Together or Not
Shiv watched as Anandi walked away. He watched in amazement. It wasn't the fact that she had dumped him that was making him so dazed. The amazing thing was that he had let her get away. For six whole months he had worked his way into her heart, only to be locked out in a matter of minutes.
He shifted in his stand as he watched, and felt guilty that tears were actually escaping from his eyes. He knew he should have been crying about his heart break, but he felt worse about Anandi.
There was so much he loved about Anandi. The way her black eyes lit up when she saw him, the way her face shone when she gave him that innocent smile. And although neither one of them said it, they both knew what was going on. Each of them knew that they were falling faster and harder for one another. Shiv couldn't deny it, nor could Anandi.
Now, he stood, just longing for her presence to be near him again. He had no idea where she was, but wherever she was, he was blaming himself for every single thing that had happened today. He was preparing to blame himself when something went wrong in the future. And what else could he do?
Many ideas came into his mind: "Run after her!" was the first. He contemplated doing so for a while, but when he saw her walking away, it seemed too final. Everything about her walking away with no intention of turning back seemed so final.
"Go yell at her!" was the second idea that had popped into Shiv's head. Shiv knew that his temper was well known , and it would have been all too easy to go and argue with her for hours on end. Yet, he still seemed to think that everything was too final. He remembered her eyes when she was breaking up with him earlier. They were filled with sorrow..
Shiv had no intention to hurt her, really. He loved Anandi deeply, and after having her all to himself for a few weeks, he knew that he wanted her and nobody else. Everything about him just screamed "Anandi". It screamed so loudly that Shiv was surprised it didn't pull her to him magnetically while watching her walk away from him.
The most astonishing thing was that she did love him. No matter how much he told herself not to get his hopes up too quickly, he knew that deep down inside of himself, she was just too afraid to admit it. There was no way around the fact that Anandi had a disturbing life. Maybe, she was afraid to love someone.
That was what stunned him. Anandi singh, who was the most breathtaking, most beautiful, most caring girl in his world, was afraid to love somebody else. She continued to mask it with the fear that her past experience might come back for her, but he knew the truth. He knew what was taking place. And what ate him most was that he was letting it happen. He was letting her walk away from him. He was letting the thing that mattered most to him slip out of his grasp because she was afraid.
For a minute, Shiv was outraged at himself, outraged for letting the very thing he had been waiting for slip out of his fingers only minutes after he had grasped it tightly. But the outrage didn't stick long. It was replaced with pity. Pity for the person that had to run from everything she loved, because the person that she hated most didn't only haunt her, but everyone those were close to her also.
Shiv understood totally. He understood what Anandi was thinking when she dumped him, and he had a hard time denying that he would have done the same thing.
What mattered to him most at this moment in time wasn't about his sudden loss of what he loved most. What was truly running through his mind was how he was going to make Anandi realize that she needed him. How was he going to make her realize that she was the one making the wrong choice?
He knew he wasn't totally defeated for many reasons. Shiv knew that no matter how much harder he fought it, he could not get over Anandi. After actually having her, and finding she was 200 % better than he had ever expected, he wasn't going to waste a life time just loving her from afar.
He didn't mind the idea of apologizing to her. Even though it was supposed to be a big, heart-warming decision on his part, it simply wasn't. He had no problem telling her that he truly wanted to be there, by her side, to help her and to protect her. Even though Anandi was convinced that he may not need him for protecting her, Shiv knew that Anandi was going to need his share of protecting too - and he wanted nothing more than to be the one to give it to her.
Shiv realized he was planning something that was going to be very difficult to make happen. He gave into his doubts for the moment, but only for a moment.
However, Shiv knew one thing for sure. He would be the furthest thing away from defeat. He would let Anandi know, and she wouldn't ignore it, that he was going to follow her throughout in this adventure of life. No matter how dangerous or daring, he will follow her, whether they are TOGETHER OR NOT.
FINISH
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This is just to vent out and feel light after last couple of episodes...
I do not expect every one of you...agreeing to this outburst...😆
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