Viewing our value through the eyes of others - Page 3

❤️ Vasuja - thank you for such a soothing reply. ❤️ I am not very pretty, and people have told me that - and it is to 'teach them a lesson' - but I seek value in their eyes by getting a trophy husband to say 'ha ha, well see, even if i was not pretty - I got this great guy'.

Originally posted by: tinoo

Hi everyone, I really appreciate your insights - but this is turning into another thread on why jagya did what he did, and why gauri did what she did ---

and really my question was how to become like lal singh? someone who doesnt care about others.

Yes, I want a trophy husband. 😆😆😆.

But I want it to come from a point of being comfortable with myself and wanting him for myself ... rather than coming at it from a point of lack, where I feel a trophy husband will compensate some sort of lack in me... to look good in the eyes of others.

I do believe Jagya was ashamed of his village background, which is why he lied about his city... and he felt gauri was modern and a trophy girlfriend. He did want to make himself look good with gauri on his arm as his trophy wife.

Originally posted by: tinoo

❤️ Vasuja - thank you for such a soothing reply. ❤️ I am not very pretty, and people have told me that - and it is to 'teach them a lesson' - but I seek value in their eyes by getting a trophy husband to say 'ha ha, well see, even if i was not pretty - I got this great guy'.

Anyway, all this triggered off in me when i watch Balika vadhu.

I am sure that different people see different things in Jagat and Gauri - like different parts of an elephant described by seven blind men.

The one thing that resonated with me - my part of the elephant - is the deep shame that Jagat felt for his village roots and his wife - and his desire to redeem that shame through a relationship with gauri - a modern city woman and wife. I honestly cannot see any great "chemistry" which he and G share ...nor any great incompatibility that he and A shared - so in my mind J chose G just to compensate for his shame.

I have to work on my own self-esteem issues first ... but the last lines of your post gave me extreme peace of mind. Thank you.

Tinoo any time dear... Don't think you are not pretty and all...Its sad that we live in a society so driven with looks..In fact I used to tell my friends that women inspite of freedom and education are still fit into beauty standards and figure standards. I hate fairness cream adds, I hate the craze in bollwood for thin very thin women...And the trend is global...Even in English movies and dramas we can see a fat husband or boyfriend but the girl is always thin and picture perfect. All I say is that anyone can look good these days... Parlours give endless options for face and hairdos and gyms can give good figure...

Tinoo don't think low about yourself...everyone is special...We need not be super confident and bratty but at the same time we don't need to feel low about ourself...Looks may matter in the beginning or initial stages of relationship but believe me it takes the last priority in a strong relationship. No man will want a beautiful wife who is just abusive...Women need to be well educated, stand in their own legs, smart and practical...You will get an awesome guy and you will be very very happy.

So stop thinking you are not pretty enough...Not all men are Jagyas...Their are a lot of Lal singhs who love their wife unconditionally and stay together in thick and thin...

Originally posted by: vasuja

[So stop thinking you are not pretty enough...Not all men are Jagyas...Their are a lot of Lal singhs who love their wife unconditionally and stay together in thick and thin...

omg!!!! i never even thot of trophy husband leaving me!!!!!😆

Originally posted by: tinoo

omg!!!! i never even thot of trophy husband leaving me!!!!!😆

i never identifiedwith anandi at all or lal singhs wife.

i identify myself with jagya😕

Then don't identify yourself with Jagya... If you were really like him you will not even want to ponder on your thoughts and try to think about being like lala singh. If you were like jagya u will be happy the way u are and never ever feel that their is teeny weeny possibility that u are wrong. I believe that people display atleast a little bit of what they are when they write things. I have read all your post and you seem to be too rational and smart person. You are not biased and criticize Anandi and gaga when they do mistakes... you don't have traits of jagya... So stop worrying.

Hi Tinoo Just saw ur posts and wanna add my 2 bits U dont have to like Jagya or Lal sing or anybody for tht matter...just be urself...

Originally posted by: vasuja

Tinoo any time dear... Don't think you are not pretty and all...Its sad that we live in a society so driven with looks..In fact I used to tell my friends that women inspite of freedom and education are still fit into beauty standards and figure standards. I hate fairness cream adds, I hate the craze in bollwood for thin very thin women...And the trend is global...Even in English movies and dramas we can see a fat husband or boyfriend but the girl is always thin and picture perfect. All I say is that anyone can look good these days... Parlours give endless options for face and hairdos and gyms can give good figure...

Tinoo don't think low about yourself...everyone is special...We need not be super confident and bratty but at the same time we don't need to feel low about ourself...Looks may matter in the beginning or initial stages of relationship but believe me it takes the last priority in a strong relationship. No man will want a beautiful wife who is just abusive...Women need to be well educated, stand in their own legs, smart and practical...You will get an awesome guy and you will be very very happy.

So stop thinking you are not pretty enough...Not all men are Jagyas...Their are a lot of Lal singhs who love their wife unconditionally and stay together in thick and thin...

Loved your reply vasu, very well said 👏👏
And tinoo, I also agree with what vasu said, it's not about the looks. When someone falls in love with you, he appreciates an inner quality and personality, not always your outside appearance. Beauty totally lies in the eyes of the beholder, not in a facialed face or a salon done hair. But yes, if your self esteem is being haunted by your worries about your looks then you can always touch urself up--------no you can't change your features but a clean look, a good haircut and a smart outfit might boost your confidence.

In fact, I personally think it's actually a boon to be not born too pretty. 😉 So when people like you and fall in love with you it's not because of your pretty face but your qualities. It saves you of the trouble to assess if a man loves only for your physicality or you as a person, and I have seen many stunningly beautiful women go through this doubt.

Now coming to the men, not all men want blonde bimbos-----when it comes to serious relationships the emphasis is mostly on mental compatibility, the joy of companionship and common interests. You too have to look beyond the physical appearance of a guy and look for those inner qualities. Do you feel happy being with this guy? Do you have a great time in his company? Are there qualities that you appreciate? Can you share your laughter and tears with each other? Is he a good human being?----------all these questions matter much more for a long term relationship.
And yes definitely not all men are like Jagya, there are many more men like Lal Singh who love and appreciate their partners as they are. Jagya is a typical case of "grass is greener" syndrome, please don't judge all men by his standards

@TM i don't think that wishing 4 a "trophy husband/wife" is bad !!! and even if sum1 wants 2've sum gud qlties in their spouses isn't bad either!! even i want a 'trophy husband" 2 sum extent but i know that once i get the prsn who may not b "trophy husband" but is loving, caring, having gud ckt & understanding i won't mind but 1st i've 2 get impressed by that prsn. i don't want 2've a husband whos gud luking or whom i can flaunt in the society if he doesn't've an iota of humanity & understanding 4 me!!