A year back, I still remember as it were yesterday, the day when she closed her eyes forever. A brave officer, who had passion towards her duty, respect for her seniors and childish at heart. her smile was such that would lighten up the whole world. Yet, it disappeared forever when she sacrificed herself for her duty, her teammates and her country.
Once again, that day I had lost a battle, a battle for survival. Three years ago my duty had cost me my wife, my soul mate. After that I ate to survive and I survived for revenge. Revenge the only thing in mind as i woke or slept. After my wife my heart was empty having lost my parents at an early age. I built up iron walls around my heart never to love enter in again. I lost my faith in God, how could i still have faith in him when he took away my life from me? The God my wife worshipped took her away forever. The iron walls around my heart stayed intact never to get even a scratch. I vowed to myself never to let anyone enter in again. I was certain that no one would even dare to look at my heart with my walls of anger, hatred and indifference to whatever happened around me. I knew it I would never let love win the battle with my mind but then she came. Along with her, she brought the happiness which my heart had longed for but my mind had clearly banned. At first sight I felt something different, never had I felt this way after the death of my wife. Her smile and childish antics made dents in the walls around my heart which scared me. It frightened me that she would enter in, a place which was forbidden. A part of me wanted to give in and break the walls I had created and the other part scolded me for thinking this way. No one could enter in. Love happens only once and I had lost it.
I scolded her for not doing work when I knew she was dedicated to it. I doubted her capabilities as an officer but every time she proved herself to me without saying a word back at me. I was amazed at the patience and tolerance with which she put up with me. As far as I knew my anger had kept everyone at bay. I hated her for bringing desires back in my heart and kept her away. I told myself that she was just a colleague and nothing more and that she can't come in my heart. Yet whenever she got hurt I couldn't hold myself from worrying for her. I scolded myself for my thoughts but deep down somewhere I knew she had already entered in my heart and I feared for that day when my feelings would come out. Maybe my this wish came true. That day, there she was, standing in front of me at gunpoint when she was being forced to mix a deadly bacteria in the dam. Once again, I felt as though I was losing someone, someone who had brought happiness in my life. She stood there and our eyes met. I could see pain in them and the next second, she swallowed the bacteria and dropped down. I screamed her name, shot the person and ran to her.
I can still hear her last words, she said that she had completed her life's last mission and her soul left the body. I could do nothing but stare at her face in horror and pain. I felt as if my life had been snatched away again. For the second time, I lost her. Helpless again, I couldn't do anything, neither when my wife was killed in front of me nor when she swallowed the bacteria. I was definitely proved wrong that day, love does give second chances and I had lost it once again. All I am left with now are memories... memories of those two persons who gave me a reason to live and to laugh. Life had offered me a second chance which I had been unable to take and I lost my love for the second time again helplessly. I thought no one would ever be able to break in but, I was wrong unknowingly she did and lit up my world. Just as the darkness of my heart was getting a flame of light of happiness it was extinguished before it could turn into a fire.
the end
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
Cricket
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