Originally posted by: Oneandall
In response TO THE WRITER's last post... (not quoting because this post will become too long.. refer back to it if you wish to follow)
"Yes , one slap can trigger to other ,But If it is with love it will stop by there itself.."In my perspective, to say that is demeaning to those women who have been abused by their congenial partners who they thought loved them at one point and whom they loved immensely in return. You can't say that with certainty because there is no proof in that statement but there is ample proof against it. IN A PERFECT WORLD where love is exactly how it is in fairy tales, one slap if it is done with love, like you are legitimizing, abuse will stop right there and than!! Living in the REAL WORLD we can't categorize abuse as acceptable and unacceptable given the circumstances in which it happens.
Dear , I was talking about real world only , seeing the consequences.
If the slap turns to other than i will accept that it will under come DV/abuse ,you know what even i councelled both spouse slapped each other .. 😉 but luckyly every one engaged again ..
This is life Sheethal frankly speaking 90% of people will go thrw it and have to accept it ,And after lot of research only i came to one conclusion
Abuse is like cancer, the earlier you catch it the better your chances of remission (so if you catch abuse at one slap you can treat it better but it is never cured, it will always be a part of your memory and life when you think back on your relationship). The later in the development of cancer that you are diagnosed with it, the greater the likelihood that it has spread to many areas of your body. (Like continued abuse consumes every aspect of a woman/man's/children's life if help is not sought out)' But even in remission there is always that fear at the back of your mind that once again, unexpectedly, that cancer can re-surface. (If I hit my spouse once because I Love him' What guarantee in our short or long life together that another situation in which I feel the need to strike him using my love as an excuse, would not arise?)
The guarantee depends on their mutual understanding .Once Cancer diagnosed it hard to believe and sufer too,and when it cured how the life of that person ..same in this case too .
With one slap if their misunderstanding s gone and living happily .It should accept sometimes..
Im not arguing that im talking right about the slap but sometimes i wil accept that ..
It's funny because you said that when you first started working with abused women you thought like I am thinking just now, which is that there is no reason to hit.
Yah even i found my self funny , When i strongly against her than it all solved with simple realisation ,and she herself made me realise what was about the relationship But there is lot of confistions about this .Later on understanding real life made me to believe some unbelievable things ..
BUT how you are thinking now was how I thought before at a very young age of my professional development and by no means am I implying that I am fully proficient in the care that I provide nor am i questioning your credibility as a HCP. In fact, before I used to think like you are thinking right now, which is that sometimes a slap is okay if the person provoked it. If I read your update eight or more years ago we would not be having this argument today.
Hmm 8 years ago , i dont even know what was it , yes you are correct we dont have this arguement ..but if it is good cause we can argue more and more but im sorry i really dont have time to give you quick reply sorry for that .
But through my experiences working with women in severe cases of domestic abuse, through my contribution from a tender age in certified volunteer groups against spousal abuse and abuse in general, it always starts with one slap and in most cases they stay with their spouse because somewhere deep down inside of them they believe what society and culture feeds them about abuse, which is that it is anger covered love. But poor souls keep waiting for that love to re-surface and eventually they are in too deep too get out...safely at least... At that point they stay with their spouse for the children or they stay with their spouse fearing what society will think of them' BECAUSE SOCIETY is QUICK TO POINT THE FINGER AT THE WOMEN with the immature mentality, "what did she do to deserve it? She must have done something to provoke him!" And of course if children are involved than we have a new generation of kids thinking that hitting is synonymous with love WHICH IT ISN'T because daddy hits mommy and than apologizes saying to her that he did it because of his love for her!!! That type of thinking degrades the essence of love, which is already nearing the brinks of extinction in our world.
The red line is 100% correct , many of the cases you will find females wil surrender themselves fear of society but there is something called love , so they surrnederd for that love ..
Love and pain go hand in hand. Anger and love share an inverse relationship. Have you noticed??? When you're angry at a person who you love more than yourself' in that moment that you are so angry your anger is so strong that it trumps your love' So how can you hit a person in that moment and say "baby I slapped you because I Love you?" when in that moment it wasn't your love guiding your action it was your anger??? That is why we do things and say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret' Because if it was guided by love you would never regret it'
Hmm dont know how to explain you , If you ask 100 persons this question , whatever their friends or spouses or closed persons ,if they are in love with another person more than themselves,if they are angry on them This SLAP will happen ..It happens .it happens .
It happend to me with one of my close friend .
Before I conclude this once more super long essay type answer😆, I just want to say that I never put this much thought into anything I've written in class or did this much research for any class in university'lol' you said I am a good reader, most of my profs would beg to differ. 🤣
No i wont agree with it , you are indeed a good reader and writer .
' But after reading your first note about DV and the whole anger cover love thing that you proposed I went back and read in detail, all of the updates of this SS, to see if you did justice to this topic that touches more people's lives than we can even begin to imagine and unfortunately despite my desire to challenge my thinking, I found no shred of evidence that could make me see something astray from my experiences.
MY POINT IS AND ALWAYS WAS THAT ABUSE/DV/ONE SLAP (and all other things that you mentioned) IS TOO COMPLEX OF A TOPIC TO JUSTIFY WITH 100% CERTAINTY AS ANGER COVERED LOVE' Such a touchy topic should only be touched upon if it is adequately justified. BUT THIS IS A HEATED TOPIC so than the biggest challenge is how do you justify the unjustifiable? I had a great deal of intellectually stimulating pleasure, engaging in this debate with you' We strongly represent two opposite sides of the same coin'
Yes , we strongly represent two opposite sides of the same coin , But when we are giving councelling we should under take each and every point, and we should not break their relation ship,some heated moments it happens .
we cant blame anyone at the times , Whatever our opininons also , Im not telling you to agree with me but DV is state of against to all .but at the same time terms and conditions apply here [in my ss topic] 😆,I know you might be angry hearing this from me ..
But im against DV,was working and seeing personally how a women is going , strongly oppose the abuse but some cases this type of slaps we wont count it as DV , just want to explain the thing , if really we concider this slap as DV or Abuse 99% couples will be in divorse state ...
MY HEART IS SHATTERING TO PIECES WONDERING WHAT PIHU WILL THINK WHEN SHE SEE'S THE MARK ON HER MOM'S FACE THAT WASN'T THERE WHEN SHE LEFT FOR SCHOOL THE SAME MORNING. WHAT will Ram say in response to her innocent question? "Nothing Rockstar, mumma made papa very angry and so papa lost his temper. But don't worry its okay mumma loves your papa a lot and vice versa. It will never happen again? (but how can we be so sure? In the real world we can never be sure that it will never happen again BUT in your SS we can... But than that's not the reality in the representation of abuse... IN THE MAJORITY OF CASES!!..."
I can't give guarantee ,and about my ss ,I have some other plan for pihu ,you will come to know in next chapter , Pihu is in my mind when im writing the story .
I feel strongly about this topic as you can probably guess. So please read this not as a personal attack on you or your creative work but as my opposing opinion to your presentation.Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to reply😊
Sheetal I clearly understand your reasoning dont be mad at me giving answers late , I do read your comments on my all other FFs so why i will think you are pointing at my work ha.. by the way thank you for the long arguement .
As im really pissed of hearing the death of delhi gang rape victim , today im not in my sences at all , i took leave because i couldnt concentrate on my work .When i thought of writing the update to clear myself from terrible thoughts,I got to see your comment so by replying this comment ..hmm almost it ended up this long ..
P.S. Neel i am supposed to be writing the next part of my FF to update today, but i was so engrossed in this intriguing debate that it totally slipped my mind.. 😛 In fact, i wanted to continue writing, so passionate about this topic but alas i have to sleep and i have already written too much!
Hi sheethal , im neel , both the writers told the same thing ..
see i missed two great updates today .. so plz do write and update quickly waiting eagerly for next updates ..
Thank you so much
Cricket
Udne Ki Aasha
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