Posted:
I guess a lot of this is just a difference in values and principles.
I am not "modern enough" for all sorts of male-female friendships outside of a marriage.
Neither is my husband.
My husband has a high profile job that requires him to work late and travel a lot. He is a very sophisticated man with really stellar educational qualifications ... but that still hasn't changed his views on certain things.
I too have a job that requires me to travel some of the time.
Both of us are in agreement that
1. When we travel to other cities, we will not have dinner with people of the opposite sex alone.
Any business interactions with people of the opposite sex have to be at lunch. Dinner is only appropriate with other people present, and that too if there is a business need.
If my husband has free time in the evenings , he spends it in his room and does not just take out another female colleague for dinner. He doesn't want damage to his professional reputation or personal reputation. Somewhere it's not just the husband where one has to worry about ... it is also the intentions of the other woman.
Likewise for me -- exact same.
2. If we HAVE to have dinner with someone of the opposite sex for reasons of business (and business only) , then we make sure to call each other first and notify each other -- just as a courtesy.
If something does happen later on in terms of 'public scandal', I don't want to hear it through that route. I would like to know in advance from him that he went out with someone.
3. If there is a need to work late for either one of us (past regular office hours) -- with one lone single colleague -- then both of us will just invite the colleague home for dinner - so that the other person is also present.
My husband sometimes has to work with his secretary late at night particularly if there is a crunch for some presentation or report to be written for next morning. Usually, he brings the secretary to our home and they both sit at the dining table and work - while I am around in the kitchen or the living room. Then when they are finished, we BOTH see the secretary to her home. He doesn't drive her home alone at 2 in the morning.
etc. etc. etc.
Now I know that it is not everyone's cup of tea to behave this way or to have these agreements, but I do think they go a long way in preventing misunderstandings. We don't see it as reporting to each other -- we see it as communicating with each other.
Others may not agree, and may have more liberal and modern ways of thinking. But it works well for us - our so called 'non-modern conservative' approach 😆.
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