My efforts at integrity

Page

tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

I have always been a person of integrity in legal matters and particularly work related matters ... but in things that require moral interpretation I haven't been really concerned ... especially in personal matters.

But after watching balika vadhu and all the discussion on ethical and moral aspects of decisions (and not just if they are legally right and legally sanctionable), I did something today which I havent done previously.

A week ago, I went to a store -- I saw a really nice shawl it was very expensive -- I didnt have enough cash at the time so I told them to please hold it for me. The lady was very nice ... and said she would indeed put it on hold.

The store is three hours away to drive there and come back , and it was a small store (personal mom and pop type of store) so they dont have a phone number on the internet...and I didnt have a mobile number.

I decided that I didnt want to buy the shawl after all -- It was more of an impulse-buying urge.

It would have been the easiest thing to just let it slide -- I wasnt going there again for anything else, and they would eventually take it out of hold mode and put it back on the racks and sell it eventually.

But I decided to do the right thing and let the lady at the store know -- so I drove 3 hours back and forth -- just to let her know that I was unable to make the purchase and apologize to her for putting it on hold.

The lady was so emotional and said that she never had anyone come back and tell her to not hold it. Several people come and put things on hold and never come back - - so she really appreciated my coming back and telling her for sure to close the loop.

She even made me a cup of tea and we sat down and talked.

I thanked her ... and I do thank Balika vadhu for moving me to a greater sense of integrity in my personal life. I would never have done it before prior to watching jagat and gauri.

Quote

Frequent Posters

sudss

@sudss

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

tinoo... really nice thing tht u did! so sweet of u...

i dint understand how its related to ur watching BV though.. but that was a real nice gesture... lil deeds of kindness, lil words of love... makeour earth an Eden like the heaven above 😊 this is for u 🤗

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

455325

Suspended

Posted: 13 years ago

Omg is this thread a joke??? U must be an awful person in real life .. If this is seriously in all sersiouness One of the nice newsworthy things u have done today! Like anandi I hired a not suitable person to work with me.. Only cuz he needs a job. All hail me.

Quote

hooked

@hooked

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Tinoo - that a very nice thing to do.

But - not to be a nitpicker - do think about why that woman went all over with thanks for you and even invited you for tea and conversation.

She didn't need to thank you. After all, after some time she wud have realized you were not going to come back and she'd have sold it to someone else right ? But - she appreciated that you thought of her potential loss of sale and took efforts to save that time for her.

She did not think - what's the point of returning to say she shan't buy - if she said she might buy it - she shud have bought it.

Maybe this is the thanks I was expecting from Gauri. Bhairon did not need to do anything, but he chose to do so out of his own heart and it benefited Gauri.

---------------

Just imagine - her parents were ready to sell her off as a second bride anyways. What if some selfish family like Bharat's had taken her instead ? Once the panchayat absolved the marriage - they'd never even have bothered to turn around to see what happened to the family or Gudiya. Right ?

Edited by hooked - 13 years ago

Quote

Tuttifrutti

@Tuttifrutti

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

We learn a lot from every show...movie..conversation. To pick and acquire the goodness makes us genius and we get the power to think out of box. We may end up just on edges while getting out of shell, but the trurth is that we still learn. Our life is guided by the principles we inherit or adopt or experience...and here Gauri is missing...her insecurity is not allowing her to think beyond what she has in her brain...bade pa, anadi, singhs including Bhiaro, Shivani , her friends all were there to help her but no one is able to break the barrriers Gauri has created between two sides of thoughts in her brain.

Quote

tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: sudss
tinoo... really nice thing tht u did! so sweet of u...
i dint understand how its related to ur watching BV though.. but that was a real nice gesture... lil deeds of kindness, lil words of love... makeour earth an Eden like the heaven above 😊 this is for u 🤗

Hi sudss --

its the importance of a verbal commitment that I realized from balika vadhu is what i meant -- to the extent that if i have given my word, then I will still drive three hours to communicate my inability to manage my word - to let the other person know that our original agreement is not on.

Both parties need to know if the original protocol agreed upon, will not be upheld. It cannot be a unilateral abdication of responsibilities -- the other side also needs to know.

I sort of did this when it was easy -- to just pick up a phone and call someone, or send an email, but when it was hard -- I just let it slide. I would never have driven three hours to tell someone I dont want to buy something I committed to -- particularly if I dont have to see that person again and there is no legal obligation that would inflict penalties if I break it. .

Jagya did not inform anandi that he was not happy with her, which was the honest way to do it and the respectful way to break off the relationship. He did not see the need to do this because there was no legal documentation of the marriage -- and in any case, his child marriage was illegal anyway (acc to him and viewers too did not know about the marriage turning valid after two years). which is fine.

But even if there was no legal divorce required ... he still had an obligation to understand that she still considered herself his wife in a societal way ... and he should have obtained the "spiritual divorce" which is a clear breaking off the commitment. Here because there were no legal penalties, jagya did not feel it necessary to communicate anything.

i guess it hit me in a different way when I saw the J-G marriage and the way he handled anandi --

and so atleast for me, it was the easiest thing to have let my commitment with the woman slide.

It was only a verbal contract, she didnt know my name even, I would probably not see this woman again for another year or so, because I dont go to that locality where her shop is located often at all. There were no penalties that she could inflict on me because there was no proof. And such a small shop tucked away in a gully somewhere.

In earlier times, I would have just considered it too much to drive three hours only to tell her I wouldnt buy it -- I would most certainly have driven three hours only to buy it.

I would have let it slide because i didnt have the higher level of integrity and would just assume that at one point she would move it out of her store room back into the racks.

But I think Balika vadhu has sort of sharpened my focus on the small things and managing my word. 😃😃 . So even though legal divorce was not necessary, I did take a "spiritual divorce" from the shawl. 😆😆😆😆

We live, we learn.

I was reading about integrity on the internet -- and movie star tom hanks has three pieces of advice for anyone hoping to advance in life "Tell the truth. Tell the truth. Tell the truth"

He had a similar example, he found out once that a store clerk had given him $ 10 extra change.

He went all the way across town to return it (thereby putting him out more than the $10), just so the store clerk would not have to reimburse the owner $10 from his own pocket.

He could have let it slide -- and $10 was such a small amount and he was such a big movie star -- but he still returned because that was part of his personal truth and gave back the extra $10 so that the store clerk would not have to pay $10 from his own pocket.

I think what I'm doing is flexing my "integrity muscles" a lot more nowadays, and I give credit to Balika vadhu for bringing the import of lying and truth into such sharp focus.

Quote

dolly

@tiny15

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

@tinoo u've done rite !!!👏👏

and i agree that we learn many things from difft shows,movies ,convos & even sumtimes real ppl's gestures!!

i rem wen i was in my 2nd or 3rd yr. of gradun i used 2 go home in vacations (though we rarely got them as in vacans we'd always educnal tours & trainings so we've 2 bunk sum of our classes alongwid sum weekly or festival holidays& had sum 10-12 days vacans ) by bus via shimla. wen once i was travelling in a bus i saw a foreigner eating bfruits & sum oder eatables & then she took their peels & wrappers & put in aplastic bag & put it in the dustbin.i was really impressed by this behaviour bcoz i knew in foreign countries esply europe & America ppl do like this but wat surprised me is shes doing it here where ppl throw garbage on roads & rarely put them in dustbin.so she can easily'd done it but she didn't do this & did the rite thing!!

and this thing has influenced me so much that afterwards i always put waste in the dustbin & never let oders 2 litter things around!!and now i've bcum so enviornment friendly that i'd persuaded my family 2 dig small pits in our kitchen gardens 2 put kitchen waste in that & cover it wen its completely filled 2 create farmyard manure. & we burn papers & sumtimes plastics(we've so much trees around our locality that even poisonous gases can b treate dby them) 2've ash . and in this way we create our own manure & ash 4 kitchen garden alongwid flower beds & trees!!

Quote

My efforts at integrity

Related Topics

Explore Topics