I feel for Anandi - Page 2

Originally posted by: veechafan123

Thank you so much for all time you spent on replying to my post. I will try to follow all your advice and work on that.

Mine was an arranged marriage and we hardly got enough time to get to know each other because he had come to India only for a short period of time and both families were eager to get us married. I was also not getting any younger. I think at that time he just liked me by my looks and that I was from a good family and I had a lot of confidence in me, a sort of a spark in me - a zest for life. Also I wasnt so sure I could adjust in a different country and I was a lil skeptical abt leaving my family and go miles away but I was convinced by many that its just normal. And that it will all change once I go to US. I am a changed person today...but for the worse.

The initial few months were very very hard. After some family intervention, things got a little better. I made a few friends and started to mingle with people. But there was this constant snubbing. And like a termite eating away the wood, his comments started eating my self confidence from the inside. After a certain point, I got used to it. I would cry and that wwas cathartic.

After my daughter was born, I was sort of depressed. I started to stay in much and not go out. For 4 years I just spent time with my daughter, nothing else mattered. I have started looking for jobs now that my daughter will be starting school but no calls. I have applied almost 100 so far...but nothing materialises. And my husband says all I know is to sit at home and do nothing.

I started watching BV after Shiv's entry and I am just so mesmerized. I know its just a show but watching it is so comforting. I look forward to watching it everyday. I hope Anandi realises that she is falling in love with Shiv and vice versa. Go ShivAn!

Hey don't say that your self confidence is eaten away completely...I can be your friend...I will add you on my friends list on IF and then we could talk and discuss further. I faced the same problem while applying for jobs in the UK.

Though I had a master's degree from India, the recruiters still needed a UK qualification and UK work experience, so I enrolled myself in college for a professional qualification in my field, the course was for one year, n I had to attend evening college once a week. So I used to do my wifely duties of cooking n cleaning n taking care of my baby and go to college in the evening, leaving my baby in husband's care in evening. But still while I was studying I did not get any job offers. Finally I got an Interview call and did well in the interview that boosted up my confidence a bit. but i did not get that job , but a temporary job in the same firm. after my temporary term ended, I was sitting jobless at home again . Then I started to do childminding and babysitting for other NRI parents in my area. I did this on my own by posting an add online and then after a few weeks I got responses from many people. then made some aquaintances with the other mothers. They really appreciated my efforts and praised me for my multitasking efforts as even my child was just one and half years old then. So I got my confidence boosted up a bit more.😊

I was happy to earn some money and keep myself busy with little kids n babies. Then after some months I finally got a job and now am working here. I have friends from my workplace now and go out with them sometimes, it gives me immense satisfaction and relief.

I am now learning a little bit of the French language, in future I am planning to take up dancing classes in my free time. So for me now I have a small tiny world of my own apart from my child and husband and family in India.

So don't worry as I said before, take up a book to read to the library, take up some hobby classes. Start creating your own space. and you will be fine and get back your confidence..as it is not really gone but you have shut it somewhere in your heart.😊

Originally posted by: veechafan123

I am a silent reader of this forum and I feel like sharing something here today. The way Jagya has treated Anandi I have also been through that. Only difference is for Jagya it was gaanv-sheher comparison and for me its India US.

when I cam to US 8 years ago, I was in culture shock. I was overwhelmed because of a lot of things. My husband kept snubbing me that I dont dress well and I dont have a western dressing sense, that I dont talk well, I dont have good interpersonal skills or communication skills,I dont know how to carry myself here among the whites. Even today I want to go back to India bec I dont feel I belong here. I feel comfortable wearing salwars, I dont talk much and I am a housewife, so I dont get to see the outside interaction much. But I am educated, Bsc graduate. Because of constant snubing, I have very low self esteem and self confidence. I dont have my friends and family here in US and I miss them a lot.

Now I am a stay at home mother and my whole world revolves around my daughter. My husband works full time, and he is a Roman in Rome KWIM..? Branded clothes, perfumes etc. and I am very simple. I cant believe he was in India for 28 years before he came to US. I just told him the other day " Why dont we go back to India where our family is, where my daughter can grow up around her grandparents, cousins etc" And he looked at me as if I uttered the most ridiculous thing on earth.

My husband has said a lot of things similar to what Jagya said to Anandi after he met Gauri. At least I am happy for Anandi that she has got a chance to move on and has met someone like Shiv.

Originally posted by: Teeya

aapki baat kahin chhu gayi lekin aap jeise ho weise hi raho mein maanti hoon ki aap apne liye change ho shaktein ho lekin kisi aur ke liye nahi. kisi aur mein hubby bhi shamil hai. mein bhi aap hi ki tarah hoon. aapse kahin saal pahele mein yahan aayi thi. mein jab yahan aayi thi tab marathi ke alava mein kuchh bhi nahi jaanti thi par mere hubby se jyaada mere bachchone muje english shikhayi. kabhi kabhi muje bhi lagta hai ki american lady ki tarah mein bhi banu par aaj bhi mein utni hi simple hoon mere bachche kahete hai ki aaj jeise ho waise hi raho dusro ke liye khud ko mat badlo.

Hey teeya good to know you speak marathi, I speak marathi too...

Originally posted by: veechafan123

Thank you so much for all time you spent on replying to my post. I will try to follow all your advice and work on that.

Mine was an arranged marriage and we hardly got enough time to get to know each other because he had come to India only for a short period of time and both families were eager to get us married. I was also not getting any younger. I think at that time he just liked me by my looks and that I was from a good family and I had a lot of confidence in me, a sort of a spark in me - a zest for life. Also I wasnt so sure I could adjust in a different country and I was a lil skeptical abt leaving my family and go miles away but I was convinced by many that its just normal. And that it will all change once I go to US. I am a changed person today...but for the worse.

The initial few months were very very hard. After some family intervention, things got a little better. I made a few friends and started to mingle with people. But there was this constant snubbing. And like a termite eating away the wood, his comments started eating my self confidence from the inside. After a certain point, I got used to it. I would cry and that wwas cathartic.

After my daughter was born, I was sort of depressed. I started to stay in much and not go out. For 4 years I just spent time with my daughter, nothing else mattered. I have started looking for jobs now that my daughter will be starting school but no calls. I have applied almost 100 so far...but nothing materialises. And my husband says all I know is to sit at home and do nothing.

I started watching BV after Shiv's entry and I am just so mesmerized. I know its just a show but watching it is so comforting. I look forward to watching it everyday. I hope Anandi realises that she is falling in love with Shiv and vice versa. Go ShivAn!

Originally posted by: gksk

I am also living in US and my advise to you is 'Try making friends and you will find many who are wishing to be friends with you'.

From your post (grammer etc.) it is clear that your English is pretty good. In my experience Americans are very friendly people. You do not need to change your dressing if you dont feel comfortable with it. Americans don't mind, they are real cool people. You don't need to drink or smoke to socialize. You don't need to eat non-veg or beef or anything you don't wish to to impress them. In my experience Americans are very open-hearted about difference in culture among people and accept you for what you are. the only thing needed is effort from your side.

I wear Indian and western dresses but nothing revealing. I don't drink or smoke. Still, I have sooo many friends in US, ALL americans because the area where I live does not have lots of Indians. I have even worn Sarees to parties, and the first time I wore a saree I felt like I was a celebrity because everyone wanted a pic with me. They ask me about traditions in India. I am even teaching basic Hindi to a colleague.

I don't agree with people who say that Americans are not cultured. If just wearing Indian clothes and touching elders feet is culture, then those people don't know the meaning of culutre. Culture means respecting everyone around you for what they are. Respecting your parents is culture. Helping friends and unknown people when they are in problem is culture. And I think Americans are more cultured than a lot of Indians.

Boys who eve-tease are not cultured.

People who think that person who is doing smaller job is not worthy of respect are not cultured.

Children who don't respect parents but touch feet in front of others are not cultured.

People who don't help a person bleeding badly on road after an accident are not cultured.

People who beat animals are not cultured.

Shopkeepers or farmers who sell adulterated food products or fake goods are not cultured.

Doctors who lie about severity of illness to get money from patients are not cultured.

Government Servants and policemen who take bribes are not cultured.

According to my experience, I have met more uncultured people in India then in US.

Don't judge Americans for their dresses, most are kind in heart. When I go to malls alone, mostly some man opens the door for me. When I was pregnant, people all around helped me all the time by opening doors or helping me carry my stuff or just saying a kind word. On my delivery night, a neighbour insisted on coming with us to the hospital to help us even when she had worked all day in office. She kept standing all night near my bed holding my hand and talking to me to distract me from the pain. I had been here on short trips when I made lots of friends before moving here long term. When we moved to our rented place from hotel, so many friends gave us their lightly used furniture so that we don't have to make major expenses in the beginning. They came to help us move to our home with heavy furniture etc. Due to all initial expenses (my Indian MNC company refused to give any advance), we did not have too much money for a good car. We bought a car which needed some work. My boss (who knows a lot about cars) along with his grandson fixed the car for us. He is a millionare but he did not hesitate from getting under our car to fix it. They had a car-cleaning party at their home to clean our car where their entire family cleaned our car with us. We got so many gifts and blessing for our daughter when she was born.

I have said Thank-You more often in US in the 2 years that I have spent here than in India in the other 27 years. When my husband and I moved here from India, we had never guessed we would find such good people here.

That is why I suggest, get out of your shell. Interact with people around. You will be pleasantly surprised that there are friends waiting with open arms waiting for your initiation.

Originally posted by: covalentbond

I could't agree more. You said exactly my experience except I was all alone when I came from India. Very first day I met 5 people and after 10 years they and their families are still very close to me. Americans are very receptive of love and respect and treat you the same.

I agree covalentbond..but not everyone gets to meet like minded people...i have come across a lot of people who offended me at times as they do not share the same thinking as me...

Originally posted by: AshBendre

I agree covalentbond..but not everyone gets to meet like minded people...i have come across a lot of people who offended me at times as they do not share the same thinking as me...