Posted:
Hola folks! Anshika here.Thought to share something with you guys.Not particularly written on MehRya but suits them better,that's only my thinking.
Illusion
Love
What is it?A mere four-letter word that is carelessly thrown around in meaningless conversations.It is associated with the warm fuzzy feeling that you get when you are attracted to someone,that's rather absurd.No one describes the grief and melancholy that cones in handy with the thing called love.Love is an illusion that drives us toward itself but when we are close enough,it appears to be something else all along.
Unfortunately ,I fell for that illusion in my conquest to find that symbol of happiness yet the all I get was a whole package of sadness wrapped up in a smooth glaze paper ,a sleek ,expensive and polished product with a handle with care tag or better known as Shaurya Khanna.I was turning bitter about him.
We are all told to stay away from players cause everyone knows that they will fiddle around with you and break you in an instant.Yet I did that unfortunate ,grave mistake, I didn't fell for him or anything but I started to understand him, knowing him better than world.It was single handedly more dangerous and rather untamed territory for both of us.I started peeling off his layers of character while he discovered my potential feelings for him.And everything went downhill.
"What are you doing here??"
His unmistakable harsh voice came that was only meant for me.My anger flared at the sum of control he has over me.How did I became a mute dancing on his tunes from the head strong person I was.
"Collecting my belongings"
My tone was calm and collected contrasting with my inner state.I was holding my anger back, maybe because he was already hurting inside and adding my anger into it will only be the recipe of disaster.His dark mahogany orbs shinned with satirical mirth.
"And where will you be going"
His voice was cool and rough though I can feel the underlying concern.I wanted to smile at that but that would be really against my self -respect, the only shred of dignity left.I felt rather unnerved under the scrutiny of his gaze.
"I don't see how is it any of your business"
The hardness laced my voice was unmistakable with a streak of bitterness.He is so confused about us and is stringing me along.He wants to be with me but choose not to be.I don't know what he exactly wants but i know I can never give him that.
"You were quite clear about not wanting me here"
I knew it would hurt him but the sadist part in me wanted have that twisted satisfaction of giving him the taste of his own medicine.I see whatever hard hard facade he was wearing melting down into nothingness.
"So the love is all gone"
He chuckled cynically with no trace of humour.Did he really think i would love him ever after what he did.He doesn't want to believe in reality and I can't live in his world, he wouldn't let me.
"I never claimed to love you.I might have liked you more than i ever should"
I stated not exactly lying.There was a time when I believed it was love but as the harsh reality slapped on my face ,i became more aware of that i can't love anyone cause it is a mere illusion that had no solid ground in reality.
"You don't need to care about me"
"Right"
A thoughtful look crossed his face.He was thinking hard while his eyes were solemnly fixed on me.I could the vulnerability and a flicker of helplessness in them.He was so used to pushing everyone away but his eyes,they show the longing and pain in them as if begging me to help him.But i couldn't.How could i help him ?. How can i assemble his broken pieces when i myself am on the verge of crumbling down to earth.I was walking on the path of ruin all by myself.
He had certainly ruined me and he didn't even know.I need time to heal, sew my broken pieces back to life.We can't live with eachother, both of us are hurting.Right now there are too many maybe's , if's and broken bridges between us.We both need to sort ourselves.
I gathered all my belongings that i could in my hands and turned to leave, he just watched me with his hawk eyes.He didn't say anything nor did i expected him to, the bridge of silence between us was quite comforting and I didn't want to cross that.I didn't want him to stop me.An enjoyable ailment is far better than suffering the pleasure called love.I will discover my old self again, the no nonsense one.That will be my ailment.
I particularly had to come out of the illusion of words he created and successfully trapped me in.
How was it ??
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