OS: The Warmth of Love

A/N: CV's have really surprised me by showing Roshni writing letters to Aman though she may not be posting those to him, that's so heart warming to see her penning down her thoughts for him in his absence. This OS is an idea of Roshni's very first un posted letter to Aman. Not proof read. Please ignore any errors.

The Warmth of Love

Dear Khan Baba,

Its just been a day since you told me to leave you and your family and I declared that I am breaking the Rishta and left the city. Then, how can I start missing you already? So much, so that I am felling an extreme need to talk to you but only left with a choice of writing this letter , which you probably may never read.

Well, I have answers for my own questions: that's be cause of the connection between us. The connection, which I only am feeling. The connection, which I couldn't erase but have to live with it, even when I am staying away from you, no matter how hard it is. It might be so easy for you to say all those hurtful things since you have not felt any connection or may be you felt but chosen to ignore it. But I couldn't. I couldn't ignore this and its so hard to leave you, with this feeling in my heart but anyway I decide to left as you wished it.

I don't remember much, when exactly I left home and how I reached the Railway station yesterday. I was so much in pain that I just wanted to go so far away from everything. I was not aware why I just took a random train without knowing my destination.. and I spent the entire night travelling alone .. I was so tired of every thing around me that I felt asleep but I remember I was feeling so alone and cold while I was trying to sleep on a berth in the train,and it was when al of a sudden, I felt you will come to me and everything will be fine again.

Not that I wanted to come back with you to home, but I just felt that you would come to me when I was feeing alone in the night...How could I even expect that? may be cause I was so tired and sleepy that I couldn't think much rational ? no, actually its be cause in that middle of the night, while I was sleepy, I remembered us. Together. A few moments that we shared together. I wanted to share with you what I was remembering:

I was remembering that day. The day when Dadi told me to go along with you; to give return gifts to a few guests personally? . You were nice to me that day. Things between us were quite god, I felt I could ask you to come along with me. I was searching for you in the entire house only to find you baking a cake in the kitchen. You looked so disturbed, still I asked you if you can accompany me ? And the way you answered me.. I couldn't forget those words of you. Those are still ringing in my eyes with the same intensity, with which you have said:

" You want to go alone? Go alone!"

" You want to go with some one? Go with them!"

" You don't want to go? Don't go!"... " I don't care.."

You were saying you don't care but I know you do! The connection between us. I always felt, I know that you do care but I only haven't understood why you were saying you don't care when your eyes are saying something else. I tried to know what's bothering you, but you told me to just " Leave... " by that time I understood you have already decided to not to discuss what was bothering you. Like always.

And I left. Alone. So many things were going on in my head I was not so conscious about what's happening around me and by the time I realized it, I was in a danger. Later all those things happened that I was being chased and I was running to save myself only to find myself at a Cliff , where I couldn't run any more and I was almost at the verge of giving up . It was at that time I listened you, calling out my name, out of no where.

You know what, I was not surprised . Not surprised to listen your voice and to feel your at that time. Its almost like as if I already know that you would come for me , when I am in the need of you despite you saying that you don't care and whatever the way you behaved with me in that morning. I remember myself ,screaming out your name, just before I was pushed from the cliff. I was falling and was feeling lite and but strangely I wasn't scared , only felt dizzy before I felt unconscious.

I could feel soft wind touching my body every now and then when I was asleep I squirmed and when I opened my eyes half, it was pitch dark in the night I couldn't see anything so I closed my eyes only to listen your soft voice, saying my name, It was like a lullaby.. And then I felt the warmth , when you wrapped your arms around me. I felt so close to you in your arms and I could feel as if I was at home.

You were saying some thing about that place being unsafe and you have drawn a circle for our safety and all but I hardly cared about what were you saying cause I already felt so safe in your arms that I let myself slowly drift into a peaceful sleep.

That night , I felt the warmth, the warmth of your love.

Yesterday entire night in the train, I was carving for that warmth of you and was anticipating your presence only to fall into a lonely disturbed sleep and to wake up to a new morning reaching a new place.

Allah knows best, I found a job as a manager in a café on this very first day and the owner of the Café is so kind to give one of his flats for me to stay , after knowing that I am still finding a place , then I felt settled .

Now, in the middle of the night, I am feeling alone and cold again while writing this to you even though I am at a safe and better place tonight, than yesterdays night.May be I need to learn to live with these sleepless nights with your thoughts.

Hope you are fine and sleeping well at least now since you may sleep comfortably in your bed, which you had given to me while you were always been struggling to sleep in that sofa.

With Love,

Roshni .