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Seeing BV and from what I've seen around in life I have begun to feel that laad-pyaar is actually a trap that debilitates one's life!
No one is going to love you, value you and acknowledge every little good you do and overlook all your blunders except the few who do laad-pyaar to you. God forbid if you get used to that laad pyaar and it shapes your personality or world view, then your life is doomed!
The way Sanchi was livid and asking everyone "Mujh mein kya kami hain? Mujh mein koi kami hai?", Look at my face, my eyes, my hair! You guys called me princess na? I am a princess na.
It all showed how blind love and laad pyaar make a person delusional and how that person starts expecting that everyone treat him/her the same way as their loved ones do.
My Daddu calls me princess, then I am indeed one. That kind of subconscious view is bound to set up one for an emotional breakdown the day it is challenged by reality!
For Shekhars, Sanchi's outbursts and bad behaviour are bachpana that need to be tolerated, brushed aside or overlooked. But not everyone can think the same way. In Sanchi's own eyes she is always right. She doesn't even have bachpana.
I've made cards. I've shouted "I love you" on streets. Sad reality is that you may think you have done a lot but it is not necessary that the other person will like it, notice it or value it as much as you value your own action.
Today if Sanchi is frustrated or a wreck then it is all her family's laad pyaar which is to be blamed for it. If you keep sheltering someone from reality then don't lament if that person is later unable to cope with real world!
Sometime back, Jagya was same case. Angry at anyone when his demands weren't met or when he felt they couldn't behave "like this" with him (even to senior docs he told how could they talk to him like this when they rebuked him).Lies or manipulations were okay for him because he had grown up seeing his Dadisa and Tausa blatantly lying, manipulating, breaking laws, being insensitive and using arm twisting techniques to get things their way. And they got away with it.He had seen his DS talk rudely to all. He was spoilt by laad pyaar of DS who would lash out at his parents, teachers and anyone who made him cry or scolded him.
The worst thing about laad pyaar is that same people who indulge in it, later don't face their mistakes and rather wash their hands off the same person who they once indulged, pampered and spoilt rotten.
This was evident in how Singhs disowned Jagya, slapped and thrashed him around and were indifferent to him. They regretted their mistakes. But never tried to correct them.
Even later they were distrustful of Jagya and didn't believe easily that he reformed. Now also, Sumitra, his own mother, taunts him about his past, openly says she is ashamed of him and doubts him.
The anger of their wrong upbringing is taken out on the same person who went wrong due to their indulgence.
Shekhars are a similar case. They scold Sanchi in unison when they feel she indeed did wrong or brought them embarassment. No one guides her.
I feel all those family and friends suck and are one's enemies who only pamper in blind love but never guide us or help us live in reality. These very people ruin our lives and due to them we start expecting the world to treat us a certain way and feel frustrated or victimised if we do not get that treatment which we feel we deserve. š
Later same laad pyaar wale disown you or look at you in anger as a living form of their mistake. You become an object of shame for them.
They who kept hiding your mistakes and overlooked your blunders, will ultimately see you also as a mistake and wash hands off you. And because they were not vigilant or assertive earlier, they won't be so later either and they'll either ignore, act as victims themselves or secretly keep hoping that someday you change for better miraculously!!
I don't say a person should be berated all the time. But there's no need to treat anyone as prince or princess either.
Reality is mostly sad. Truth is basically bitter. They have to be faced and people have to be taught to face them.
Personally, I, my brother and my chacha's kids were brought up with lot of laad pyaar and had a sheltered upbringing. In contrast, my tauji's kids had a very strict upbringing and their parents kept army-style discipline and also a certain sense of detachment within the family. Everyone (be it grandparents or distant relatives) would criticse my tauji for being so tough.
But now we all think he and his wife were right. Today, his kids are much better at coping with life than us. When we look at them we feel they are prepared to deal with anything. But it's not so with us.
This laad pyaar, laadesar, princess tamasha is a sham. It does no good to kids. They cause weakness and instability. They never let a person become self reliant in all respects. And God forbid if a person becomes as wrong as a Sanchi or Jagya then her/his family would rather wash their hands off or go bonkers instead of correcting anything. Or live in collective delusion like Gauri's family is living!
No one is going to love you, value you and acknowledge every little good you do and overlook all your blunders except the few who do laad-pyaar to you. God forbid if you get used to that laad pyaar and it shapes your personality or world view, then your life is doomed!
The way Sanchi was livid and asking everyone "Mujh mein kya kami hain? Mujh mein koi kami hai?", Look at my face, my eyes, my hair! You guys called me princess na? I am a princess na.
It all showed how blind love and laad pyaar make a person delusional and how that person starts expecting that everyone treat him/her the same way as their loved ones do.
My Daddu calls me princess, then I am indeed one. That kind of subconscious view is bound to set up one for an emotional breakdown the day it is challenged by reality!
For Shekhars, Sanchi's outbursts and bad behaviour are bachpana that need to be tolerated, brushed aside or overlooked. But not everyone can think the same way. In Sanchi's own eyes she is always right. She doesn't even have bachpana.
I've made cards. I've shouted "I love you" on streets. Sad reality is that you may think you have done a lot but it is not necessary that the other person will like it, notice it or value it as much as you value your own action.
Today if Sanchi is frustrated or a wreck then it is all her family's laad pyaar which is to be blamed for it. If you keep sheltering someone from reality then don't lament if that person is later unable to cope with real world!
Sometime back, Jagya was same case. Angry at anyone when his demands weren't met or when he felt they couldn't behave "like this" with him (even to senior docs he told how could they talk to him like this when they rebuked him).Lies or manipulations were okay for him because he had grown up seeing his Dadisa and Tausa blatantly lying, manipulating, breaking laws, being insensitive and using arm twisting techniques to get things their way. And they got away with it.He had seen his DS talk rudely to all. He was spoilt by laad pyaar of DS who would lash out at his parents, teachers and anyone who made him cry or scolded him.
The worst thing about laad pyaar is that same people who indulge in it, later don't face their mistakes and rather wash their hands off the same person who they once indulged, pampered and spoilt rotten.
This was evident in how Singhs disowned Jagya, slapped and thrashed him around and were indifferent to him. They regretted their mistakes. But never tried to correct them.
Even later they were distrustful of Jagya and didn't believe easily that he reformed. Now also, Sumitra, his own mother, taunts him about his past, openly says she is ashamed of him and doubts him.
The anger of their wrong upbringing is taken out on the same person who went wrong due to their indulgence.
Shekhars are a similar case. They scold Sanchi in unison when they feel she indeed did wrong or brought them embarassment. No one guides her.
I feel all those family and friends suck and are one's enemies who only pamper in blind love but never guide us or help us live in reality. These very people ruin our lives and due to them we start expecting the world to treat us a certain way and feel frustrated or victimised if we do not get that treatment which we feel we deserve. š
Later same laad pyaar wale disown you or look at you in anger as a living form of their mistake. You become an object of shame for them.
They who kept hiding your mistakes and overlooked your blunders, will ultimately see you also as a mistake and wash hands off you. And because they were not vigilant or assertive earlier, they won't be so later either and they'll either ignore, act as victims themselves or secretly keep hoping that someday you change for better miraculously!!
I don't say a person should be berated all the time. But there's no need to treat anyone as prince or princess either.
Reality is mostly sad. Truth is basically bitter. They have to be faced and people have to be taught to face them.
Personally, I, my brother and my chacha's kids were brought up with lot of laad pyaar and had a sheltered upbringing. In contrast, my tauji's kids had a very strict upbringing and their parents kept army-style discipline and also a certain sense of detachment within the family. Everyone (be it grandparents or distant relatives) would criticse my tauji for being so tough.
But now we all think he and his wife were right. Today, his kids are much better at coping with life than us. When we look at them we feel they are prepared to deal with anything. But it's not so with us.
This laad pyaar, laadesar, princess tamasha is a sham. It does no good to kids. They cause weakness and instability. They never let a person become self reliant in all respects. And God forbid if a person becomes as wrong as a Sanchi or Jagya then her/his family would rather wash their hands off or go bonkers instead of correcting anything. Or live in collective delusion like Gauri's family is living!
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