The trap called 'laad'! - Page 2

@TM superb post👏

Originally posted by: Ithas

Very well said. Thank you for giving me the idea about earning pocket money. My daughter is 5+ yrs old & I would definetly love to implement this idea of yours when Shez big enough for pocket money.

Another point of yours...if one parent scolds, the other one being silent. My husband & myself follow this & I must say its very important. Kids shouldn't take Parents for granted.

All the best for u'r sweet little girl. Hope she comes out with flying colors from MIT.

Thank you for responses. 😊

@Truthseeker

You are right about different connotations of Laad-pyaar. My uncle and his wife may have seemed detached, solemn and almost like army generals by the family. But in long run their upbringing did only good to their sons. They ensured their sons did everything themselves. Today their sons are skilled in all things from driving to cooking! They ensured their sons were made responsible for every action they did. They were scolded for faults, never given extra comforts and not even extra "love" when they'd be sick. Today the boys are self reliant and know not to panic or blame others in trouble, but to look for solutions. Recently there was an untimely demise of a relative in our family. Everyone else was shaken. Only these guys were balanced and were able to handle not only funeral proceedings but also the grieving family. It was all due to the maturity and emotional stability they had. I knew they were also in pain. But unlike us, they knew how to manage it. We all either cried or suppressed it. They faced it but didn't let their sanity be affected.

Now I recall, how those boys would be the only ones who never complained in case of food, no fuss over what to eat or how food tasted, no fuss about travelling by bus or train, general or AC! Whatever that was available, they'd make use of it without fretting.

So yes, their parents gave them real "laad" preparing them for life and real world.

Otherwise parents only fulfil demands of kids, cover their mistakes or throw money to buy their mistakes or themselves go to apologise for kids' mistakes or don't think kids have made mistakes at all. Parents would either do things themselves or employ servants instead of letting kids do anything.

As in this serial, Shekhars were not bothered if Sanchi had not even taken a glass of water by herself! And DS would be bothered about how taxed her laadesar must even if he was overworked studying before exams! 😲

EDIT : I agree with you on Bhairon! However wise he might have been! But he has never sat with Jagya and had a heart to heart talk with him to learn more about him and to make him also learn about his father. No talk about life or responsibilities. Bhairon only protested and fell silent. Or supported and fell silent. But no conversation - which is necessary for parents to engage in regularly with kids!

You know it feels funny how people say Saanchi lives a life of princess because living princess's life is not so easy...they are actually protected and bounded with so many rules...on how to behave and whom to make friends with and whom to talk to...the only part of princess is she doesn't have to do any work but apart form that even they have tough life...so let's not tease princesses by saying Saanchi is like a princess 😆...Saanchi is not bounded by anything...Shekhars did brought her up...they just told her to exist and to keep her loud mouth shut filled it with her demands...it like a dog is demanding food eaten by his master during dinner time so much that in the end the master gives him the food instead of ordering and taking the trouble to teach him to not beg like this at dinning table or in front of anyone

Originally posted by: Truthseeker

Wow nice. I used to earn my pocket money by ironing clothes(mine)😳! I was an expensive worker though😆

Skep brilliant post. I am so glad to be back on this forum.

@Anjani

Thank you. 😊 I agree that there is no ideal way of parenting. But I do know that there are certain things which are a no no. The way DS used to thrash or try to bribe Jagya's school masters when they punished him or feigned illness to divert attention whenever Jagya was scolded, covered up his mistakes etc. was wrong. This - you need not study, you need not bother about teachers or elders, you need not bother about money, you need noth bother about law - I'll stick up for you, all wealth is yours, we'll cover your mistakes - is BLUNDER.

Even now, Singhs did not make Jagya responsible for his actions. Only Bhairon asked him about Gauri. Others were happy to have him back. And DS was foolish enough to try to get Anandi back in his life despite her wedding fixed with Shiv.

Sanchi's family has never made her take responsibility for anything she does. Even now they want to rush to Jetsar and apologise for her blunders. They are so blinded that she makes excuses and they readily buy them.
She breaks things, she's rude and she lies at the drop of a hat, but they dismiss it as her nature instead of correcting her.

I agree parents give overdose of love thinking their child would grow up to be indebted to them. But that is not necessarily true. Kids mostly take advantage of it and bring trouble. Very few manage their conduct well due to gratitude they feel for parents' love.

Sometimes parents also give overdose of love because they themselves got rudeness all their life so they don't want their child to suffer the same. But just because it is your only son/daughter or you don't want suffering, doesn't mean you do not even ensure basic discipline and do not put your foot down when something is decidedly wrong. I don't say parents should keep thrashing kids all the time. But they have to be firm in making clear what behaviours shall not be condoned or tolerated.

We see even mothers of rapists defending them like crazy and wailing, Mera beta aisa kabhi nahi kar sakta! - accusing even the victim itself for framing him! This is all blatant blindness in attachment and "love" for kids! He whole world is wrong but my kid can't be wrong or whatever he does is a false accusation or bachpana reeks of absolute failure as parents!

I also think people pride themselves a lot over what they are as parents. So it hurts their own ego to accept their kid was wrong - which is evident in how Ira goes mad when she's told Sanchi was lying! Just as it took ages for DS to realise her ways were wrong.

@TM - Well said about laad being the trap.

Originally posted by: Hiral_Halwa

@TM superb post👏

Just on a different tangent, I feel today, the parents have equated parenting to just fulfilling every desire and need of the child...see everyone is working..nobody has the time for being there for every moment of the child - so they either hire nannys or grandparents take care of them

Parents are busy running around to achieve the goals...and just hand over Iphones/ Ipads/ laptops to kids instead of playing with them or listening to their fun encounters or taking them out to play in gardens...and that is really sad

Kids dont get love and affection from their parents, all they get is fancy gadgets and pocket money