The Darkness Before The Dawn
Pyar Wo Nahi Jisme Jeet Ya Haar Ho,
Pyar Koi Cheez Nahi Jo Har Waqt Tayar Ho,
Pyar To Wo Hai Jisme Kisi Ko Paane Ki Na Ummed Ho,
Fir Bhi Uska Intezaar Ho...
The shrill sound of the phone broke her reverie. She was so lost that it almost took her few seconds to pick up the phone, lying next to her. The moment she gazed at the caller ID flashing on her mobile screen, her muscles tensed.
"How many times, do I have to repeat, I Don't Want to Talk to You?" Her sharp yet too cold voice boomed in her empty room as she emphasized on the mention of not wanting to talk to the person on the other line. She felt her head spinning and that was when, the phone slipped from her hand. Stumbling over her steps, she lost her balance, her eyes closing as surrounding seemed dizzy to her heavy eyes.
"Careful."
The last thing she heard was his voice and she lost her consciousness. He was quick enough to rush near her. Bending down, he circled his hands around her waist. Before she could fall down, he held her in his arms. He lifted her, and laid her on the bed, adjusting pillows under her head properly. "Ishita." Patting on her cheek lightly, he tried waking her up but she didn't respond.
Panicking, his hand reached out for the glass of water, on the side table and he sprinkled some drops on her face. Seeing her, moving a bit, he sighed in relief. He had almost forgotten to breathe. His life was stuck in the woman, lying next to him. She tried blinking her eyes. No doubt, she was having a hard time in opening them. "Ah." Clutching her head, with one hand, a soft cry escaped from her lips. She stared at him, once she managed opening her eyes. He is scared, His worried, concerned self left her dumbstruck.
"Wait." He shifted near her, looking at her struggling to get up. Sliding one hand around her back, he adjusted pillows against the bed post, making her sit comfortably. She looked for the water from the corner of her eye and the next moment, he was sitting on the bed, forwarding her the glass of water. Smiling at his care, she held the glass. Bringing closer, she lifted it till her lips, and let the water calm the blazing tornado within her. He was watching, as she closed her eyes momentarily. He could see, her getting relaxed, somewhat. She handed back the glass to him, and he quickly dropped it on the table and shifted a bit near to him.
"Are you okay?" His concerned tone came out along with a shaken voice. Even after trying hard, he looked nothing but afraid, scared. And why wouldn't he? He loved her, after all, too much to remain unaffected even if a slightest scratch comes over her.
"I am fine." Nodding, she replied feebly. And that was when; realization dawned upon him as he thought of some possibilities. "Have you eaten anything?" He was sincerely hoping her to say yes, but she remained silent. He clenched his fist in anger, frustration as she shifted her gaze from him to everywhere in the room, except him. Not knowing what to say, she thought, being quiet would be the best option.
"Damn it, Ishita." He banged his hand on the bed, before he made an exit from the room.
Crazy woman! She would be the reason if I ever found in a mental asylum. Why is she causing herself pain? Can't she see how much it hurts me? God, she hasn't eaten since yesterday. Muttering unhappily, he entered kitchen and came across the lunch, which was untouched. She cooked? But still didn't eat? He shook his head unbelievably, knowing she must have made it for him. Plenty of different emotions took over him. At one side, he was happy for the importance he held in his life, at other side it ached him that she was being so damn careless with herself.
Shrugging off his thoughts, he filled the plate with food, and walked to her. She sat, lost in her own world of thoughts. Recalling how tensed he looked; she somehow felt a deep happiness rushing inside her. He cared. Of course, he did. She saw him, stepping in the room with the food. Pushing the plate in front of her, he waited, for her to begin.
"Ishitaaa"
She was making it so hard for him. Observing her, he didn't know what to do with himself. She looked so pale, so weak that it almost broke him. Not willing to let him worry more, she quietly started eating. Relief! He made himself comfortable on the nearby couch.
Raising his eyebrows in questioning, as she stopped eating and glanced at him, he heard her speak. "Have you eaten? If not, then come and eat." She is back. The wife is back. She almost commanded. Despite of being physically very low, and about mental stress... better not get started, she managed to order him, with slight glaring.
What am I supposed to do with this ridiculously lovable woman? She just makes me fall for her, every second, more and more. Why she cares so much? Ah, why wouldn't she? You are her friend... best friend after all. Best friend? Yeah right. Once he finished giving his stupid hear a piece of mind from his intelligent brain, to not build happy castles on its own preferable assumptions, he went to her without a word and the rest time, they spent in feeding their poor stomachs, that had been suffering because of their very own set of problem and thoughts.
*******
"Feeling better?" Being determined enough, to know what exactly had bothered her to that extent, he started with a plain one. "I am fine Raman. I was fine too. You are worrying too much." She replied, stressing on was', wanting to make him believe, she was absolutely normal with nothing wrong.
"Fine... Yeah right. I saw that." He laughed sarcastically. But this was now how, it was going to work. He must come to the main point now. The condition, in which he found her, sometime back, was horrifying. He was scared with even the mere thought, of what would have happened if he wasn't there.
"What's wrong Ishita? I know, you have had seen a lot. But everything is getting fine now, right? Just a week and we will get divorced. And then... then you can marry Subbu and lead a happy life with him... the life, which you always wanted, you always desired, you always dreamt of, with him." As much as it shattered him, saying those things, he needed to, for her, for his best friend, for his love. How much his throat choked with uttering those words, how much his heart went heavy, but he cannot back off from his promise now, which he had made for her happiness.
His eyes started tearing up, with the single thought of her getting away from him. Not wanting to break down in front of her, he turned to other side, allowing himself a bit of time to compose before he shatters down there. She grabbed the bed sheet in her fist, hearing him.
"Raman, stop it. I have told you many times, I can't and won't go back to him. And this is the end of discussion here." Getting off the bed, she stepped on the floor. Staring at his back which faced her, she repeated, "There is no way, I am going to him, Raman." Her tone softened this time, unlike the previous one, which sounded more like she was angered beyond anything. It seemed like have disgusted her. She couldn't stand there, more. Being occupied with numerous emotions, she decided to leave the room, and walked towards the door.
She had barely taken two steps, when she felt a sudden pull. He grabbed her arm, pinning her to the wall. The eyes, which were filling up with tears, some time back, now held an altogether different emotion. Confused, would be an understatement to describe what he felt, that moment. "What do you mean?"
She held his gaze for a while before she asked, "Why you look so surprised? I am married to you. And that's what matters to me." Hearing her, he was lost in her eyes as she uttered the last words. I am married to you. And that's what matters to me. That moment would be a moment to cherish in his life. He would never, ever let it fade from his memory. Actually, that wasn't needed at all. He anyway could not forget anything related to her.
His lips, curled in a smile instantly dropped it, and certain sadness covered his heart, yet again. "You love him, Ishita." He said, painfully. His heart almost clenched. But it was the fact, bitter but a fact, a fact which was the biggest nightmare of his life, a fact which was the poison of his life, a fact which was the death of his life. "If... if you are thinking about me, then don't. I'll be fine Ishita. You must go back to the one, you love." He spoke with a great difficulty. It must have taken a lot for him to ask the love of his life to leave him. Who would do that? Everyone wants the people; they love, near them, always and forever. But then again, he was not the same as of the rest. His love was not the same as of the rest. He had loved her, but unconditionally but he never expected her to reciprocate his feelings just because he loved her. For him, her desires topped his priority yesterday too and will do, in future as well. He was not the one, she desired. His heart sunk at the aching realization.
She stared at him, almost unbelievably. How... how exactly someone could be so selfless? She wondered, for the shades of the man, she had seen, who stood in front of her. Pushing him softly with her palm, she walked out of the room, without a word. As he laid his eyes at her retreating back, his frustration came out with the force; he banged his hand on the wall on.
*****
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