Arakshi FF:Tum Dena Saath Mera [Note-45] - Page 12

Originally posted by: pink_fairy123

Yar finally u have updated!😃 But u r ryt...I dont remember ur story...fish!😛 All I remember is that the first chapter was really gud... Let me read all the chapters once again then i'll comment..😊

Originally posted by: aliya_begh

Mithu awesome hai🤗

Originally posted by: pink_fairy123

Wat...is ...happening...here??😲😕
Wats the connection b/w Aisha and Rathor??
And why is Arjun scared? And does he know something abt Rathor's past... as both Aisha and Arjun got tensed wen they got out of Sania's house..😕

OMG mera sir ghoom raha hai...😕
Though its confusing and there are many questions...bt the Story is going gud. Nice update👏
Plz plz plz this tym update soon...

Originally posted by: M.V.Kohli007

Just read your FF. love it plz send me PM.

I send you buddy rrequest , accept it. 😊

Originally posted by: sashashyam

Dear Mithu (if I may),

Thank you for inviting me to read your maiden effort at an FF (or an SS). If I were to describe it in one word, it would be 'promising'. If I were to allow myself 2 words, then 'very promising'.

You are undoubtedly focussing on the central triad of Arjun, Aisha and Rathore, but I must tell you that your prize character, the one who rings true every single time, and who captured my heart with his enchanting mix of childlike innocence and boyish, bubbling mischief and gaiety, is Shree. He has come off better than anyone else I can remember reading about in recent times.

The very funny lines about him and Chotu equipping themselves with popcorn while they watch the Arjun-Aisha theatricals were delightful. So are Shree's lamentations about having to deal with Aisha. But the superlative parts are Shree's long conversations with the Almighty, and his now on, now off, now suspended deals with God. They are so very,very good that even PG Wodehouse would have applauded ( if you are unfamiliar with PGW, you can google him. He was and still is, decades after his passing away, the unquestioned emperor of English humour). I hope you will keep up this marvellous track and expand on it. It is easy to write tragic or even emotional scenes, but it is much more difficult to do good comedy. So cherish this talent of yours, and do not let it be drowned in the standard issue aspects of an Arjun FF/SS.

As for the rest, I cannot understand how Arjun and Aisha are so overtly rude to each other; this is worse than even the most off putting of Arjun's scenes in the early days. It is hardly desirable for senior officers to behave like schoolkids in front of their juniors.Arjun on screen was bad enough; do he and Aisha have to be so very aggressive and snide with each other? You can show them squabbling to their heart's content, but in private, not in front of the whole ETF.

As for Rathore, whatever his hatred of criminals, if he carries on beating suspects the way he is shown doing, he will soon kill one of them and go to jail himself. Custodial deaths, even of confirmed criminals, are taken very seriously these days, and no senior officers can hush up such happenings given the 24x7 media, and especially TV coverage. Moreover, if Rathore goes into such a frenzy at the very sight of a criminal, how on earth does he survive in the ETF, which deals in nothing but criminals day in and day out, without bursting a blood vessel and getting a stroke? It is all right for him to feel guilty about some past failing of his, but there is no way he can carry on like this without getting into very serious trouble.

The case itself has been wrapped up very quickly, and you have relied almost entirely on character flaws to sort it out. While I have no complaints about that, for the next one, if you go a bit more deeply into clues, forensic findings, alibis and the like, it would be very interesting. Of course it will mean more work for you, but you should not mind that.

I hope you do not mind the above comments, and take them as constructive critiques. And as for your Shreekant Sen, you can take a bow for him, for he is a tour de force!👏👏👏

Shyamala B.Cowsik

Thank u so much Shyamala aunty (if i may). U have needed been a great critic. It will be very helpful for me in my future writing. Thank u once again.

Thank u for appreciating my comedy part. As u have rightly guessed, I have concentrated this Story on Arjun, Rahod and Ayesha. And specifically Arjun and Ayesha (i will show how in my future updates). Hence i was worried the Shree and Chotu might be neglected. So i incorporated that part.

But, simultaneously your expectations of the "comedy" part scares me as I have planned a very different angle of this story, and I doubt I will be able to continue with the trend.

About Arjun and Ayesha being incorporated in the childish fights, i completely agree being reaponsible seniors they should not do in infront of their juniors. Thank u very much for ur advice. I will keep that in mind.

And the Rathod case, i m very embarrassed for presenting it in that manner. Even while I was writing there was a constant debate going on in my mind regarding this issue. I have read real life articles regarding the punishment and offence of a police officer behaving in this manner. No officer has that right, after especially the criminal has admitted his crime.

But I could not figure out a manner to present a rage Rathod held within him from years behind and so i ended up presenting it the wrong manner. i m extremely sorry for that.

As for the crime part, I m sorry but I m not exactly good that presenting that part. And even my focus is not going in that direction. Or else I would end up in highly embarrassing and insulting this gene(detective gene).

I would like to try my hands on detective gene in my future other works. As for now I m only concentrating in showing the idea that crept in my mind. So this story is neither going to be a thriller, nor romance nor action, nor crime. It would be best to call this a Roller-coster ride. LOL!

But keeping upto the expectations from my dear viewers is equally important. Its a shame if I would not be able to stick up to their expectation. But this time I m tied. Having my career/future deciding exams coming up, I m very sorry if I disappoint u all.

I would like to thank u once again for ur valuable comments and critics. I will surely try to give them justice.

Thank you

Akangkshya (Mithu)

Originally posted by: ...Mithuz...

Thank u so much Shyamala aunty (if i may). U have needed been a great critic. It will be very helpful for me in my future writing. Thank u once again.

Thank u for appreciating my comedy part. As u have rightly guessed, I have concentrated this Story on Arjun, Rahod and Ayesha. And specifically Arjun and Ayesha (i will show how in my future updates). Hence i was worried the Shree and Chotu might be neglected. So i incorporated that part.

But, simultaneously your expectations of the "comedy" part scares me as I have planned a very different angle of this story, and I doubt I will be able to continue with the trend.

About Arjun and Ayesha being incorporated in the childish fights, i completely agree being reaponsible seniors they should not do in infront of their juniors. Thank u very much for ur advice. I will keep that in mind.

And the Rathod case, i m very embarrassed for presenting it in that manner. Even while I was writing there was a constant debate going on in my mind regarding this issue. I have read real life articles regarding the punishment and offence of a police officer behaving in this manner. No officer has that right, after especially the criminal has admitted his crime.

But I could not figure out a manner to present a rage Rathod held within him from years behind and so i ended up presenting it the wrong manner. i m extremely sorry for that.

As for the crime part, I m sorry but I m not exactly good that presenting that part. And even my focus is not going in that direction. Or else I would end up in highly embarrassing and insulting this gene(detective gene).I would like to try my hands on detective gene in my future other works. As for now I m only concentrating in showing the idea that crept in my mind. So this story is neither going to be a thriller, nor romance nor action, nor crime. It would be best to call this a Roller-coster ride. LOL!

But keeping upto the expectations from my dear viewers is equally important. Its a shame if I would not be able to stick up to their expectation. But this time I m tied. Having my career/future deciding exams coming up, I m very sorry if I disappoint u all.

I would like to thank u once again for ur valuable comments and critics. I will surely try to give them justice.

Thank you

Akangkshya (Mithu)

Originally posted by: sashashyam

Dear Mithu (if I may),

Thank you for inviting me to read your maiden effort at an FF (or an SS). If I were to describe it in one word, it would be 'promising'. If I were to allow myself 2 words, then 'very promising'.

You are undoubtedly focussing on the central triad of Arjun, Aisha and Rathore, but I must tell you that your prize character, the one who rings true every single time, and who captured my heart with his enchanting mix of childlike innocence and boyish, bubbling mischief and gaiety, is Shree. He has come off better than anyone else I can remember reading about in recent times.

The very funny lines about him and Chotu equipping themselves with popcorn while they watch the Arjun-Aisha theatricals were delightful. So are Shree's lamentations about having to deal with Aisha. But the superlative parts are Shree's long conversations with the Almighty, and his now on, now off, now suspended deals with God. They are so very,very good that even PG Wodehouse would have applauded ( if you are unfamiliar with PGW, you can google him. He was and still is, decades after his passing away, the unquestioned emperor of English humour). I hope you will keep up this marvellous track and expand on it. It is easy to write tragic or even emotional scenes, but it is much more difficult to do good comedy. So cherish this talent of yours, and do not let it be drowned in the standard issue aspects of an Arjun FF/SS.

As for the rest, I cannot understand how Arjun and Aisha are so overtly rude to each other; this is worse than even the most off putting of Arjun's scenes in the early days. It is hardly desirable for senior officers to behave like schoolkids in front of their juniors.Arjun on screen was bad enough; do he and Aisha have to be so very aggressive and snide with each other? You can show them squabbling to their heart's content, but in private, not in front of the whole ETF.

As for Rathore, whatever his hatred of criminals, if he carries on beating suspects the way he is shown doing, he will soon kill one of them and go to jail himself. Custodial deaths, even of confirmed criminals, are taken very seriously these days, and no senior officers can hush up such happenings given the 24x7 media, and especially TV coverage. Moreover, if Rathore goes into such a frenzy at the very sight of a criminal, how on earth does he survive in the ETF, which deals in nothing but criminals day in and day out, without bursting a blood vessel and getting a stroke? It is all right for him to feel guilty about some past failing of his, but there is no way he can carry on like this without getting into very serious trouble.

The case itself has been wrapped up very quickly, and you have relied almost entirely on character flaws to sort it out. While I have no complaints about that, for the next one, if you go a bit more deeply into clues, forensic findings, alibis and the like, it would be very interesting. Of course it will mean more work for you, but you should not mind that.

I hope you do not mind the above comments, and take them as constructive critiques. And as for your Shreekant Sen, you can take a bow for him, for he is a tour de force!👏👏👏

Shyamala B.Cowsik