Chapter 50

48. Hickory Dickory Dock 

‘There’s nothing wrong in meeting him for one time, right? Who knows you might actually like him. And honestly Kirti you need to meet guys other than you know…’ Shruti left her sentence incomplete.

‘Why can’t Dadi understand I don’t want to marry?! There are people who remain single their entire life, right? That is the kind of person I am. I am okay being alone. She cannot and should not emotionally blackmail me saying she’s not going to touch food unless I go meet him. That’s unfair.’

‘But Kirti your grandmother is thinking about the future and is being far sighted. She’s an ailing guardian. To try to secure your future is her responsibility. Ek baar milne se kuch nahi hota!’

‘You think so! If the guy takes a liking to me…’

‘That he will for sure!’ Shruti interrupted.

‘I sincerely hope he does not! So you know how it is. The men have all the power in our society. If he takes a liking to me. That’s it we are getting hitched! I have no say. Me meeting him is just a formality. No, I am not going to meet him.’

‘Fine as you wish. But I think you should explore the options.You never know you can come across your soul mate.’

‘I don’t believe in the concept of soulmate. Even if there is such a thing like that, I am sure I have found them in you, in Dadi, in Biplab. A guy to have romantic feelings for..there’s not going to be any.’

‘Are you pining for him?’ Shruti had always been straightforward and without any filter around Kirti.

Kirti, aware of her nature, usually was accommodating but this time lashed out. 

‘I do not tell you things so that you can use it to hurt me like this! You do not have to mention him always! It hurts.’

‘I am sorry. It was not my place. I just want you to meet better guys.’

‘I don’t need to meet any guy. I am happy being alone.’

‘Whatever. To be alone seems okay at first but there are days when you wish you had someone to turn to, to talk to, to share your bed with.’

XxxX

When Kirti reached home, she found Biplab was showing the lamp at the Tulsi plant. 

‘What happened? Where’s Dadi?’ Usually it was Karuna who did the evening aarti.

‘In her room,’ Biplab answered once he had shown the lamp to all rooms. ‘Not feeling well.’

After freshening up, she went to her grandmother’s room which was dipped in darkness. Switching on the tube light, she found her grandmother laying on the bed.

‘Dadi, what happened? Not feeling well?’ Her hand reached out to touch her forehead but Karuna slapped it away.

Kirti, though hurt, did not show it. Living with her grandmother had trained her to deal with her childish tantrums and mood swings.

‘Biplab said you were not feeling well.’

Karuna did not reply and instead turned around to face the other side.

‘I am going to cook dinner, Dadi. I will bring you your plate and medicine then. Is there anything special you want to eat?’

Biplab by then had come to the room.

‘Tell this girl, Babu,  that I am not eating anything.’

‘Why are you not eating? Did Biplab again smuggle aaloo chat and papdi for you and your stomach is all full?’

‘Tell this girl that I am not talking to her! I don't want to see her face!’

Biplab shook his head at the two and just left the room.

‘What is wrong Dadi? Why are you being like this? Day and night I keep looking out for you. I keep thinking what more I should do to make Dadi comfortable. There are times when I don’t want to do things but I do because it’s you. But it is not enough! It is never enough!! Now, one time I want your support, you are being like this! I don’t want to marry Dadi, please.’

‘Then what do you want? To be a burden on me?’

‘I am a burden?’

‘After an age, the girl is better suited at her own house.’

‘So this is not my home?’

‘No, your real home is your husband’s home. I gave you too much freedom. Should have married you the day you turned twenty one and you’d have been mother of two kids by now. All this education and stepping out for a job has corrupted your mind!’

Kirti swallowed the retorts and stormed off. After preparing dinner, she sent Biplab with a plate to their grandmother’s room. It was returned.

Kirti was livid. After a heated argument, Kirti slammed closed the door to her room.

She threw the pillows on the floor, screeched and cried hard. The next day she went to meet the guy.

XxxX

‘You look lovely in blue,’ he said.

‘Hmm?’ She was wearing red.

‘Your photograph was in a blue sari. Long hair. It was...You were beautiful.’ Karuna had clicked the picture on the Diwali night and when Praveen’s parents had asked for a recent photograph, she had asked Sandy to send it for her. 

‘Oh. Thank you.’ Praveen Gautam was a decent sort of person, Kirti had surmised from their first meeting. They had met in a restaurant for the first time. He was medium sized, a bit on the healthier side. He was also insecure about it. His first question to her had been, ‘Are you okay with my size? My father usually sends photo shopped images.’

‘What about your size?’

‘Every girl dreams of these fair, tall, slim guys. Ranveer Singh, Shahid Kapoor types.’

‘I have never dreamt of guys.’ It was a lie, wasn’t it?

It was true Kirti had imagined for herself a cut out model piece but talking to Gautam she realised, girls wouldn’t pay attention to body shape or color of the guys if they were respectful, funny and sincere like him.’ 

‘You cut your hair?’

‘Very recently. Do you mind?’

‘Oh no not at all. It is your choice after all.’

‘My Dadi was very angry and tensed thinking she had sent you a photo with long hair and that you wouldn’t like it when you see me in short hair. I told her this was no examination, where a candidate is asked not to intentionally change one’s facial features or hairstyle until the day of exam, in this case bride viewing.’

Gautam chuckled in response. ‘I like your sense of humor.’

‘Why here?’ She asked.

‘What here?’ 

‘I mean I have never heard of people meeting at national parks.’

‘Oh. I have been living in Mumbai for the last three years but have never visited this place.  Since it was near your place, I thought why not? Do you mind?’ She shook her head as they climbed the steps.

‘Have you been here before?’

‘Hmm. I think safari parks are overhyped.’

‘Look there,’ he pointed to a few monkeys eating from the palms of visitors.

They went to stand and sight see. 

‘Do you enjoy teaching?’ He asked as Kirti stared at nothing in particular.

‘I do.’

‘Some days I don’t enjoy my work so much.' He said. He was a Junior Engineer in the Railways.

'Do you have something to feed them?’ he asked. He was talking about the monkeys. 

‘No,’ She showed him her empty hands. 

‘Btw, it isn’t allowed to feed them anything. They get habituated and then thinking that humans must carry edible items in their hands, they snatch away mobile and purses.’ 

‘Is it so?’

'Yes' Then, Kirti thought she was being unfair to him when he was so open with her. ‘There are days when I don’t want to be a teacher.’

He turned to her.

‘Then what do you want to be?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘When you find out, let me know.’

She turned away from him, and was walking away when she felt her head being whacked. Startled, she turned around looking at Gautam with accusing eyes. 

He put up his hands in the air, chuckling hard. ‘I didn't do it.’ A few other visitors were laughing too. She looked at them, bemused.

‘What?’ She asked Gautam.

‘The Monkey!’

XxxX

‘Did you like the movie?’ Gautam asked. She felt his arm brush hers and folded her arms across her chest.

‘It was okay.’ 

‘What do you want to eat? Chinese?’

‘Indian,’ she replied. 

‘Okay, let’s go.’

‘Gautam, there’s something I want to discuss,’ she told him as they waited for their food.

‘Yes?’

‘Gautam, what do you think about dowry?’

His eyes alert now, he said, ‘It is a social evil.’

Kirti was relieved to hear his answer.

‘I don’t know if you know but our parents are discussing dowry.’

‘They are?’ He was surprised. ‘I had made it very clear to my parents that I am not going to take any dowry. It is against my principles!’ He was visibly perturbed.

‘I can understand. Despite me telling my grandma that I don’t support dowry, she's ready to give money right under my nose.’

‘Kirti I am so ashamed. I'm so embarrassed right now. I had no role in this. I will talk to my parents.’

She nodded in understanding.

‘Also, Gautam...I come in a package. My grandmother is very old. I want to take care of her and my brother even after marriage.’

‘Hmm. You should. Who else will? You are her only granddaughter.’

‘I am talking about keeping her with me after marriage. You don’t have a problem with that?’

‘Do you have a problem with me taking care of my parents after marriage? Society has not given you an option, right? You are just straddled with them. Why should you ask whether I am okay with your family or not? We are going to together  take care of your Dadi and brother and my parents.’

That night Kirti could not sleep for long. She thought of Gautam. Of how life would be with him. Will she be able to love him? Get intimate with him? She imagined him next to her, on top of her and did not feel anything. Maybe I am asexual. Maybe he will guide and ease me into intimacy. They will get used to it and love will find them too.

[MEMBERSONLY]