Chapter 51

48. Hickory Dickory Dock - II

‘Ask her what did she tell the guy for him to call off the alliance? What did they talk about, Sandy, ask her? Everything was going well. We were about to choose dates for engagement and marriage!’

‘Child, did you two have an argument? Did he indicate through his words that he didn’t like you? Did he say something the last time you people met?’ Sandy’s tone was patient and soft unlike Karuna’s.

‘Argument...ah yes...I said that hum baratiyon ka swagat Pan Parag se karenge and he wanted Vimal Pan Masala.’

‘Look at her…,’ Karuna charged towards her, her chest heaving, ‘Just look at her attitude, Sandy.’ She thwacked Kirti’s back. ‘Which boy will want to marry her with this attitude?!’

Kirti was dislodged from her seat by the sudden attack; gathering herself up, she flicked the invisible dirt from her dress and her lips pursed and chin held high, she acted blase about the drama unfolding before her.

‘Who do you think you are? Some governor’s daughter?! Or do you think yourself to be the Lady Prime Minister? With that sharp tongue of yours, you will never be able to make a home anywhere!’

‘I thought that for the last twenty eight years I had been building a home here. With my sweat, with my blood. Oh but my home is supposed to be where my husband would be, right!’

‘You two don’t argue now,’ Sandy intervened. ‘Now isn’t the time to waste over pointless talks. Kirti, don’t be sarcastic, child. What did you two talk about?’

‘I told him I come as a package deal and will continue to take care of Dadi. I also told him that I do not support dowry.’

‘Hey Bhagwan! Hey Bhagwan!!!’ Karuna plopped down on the rough floor, her hand slapping her head. ‘What will we do Sandy? What will we do now? What will become of this girl!’ She looked up at her granddaughter who seemed least bothered about the broken alliance...about her future, she got up in a rage and hurried forward towards Kirti.

Sandy held the elderly woman back.

‘I am Kirti and I am my father’s daughter and that is enough.  I am an individual, gifted with eyes, ears, limbs and a mind of my own. I need no other identity, no other status - ascribed or achieved - to preserve my self respect, to demand that others treat me with respect!’

‘You think you will not eat, or you will beat me and I will do your bidding. You asked me to marry. I deferred to you. You wanted me to meet the guy. I went. But dowry? That is where I draw the line. I have certain principles and would abide by it till my last breath, Dadi! I won’t marry a guy who sits in the market with a price tag. Who sees marriage as a means to fatten his purse. I will not marry any…’ Her outburst was cut off by Karuna’s own.

‘Then do one thing! Sneak some poison in my food so that I can be silent for once and all!’

‘Oh! Dadi, why are you being this dramatic?!’

‘Dramatic? Dramatic?? You think I am being dramatic?’ And she started coughing heavily as Sandy ran to calm her down.

Kirti’s shoulders drooped. She walked off to the kitchen to bring a glass of water. 

Karuna pushed away Kirti’s hand that carried the glass. It slipped from her hand, the steel utensil falling and rolling over, making annoying noise.

‘Why…’ Kirti started but Sandy gestured her to stop.

The courtyard gate rattled and all of them were alert now, looking at the door.

Biplab and Mr.Ojha came and sat down on the sofa. 

They were exhausted from the trip and their faces reflected their disappointments.

‘What happened Ojha?’ Karuna asked. ‘What did they say?’

Mr.Ojha rubbed his cheeks and sighed. 

‘They said that they were already in talks with some other party for months now. Because of some misunderstanding they thought that the other party wasn’t interested but now the misunderstanding has been cleared. They have fixed the alliance with that party.’

‘Lies! All of it lies! Until two days ago everything was okay. They were so happy with us. This girl, this girl here, she spoiled everything! Now you are happy that he is not going to marry you?’

‘Very happy!’ She retorted. ‘I'm better off without that spineless chameleon.’

‘I committed a big mistake, Ojha. A big mistake in bringing up these children. When their father passed away, either I should have hanged myself to death or should have, like their mother, left them to their fate and run away to live my life!  Years of sacrifice to be returned with this kind of ingratitude?!’

‘Or you should have poisoned me!’ Kirti hurled back, in a cool, composed voice that did not betray her inner turmoil and pain.

‘It is not too late now. Let me kill you first and then hang myself to death. It is much better to be childless than to have ungrateful children like you.’

‘Dadi...what are you saying?’ Biplab was aghast. 

He looked to his sister who stood still like a rock, her face impassive.

‘Di…’ he went to lend her support but she stepped back from him.

‘It’s okay. I am okay.’ She turned and marched to her room.

From her room, she could hear her grandma crying. 

‘It is not easy to find good alliances. Nobody wants to marry an orphan. Her education and career credentials are also not so sterling. Beauty? Good Natured? Nobody wants that today. Money is what speaks.’

‘Calm down aunty,’ Kirti could hear Sandy’s voice.

'When I tell people I will give them dowry, they don’t believe that an old woman like me will be able to afford dowry and will arrange a marriage according to their standards. You are a witness, Ojha,  how much convincing it took for them to even give us their time of day. She thinks guys are tripping over each other to marry her. Don’t know which world she’s living in!’

‘God know what fate she is born with!’

Kirti laid her head down on her knees and simply stared at the floor.

Gautam had ghosted on her. The decent - the jovial - the feminist - the harbinger of change - Gautam had ghosted her. The day next to the night she had shared with him her personal wishes and views, he had never looked back at her since then.

Karuna had called his parents multiple times.

Keeping aside her ego, Kirti had called him, but his phone had come engaged. He had blocked her. It was when Karuna had asked their distant relative - the middleman of the alliance - to contact them, it is then the Gautam family had told that they had found another girl for their boy.

‘Kirti,’ Shruti knocked at her door.

‘It’s open.’

‘Mumma called me. Are you okay?’

Kirti gave her a thumbs up.

‘I am sorry, Kirti. I am sorry. This is all because of me. Neither would I have convinced you nor would you have gone there.’

‘Don’t be. I am not sorry. I don’t feel a thing. Honestly. My skin is too thick. Rhinoceros’ kind.’

‘Kirti, I introspected. I am your friend but instead of understanding you I began to speak the language of the society. I should support you. I should stand by you. It was just that I thought you will find a good guy maybe.’

‘I knew he was too good to be true. Every time he opened his mouth, honey dripped from it. I kept thinking...now...he’s going to say something that reveals his true nature. In my mind I was like now he’ll flip!'

'What a player! Never judge a person only by his words, Shruti.’

‘It’s okay. He was a jerk. No need to think about him.’

‘You know what Shruti. Ammaji used to say, Kirti is very beautiful. Any guy will marry her. Nah! That is not how society works. Society looks at your status. At your net worth. Those scenarios are all for the silver screen. Grandmother sighting a beautiful girl in a temple, or a beautiful girl helping an ailing guardian. Tada, be my daughter in law, O beautiful maiden.’

‘The boy has to be a casanova,’ Shruti rejoined.

‘Or a workaholic with a dark past who has no interest in women!’ Kirti finished.

‘Together they clash. There are fireworks!! They live happily ever after. Forgot to add they have somewhere ranging from two to ten children as it was predicted in the girl’s or the boy’s astrology.’ Shruti gave the story a flamboyant ending.

‘Real life is so different,’ Kirti said.

‘Real life is a pain,’ Shruti agreed.

‘Any boy - a boy who I would've never given the time of my day, who I would have never glanced at had we been in the same room - that guy can come and reject me just because he has the power to. Just because society has bestowed him with that power.’

Shruti remained silent to let Kirti spend her pent up emotions.

‘There are certain factions in the society, a certain few who have been unequally empowered. All the shots they are going to call. Be it politicians sitting in air conditioned rooms discussing bills, or a groom flicking through photographs vested with the power to choose, to reject.  While us, we remain powerless in every sphere of our lives. Whether it be at home, at the office, or in marriage. Our fate is to get rejected, to be trampled on, to be humiliated, to compromise. I remember an interview, Shruti. It was one of my first interviews. My certificates weren’t laminated. The one who was verifying documents, thought it gave him the right to judge my seriousness about the job. You don’t seem serious about your life, he’d said. He commented because he could. Ujjwal cheated because he could. Gautam ghosted because he could. No accountability at all. And I am supposed to bear all of it silently.’

They both sat in silence.

‘I have inherited my father’s fate. He wanted to make it big. Went out and what returned was a lifeless body. There is something about us that makes us unlovable. Nobody sticks for long with us. I am like that flower which is maybe attractive - the bees come, drone about it, flirt a little bit,  taste it even but I do not have that which will make them stay. I am a temporary standby. Gautam, Ujjwal, Nishit or Tejas - any of them, at least one of them should have been madly in love with me going by your and Ammaji theories about my looks, my personality. But look at me. I am here all alone. Slighted and humiliated by all of them.’

‘Leave them. Men are all as*h*les. You know what, fill the form for the next exam and start preparing for it. Let's show them our worth.’

‘Hmm,’ Kirti nodded her head but it was easy for Shruti to overlook the drama that was playing in her home. Sandy aunty was not after Shruti to marry. How were you to study in this environment?! Exams and forms were the last thing on Kirti’s mind now.

‘What happened to the SSC JE result?’ She asked.

‘The twitter drive managed to draw the attention of the authorities. Some YT channels are circualting  that the results will be out soon. No official declaration though.’

‘I hope they release soon,’ Kirti said.

‘I don’t think it’s happening anytime soon.’ Shruti was pessimistic.

They were still talking as the arguments continued outside when Kirti’s phone rang. It was Sana.

She didn’t want to talk but when the phone continued to ring, she did,  thinking Sana would never call her until it was really important or she had been forced by someone else.

XxxX

‘Why did you want to  meet me?’ Kirti asked without any preamble.

‘Tejas said he wants to marry you. That he’s going to marry you.’ Sana was equally direct.

‘So?’

‘Don’t marry him.’

Kirti raised a brow. ‘Why?’

‘Why? Why??! You are going to marry him even after knowing he was engaged to me.’

‘He isn’t engaged to you now.’

When Sana did not reply anything. ‘I can marry him then right.’

‘He’s not sincere with you. He still has feelings for me,’

‘Is there anything else or should I leave?’

Sana wanted to speak but Kirti knew she wouldn’t because of her ego.

To beg, to talk to a girl like Kirti, that would be beneath Sana.

‘Don’t want to keep you in dark but I know him better than you. You will always be his second choice.’

‘Sana, have you flown a kite?’

‘What?’ Sana was taken aback by the question.

‘Have you flown a kite while it is raining?’

When Sana still looked confused, Kirti said, ‘Never mind. You won’t understand,’ and left, her coffee mug untouched and unpaid for.

XxxX

She stared at the ebb and flow of the tides, replaying the last week in her mind. The insults, the slights, the disappointments. 

What did they say? One uselessly cursed their enemies. Most of the blows were delivered by the loved ones only. The ones you thought were your friends, your relatives. Because only they knew where to strike that it would hurt most.

What was that quote she had read as Whatsapp status of a friend. ‘Scar is what happens when a word is made flesh.’

Deciding her mind she picked up herself and drove to her destination.

XxxX

He was not at home. Talk about speed breakers. In a movie, nothing like this would have happened.

She waited by his door guarding her courage, not letting any of it leak out. 

When he came, she said, ‘You said you want to marry me.’ 

Then asked, ‘Will you marry me?’

[MEMBERSONLY]