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Kashish_kr

@Kashish_kr

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

Does anyone want to share if those among you who are married behave or talk rude to your in-laws? Should we talk rude when in-laws are constantly wrong, scolding us for no fault of ours and hate our parents? See, its the same in-laws for both Anandi and Gauri but for Gauri even they behave rudely. If they had loved Gauri like Anandi, even Gauri could have been good bahu. What say?

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: Kashish_kr
Does anyone want to share if those among you who are married behave or talk rude to your in-laws? Should we talk rude when in-laws are constantly wrong, scolding us for no fault of ours and hate our parents? See, its the same in-laws for both Anandi and Gauri but for Gauri even they behave rudely. If they had loved Gauri like Anandi, even Gauri could have been good bahu. What say?

First of all the question is, is Gouri their Bahu???? hv they accepted her and thn did partiality?? if they didnt accepted thn why they sd treat her as bahu??first need to answer these question and only thn ur questions hv any meaning.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

I am christian, and follow the principles of the bible.

The Bible says that we must honour even those who dishonour us.

I try to follow that principle, and am successful in it most times (though i am human some times and do blow my top 😆😆😆)

The rewards of my approach are high, and I have been successful in turning many enemies into my friends.

There are many stories in the bible where this works.

I believe that Gauri would have a better chance at earning their respect if she sort of became emotionally stable...even if they didnt like her for various reasons, they might still have respected her.

You cant insult someone into respecting you..,..and you cant force someone to respect you.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: Kashish_kr
Does anyone want to share if those among you who are married behave or talk rude to your in-laws? Should we talk rude when in-laws are constantly wrong, scolding us for no fault of ours and hate our parents? See, its the same in-laws for both Anandi and Gauri but for Gauri even they behave rudely. If they had loved Gauri like Anandi, even Gauri could have been good bahu. What say?

It may be the same in-laws for both A and G, but for the inlaws it is not the same daughter-in-law.

Anandi and Gauri are not starting off on the same platform. And love cannot be forced out of someone on the basis of a legal certificate and a doctor qualification. It is formed on the basis of a relationship.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

kashish -- if your question is based on personal circumstances, do you want to give any situations you are personally facing, so that we might be able to help in framing non-rude responses to your scenarios with your inlaws?

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Kashish_kr

@Kashish_kr

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: Asritha

Hey, u need to re-check ur Question! Sumitra and Gehna would better fit in the place of Anandi and Gauri if u r comparing the Bahu's of Haveli. If DS treats Sumi and Gehna differently, then ur Q is valid. But here u r comparing a gentle, loving, sacrificing Bahu to a Rude mistress..and calling the in-laws as rude😕...They would hate the mistress more...cuz they love their Bahu so much...which is adorable!! Still the Singh's are soo nice...they don't abuse the mistress even though she comes up with a different reason each time to abuse their little darling Anandi for no reason!!😒

Hey, I am not at all talking against Anandi or in favour of Gauri. And BTW Dadisa had different behaviour towards Sumitra and Gehna because Sumitra has always been a doormat and Gehna always speaks her mind. Can I ask, do you remember after Gauri was introduced in the show, at what stage she became rude with her in-laws? From the begining, was she shown as rude and arrogant? From what I remember, after getting married, she was very excited to meet her new family, even against Jagya's wish/ I am sure if her in-laws had accepted her, she would have been a loving and caring bahu. I am not saying that she did a right thing by marrying Jagya, I'm totally against it. All I am saying is that I believe she is paying for Jagya's bad deeds. Because of Jagya's divided love, she is suffering and trying to save her marriage.

Edited by Kashish_kr - 14 years ago

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Kashish_kr

@Kashish_kr

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: tinoo
kashish -- if your question is based on personal circumstances, do you want to give any situations you are personally facing, so that we might be able to help in framing non-rude responses to your scenarios with your inlaws?

thanks Tinoo, I will definitely share my story one day. All I can say now is that it has been a seven year old fight for self respect and still going. I more relate to gehna's character where I speak my mind and dont take bullshit if it hurts my self esteem. I speak for myself because I know no one else in world will do that for me. Maybe, one day when my baby son will grow up, he will speak for me.

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Kashish_kr

@Kashish_kr

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: ankit111

First of all the question is, is Gouri their Bahu???? hv they accepted her and thn did partiality?? if they didnt accepted thn why they sd treat her as bahu??first need to answer these question and only thn ur questions hv any meaning.

Hi Ankit, (assuming you are a boy)

Imagine you are deeply in love with someone who equally loves you a lot. You are inseparable. Then one day, you find out that whom you love is already married. she comes and proposes you and tells you that she cant at all live without you and is ready to die in your love. You, assuming she has divorced, marry her but hen suddenly, she changes attitude and goes back to her husband, what will you do? Will it hurt at all? Will you try to save your marriage? Please answer

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Manasi

@Manasi_16

Stunner

+ 9

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: Kashish_kr
Hey, I am not at all talking against Anandi or in favour of Gauri. And BTW Dadisa had different behaviour towards Sumitra and Gehna because Sumitra has always been a doormat and Gehna always speaks her mind. Can I ask, do you remember after Gauri was introduced in the show, at what stage she became rude with her in-laws? From the begining, was she shown as rude and arrogant? From what I remember, after getting married, she was very excited to meet her new family, even against Jagya's wish/ I am sure if her in-laws had accepted her, she would have been a loving and caring bahu. I am not saying that she did a right thing by marrying Jagya, I'm totally against it. All I am saying is that I believe she is paying for Jagya's bad deeds. Because of Jagya's divided love, she is suffering and trying to save her marriage.

Kashish - my response to the part in bold

In a marriage in India, you are married to the whole family, not just the boy. And whether we like it or not, the initiative of forming a bond with the in-laws comes on the DIL's shoulder. Adjustment has to be a little more on the part of the girl. I am not suggesting that the whole responsibility is of the girl or that she should just adjust & take any crap from the in-laws...not at all. But before demanding rights, you have to fulfill duties/responsibilities.

Gauri just stormed into the haveli one fine day & issued (almost like a court notice) that hence forth she (Gauri) is the wife of Jagya & hence the DIL of the family & Anandi is of no consequence. And then she expected that every1 should immediately love & accept her & give her that status she desires.

How can she even expect that to happen? She knew, from past & present experience, what Anandi means to Bhairon & Sumitra. Even during the child marriage, Bhairon went against his own mother & supported Anandi. They broke all ties with their only son bcoz he remarried. Anandi is the centre of the universe of the Singh family...she is the nucleus around which they all revolve...the force of gravity which holds them together!

Even presuming that Gauri's marriage was legal (which is not the case), you CANNOT land up out of the blue & demand respect & status. You have to give ppl time & space to accept you.

According to me, it works like this: IF Gauri would have been a loving & caring DIL, THEN maybe the family would have accepted her!

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: Kashish_kr

Hi Ankit, (assuming you are a boy)

Imagine you are deeply in love with someone who equally loves you a lot. You are inseparable. Then one day, you find out that whom you love is already married. she comes and proposes you and tells you that she cant at all live without you and is ready to die in your love. You, assuming she has divorced, marry her but hen suddenly, she changes attitude and goes back to her husband, what will you do? Will it hurt at all? Will you try to save your marriage? Please answer

see first of all if i came to know tht someone was cheating me for so long by hiding her reality, i wd not believe him blindly after tht without checking the fact further. if she can cheat me for so long, wht is guaranty tht now after being cought, wht she is saying is correct. i will be very carefull with tht person even if i love her and once i will confirm tht she is not hiding me anything, anymore and wht she did was only with fear of loosing me, thn only i can think to continue my relation with her. as concern to the emotional blackmailing, i dont believe in this. if anyone do this emotional blackmailing means she dosnt love u in fact. she is selfish, becoz whtever she is doing is not for u but for herself. if she truely love me, she will give me chance to understand her and not force me to love her by such emotional nautanki.

if ur Question was in Jago conspect, thn Gouri behaved totaly like fool, insensitive and selfsh, becoz, she knew tht Jogia was married and not divorced. they just assumed tht as it was BV, so legaly it dosnt matter, but there r moral responsibility too. why she didnt ask Jogia, whn he was doing all those emotional Nautanki, tht ok i m ready to accept u, but first u go and break ur relation with ur first wife in proper way (as herself a BV victim and coming from the same background, she must feel for Anandi) and thn i will give u a chance. and not marry and thn come with Marrigae certificate tht family must accept me. why??? why they must accept her. if they didnt care to inform thm, why they sd accept thm. they r not inviting her and behaving rudely, but she is imposing herself on thm. u cant demand love and respect, u sd earn it. and if u r not satisfied with their behaviour, why u r tapkofaying there everytime. they r not poking in ur life, why r u poking in their life.

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