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To everyone disliking Amaal, Baseer, et al…
How saiyara became hit
Hey guys, thank you for the lovely comments; it motivates me to write further.
I'm down with the flu and fever, and am trying to limit my screen time. Will get to planning the next chapter. I want to end this soon due to exams and other commitments but want to give it my all at the same time.
I've kind of cemented my status as the delusional one and all I ask in return is support.
Thank you.
I'm not sending PM's. So please comment to keep this up in the topics.
T W O
"We'll take your leave, Ma'am. Have a nice, day," wished the interns as they bowed down to Ishita.
"Ma'am" said the driver as he opened the door for Ishita.
In the confines of the car did Ishita break down. Five years. It had ben five years today. Five years since she lost her child. Five years since she walked away. Five years. Five years since she had seen her baby.
Sobs. That's what started it, simple sobs. Sobs that turned into heart wrenching cries that turned to cries begging to be held.
He never held her. He never loved her. He never wanted her. He never craved her. He never wished for her like she did for him.
All he did was ply on her insecurities and mould them in a way to let her be with him. At times like these it made her wonder if it had really been love; if he ever loved her, if he loved anyone but himself, if it had been him if it had been her who had been delusional.
'Stalker. He was an stalker. A drunk man who came over and threatened Aditya and at times even dragged him out of the house. Ishita, I agree I was wrong to file for sole custody but tell me why would Ashok go out of his way to ruin Raman without him instigating us? Right from showing up drunk and embarrassing us to being a stalker - he was a stalker. Even when we were married he needed to know where I was, with whom I was, how long I would be out and if not that would rile up his anger then other things would. People do not get into bad habits overnight, Ishita, it's a gradual process and you'll be either naive or blind to believe he is a good man,' Shagun had said to Ishita hours before she married Raman, Save your yourself, say no. You don't need a man to stand up for yourself, you never will. And remember, some men are not burning out for.'
She didn't marry him for Ruhi, she realized that now, she had married him for herself. Because she trusted him to be better, because they had been similar, because they had been broken souls torn apart by betrayal and she had trusted him to fix her and she did him. She had wanted marriage; she wanted family, in-laws, kids. She had wanted the package that came with marriage and for that she had married a man a decade older to her that came with a baggage of an ex-wife and kids. Who came with vices way beyond repair; because she was in love with his daughter.
She hadn't been a lover, friend or confidante instead had been the other woman in her own marriage - mocked, ridiculed, abused - and yet she stayed. She stayed in hopes of love and affection, acceptance and reconciliation. She stayed because she was a mother and she was madly in love. She hadn't even realized when she had started falling for him. When she began to overanalyze every little action of his. When she craved his touch and found reasons to be with him. When she could give everything up for his appreciation and his love. He said he'd get his son home, she agreed. He called her a bad mother time and again she tried harder. He insulted her motherhood and struggled further. Never once did he think that she was a 26 year old who was new to the art of being a mother. That she couldn't mother a child half her age. And she hadn't cared; she had looked up, struggled to cope up with everything and be the woman he wanted.
And in the run she had lost herself. In the two years she had been with him, she had forgotten herself. She had forgotten to love solitude, herself and her independence as he tried to mould her to be his ex.
'Have you seen Shagun? Look at how she is and look at you!'
'Can't you be anymore modern like Shagun? When I walk out with you in your sarees people ask my if it's my wife or if it's my mother?'
'Be nicer to Shagun, she's pregnant!'
'You're out to be IshiMaa aren't you?'
'We agree you can't conceive, but can't you even raise kids Ishita?"
'Are you sleeping with him?'
'Get out. Get out right now!'
'This isn't your Appa's house that you do as you please.'
'What had those been? Had they not been taunts or insults?
'It's his way of showing love, Ishita,' her mother-in-law would say.
'Shouldn't you be making him happy?' she would continue.
'He's a nice, guy,' Appa would say.
'Tsk, be nice to him. At least he married you!' her Amma would say.
He was a nice guy - to her parents, to his parents and to his family. When had she been his family? She was the glorified nanny. How right had his ex-wife been? And how wrong had she been when she tried to convince her against it.
'He will come to love me one day and I shall fling that at your face,' she would say.
How wrong had she been?
How nave had she been?
He had never wanted her. He had wanted a child from her.
Even in his proclamations' of love there had been a child. Let's get a mini us,' his messages would say.
Don't you want a child that looks like us. Your eyes, lips and my nose, smile and dimple.' It had never been about them or about them simply making love. Even the night they had consummated their marriage it had been about lust and angst; not about him and her. And the times that followed had been about a child she could never have.
The gods were graceful when they gifted them with a child and cruel when they let his rivals take the child away. Even then he hadn't been in loss of their child. It had been about him; his mardaangi.
He hadn't cared to know that they had lost twins. They hadn't known that she had to get the tissue expelled. He hadn't known how painful that would be to her to whom this was a ray of hope. He hadn't cared. Why would he care when he was busy getting his wishes fulfilled via his ex-wife while she struggled to deal with her loss.
Her baby had opened her eyes to the word, in the two years shown her the first ray of sunshine. Her baby had pushed her away from him and from his family. And hers even. Her baby had limited her universe to Adi and Ruhi. She had quit her job, focused on the kids and locked herself up when they hadn't been there. And he? He raised his voice at her. Every insecurity was met with a jarring blow, every question with a loud voice and threatening reply, every doubt with a job not to make everything about her.
And then she had wondered, how different was he than Subbu? How different were women like her to women who can conceive? How different was perspective? And how hollow was love?
Questions turned into doubts and doubts to allegations she had no replies to. Would she want Adi to grow up thinking that it was okay to push aside and use a woman when needed? Was it okay for Ruhi to believe that she had to tolerate a man just because he was her husband? Was it okay for Adi to think it was right to raise his voice at his wife and if not threathen to raise his hand? Was it okay to lower herself so drastically for a man?
Then she blamed her parents; if only it hadn't been Amma who want to see her married and Appa who threatened to not have a morsel until he saw her married. If it hadn't been for them, she wouldn't have been where she was. Battered and degraded than what could repair. And then he fell in her eyes; from the pedestal she placed him to the ground. And he wasn't different from Subbu, he was worse. Subbu had stated that kids were important to him and that he needed to have biological children, she would give him that. But Raman? Raman had two children of his own and yet craved for more. Subbu had instilled the belief that barren women had no place in the society but he? He had cemented it.
For the days that came she found herself detaching herself from him, not that he cared or that he noticed. It hurt. It was as if someone was clawing the life out of her. It had started with little things; the photo frame that needed to be replaced, the closet that lacked space, the dresser too cluttered, she had stopped using the products in the washroom or the fact that Ruhi now had night terrors. She had stopped packing him lunch, picking out his clothes, waiting up for him for he hadn't cared. He ate out, never wore the clothes she picked out and stayed out. Those had been the little cracks she formed. She had then stayed at her Amma's over Mihika's wedding to ACP.
He had been Shagun's baby daddy. It hadn't hit her.
Subbu's mother taunted her and her inability to keeping her husband from wandering off even if they never needed to be careful. She hadn't been hurt.
Subbu arrived with his wife and son. She hadn't bothered.
Her medical colleagues showed up. She hadn't met them.
Her family congratulated her on her marriage. She was numb.
The society mocked her. And he told her to wait whilst giving her no explanation.
And the baby was born. A toddler who was adorable as the day the sun rose for the first time and with eyes as dark as the night that showered him with love. With Raman's curls, her smile, her nose and a tiny little dimple. She had wept. She had apologized time and again for what she was about to do. She felt her heartbreak but for once she chose herself over a child that was created for her.
'Our baby. It's our baby, Ishita,' he hugged her ecstatic as if the last year failed to exist in his world. She had been numb. For once she understood Shagun, how different had she been? How different had she been when she was forced to have a child that she never wanted. Then she saw the way Shagun cooed over the child. She heard Shagun scream out and wail not to take her baby away from her.
'I'm sorry, Raman, but I never thought this would happen. I just wanted to enjoy a pregnancy that I failed to do to Adi and Ruhi. I just wanted to feel this baby grow. It's my baby. My flesh, my blood, he grew inside me. He fed from me, nourished from my body, connected to me on so many levels. His first kick, fir beat, first appointments, first tests. It wasn't, Ishita. It was me. He's my baby. He's my baby boy,' she cried as she held the boy closer to her body. 'Ishita, please explain it to him. She doesn't even wanted the baby, don't you see, Raman. If she wanted the baby she would have been fighting with me for him like she has been for Ruhi and Adi. Look at her, Raman. Look at her, she's numb.'
She was right; she had been numb. Numb in a room that was soon filled with people that screamed at each other for rights over the child while Shagun tried to block the noise out for the baby who was terrified but they never say the baby. They never saw a mother instead they saw a woman maligned by her past and another who they believed was there to raise their kids. They didn't see Shagun and they didn't see Ishita. They saw nature and they saw nurture. They didn't see a terrified toddler. It was Aditya who saw Ishita weep, it was Ruhi who pushed everyone away. It was Aditya who locked the room that held Ishita, Shagun, Ruhi, Adi and the baby.
'I'm leaving him,' came a whisper from Ishita moments after the baby the baby had ceased crying. They had been an unit that month as they five of them lived in the hospital room as Rehan was in and out of intensive care. As Shagun prayed fervently, as she broke down watching the medications go through. As Shagun tried talking Ishita out of the decision she had taken. As Ishita failed to bond with the newborn.
'You're breaking his trust. He trusted with sole custody of the kids because he knew you wouldn't leave,' Shagun had said to her.
'Those were my shackles, you wouldn't understand,' Ishita said to her as she held the baby. Have you named him?'
'Not yet,'
'Can I?'
Shagun nodded.
'Rehan. You don't have to take it legal. I'm not claiming my rights on him. Congratulations on your baby, Miss Arora. Take care of him for me.'
And Shagun stared at her in disbelief. 'We have a strange fate, don't you think?' mused Ishita. You're raising Rehan and I'm raising Adi and Ruhi.'
Redemption. In a dark tunnel with no hope and to a woman with no future, Ishita had given the gift of redemption. As they walked out of the hospital a month later, they had been two women who had destructed themselves over a man. Darkness and light, sunset and sunrise, black and white, bad and good, hate and love - Shagun and Ishita. When Shadows merged darkness with light, twilight to sunset and sunrise as grey was to black and white and emotion to hate and love; it was motherhood to Shagun and Ishita. The thing that bound two women as different as chalk and cheese. Hope that trusted Ishita to leave Shagun behind with a kid. As they set Shagun in an apartment above Mihir's, as the baby refused to be apart from Shagun even for a second and as Shagun freaked out over a little cry or a rash. As Shagun took up correspondence learning and a work from home job, as Ruhi and Adi turned up at Shagun's door with their passports and luggage the night Ishita was to leave and as Ishita left Raman who refused to forgive her for giving his child away.
They had saved a child from witness horrible legal battles. She had saved Rehan from what she couldn't save Adi and Ruhi from.
I m speechless woman... This part, you nailed it...