Guyz, assemble around pronto! I have just got hold of the original RaYa convo script that was intended to be shot by RG (yeah, party and rejoice for the man is back! 🥳 Last seen, Bansi kaka was paa-ing bhangra. Kaka really loves RG as it was the latter who made BK what he is today) in the 'Lift-cum-door-cum-kitchen wala love' in the yest ep. But as it has been happening in season 2 since past 8 months, Didi and co. got hold of it and whiled away their time making paper planes out of it. 🤪 It was only after hearing 'The News' that Didi woke up from her Bhaiyya dreams, pulled up her team of 'creatives' together and started scribbling some random ramblings and named it as the script. So what we got yest was the random ramblings of a Bhaiyya dreamer.
Anyway, here it goes;
The door bell rings, Priya opens the door and finds Ram standing drenched from head to toe (okay, not toe… but hey, thodi creativity mujhe bhi dikhani hai 😉)
Priya (Squealing with delight) – Oh my god! Ram! It's so good to see you here! 😳
Ram (looking aghast and shaking his head vehemently) – No No No, Priya! 😲 Not just now. You can't be happy just now. What will happen to my great and creative 'Woo-my-legal-wife-back-although-my-second-wife-is-perched-happily-in-my-house' plan if you look so delighted instead of giving me icy glares? You can't go about giving those lovey-dovey looks and showing your happiness so openly yaar! And besides, audience wants to see some RaYa moments. What will happen to them if you are gonna throw yourself on me, at the first available chance? How will I steal those much awaited moments with you and make them go 'awww' and 'That's my RaYa' on twitter, post ep? No, not done.
Priya (looking flabbergasted) – Oh my god. Itne lambi lines? 😲 I thought you must be out of practice, what with you being given only 100 words/ ep since Rajjo's arrival. But look at you! 👏
Ram (blushing and giving that sheepish smile) – Umm… wo… 😳 I thought since bhaiyya is away on Bermuda Triangles since last 2 weeks, I must make optimum use of the opportunity. Kya pata, kal wo wapas aa jaye aur 'Rajjo-Deewani' Didi mujhe phirse BG extra artiste ki tarah use karne lage. (Scowling) Last heard, Kajraare Naina has also won the 'Best Actor' Jury award. Hmph! 😡
Priya – Ek minute, ek minute… Ram aap kahan se kahan aa gaye? One should focus on the problem at hand. Jab tak aap focus nahi karenge, aapko pata kaise chalega ki problem ka solution kaise hoga.. aur jab solution nahi pata chalega toh phir problem ka hal kaise niklega? Aur jab tak hal nahi milega, hum problem solve kaise karenge.. aur… 🤪
Ram (scared) – Time out... please Time Out! 😕
Priya (catching her breath) – Yeah, sorry! (muttering) I need to focus on finding the one who writes my dialogues and giving him/her a hard kick on the a$$.. 🤬 phew! (aloud) But Ram, RaYa moments toh hum aise bhi dikha sakte hain. I mean, what about I come to you, pour out my heart, and feel guilty for initiating the mess we both are in today and seek forgiveness from you? Won't people on twitter be interested in watching that and then the RaYa moments that come along? 😕
Ram (scratching his temple) – Bingo! But you won't understand na. You are not on twitter, unlike me. There it's a clear demarcation between the tweeples, named 2% and the hinterland named 98% by the Teen Deviyaan. And to give you the inside scoop (he beckons Priya closer as he steps inside and shuts the door, speaking in a hushed tone) The TRPs have toppled everything. The hinterland has ditched Didi big time who was banking on them to gobble up all the tripe she has been serving since last 8 months. The damage control demands a rushed RaYa reunion to bring back the eyeballs but you know how apni Mitu is, don't ya? She is a great feminist and believes in woman empowerment. Therefore, even in such a crisis, she didn't lose her inherent talent and feminist streak and started with this Golufication. So, here I am in all my glory (err…) wooing my wife back! So dear Priya Ram Kapoor, please get into your Priya-Haughty-Sharma-and-beech-beech-mein--Kapoor mode and let me start with my wooing. 😕
Priya (looking lost) – Oh, ok. As you wish. Waise bhi, hum dono toh BT land ke BALH ki kathputliyaan hain, jinki dor Didi ki 'creative' ungliyon mein bandhi hai. Kab kaun kaise 'butcher' hoga, koi nahin janta. Ha Ha Ha! (Oh, didn't I tell ya? Apni PRK is a fan of Rajesh Khanna) 😆
Director – Hurry up guys! Move On! We don't have the whole day for RaYa scenes. (Dreamy eyes) We have a Rajat scene lined up next.
Ram – Ok, ok. Here we go! 🥱
Priya (looking at Ram) – Uff! Chaar seedhi chadhne par itna paseena!
Ram – hello! Ye paseena nahi hai. Wo toh kisi ne mere upar paani daal diya.
Priya – How is that even possible? How come someone throw water on 'The Ram Kapoor' and get away with it? It's not even logical! 👎🏼
Ram – No, no. You don't understand. I am no longer 'The Ram Kapoor'. I mean, I am Ram Kapoor but not that Ram Kapoor. Tum samjah toh rahi ho na?
Priya – Ram, oops! Sorry, bhool gayi thi. Mr. Kapoor, ye kya laga rakha hai? You should focus…
Ram – Hold on hold on! I have got it. And yes I am focusing. The thing is, I am not the Ram Kapoor of season 1. I am Golu Kapoor at the moment. The one which Didi creates and battery operates according to her convenience. And please, don't start with logic coz it simply ain't there. Logic hota toh why would Rahul go to the morbid-piece-of-furniture and plead for a job, instead of feeling happy and helping her mother co-ordinate her kundan bangles with her lehenga? 😡 How would Ayesha the bimbo do a 'pal-mein-tola-pal-mein-maasha' act, sprouting brains within a span of few eps? 😡 Anyway, let's continue with our scene else another Rajjo deewani will start darting those killing looks to me. Ok now, let me in reluctantly, muttering poison under your breath, yeah?
Priya (sadly) – As you say. And then maybe I can throw in a comment or two on your tablet-popping habit, roll my eyes and mutter uselessly to add some zing to the scene, yeah? Would tweeples like that?
Ram – Errr… whatever sweetheart. 😕
So then, the scene proceeds and we come to the kitchen.
Ram – Kuch khaas bana rahi ho?
Priya (proudly) – yes. I am making some chocolate clairs for Peehu. Remember that weird school competition where the CVs made us look like a pair of duffers, making chocolate clairs to get The Ram Kapoor's daughter admitted there? What a useless, good-for-nothing school which allows a kid of 5 to get out unchecked from their premises! Hmph! 🤬 Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah, some RaYa moments for the starved pankhas. Let's continue.
So, on cue, Ram ruffles his hair, raining some water droplets on Priya's face. Priya grins like a love-struck pup, losing herself in his eyes when he snaps his fingers, bringing her to the present.
Ram – Hello! That's my job, looking love struck and all, not yours. You are still 'angry' with me. Remember, I am the same guy who doesn't deserve our daughter? Yeah? 💔
Priya – Oh well, this is proving to be damn difficult! 💔 I am just not in the mood to turn into a shrieking shrew and act all huffy when in reality I am still deeply in love with you. Damn these CVs! 🤬 Remember guys, I am Priya Ram Kapoor, the no-nonsense, straight thinker who loves her husband madly and deeply. Not some cold-hearted shrew that is ignorant to her husband's hurt and agony. What have they done to me? Sob sob. 😭
Ram (sympathizing) - Hey, it's ok Priya. It's not only you. They have made me look like an angry, egoistic man, a business tycoon with zero brains who turns into a golu from a monster within a matter of one ep. So let's just follow what the powers that be have decided for us, sigh. Anyway, you go back to Hitler mode and let me be Golu and proceed. 😕
So there, he grabs her arm and wipes away the water droplet adorning her cheek, with the help of the white towel (a would be important prop – goes into the historic list of all the items/ props which RaYa fans worship like anything, like the photo frame, Priya's loose wedding ring, Ram's white kurta, Tiger and Happy, Aaloo parantha, Nimbu Paani, etc.)
Priya (trying with difficulty to resist the charm of her Golu) – Ohho Mr. Kapoor! What are you doing? Now you'll ruin my make-up. Aapko pata bhi hai, it's so hard for me these days to keep a steady flow of compact and gloss and kaajal and what not? With that Rajjo loitering around the sets, I have to keep my make-up kit padlocked and hidden from Kajraare Naina. I have even submitted an application to BT accounts and logistics either to double my cosmetic supplies or start a new account specifically for Mr. Laali-Lipeestic's perusal. 😡
Ram – really? God, no wonder Lion Gold Award jury honored him with the award. The title sponsor is the same cosmetic brand which supplies annual make-up to the BT! Anyway, now it is time for a lovey-dovey eye lock. 😳
Priya (cheering) – Yay! My favorite part of the plan! The only time where I don't have to shoot spiteful crap at you, instead lose myself in your eyes. It breaks my heart to see you all hurt. 💔 Sob! 😭
Ram – Now, now... Don't cry yaar. Main tumhara rona nahi dekh sakta. Waise bhi aajkal sab ro hi rahe hain. Priya, Ram, Peehu, yahan tak ki audience bhi.
Priaya – Hope the tweeples would be happy now. RaYa eyelocks are what they demand for, hai na? 😊
Ram – errr… yeah... (He doesn't want to reveal how ballistic and crazy the twitter pankhas are, demanding logic and sense. Ab jo hai nahi, wo denge kahan se? Kaun samjhaaye in na-samjhon ko. Sigh 😔)
So there, ab samajh aayaa 'parde ke peechhe ka sach'?
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