Good and courteous speech

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

I am most impressed by shiv's speech -- he is courteous, thoughtful, softspoken, and to the point.

I would love to cultivate speech habits like that to cultivate a more pleasant personality.

Currently I am sort of like gauri -- not as emotionally volatile like her, but a little bit like that.

Does anyone have any resources (books, online resources or anything else) that they may have found in cultivating a pleasant speech pattern to enhance their personality ?

You can pm me too if you have ideas.

Many thanks!

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

yaar , i too have wondered a million times up to what extent I should talk, when to stop talking ... to be frank and straight forward or just keep quiet , if you talk freely people take you for granted, if we keep quiet people say its just show off ... So what is the correct way to talk and in what amount...

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: bluerobin
yaar , i too have wondered a million times up to what extent I should talk, when to stop talking ... to be frank and straight forward or just keep quiet , if you talk freely people take you for granted, if we keep quiet people say its just show off ... So what is the correct way to talk and in what amount...

Personally, I follow the principle of "speak when you are spoken to"... so unless the other person directly asks me something, I dont reply. I never answer. I never volunteer information. I never give advice. I never initiate a conversation unless there is a point of reference to me.

As for what people think, I believe that the only people whose disapproval you should consider is if their approval makes some sense in your life to begin with.

Consequently, I dont really care what someone thinks of me unless it is my boss, my parents or someone in my life whom I really care about or whose disapproval can make a tangible difference to my personal or professional life.

But when I do open my mouth, i want it to be sweet like shiv's and courteous. I guess I am not graceful and courteous 😆😆

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: tinoo

Personally, I follow the principle of "speak when you are spoken to"... so unless the other person directly asks me something, I dont reply. I never answer. I never volunteer information. I never give advice. I never initiate a conversation unless there is a point of reference to me.

As for what people think, I believe that the only people whose disapproval you should consider is if their approval makes some sense in your life to begin with.

Consequently, I dont really care what someone thinks of me unless it is my boss, my parents or someone in my life whom I really care about or whose disapproval can make a tangible difference to my personal or professional life.

But when I do open my mouth, i want it to be sweet like shiv's and courteous. I guess I am not graceful and courteous 😆😆

I really need to follow the sentences in red ...thanks yaar . I take other people's comments too much in to heart .

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

actually bluerobin,

speaking from my own experience, I really used to talk freely with others at a point, and had tons of facebook friends, and we would all blabber together on facebook, and I was free with others at work... and then it was just too much chatter and chatter and chatter in my head. Meaningless useless faltu talk 😆😆

when i look back at the difference between me now and me then, I realize that at that time I really had no goals or ambitions -- atleast I didnt have clarity even if I had goals or ambitions.

The moment I set goals for myself or acquired clarity about them, 90% of my interactions just fell away naturally, because I would always evaluate the other person's presence in my life through the lens of "does this person benefit me in reaching my goal in any way" and if not, i hit the delete button.

I dont mean this in a materialistic, calculating way ... but at the same time, we all have limited time and deciding where to put our time is important.

And goal also doesnt mean career or academic aspiration.

For instance, one of my goals is to feel good about myself. So I generally see people who dont gossip, who are nurturing etc. The rest I discovered were either overtly toxic or covertly chipping away at my persona. 🤢

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akvats01

@akvats01

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

Hey yar,

We guys speak natural. And naturaly people may speak broad wide..

But Shiv's dialouge are written , and reviewd by CV teams. They would change these dialouge several time to make it precise and to the point.

If every body will speak like this, There will be very precompiled communication,...

Bak Bak bhi to jaroori hai na...

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: bluerobin
I really need to follow the sentences in red ...thanks yaar . I take other people's comments too much in to heart .

Yes, when their approval itself has no meaning to you then why should their disapproval matter? 😆

It's a simple concept but it took me years of therapy before my therapist said that to me, and after hearing that sentence, I just sat up straight and never looked back. I was such a people pleaser before.

Unless everyone liked me, I couldnt like myself and spent years in terms of people-pleasing doing something, anything until they felt that I was okay and conveyed it to me. Then and only then could I relax. The thought of even a single person disliking me was not palatable and would cause me great discomfort. I just had the disease to please.

There are usually four ways that people define themselves --

1. who they are in terms of looks

2. who they are in terms of what they do (academic or career achievement)

3. who they are in terms of whom they know (people pleasers and those who believe in belonging to certain social groups or clubs because they believe that belonging to that club makes them more valuable in the eyes of others).

and

4. who they are in terms of their values.

The only correct way to define oneself is # 4... and # 1, 2 and 3 are superficial and ultimately cause you pain because you are always looking for approval from others to validate you.

However, when you clarify your values and take a stand for them, then you only need your own approval and your own internal conscience to define you. 👏

I belonged to # 3 and it took me a therapist to get to be # 4.

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

tinoo , actually i too was in facebook but deactivated it because I was spending too much time seeing the trivial things happening in others' lives. What am I going to get by keeping a detailed data of things going on in the life of each and every person we know. Then major problem people don't have anything to talk other than "Hi "and " life is just going on" and finally one bye. And when I interacted with people they started telling i talk too much and iam childish , not serious this and that. So nowadays I think a lot before speaking each and every word because people always land me in some mess

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: akvats01
Hey yar,

We guys speak natural. And naturaly people may speak broad wide..

But Shiv's dialouge are written , and reviewd by CV teams. They would change these dialouge several time to make it precise and to the point.

If every body will speak like this, There will be very precompiled communication,...

Bak Bak bhi to jaroori hai na...

I know that the CV teams do the dialogue ... but it means that someone (if not the character shiv) has the key to good communication ... how would they write good dialogue if they didnt have that aesthetic sense themselves? so I'm hoping if the CVs visit this page, they may provide some tips 😆😆

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NeelakshiK

@NeelakshiK

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: tinoo
I am most impressed by shiv's speech -- he is courteous, thoughtful, softspoken, and to the point.

I would love to cultivate speech habits like that to cultivate a more pleasant personality.

Currently I am sort of like gauri -- not as emotionally volatile like her, but a little bit like that.

Does anyone have any resources (books, online resources or anything else) that they may have found in cultivating a pleasant speech pattern to enhance their personality ?

You can pm me too if you have ideas.

Many thanks!

Yes, you are absolutely right 👏. Tongue is the most lethal weapon possessed by human😊. There are many good books available for "cultivating a pleasant speech pattern". The one I found most simple and effective is "How to Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie".

You can download its Ecopy from following link for free
http://www.4shared.com/office/P048m-_I/How_To_Win_Friends_And_Influen.htm

Hope this is helpful. 😊

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Good and courteous speech

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