping, keeping her head on her husbands shoulder and upper chest, with his hands twirled around her and his head resting over hers. Ganga's heart flinched and her pain came out as a silent sob... Again His thoughts lashed inside her, failing her wishes to stop them repeatedly.
She gleaned through her memories and remembered her trail of sorrows. Somewhere at a turn, she met Jagdeesh. It looked as if he had been waiting there for ages, without any apathy... With him, she walked into the brightest day which her life has seen till then. For the first time, she smelled the world, saw the splendourous colours in it, tasted the simple joys around her... With him, every moment blossomed into a spring of thousand colours in her life...
With every clouds that rained in her life thereafter, he woke up, till they ended, brought new rainbows for her vibrant sky... She saw him smiling at the end of her every happiness. Her pain was being forgotten and wounds started healing. Her life sprouted again under his shade. She learnt the letters of what she only used to speak. Her hope shined, her confidence grew and she started weaving dreams for a brighter tomorrow.
Nothing went so easy. Ratan returned to snatch her away. But Jagdeesh wanted her to fight that beast. Everytime she fought and fatigued, he allowed her to rest in himself...and their togetherness grew more promising, beyond what the time and space could constrain... She smiled, fought the Beast, did the difficult, kept going though tired...and finally became free and independent. That was what he also wanted.
He wanted her only to be as real as she is, as free as she could be. He only loved her, unconditionally...selflessly...
Fate again did show its laughing face...
With a sudden noise of the break, bus stopped. Mannu woke up and looked into Ganga's eyes.
"Chalo sab log utar jaao. Jaipur aa gaya" - told the conductor. (Jaipur reached. Everyone get down).
With Mannu in one hand and a heavy bag in another, Ganga got down and walked towards the platform. It was only early morning 3.30. Mannu snuggled more into her arms as a cold wind blew. But she only felt the coldness searing her skin. She again saw the barren land around her and the soul-stirring loneliness that awaits her. Her lips trembled...her soul got trapped in unknown fears. She felt her world crumbling beneath her feet. Her eyes desperately searched for someone around...
Jagdeesh was the man who made her feel there is love beyond what flesh and blood could share. With the strings of his heart, he gave music and life to the broken violin she was... She never knew when she fell for him. She still doesn't know why she is loving him?
Is it only a mere attraction of two persons of opposite sex? Or the supreme eternal bliss that can be felt only when two souls merge into one, completing each other ?
Today she is trying to teach her heart to forget him, not to love him, but it never cared to learn...
She was walking alone, with her little boy in hand, in the middle of some alien land, among strange and unknown people, having no idea where would she go or what would she do or what would happen the very next moment !!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
PS- I'm extremely sorry for any spelling or typing errors. Hope you all don't mind it...
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
