“I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment - we are all defined by something we can’t change.”
― Simon Van Booy, The Illusion of Separateness
All of us at one point in our lives are afraid to take a leap of faith because something is holding us back. Think about Misthi at 13 she was abandoned by her own parents. Parents who are supposed to love their child unconditionally taught her that love hurts it hurts because sometimes the people we love tend to leave us. It hurts because sometimes we are made to believe that we are the reason people left us. In our brokenness we think that we are the one responsible for breaking something. In Misthi’s case she is afraid she feels indebted to the Mahs because they took her in when her own family abandoned her. They showered her with love when her own family was only indifferent towards her. She can’t even imagine hurting her BM and BP and anyone associated with them. On the other end though is the man she loves the man who taught her that she is worthy of love the man who made her realize that love is not painful it can be beautiful too if given to the right person. The same man whose mother has asked her to stay away from him and for the time being she told herself she will not think about him but the minute she gets to know that he is struggling she runs to him. Even in all her confusion she still goes when she thinks he needs her. That is beautiful in itself. From the get go Abir knows that something is up with his angry chorni he just can’t put his finger on it. So, he enlists Jugnu’s help to get Mish to him. Jugnu tells her that Abir beeds help with the dressing of his wound and he hasn’t been himself since yesterday.
“Abir meri wajah say pareshaan hain” Mish mulls and this makes her even more guilty but our homeboy is having too much fun. He is looking at her from above trying to see if she will come.
“Meri itni chinta toh ho gi na tum ahao gi na” Aww our Abir boy is counting on her to come. What he says is unsaid but her psyche hears it. After all their souls are in sync.
“Agar main tum say milnay ahayi aur aunty nay mujhay tumharay saath dekh lia toh” She tells him how hard it is for her to come as his Maa has eyes on them. Abir is waiting impatiently in his room and for a minute he starts doubting himself” Jo main soch raha tha galat soch raha tha who mujh say pyar hi nahi karti. Chalo lagta hain khydi karna padhay ga” He tells himself that maybe just maybe he was hoping against hope otherwise she would have showed up but the moment he tries to take of his dressing she knocks on the door. She is afraid but her love and concern for him are stronger then her fear here for a minute she forgets that she was supposed to stay away from him.
“Abir tumhay kia main tumhari koi help kar sakti hu?” She is hesitant so she choses to stay at the door.
He smiles to himself and says “Tum aha gayi iss say zyada aur kiya chaiyay” he is glad that she came and her little gesture solidified his opinion that she does care about him and maybe she does love him.
“Tum nay kuch kaha Abir?” She didn’t hear what he said but her heart listened she knows he said something.
“Nahi I am fine I can manage thankyou” Abir brushes it of and tells her that he can handle himself. She however is lost in her thoughts the threat from BB still looms in the air.”Aik taraf tum ho aur doosri taraf tumhari Maa main un kay hi ghar main un kay khilaf kaisay jaon” our poor girl is standing on a double edged sword because she does not want to draw a wedge between his mom and him. How do you chose when both choice seems to have dire consequences? She is about to leave but then she hears him wince in pain and all her fear, her thoughts fly out of the window as she closes the door on all her doubts and rushes to help him. He is surprised by her action but she does not want anyone to see them she does not want any one to disturb them in their own little world. A world where for a moment she allows herself to forget BB’s threat.
Naata meri rooh say aisay jura rahay plays and she asks him not to move while taking of his dressing. She is deeply immersed in taking of his bandage while he is deeply immersed in observing her. Her eyes are not meeting his eyes today something is wrong. He leans closer but winces in pain and as he cries out she does too. His pain after all is her pain.
“Mainay kaha tha na pass mat ahana warna dard ho ga” She tells him.
“It’s okay chalay ga” He tells her that he doesn’t mind. He can endure anything to be around her. Remember how in the scene at the ruins Mish told Abir not to come after her because he will regret it but he still does. In the same way nothing and no one will stop him from being with her not even pain.
“Koi baat nahi” He tells her that it doesn’t matter
“Hah koi baat nahi. Waisy bhi thoday din ka dard hain. Phir tum sab bhool jaon gay na chot ho gi na nishaan ho ga na hi koi dard. Kuch yaad nahi rahay ga tumhay” Her voice is choking when she says this. She tells him how this pain is temporary and soon he will forget the pain because the scar and the wound will vanish. She alludes to the fact that how she won’t be in his life anymore at this point she feels that she hurts and breaks everything she touches. Maybe being away from her is good for him.
“Kia hua Misthi tum pareshaan kyun lag rahi ho. Mujay nahi batao gi” Mish forgets that this guy knows her inside and out he catches her lie and asks her to tell the truth.
“Koi baat nahi.” She says in frustration but doesn’t look at him because her eyes will betray her.
“Angry chorni tumharay cheray par sach acha lag ta hain jhoot nahi” He tells her that she is lying and it shows on her face because for him she is an open book.
“Batao kia baat hain” He again asks her
“Main nay kaha na koi baat nahi “ She says will putting on the ointment in anger why is this guy not backing down?
“Ahh” He winces in pain and immediately her anger and her frustration vanish.
“Abir I am sorry. Abir are you…… Abir main tumhay hurt nahi karan chaati main tumhay kabi hurt nahi karna chaati” She becomes apologetic and tells him that she never wants to hurt him for he is too dear to her. She looks in to his eyes while saying that and dono mil kar chaltay hain na sapnay main hi rehaty hain na plays and her fear takes over. Her dream breaks because if she stays here any longer and looks into those brown orbs she will melt. So she decides to leave but he grabs her hand and calls out her name.
“Misthi..” He asks her to stay.
“Abir please mujay janay doh Abir baat khatam ho gayi hain” Fear dominates her actions. She tells him that they have nothing to talk about
“Baat khatam nahi hui Mish baat shuru hi nahi hu kyun ki tum baat karan hi nahi chhati” He tells her that she never let him start anything so how can it finish how can they be finished when they complete each other.
“Misthi tum kia soch rahi ho” By now he is really concerned he wants to know what his girl is thinking.
“Abir please” She pleads with him to let her go.
“Misthi sach bata doh main tumhay janay du ga. Kia hua tum itni pareshaan kyun lag rahi ho. Koi tumay rok raha hain kiya? Koi khayal?” Shah;s voice modulation here was so good. The concern in his voice the way it drops an octave when he asks her if something is stopping her. His piercing gaze. It is getting hard for her to handle herself now because his eyes have questions. Questions that she is afraid to answer.
“Main bas chaati hu kuku ki shhadi main problem na ho who saath rahay khush rahay. Aur kuch nahi” She covers up her actual truth with a half truth that she wants KUKU to be happy. She doesn’t want anyone to be hurt because of her
“Aur kuch nahi?” Haaye the way his voice almost breaks a little here was gut wrenching. The way he enunciates on every word to make sure that she knows what he is asking about.
“Aur kuch nahi mujay jana hain” She looks at him but quickly looks away and runs out of the room. Not today she is not that strong enough. Her fear overpowers her and her love loses for the time being.
“Phir say kuch adhoora chod kar chali gayi” He doesn’t go after her because he knows that she does not want to be bothered. She won’t tell him and he won’t force her because that’s not who he is. He muses as he looks at his open wound how she left another thing incomplete. Apart from the open wound she left a wound on his heart that won’t heal without her. Abir Rajvansh is adhoora/incomplete without his angry chorni and even angry chorni is adhoora without her Ajeeb Rajvansh. Jin ka milna qismat main likha ho un ko koi alag nahi kar sakta kyun kay kabi na kabi adhoori cheezin mukamal ho hi jaati hain.
“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.”
― C. JoyBell C.
Stray thoughts
- Loved the starting scenes and the banter between the brothers
- Loved how adorable Abir was with BM"App ki parchayi kaha hain" while he is waiting for Mish to show up
- Don't want to waste words on KUKU and BB
- So Nanu wants Parul to only reveal the secret when it is a matter of life and death. Hmm and he is trying to keep Abir away from the truth. I kind of feel bad that almost all his loved ones are hiding things from Abir.
- Sorry for the late post but do leave your thoughts
Jhanak
