Some perspective a week and a half into the show...

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." ~ Mary Engelbreit

Has it only been a week and half since the show restarted? I don't know how it can feel as if things are moving at such a fast pace, and at the same time stuck in second gear 😊.

This is my attempt to look at things from different angles, just to keep myself engaged in the story. If you've read my comments/posts before, you know my general thoughts. If I don't try to find a reason (not a justification) for why people behave as they do, I will find it harder to accept it when they suddenly start playing happy families (which they will!). I can accept a lot so long as people are in character. Mostly I do with this show what I do in real life, try to understand what makes the people involved tick, don't try to change them but adjust your expectations accordingly. As far as right and wrong s concerned, there is a threshold beyond which right becomes wrong and vice versa.

Mishti - She married Abir despite knowing that she is not really accepted by his family or Kuhu; although to be fair, she might have thought everyone in his family was okay with it except for Meenu and Kunal. She decided it was worth it for Abir, and went ahead in spite of BP's warning. She can't shake off that little hope that she would be welcomed into the family, but she doesn't really expect it. She will ignore how she is treated for the most part so long as Abir is happy because what other people think of her matters to her only insofar as it affects Abir and his relationship with his family. She won't stop trying to gain acceptance though because it would make things easier for Abir, the one person who gave her the unconditional acceptance she craved. She doesn't trust anyone other than him, BM, and BP. So she doesn't have the support she needs to deal with this situation. But for Abir, she will!

Abir - He fought the world, his family and Mishti's family to marry her. He knows the extent to which his mother hates Mishti, and still he married her. He wanted to go away and live with Mishti, but not in his heart. What he really wanted was for his family to accept Mishti, which is a long way off and not helped because of Mishti's relationship with Kuhu. He tried to fix that as the first step, but that went wrong, and now they are in deeper trouble. So now he has to face the family he defied and prove to them that in spite of the choices he made, they are also important to him. But because of how they feel about his wife, he cannot really trust them with the trouble he and Mishti are in, and his behavior is leading to further questions about his commitment and loyalty to the family. It hurts, but he is used to his hurt going unnoticed, and still tries to do what he can for his family while at the same time single-handedly being Mishti's support.

It's hard to see this lack of support for them, but it didn't happen suddenly. All of us have to face the consequences of our actions, and when people don't do as you want very few people can rise above the need to punish them for it. While I love that MishBir are those kind of people, it is unrealistic to expect that they be surrounded by those kind of people as well.

I can keep writing about Abir, Mishti, and their motivations but this post is already going to be very long, and others have also mentioned most of the points before, so that's all I'm writing about them. On a side note, I wish they would stop making me cry like this!!

Kuhu - What has been done to Kuhu's character is a little bit of a personal disappointment to me, but I'm trying to go with what we have been shown. While her projecting her woes on Mishti grates, there are good reasons for her to be generally disappointed with her life. She is not getting the attention or importance she deserves from her husband - and she put up with a lot from him. She compensated by becoming an indispensable member of his family, but with Mishti joining the family and Kunal's birth truth out in the open, her place in the family is also in jeopardy. Nothing in this justifies what she has done or is doing to Mishti, but if you've been shifting the blame to cope since childhood, how can you suddenly change that behavior when the person you deem responsible for all your problems is right there to blame and the people around you egg you on instead of reassuring you that things would not change?

While it's truly annoying to hear her say that Mishti came between her and her bro, Mishti did (and should!). Kuhu thought she and Abir decided to #keepitseparate, and expected that to continue even after he married Mishti. His reaction to knowing she spiked his drink was to tell her to apologize to maasi and keep the truth from Kunal. He's seen her yelling at Mishti before and done nothing about it. So her surprise and hurt when Abir turns on her is very real and even expected. If Abir were not under pressure from other things, he would not behave like this. Since Kuhu has no idea about all that, she just uses her usual punching bag to cope when this happens. She knows things are not ok with Mishti and tries to find out why. I'm so glad they stopped the fake sisterhood and snooping in one day because the way she did it in the open is so much more her style.

Meenu - Before the break she was forced to accept (outwardly at least) Mishti as her DIl, the one thing above all that she never wanted! Even after that, her son (the only reason she was even doing this) still suspected her intentions and her sacrifice didn't bring him any closer to her. She knows how to manipulate Mishti, but she also knows Abir is solidly in the way. Her workaround was to get to Mishti through Kuhu. That was also being thwarted, and final nail in the coffin was when Kunal defected and claimed Parul as his mother. For someone like Meenu, this level of lack of control on her family has to be galling. Now here are MishBir back home, after having stayed away with the weakest excuse for 3 months, and clearly having secrets they are not sharing. She will do her utmost to weaken them and get any secret out. If Abir is in trouble, she will go all out to help him. If Mishti is in trouble, she will do what she can to make it worse. She still doesn't quite get that they are one unit.

Nidhi - She's always made inappropriate comments. that's probably her way of making herself relevant in the family. She also is worried about keeping in the good books of whoever holds the purse strings. She genuinely likes Kuhu, and while she has nothing against Mishti personally, she will choose her Kuhu teacher and BB any day. I'm still trying to reconcile her behavior with Abir and can only reason that she's afraid he's more Mishti's than the family's and that is not acceptable to her.

So, while I would love to see this family rally behind MishBir, that is not the type of dynamics they have had so far. Kunal will do anything for his bhai, but Kunal is not here. BM and BP can help, they are also not here. The issue is not that Meenu, Kuhu, Jasmeet and Nidhi are against MishBir. They always were. The issue is that there are not enough people on their side to balance things out (no naanu, no Kunal, no BM, no BP, and no romance of course), especially at this time when they are under so much pressure, and it makes it a little overwhelming. Now we add Varun to the mix and the scale is overfull on one side and half empty on the other!

In all this, I am still excited to see how they come out of this and are stronger, together.

You have sum up the situation very well. All are saying that there is a negativity but the writers cannot changed the characters as per public demand there is a curve that needs to be followed. One thing I like about kuku that they cannot pretend. Waiting for the curve to change.

Very well said and the entire fandom agrees to this. I hope at the end of this track Abir and Mishti finally realize that they are each other’s home and they don’t need toxic relations in their lives. They are able to rise above the guilt trip the RV family makes them go to and they leave with their head held high. This track is a test not just for the mishbir but also for the family. Whether they stand by mishbir. If yes, then unki sab galti Maaf and of not then they can move on.. if not forever then at least for some time. Realization is very important for Big Ben, kuhu and the others in the family.

Self respect se badhke kuch nahi hai.. it’s high time mishbir realize that

That's a brilliantly written post Daya and puts into perspective so many things.

While it's truly annoying to hear her say that Mishti came between her and her bro, Mishti did (and should!). Kuhu thought she and Abir decided to #keepitseparate, and expected that to continue even after he married Mishti. His reaction to knowing she spiked his drink was to tell her to apologize to maasi and keep the truth from Kunal. He's seen her yelling at Mishti before and done nothing about it. So her surprise and hurt when Abir turns on her is very real and even expected. If Abir were not under pressure from other things, he would not behave like this. Since Kuhu has no idea about all that, she just uses her usual punching bag to cope when this happens. She knows things are not ok with Mishti and tries to find out why. I'm so glad they stopped the fake sisterhood and snooping in one day because the way she did it in the open is so much more her style.

I completely second this part of the post in particular.

Mishti - She married Abir despite knowing that she is not really accepted by his family or Kuhu; although to be fair, she might have thought everyone in his family was okay with it except for Meenu and Kunal. She decided it was worth it for Abir, and went ahead in spite of BP's warning. She can't shake off that little hope that she would be welcomed into the family, but she doesn't really expect it. She will ignore how she is treated for the most part so long as Abir is happy because what other people think of her matters to her only insofar as it affects Abir and his relationship with his family. She won't stop trying to gain acceptance though because it would make things easier for Abir, the one person who gave her the unconditional acceptance she craved. She doesn't trust anyone other than him, BM, and BP. So she doesn't have the support she needs to deal with this situation. But for Abir, she will!

@underlined part - I was thinking about this watching today's episode. Doesn't it sorta compromise Mishti's sense of self-esteem & self-respect? I wish there comes a point where she stops feeling that she has to try n fit into this family.

So, while I would love to see this family rally behind MishBir, that is not the type of dynamics they have had so far. Kunal will do anything for his bhai, but Kunal is not here. BM and BP can help, they are also not here. The issue is not that Meenu, Kuhu, Jasmeet and Nidhi are against MishBir. They always were. The issue is that there are not enough people on their side to balance things out (no naanu, no Kunal, no BM, no BP, and no romance of course), especially at this time when they are under so much pressure, and it makes it a little overwhelming. Now we add Varun to the mix and the scale is overfull on one side and half empty on the other!

True that..this truly seems to be an abyss and seems like a whole lot of emotional blackmailing awaits Mishti and Abir. Though in all honesty, if Abir had decided to tell the police that night itself that as to what had happened, seeing how Mishti was injured as well, probably the situation would not have gone so out of hands. Then again what's already been done cannot be changed.

And ditto, I wish Kunal, BM, BP are back soon too.

Daya, what a nice post dear.🤗

You have written everything beautifully.

Very detailed and balanced post about Abir, Mishti and Kuhu.

Mishti: I have always seen her as strong individual who knows what is wrong and what is right not in between or indecisive like Abir who always forgives his dear ones when they are wrong and continue to build strong relationships. After breakup with Abir, her role kind of changed into people who want to fit into family and impress people which I never seen from the beginning. Also I don't understand who wants to write a letter/ want to say sorry to molested person family. He is molester and what she did is right for her own safety. I don't think any person who think about saying sorry. She is being turned into typical dramatic types instead about being strong women which we saw in the beginning who is not ready to marry at first sight, fight for her love against everyone, stop her own engagement for her self-respect and never felt sorry about it, slapping Kunal for his mistake and never felt wrong just because he is Abir brother.

Abir: He is not able to balance everything at this moment because his stress is too much from keeping his wife safe and he is very close to everyone in his family and they expect a lot from him as he provided them from the beginning. He is not able to share his pain with anyone atleast Mishti has Abir. I don't know how he is okay to marry off his sister to molester family without any hesitation as he doesn't know anything about the family as they met once or twice.

Kuhu: She always tend to hide everything from the beginning and no one is able to understand her problems/feelings because she never shows them to people even her dear ones. She always expected unconditional love maybe first priority from her family, Kunal etc but destiny had other plans she was/is/ will always get second or third priority and it is part of life, she needs to move on. Kunal rishta came to her first and she was dreaming about him. Her mom saw that and still her family doesn't even think about her feelings. Her mom and dad have no voice in their family. Kunal is never going to give unconditional love or first priority to her and she knows that he married her only for his brother and will not think twice to leave her for his brother or family. Oh girl, your family and husband is not giving you first priority, in what world Abir will give his first priority before his wife is beyond my understanding.

Excellent post daya👍🏼

Originally posted by: lovelycolour

You have sum up the situation very well. All are saying that there is a negativity but the writers cannot changed the characters as per public demand there is a curve that needs to be followed. One thing I like about kuku that they cannot pretend. Waiting for the curve to change.

Yes, and I think Kaveri played that very well too. The uneasiness and awkwardness was very well done, and there was that layer of "what is going on with her" too because she really is wondering that. And Kuhu has helped in times of crisis (she has her own way of doing it, and it may be annoying for some), and she is strong in her own way. They didn't really need to change her character traits, but I wish they had given her more sensible dialogues. From her dialogues so far, it seems as if she doesn't know what she really wants, or maybe that's what they wanted to show.

Originally posted by: Appu1981

Very well said and the entire fandom agrees to this. I hope at the end of this track Abir and Mishti finally realize that they are each other’s home and they don’t need toxic relations in their lives. They are able to rise above the guilt trip the RV family makes them go to and they leave with their head held high. This track is a test not just for the mishbir but also for the family. Whether they stand by mishbir. If yes, then unki sab galti Maaf and of not then they can move on.. if not forever then at least for some time. Realization is very important for Big Ben, kuhu and the others in the family.

Self respect se badhke kuch nahi hai.. it’s high time mishbir realize that

Yes, it would be nice, but it would also be nice to see them get along, maybe not love each other unconditionally but just get along! Self-respect is important, but I think you can have that without expecting that others give you that respect. What others think and do is their problem, what you do is all you can control.

Originally posted by: beguiling

That's a brilliantly written post Daya and puts into perspective so many things.

While it's truly annoying to hear her say that Mishti came between her and her bro, Mishti did (and should!). Kuhu thought she and Abir decided to #keepitseparate, and expected that to continue even after he married Mishti. His reaction to knowing she spiked his drink was to tell her to apologize to maasi and keep the truth from Kunal. He's seen her yelling at Mishti before and done nothing about it. So her surprise and hurt when Abir turns on her is very real and even expected. If Abir were not under pressure from other things, he would not behave like this. Since Kuhu has no idea about all that, she just uses her usual punching bag to cope when this happens. She knows things are not ok with Mishti and tries to find out why. I'm so glad they stopped the fake sisterhood and snooping in one day because the way she did it in the open is so much more her style.

I completely second this part of the post in particular.

Mishti - She married Abir despite knowing that she is not really accepted by his family or Kuhu; although to be fair, she might have thought everyone in his family was okay with it except for Meenu and Kunal. She decided it was worth it for Abir, and went ahead in spite of BP's warning. She can't shake off that little hope that she would be welcomed into the family, but she doesn't really expect it. She will ignore how she is treated for the most part so long as Abir is happy because what other people think of her matters to her only insofar as it affects Abir and his relationship with his family. She won't stop trying to gain acceptance though because it would make things easier for Abir, the one person who gave her the unconditional acceptance she craved. She doesn't trust anyone other than him, BM, and BP. So she doesn't have the support she needs to deal with this situation. But for Abir, she will!

@underlined part - I was thinking about this watching today's episode. Doesn't it sorta compromise Mishti's sense of self-esteem & self-respect? I wish there comes a point where she stops feeling that she has to try n fit into this family.

So, while I would love to see this family rally behind MishBir, that is not the type of dynamics they have had so far. Kunal will do anything for his bhai, but Kunal is not here. BM and BP can help, they are also not here. The issue is not that Meenu, Kuhu, Jasmeet and Nidhi are against MishBir. They always were. The issue is that there are not enough people on their side to balance things out (no naanu, no Kunal, no BM, no BP, and no romance of course), especially at this time when they are under so much pressure, and it makes it a little overwhelming. Now we add Varun to the mix and the scale is overfull on one side and half empty on the other!

True that..this truly seems to be an abyss and seems like a whole lot of emotional blackmailing awaits Mishti and Abir. Though in all honesty, if Abir had decided to tell the police that night itself that as to what had happened, seeing how Mishti was injured as well, probably the situation would not have gone so out of hands. Then again what's already been done cannot be changed.

And ditto, I wish Kunal, BM, BP are back soon too.

Yes, out in the open is much more Kuhu's style.

Mishti doesn't really have a lot of self-esteem. Self-respect she has a lot of, and doesn't really compromise much on that. I don't think trying to get along with Abir's family is going to affect that as much as not being able to do what she wants with respect to the person she hurt. That would affect her more than saying random and unnecessary sorries to Meenu, Kuhu, Nidhi and probably Jas. She doesn't really care for them that much. It's only affecting her now because she knows Abir is tense and behaving out of character because he is worried about her.

I agree with what you say about Abir telling the police the same night it happened, but I guess they want to show people get flustered and do these things and then it becomes so tangled it becomes harder and harder to untangle things.