New Ishra FF: Thodi Si Bewafai Part 15 On Page 132 - Page 72

With eyes deep red as blood, forehead covered with sweat and trembling lips, he opened the door of his cabin and reached out to the diary immediately knowing that only that diary of hers could calm him down.

Because the diary caged the original Ishita he had fallen in love with. And if she was with him, all the pain was nothing but hopes and happiness.

As he flipped through the pages, his heavy heartbeat started to settle down already.

And he stopped at the right page where he had left the reading.

The lines of anger vanished from his forehead as he saw a pic of them on the left page of the diary. He smiled a little recalling the selfie they had taken in the car when they had met two days before their engagement for the mehandi.

And then without waiting anymore, he shifted his vision to the right page of the diary.

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"Pehla Pehla Pyaar Hai

Pehli Pehli Baar Hai"

(It is my first love and for the first time)

Pyaar...ho hi gaya

(Love...finally it happened)

The more I meet him, I fall for him even more. He had undoubtedly created a special place for himself in my heart the day he had proposed me.

And the love just got deeper after that as I started knowing him.

But today he has earned my respect as well. What would usually be called as insecurity or over possessiveness is nothing but his unconditional love for me. He loves me way too much and that makes me love him even more.

Bas chand din aur main single hone se engaged hone tak ka safar tai kar lungi...pata nahi kyun par baaki ladkiyon ki tarah darr nahi lag raha

(Just few days and I will complete the journey of being engaged from single...i don't know why but I don't feel any fear unlike other girls.)

Dil zor se dhadak raha hai par ghabrahat se nahi khushi se

(The heart is beating very fast but not out of nervousness but happiness)

Yeh jo main itna suljha hua itna aasaan mehsus kar rahi hoon yeh sirf aur sirf Raman ki wajah se hai...kuch hi dino mein unki mohabbat ne mujhpe itni gehri chaap chodi hai ki ab intezaar karna mushkil sa lag raha hai

(It is all because of Raman that I feel so sorted...his love has left such a deep impact on me in just few days that now I find it tough to wait.)

Main apne haathon mein unke pyaar ka rang chadha dekh rahi hoon toh bas mann ho raha hai jaldi se yeh rang unki zindagi mein bhar doon...jaldi se jaldi unhe paa loon aur khudko unhe saump doon

(Now that I see my hands colored in his love, I feel like filling his life with the same colors as soon as possible...I want him and want to be his.)

Jaake kis se kahun yeh dil ka haal...Kisi se keh nahi sakti islie apne dil ki haalat is kore kaagaz pe utaar di...kabhi agar Raman padhenge toh unhe pata chalega kaisi haalat kar daali hai unhone meri

(Whom should I tell the state of my heart...i cannot tell anyone what I feel so I am penning down all my feelings on this blank paper...If Raman ever reads this, he will get to know what he has done to me)

Khud baithke muskaati hoon...hawa se baatein karti hoon...chaand taaron ko ghanto nihaarti hoon...aur unka naam sunte hi sharma si jaati hoon

(I smile in myself...talk to the air...gaze at the stars and the moon for hours...and blush as soon as I hear his name)

Ab bas intezaar hai toh parso ka...islie nahi ki humari sagai ho jaegi...woh toh ho hi chuki hai kabki shayad...dil se dil ki sagai

(Now all I am doing is waiting for day after tomorrow...not because we are getting engaged...engagement is already done probably...engagement of our hearts)

Intezaar toh islie hai kyunki unko apne paas mehsus kar paungi

(I am waiting because I will be able to feel him around me.)

Unka ehsaas hi itna khoobsurat hai toh jab unke saath houngi toh woh lamha kitna khoobsurat hoga

(His mere presence is so beautiful that I just think what it would be to be with him.)

Unhi ke khwabon mein khoyi hui

(I am just lost in his thoughts.)

Ek Pagli Si

(A Crazy)

-Ishita

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Who says only a woman can go a man weak on his knees. Even her words can do the same job, that's how her passion is.

And that is what he was feeling right now.

Breaking the notion that men don't blush, he had his cheeks red and weak knees. What he just read through gave him immense pleasure and ultimate bliss.

Atleast she loved him was clear now. And the only thing left to find out was what changed in just one day and half that she changed her decision.

And so he resumed the reading not giving his slightest attention to the running time.

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She roamed anxiously around the hall, her eyes traveling to the clock hung on the wall and the main door alternatively.

It was 11 and he was not back yet. Firstly he was never late in the few days they spent together and secondly the mood with which he had left today; the two reasons were enough to ruin her peace.

She called his phone thrice but the calls only piled up as missed calls. She wanted to but didn't try for the fourth time fearing that this might even make him angrier if he was in the middle of something important.

Contacting her mother in law was not a good option either as it would only increase her mother in law's tension.

And so she settled down in the hall left with the only option; to wait for him.

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He stretched his hands and yawned lazily to realize that the dusk was covered by a fresh dawn. And with that all the darkness of his life had gone too.

One night, and his life was changed.

All his questions were answered, all his anger was converted into love and all his pain was soothed.

Some moments spent with her diary and he was all calm and serene now. Something which he hadn't experienced from last 5 months and half

And now he could not stop himself from thinking that if her diary gave him this sort of tranquility, what would some moments spent with her give him; maybe stability or composure or sanity or best said liberation.

Liberation from all the agony, compensation for all those tears and companion for that killer loneliness

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She woke up to the sudden ringing of the doorbell to find the night passed and morning risen.

And hoping that it was him, she ran to the door to question him right and left about his absence.

He saw her rubbing her eyes lazily as the door opened. And that cuteness of her made him smile wide.

How he wanted to hug here right there but he knew he had to take things slow with her owing to her mental health.

A little hurry and she could lose her mental balance forever.

Aap kahan the puri raat, she asked in a tensed but sleepy voice.

(Where were you the whole night, she asked in a tensed but sleepy voice.)

Office...lagta hai tum soyi nahi raat bhar, he asked concerned while looking at her puffy eyes.

(Office...it seems you didn't sleep the whole night, he asked concerned while looking at her puffy eyes.)

Gori Teri Aankhen Kahen

Raat Bhar Soyi Nahi

(Your eyes say that you didn't sleep the whole night)

Nahi toh...main toh ache se soyi...aapse kisne keh diya, she replied avoiding his gaze to hide her anger.

(No...i slept really well...who said this to you, she replied avoiding his gaze to hide her anger.)

Mujhe sab pata hai kitni soyi ho tum...mere jaasoos hain tumhare saath har pal, he replied to tone down her mood.

(I know how much you have slept...my agents are with you all the time, he replied to tone down her mood.)

Chanda Dekhe Chupke Kahin

Aur Taaren Jaante Hain Sabhi

(The hidden moon saw you awake and even the stars know it all)

She felt surprised at the sudden change in his behavior. The way he had left last evening had hurt her so much. He didn't come back the whole night and that scared her to the death. And now when she had expected him to be gloomy, he was all calm and sorted.

Raman aapko kisne keh diya ki main soyi nahi...main bahut aaram se soyi hoon...maine aapko call kiya tha...aapne liya nahi toh main samajh gayi ki aap meeting mein honge islie main aaram se so gayi bina aapka wait kiye, she lied again.

(Raman who told you that I didn't sleep...i slept really well...i called you...you didn't receive so I understood that you must be in some meeting so I slept calmly without waiting for you, she lied again.)

Par tumhari aankhen toh kuch aur hi keh rahi hain, he tried to play with words.

(But your eyes say something else only, he tried to play with words.)

Kya keh rahi hain, she closed her eyes to hide the secrets that lied in her deep eyes.

(What are they saying, she closed her eyes to hide the secrets that lied in her deep eyes.)

Yahi ki tum puri raat nahi soyi...bechain rahi meri chinta mein...main kahan hoon kaisa hoon kab tak aaunga kyun tumse naaraz hoke gaya...inhi sab sawalon mein uljhi rahi tum...hai na, he asked holding her hand and looking into her eyes.

(That you didn't sleep last night...you were restless worrying for me...where am I, how am I, by when will I come, why I was angry with you...you were engaged in all these questions...isn't it, she closed her eyes to hide the secrets that lied in her deep eyes.)

Aisa kuch nahi hai Raman...main aisa kyun karne lagi...aap chai lenge, she again tried to change the topic.

(There is nothing like this Raman...why would I do so...will you have tea, she again tried to change the topic.)

Kyunki shayad tumhe mujhse pyaar ho gaya hai...apne pati se pyaar...dobara, he winked.

(Because maybe you have fallen in love with me...in love with your husband...again, he winked.)

Ki Kisne Dil Le Liya

Kisko Dil De Diya

Yeh Dil Ka Lagana Koi Jaanta Nahi

(Someone took your heart and you gave it to him...nobody knows this exchange of hearts)

Kuch bhi...mujhe kya pata yeh pyaar wyaar...kya aap nahi jaante mujhe kuch yaad nahi hai...mere liye hum abhi hi kuch din pehle mile hain aur ek dusre ko jaan rahe hain ajbaniyon ki tarah, she replied while looking away.

(Anything rubbish...i don't know this love and all...don't you know I don't remember anything...for me, we have met just few days back and trying to know each other like strangers, she replied while looking away.)

And that action of hers showed how badly she was hurt.

He punished her without any fault of hers almost like a rejection and on top of that he didn't even apologize.

Ishita look I am really sorry for yesterday...main kisi baat se upset tha and saara gussa tumpe nikaal diya...i am really sorry...please mujhe maaf kardo...main jaanta hoon kal maine tumhe pehle toh bahut hurt kiya aur uske baad pareshan bhi...samajhta hoon kis tarah kaati hogi tumne puri raat...shayad pure hall mein ghumi hongi mere intezaar mein aur phir zameen pe us sofa ke sahare so gayi hongi...please mujhe maaf kardo, he finally accepted his mistake and apologized in a low tone.

(Ishita look I am really sorry for yesterday...i was upset about something and I lashed out at you...i am really sorry...please forgive me...i know first I had hurt you yesterday and then I troubled you...i understand how you must have spent last night...maybe you would have wandered in the hall waiting for me and then slept on the floor taking support of that sofa...please forgive me, he finally accepted his mistake and apologized in a low tone.)

It's ok Raman...ho jaata hai kabhi kabhi...main chai laati hoon, she said coldly and left.

(It's ok Raman...it happens sometimes...i will get you tea, she said coldly and left.)

He kept looking at her as she vanished from his sight. But her eyes, puffy and sore could not leave his vision. Her eyes said the story of her pain and now he had to heal it.

Gori Teri Aankhen Kahen

Raat Bhar Soyi Nahi

(Your eyes say that you didn't sleep the whole night)

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Bas ek sorry keh diya aur ho gaya...aap nahi samjhenge Raman kal raat kya beeti hai mujhpe...har ek beette pal ke saath ek dar jiya hai maine...kahin aap gusse mein kuch kar na le...kahin aap mere paas wapis hi na aaye...kahin kuch bura na ho jaaye...aur sabse buri baat yeh thi ki mujhe pata tak nahi tha maine kiya kya...par aapko kya...aap toh kuch bhi nahi samajhte, she angrily put the pan on the stove.

(Just one sorry and it is done...you will never understand Raman what I went through the last night...i have lived my fears with every passing second...what if you do something wrong in anger...what if you don't come back to me...what if something bad happens...and the worst was that I didn't even know what I did to earn this...but how does it matter to you...you just don't understand anything, she angrily put the pan on the stove.)

Dil Mein Teri Yaad Basi

Tu Samjhega Nahi

(You will not understand that my heart is full of you)

Toh kya hua Raman agar main sab kuch bhul chuki hoon...phirse toh yaadein bana sakti hoon na...yaadash chali gayi toh kya dil toh wahi hai na aur us dil mein aap base ho...par kya faayda...aap kuch nahi samajhte aur shayad kabhi nahi samjhenge, she almost cried while preparing the tea.

(So what Raman if I have forgotten everything...i can make new memories...what if I have lost my memory...the heart is still the same and in my heart, you reside...but what's the use...you don't understand anything and probably never will, she almost cried while preparing the tea.)

Jo Hai Mere Paas Hai Tera

Mera Kuch Nahi

(What I have with me is all yours and nothing is of my own)

Aapko main kaise hurt kar sakti hoon...aisa soch tak nahi sakti...aap hi se toh mera sab kuch hai...agar mujhse kuch galti hui thi toh aap mujhse discuss kar sakte the...daant sakte the...par nahi...aap toh bas gusse mein chalte bane...yeh bhi nahi socha ki peeche se meri kya haalat hogi...maine aapse pyaar kiya hai Raman...kyun aapko dikhayi nahi de paa raha, she lost herself in her thoughts not acknowledging the tea which was ready to overflow from the pan.

(How can I hurt you...i cannot even think about it...my everything is just from you...if I have made some mistake you can discuss with me...even scold me...but no...you just left angrily without saying anything...you didn't think for once that what will be my state...I have loved you Raman...I love you...why you are unable to see it, she lost herself in her thoughts not acknowledging the tea which was ready to overflow from the pan.)

Kyun Ankhiyaan Chupaaun

Kyun Tujhko Sataun

Dil Todke Tera Main Kya Paun

Bol Piya Bol Piya Bol Piya Bol

(Why would I hide things from you and hurt you...what would I get by breaking your heart...tell me beloved)

Meri neend bhari aankhen dikh gayi Raman aapko par un aankhon ne jo puri raat aansun bahayen hain woh nahi dikhe...aap baatein badi badi karte hain par samajh aapko choti si baat tak nahi aati, she finally broke down.

(You saw my sleepy eyes but didn't notice the tears they have shed the whole night...you just talk big things but don't understand even the smallest of things, she finally broke down.)

Saajan Teri Baatein Badi

Ki Main Raat Bhar Soyi Nahi

(Your talks about my sleep are just a showoff)

Na hi woh aapke jaasoos aapko batate hain mere dil ka haal aur na hi aapko khud dikhayi deta hai, she complained.

(Neither do your agents tell you about my heart's state nor you yourself see, she complained.)

Chanda Ne Bhi Dekha Nahi

Aur Taaron Ko Yeh Maalum Nahi

(Moon didn't see anything and stars too don't know anything)

Kyun aapko dikhayi nahi deta ki main aapse pyaar karne lagi hoon...itna pyaar ki jo bhul huki hoon woh yaad nahi karna chahti...bas aapke saath naya safar shuru karna chahti hoon...aapka pyaar chahti hoon...bas kuch chahie toh woh ho aap, she finally confessed.

(Why can't you see how much I have started to love you...as much love that I don't want to remember what I have forgotten...I just want to start this new journey with you...i want your love...all I want is just you, she finally confessed.)

Ki Maine Tujhe Dil Diya

Tera Dil Le Liya

Mera Tu Hi Hai Bahana

Kyun Maanta Nahi

(Why don't you accept it that I gave my heart to you and took yours and only you are my everything.)

Aiyo Amma, she hitched in pain as the hot overflowing tea touched her hand which rested on the kitchen counter.

She hurriedly switched off the flame and turned to fetch some cold water to relief her hand. But her feet stuck to the ground as she saw him standing right there, behind her; so close almost like her own soul.

Aap yahan...woh matlab aap yahan kaise...main chai laa hi rahi thi, she stammered because of the proximity they shared forgetting her burnt hand.

(You are here...i mean why are you here...I was just bringing the tea, she stammered because of the proximity they shared forgetting her burnt hand.)

He held her hand keeping the silence intact and brought her hand under the running water.

Feeling better, he asked worriedly while fanning her hand blowing some air on it.

Hmm, she uttered.

Don't worry...ab sab thik ho jaega, he assured her about her hand but what he meant was their life.

(Don't worry...now everything will be fine, he assured her about her hand but what he meant was their life.)

Now he had to show her, her own life through his vision. And he was ready to start this new journey.