Sur
I guess the master storyteller in you never ceases to surprise me. With each update it's getting grander and trust me when I say this you have a page turner there. Am forever parched after every update. I don't want to be greedy and plead you for more but sometimes it's irresistible and hence I come back and read all the parts. And like paradise I almost have most lines memorised of this one too. So it's that favourite of mine.
Sameer:
Wish... You were mine, the rain, the wet earth, the songs. It all feels like an older to us. The we, that us from our distant past. But is it distant at all? The memories are all so vivid, I can still the love between us. Or what I thought to be love. For me it is, was and will always be you. But I can't have you. You are someone else's. The tragedy of my life seems to be the very lyrics of a famous song. That's called irony. You are that forbidden fruit to me which I pine to taste but if I do I would sin. I don't want to want you yet my heart seems to be out of control everytime you are around. I berate myself for such malicious thoughts yet I can't control when you are around. My heart pains, it feels like a million pins are being pricked at it simultaneously when you don't trust me. This is all I had wished for all those years back. I had wished for you to trust me, to love me, to embark on this crazy journey with me. I had begged, grovelled, cried and even prayed for you to be mine one last time. My prayers at that time went unheeded but now it feels like God had other plans. It all feels like some Deja Vu as if some divine force up there is conspiring for us to be together. I had promised back then that I would love you, respect you, never ever hurt you, and hold you tight in my arms forever ever and never let you go. And today am having the same thoughts, praying the same prayers, even while I know it's impossible yet hoping and praying for a miracle of my own. As if I want someone to bring me back from the dead. Since you are the one who breathes life into me. That one instance of proximity, those subtle touches not only do they wreck havoc on my senses but my insides burn with desire and hope and the feral need for you to be mine is rekindled. Yet I can only wish. If only wishes came true.
Sur for me the clincher yet again was sameer s thoughts. You can say that since he happens to be my favourite character am a bit biased towards him. But that one wish, that simple gesture of holding her pic tight against his chest while he slept did the magic. It spoke volumes about his feelings. That it wasn't simply lust but more that their bodies might be separate yet the hearts are at sync, they are one there. No matter how hard they try to push it off as physical attraction but can't deny the fact that they are meant to be with one another. That they are one soul and somewhere it's their soul and heart that's playing this vicious game of tug of war stirring all the emotions and feelings that had been dormant for long. I lived the part.
I don't know whether it's a compliment or not but somewhere I see you penning a paradise of your own. I remember that Matt and Meredith had similar thoughts about one another, when they came face to face after a hiatus. There too were a lot of contemplation regarding their personal life and initially the hatred the angst that they felt for one another was palpable. There too the central characters were subjected to misunderandings which had been created by a third party but here it's seems circumstances played the antagonist. So you see you have a winner like I always say.
Tug of war...
My feelings are a mess. I know I love him, still do inspite of all the vices. He is like that drug to me, I can never ridden myself off. It now feels like all these 5yrs I had been in rehabilitation, away from him gave me the security that I was over him. But one glance at him and all the hell breaks loose. He was always the bad news. Even when I stepped into the troubled waters I knew but kept coddling my immature self that one day he would be mine. But alas! I faced his rejection, my family humiliated and disowned me all because of him. I was turned Into an outcast. I had steeled myself,vowed never to love him, harbour any feelings but hate for him but see how wrong I had been all along. His scent, still drives me crazy, reminds me of our times together, when the same musk clung to my insides. His touch, that one simple brush of his fingers sets me on fire still, my control snaps and am ready to surrender. My mind blacks and my body leans in like a famished soul. I want to be drenched in his love. Wait?! Love!? Was it love at all? What did we share all those years back? I knew I was in love with him but what was it from his side? Am at my wits end with him being around all the time. I see his eyes spitting fire everytime I turn down his offer to drop me, it's as if through those eyes he is complaining that after all those that had transpired between us I still can't trust him. But how do I make him understand that it's not him but it's me whom I can't trust. I person that had Steeled myself to be in all these years simply vanishes to be the same person that I used to be with him all those years back. The same naive naina who wanted to love and to be loved. That same naina rears her head and tells me to confide into him diya s truth. That the little girl in whose defense he had admonished her is his own. That he had sired the best gift for her. From diya s perspective too I feel like am depriving her. The way he had taken a stand for her the other day, it exhibited all traits of a loving father who would go at length to protect his daughter. I know it's an inevitability and that he should know about his daughter yet the past hinders. All that had transpired, the pain, the wounds, the tears, and the sufferings that I was made to go through. He is the reason for it all. How can fall back in the same trap. It was his charm that had lured me to him, his smile, his soft gestures had made me believe in us but look where it has led me. No I can't let him play with my daughters heart. They should never know neither diya nor him. My daughter is meant to be only mine and I wont share any part of her with him. No I'll close my heart, keep my feelings locked up and put my guard up. We are not meant to be.
So you see its like a seesaw of emotions. The old naina is still there buried amidst this new one. And this new one is a mother, she is no longer just a girlfriend, object of somebodys affection, love, lust, so she is going to be on guard. She would never want her daughter to be put through any amount of pain. Somewhere it's the insecurity and the fear that's imbibed deep within given her harsh experiences. Yet the feelings, the love, is undeniable and it would be interesting to see what turn the story takes from here on.
Sur you are a master at song selection too buddy! Those are my favourite rain numbers that you picked. I loved them.
Hope I did justice
Pooja
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
