Haha Jagya & Singhs! - Page 19

Originally posted by: Skepblun

@redapple and @samvi

I disagree! Why must it be so that Singhs always remain passive in their parenting or simply thrash Jagya if at all they want to react?

The must try to ensure his attention is diverted to some other activities and make him comfortable enough to bare his soul to them so that they can guide him.

Even at Anandi's bidaai it was Jagya who himself tried to divrt his attention by playing with Mannu and to some extent Ganga thought about him. The Singhs did nothing to do something for their son also who must've been feeling rotten at the celebrations!

Why do they want to shift all onus on an Anandi or a Ganga to handle Jagya? Why not perform their duty? Is their duty limited to feeding him, giving him money or delivering slaps when he crosses all limits?

Umitra and Bhairon had talks with Anandi before she married Shiv, sensing she was unhappy and uncomfortable. Why not give pep talks to their son also who needs it urgently?

They have to do some self introspection as parents. Remove DS interference. And finally guide their son with some sense! Help him develop self control and self respect.

The kind of guy Jagya is he would feel worse if sent to a therapist. He may not even agree to meet one! It is his parents and most importantly his father who has to guide him!

Thinking that giving him the hospital or having some lecture sessions with Anandi/Ganga or getting him remarried is going to be the panacea for him is foolish!

They have to make him a stable individual first - who can regulate himself. Marriage or former wife's lecture are not magically going to transform him! Rather they will put all responsibility of handling him on his spouse. That is like shirking their own responsibility!

Shiv's mom and CM still have talks with him if they sense something is wrong. Whereas Sumi and Bhairon are silent and mostly look troubled! Silent regret or violent anger are the only extremes thy show as parents instead of taking a sensible middle path!

Originally posted by: redapple1

@Samvi
Whole family in group therapy session? 😃 Then one psychologist won't be enough. Sanchi needs therapy to go back to college. She has missed almost one quarter of studies now.

@Skepbun: Thanks for your input. I am not convinced Jagya's parents are capable to guide him now. It is not that they don't love him, they think they are doing the right thing. They are not able to understand giving personal space is also important. They think marrying him again is a solution. They don't realize unless one person gets over his ex, it is not a good idea to marry him off to another girl. First Jagya's mind and heart needs to get used to being alone. He has to cut off all sorts of communication with Anandi. Focus on his work and try to make new friends. Remarriage is definitely not the answer here.

Originally posted by: samvi.

Skepblum did u notice that we have been mentioning very similar points regarding Singh's and the way they brought up Jagya? I agree 100% that the Singh's have been ignoring certain things related to Jagya. Every parent or the majority of them tries to give the best to their child. According to the Singh's, they have taken good care of him, they pampered him, built a hospital for him , married him to a very nice girl(as per their customs), trained her just the way he would need her to be...and gave him everything "they thought he wanted".They do not know that having heart to heart convos with their children would make things better.

For example, A client of mine(a very successful stinking rich business man) thinks that he spends a lot of time talking to his wife and children and wonders why his grown up children never share anything with him. While his wife complains that he never spends time with her and their children. That he is always busy in his own world even if he is physically present with them. On going deeper into the issue , i understood that he spends time with them but not quality time. And would u believe if i say that he still did not understand where his mistake was despite being in his fifties? He always thought he gave the best to his family...while his family thinks he only gives them money and thinks he gave them everything. These issues are very sensitive and had to be dealt with utmost care. The Singh's had faults on their side. Period. But they are not intentional. They genuinely thought that they did the best. Actually CV's can show this kind of change even in the singh's. It would give a good message to the such parents who think they give the best to their children. Here what varies from person to person is their definition of 'best'

Originally posted by: Skepblun

@Stuti

I am NOT anyone's fan or hater. I react to characters on basis of their actions. And I have praised Jagya whenever he has done the right and the good acts.

Also to clarify, I DID NOT use"the foulest" language for Jagya! I had only used words like faltu, fatichar which were also reported by some J fans here and I'd received warning from the mod so I replaced them with a BEEP.

I have clarified myself again and again and do not wish to repeat the whole discussion. I have not gone to enlist support of "Haters". People responded as they felt - be it the ones who support his actions or the ones who do not. Rather it was J fans who went all out, got personal, made remarks on my and others' thinking and ganged up to report this thread as many times as they could - till I got a warning.

Not that I mind all this, but I am writing this only in response to your allegation about me enlisting support of supposed J haters.

First see the entire thread, see how others have been getting personal and then respond. I only retaliated against those personal comments.

You are also still getting personal instead of discussing the topic at hand.

I have clarified again and again that I did not equate his act to rape and used that word only as an example. Whether someone admits or not, an unrelated man hugging another woman (who is not yet divorced and is mother to a kid) that to in an intoxicated state is wrong! Such an action does outrage the modesty of a woman. And Ganga did say she would have gotten angry. But she added it was worse that he took Anandi's name who is now someone else's wife.

I am talking as a female and in context of Indian culture and value system. I'd have felt violated if I had been in Ganga's place or gotten angry if my sister or friend had been in her place. If my brother had done something like this I would have immediately pushed him away from the woman or at least asked him what was he doing or maybe even slapped him.

Such actions are serious whether done in an intoxicated state or by a disturbed person and family is supposed to react.

My issue is also with the Singhs who did not do anything at all to stop Jagya or counsel him afterwards. But only defended his character (especially Bhairon who jumped in without even knowing what had happened). And I felt worse at the hypocrisy of people in responding to a woman and a man for a similar act.

Some members here accused Ganga of showing "attitude" to Singhs or mocking her for being angry at Jagya. Haven't you seen that?
That also made me feel how odd it was that the seriousness of the action was being belittled.

Intoxication or disturbed mental state only lessen the possible punishment for an act but they do not reduce the seriousness of the act committed. Nor are they going to stop the possible ramifications of this act the brunt of which will have to be borne by Ganga being a woman.

Instead of a proper discussion here people are hell bent on getting personal and making it a fan war. This is unfortunate.

Anyway I would still request you to respond to the issue. Getting into this "you said this"- "no I meant that" or "oh yeah" kind of fight is the last thing I am interested to participate in! Ciao!

Originally posted by: parri814

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😊 Hi Asru.

I love this point you and Redapple have brought up about different parenting styles. You guys are right to an extent. Parents do want best for their kids and within their purview they do try their best. I think we all agree that when it comes to material comforts, B and S made sure they provided well for their kids.

Where I disagree with you is when you say that it's too late for them to change or learn something new ( not in those words exactly 😉 )

If someone as old and steeped in 'the old ways' as Dadisa can change and attempt at listening and understanding the younger generation, how can it be too late for B and S. they are supposedly more open to new ideas and more reasonable ( we all agree there too). So why would it be so far fetched to expect them to become more involved via guidance and advice for their kids.

@ bold, but they do know this. They always had heart to hearts with their laado Anandi. Sumitra even had it via Skype.

@red, my criticism of B and S is for the very fact that we want CV's to show this change in B and S (that's why I don't think it's too late) and it will be a good message to put forth.