moments...moments are something which are able to change your life. she witnessed a moment two months back, when he marked her his, one moment was one month back when he simply took her hand and helped her to reach for a new destination, towards new world, his little gestures, soothing words gave her new hopes for life. she forgot to see dreams...she lost her all hopes from her life and after her father decision of sudden marriage broke her but unknowingly he gave her most beautiful thing for her life, Raman...in a form of a husband, mentor and a friend. A pure hearted soul rude from outside but soft from inside, somehow living a same life like her, just expecting his parents love, their small smile...she recalled the incident two month back when Raman cried. She witnessed his silent tears that day and promised to herself that she will try to give him all possible happiness.
she didn't realized how this two months flew and only gave her beautiful memories. gave her so much things which she didn't even expected. she started to dream a fairy taple life with Raman, completely forgot that he even had a past. A past... which is haunting him, a past which snatched his soul from him.
she tightened her robe and entangled her fingers carefully from him, he was calm now, sleeping peacefully on his stomach. she covered him with duvet and bend down on her knees. the clock struck at 3:30 am now, his tears were dried now, left their paths on his fair cheeks, his sobs were converted into little snores now. his hands involuntarily reached towards her pilow and took it his beneath, might be wanted to feel her near. she wiped her own tears and switched off the night lamp. she need some fresh air now. she was about to go towards balcony but stopped in front of dresser.
She went towards dresser with slow steps. She traced her fingers on her face. Was it same face which was beaming and glowing till evening? she recalled how much she took time to dressed her self in thus evening, only for him. Her vermilion box, perfume bottles, makeup box, bangles, set of earrings everything were lying there carelessly, showing her hurriedness, showing her excitement, everything. Unknowingly tears again started to flow from her eyes, she dropped on her knees, wanted to cry loudly but she can't. She kept her hands on her mouth and ran outside to balcony giving a last glance to her sleeping husband.
The weather was calm outside, cool breeze were flowing there, lights of full moon was adding beauty in night but what about her? lots of questions were coming in her mind like a Strom. " Why god why??? why again? Why I am feeling so bad? I already knew that I have to face something like this and why I am feeling bad on hearing her name from his mouth? " She slumped down on armchair while crying. She was herself unable to understand why she was crying?
Her hand involuntarily reached near her nape, her fingers gently caressed her nape. A chill of shiver ran down from her spine while recalling their moment some hours back. Feel of his plumpy lips, her hot breaths were still there. She recalled how he kissed her from her nape to her shoulder and how she unknowingly surrendered herself to him. It was probably their first intimate encounter. They never shared anything except some intense eye locks, hugs and stolen kisses. But things were changed now, their relationship were progressing. They travelled a long way, from strangers to friends, from friends to healer and now dreaming to become companion. They wanted something more from their relationship, might be an acceptance, a feeling of more authority or might be a proper mark for husband and wife relationship.
She took a deep breath and looked at full moon who was spreading its moonlight in full glory, she also wanted to fill their life with lights of hopes and joy. But she knew for beautiful golden days, she had to fight from some more bad days. The bad day was in front of her, in form of his past. Which may also affect their relationship. But she need to face it. " I promise you Raman that u will always found me beside you. and I will kept my promise. You simply need to share everything with me " Cool breeze were caressing her hairs, she leaned back on chair, adjusted the cushion, stretched her legs on table, her eyes were staring twinking stars. She didn't knowoh when her eyes started to feel heavy and she drifted in a deep sleep with his thoughts, with their thoughts.
his head was heavy, seems like something heavy was on his head. he opened his eyes with so much difficulty. he didn't remembered anything clearly but night which was supposed to be beautiful for them was turned into disaster. he looked here and there and found her pilow under him, it recalled his last night memory when he took her in his embrace, cried loudly on her chest. he found the glass of lemonade on his side table. he gulped the whole glass of lemonade and leaned back on headrest. the flashes of last night was coming in front of his eyes.
" how could I behave like this with her??? why shouldn't I controlled on my emotions? don't know how she felt after all that crap " he again held his head in his hands. It was first time he consumed alcohol and now it was causing a bad headache. he looked here and there, she was not in room. he got up from bed and started to search her. the clock struck on 9:50 am. It was almost 10 and was usual time to go for hospital.
" Ishita hospital chalo gayi? vaise theek hi hua. kal raat bada na main usse face kar pata aur na hi mujhe " [ Ishita went to hospital? but it was good. at least I will not face hwe more ] he looked at her closet, the door of her closet were carelessly close, indicating her hurry to leave room. he went towards her closet and closed the door properly after putting her dress in shelf. he went towards the vanity, the table was still messed. he didn't saw the messed table after their initial days of ma rriage. she always took care of his choices. the numerous perfume bottles, set of earrings, hair accessories was telling him how much she took efforts to dressed herself for him. "For Him " his attention went towards the couch, her saree was placed there. it was simple yet beautiful saree in royal blue and in grey color combination. he didn't recalled her in saree after that incident. but she especially dressed herself in saree, only for him...
" isliye main is topic ko humare beech nahi laana chahata tha. kitni khush thi tum kal aur dekho na meri vajah se kya ho gaya. tumhari aankhom main aansoon nhi dekhna chahata main " [ that's why I was avoiding this topic. how much happy and excited u was bit see everything was ruined only because of me. Unknowingly I again became reason of your tears ]
he really wanted to call her, wanted to clear misunderstanding between them, but something nmade him stopped. It was an invisible barrier between them which was created by him. she always gave hwe support to him but it was Raman who declined her help. he again caressed her saree, her smiling face was flashing in front of him and he also knew about her condition after last nite. he took a deep breath and leaned back on couch. he wanted some peace for himself before facing her.
he felt a soft hand on his hairs. someone was caressing his hairs. he opened his ed yes and found a pair of eyes were watching him lovingly. he said nothing but simply placed his head on her lap and closed his eyes while she continued to caress his hairs.
" neembu paani piya? " [ did u drank lemonade? ]
" hmm "a
" kal raat kyon pee? tu toh kabhi nahi peeta na " [ you never drank before then why did u drank last nite? ]
" sorry daai ma " he said slowly and clutched her palm while she continued to caress his hairs. silence was engulfed in room.
" kuch poochna hai baba? " [ did u want to ask something baba? ]
" na...nahi toh " [ no...no ]
" bitiya subah subah hi nikal gayi aspatal ke liye. Roz ki tarah par aaj woh vaise nahi dikh rahi thi jaise roz dikhti hai. chehre par khshi, aankhon main chamak, muskuraahat...kuch nahi tha. " [ she already went to hospital like daily. but she was not like daily. she was not smiling today, there was no glow, no smile on her face . ]
" kuch khaya usne? " [ did she ate something? ]
" nahi baba. dekh main nahi jaanti tum dono ke beech kal kya hua, par uska utra hua chehra main nahi dekh sakti beta. usne tujhe har khushi denr ki koshish ki hai, tujhe muskuraana sikhay hai phirse. tu bas jaakar mana le usko " [ no baba. I don't know what happened between u two last nite but I can see her dull face. she always tried to give u every happiness. she taught you to smile again. I don't know but go and sort everything between u two ] she caressed Hus face lovingly and kissed his head. Raman nodded in positive. Daai ma gave o!his clothes and made her way to kitchen.
daai ma left room. her words were right. she gave him every happiness, made his life a new direction, unknowingly filled is day with her smile. he knew how much fragile she is. she made his life better and trying to make better with each passing moment but her past, her life was not easy. she herself was fighting with her past, with her bitter memories of childhood. somewhere in his heart he promised himself to give her every happiness but unknowingly he himself hurted her. " not more now ishita...I need to clear everything today. It will be betrayeal from you. " he picked his clothes and went towards washroom for change
***********************
she was sitting in her cabin, staring walls aimlessly. Her work was pending but did she was in a condition to concentrate on something? last night memories were flashing in her mind. How much she tried to divert her mind from him, from last night but it was impossible for her to do so. She badly wanted some peace for herself. She was trying everyway to find peace every where but how could she find peace when strome was inside her, in her heart and mind.
She looked at her phone. The time was 12 noon, it was his usual time to call her. They used to chat together this time. It was not like that she can't talk to him but what will they say today? Earlied the words was no enough for them to say their feelings, their unfound feelings and today they didn't have words to say anything. Lots of things were going there. " I want you amma. where are you? " Child needs their mother most whenever they face trouble and she was on the crucial stage if their marriage. Her one step can change her marriage, it can also made it beautiful and at same time can change their relationship aspects.
She opened her Watsapp. Automatically her hands reached on his name. His status was online there. He was away one tap from her. Her heart wanted to talk him but her fingers didn't have enough courage to type her message. She shut her message box and tightly shut her eyes. " kyon yeh dooriyan Raman? Main chahke bhi nahi bhula paa rahi hoon sabkuch. baichain kar raha hai yeh sabkuch mujhe "
Yeh Dooriyan
His condition was not less there. Physically he was in conference room but his heart, his soul was with her. with his Ishita. He never thought that their relationship will face something like this. He was feeling himself a helpless man. Man who had solution in front in his eyes but didn't have courage to solve that problem. He leaned back on chair while his fingers was playing with paper weight.
" Bhai what you think about this inverstment? We should invest here na? This land will give us good results "
" hmmm "
" bhai are you listening me? " he felt a tap on his shoulder. Mihir was there with the writing pad on his hand. He understood that something was fishy but was unable to figure out. " Mihir please cancel my all meetings for today. I am not feeling well. No meetings and disturbance " he didn't gave him a chance to speak and left the hall with his phone.
He was now in his cabin, simply sitting on his plush chair. He was away from her but still with her. He was staring his cabin. It was no more his old cabin with black and white theme as said by Ishita. His cabin was changed now. It was Ishita idea to gave a new look to his cabin. He recalled how she worked on each detail minutely and gifted him new cabin with new interiors. His achievements, his awards, space for his files, for his personal belongings every thing was well settled there but one thing was missed there which was filled by Mihir and Mihika.
" bhabhi cabin ka toh aapne poora look hi badal diya. Army ke bunker se nikal ke isko seedha comfort zone main daal diya. sacchi bhai aapke cabin main na army types ki feelings aati thi" [ wow bhabhi changed this cabin completely. U gave this cabin a complete new look. I used to feel like I am in an Army bunker " All of them were chuckled on Mihir statement while Mihir earned an angry glare from Raman.
" Ab yeh toh person to person par depend karta hai na Mihir. Sab log tumhaare bhai ki tarah boring thodi na hote hain. " [ It depends on person to person Mihir. Everyone is not boring like your bro ]
" oye madrasan zyada udo mat. inki taareef ko padma shri award mat samjho aur tum teen nikammo ke paas kuch kaam nahi bacha hai kya? bas time paas karwa lo sabse " [ oye madam, stop being so excited. There was nothing to be excited so much and u all didn't have work na? useless ] They didn't even gave him a chance to complete and room was again filled with their giggles.
" Mihir kuch jalne ki boo nahi aa rahi? Aur Raman aap maano ya na maano, aapke bunker jaise cabin ko maine sudhara toh hai. You have to praise me for that " [ Mihir didn't u think that someone is jealous? And Raman u have to admit that I gave a new look to your cabin which used to look like bunker earlier. U have to praise me for that ]
" Ishu sab accha hai but ek kami hai " [ Ishu everything is fine but one thing is missing ] Mihika interpreted between them. They immediately stopped their bickering and looked at her with questioning face. She indicated something mihir from her eyes while he thumbed up her. They covered their hands with their palms and led them towards his desk.
" kya kar raha hai mihir yeh tu? " [ What are you doing Mihir? ] Raman said in frustrating tone but mihir decided to ignore his yell and removed his palms after leading them in front of table. They opened their eyes and within seconds the frown on their face replaced with smile. It was their another stolen moment which captured by mihika in orphanage. They both were busied in playing with small kid who was just 6 months old, they were also laughing innocently with that kid. He recalled how she tucked a strand of hairs behind her ears and lowered her eye lashes when he whispered something teasing inner ears. " I thought to give you every happiness Ishita. But never thought about this. I determined to clear everything between us but how can I Ishita? I didn't have enough courage to face you. " he said to himself while looking at her photo.
In Raahon Ki Dooriyan
Nigahon Ki Dooriyan
" Toh khatam kar do in dooriyon ko bhai. Kyon sab kuch daba rakha hai apne ander? Kab tak ghutoge ander hi ander bhai? " [ So stop this things bhai. Why u didn't want to tell her? This truth will always burden your heart bhai. ]
It was Mihir voice who came in cabin. Raman opened his eyes for brief second but again closed it. " Kal raat ke baad meri himmat nahi hai uska saamna karne ka " [ I didn't have courage to fave her after last nite ]
" But koshish toh aapko hi karni padegi na bhai. " [ But u have to try bhai ]
" Agar usne bhi mujhe galat samjha toh? Nahi Mihir main yeh nahi kar sakta. Jab mere khud ke mummy papa ne hi mujhe samjha toh woh...woh kaise mujhe samjhegi? Usse itni aashaaen lagana galat hoga Mihir " [ If she also misinterpreted me? No Mihir I can't do like this. When my own parents refused to believe me why will she believe me? ]
" Par bhai... "
" Nahi Mihir. Tu please rehne de. Main phirse woh sab nahi jhel paaunga. It was hard for me. " [ no mihir. leave it. I will unable to handle all these things again ] he didn't gave him an another chance to speak. He collected his belongings and went towards somewhere, where he can find peace for himself.
*****************************************************
She entered in home. The home was not chirpy today. The home was never chirpy for them. His company always lites the environment for her. She looked at surrounding. The lites were dimmed, indicating everyone absence from home.
" Bhabhi paani " her attention broke by usha, their maid who offered hwe water. She gulped water and kept glass aside.
" koi ghar par nahi hai kya? " [ where are everyone? ] she asked while looking here and there. Somewhere wanted to ask about him. But maid answer in negative made her relieve. She looked at dining table which was perfectly set for dinner now. " Bhabhi aap kapde badal lijiye aur Bhiya ko bhi boliye jaldi aane ko, phir main khaama garam kar doongi. Jabse aap logo ne yahan par khana khaana shuru kiya na tabse bada accha lagta hai varna pehle toh yeh table sirf mehmaano ke liye hi istemaal hota tha "
She smiled on her. She recalled after refusing her offer for dinner at dining table, Raman himself told her to took dinner there. " First denial then accpet." she slowly murmured to herself while eating. His small gestures always filled her days with smile and happiness.
" Bhabhi khana garam karoon? " [ Should I heat food Bhabhi? ]
" nahi Usha mujhe bhook nahi hai " [ No Usha, I am not feeling hungry ] she didn't had enough courage to face him now. The best way to save yourself from someone is to avoid him. She made her way towards room. Life was never so complicated for her, not even when her father almost forgot her from her life, not when her father fixed her marriage but today, today situation was different. She herekf don't know why she was scared, confused with the sudden changes. She herself told to her mind that she will became his support but yes there is a difference in a theory and practical. " kyon main na chahate hue bhi in dooriyon ko kam nahi kar paa rahi hoon Raman? its hard for me Raman " [ Why we are not able to decrease this unwanted distances between us Raman? It is hard for me ] She didn't realised when her eyes became heavy and she drifted in sleep, today again with tears .
Hum Rahon Ki Dooriyan
Fanah Ho Sabhi Dooriyan
He entered in room. Probably it was after 2 months he came home late. He didn't wanted to came home today. Maid already told him that she didn't took her dinner today and thus reason was enough for him to skip his dinner. He recalled how they made promise to took dinner together but today they broke that promise. He looked at her, her back was facing him. He went to restroom and soon came from there and secured his place, this time they were on farthest corners of bed. Greif, hurt, guilt, tears was only things which they were feeling now. " main jaanta tha ki aisa hi kuch hoga Ishita. Tum mujhse door jaa rahi ho aur main chahate hue bhi tumhe rok nahi paas raha " [ I knew something will happened like this that's why I was avoiding this topic. Distances are increasing between us and and I am unable to reduce that distance. ] Your are going away forr tears formed a way from his eyes. He clutched her cushion and closed his eyes and soon drifted in sleep
Kyun Koi Paas Hai
Door Hai Kyun Koi
Jaane Na Koi Yahan Pe
2 days were passed like this. Daily she left room before him and he came home around midnite. They didn't exchanged a word after that night. Tears and guilt were only things which were around them. She was trying to talk him but unable to do so. An unknown thing was stopping her. She wanted to talk him, wanted to heal him but shagun name, that picture always stopped her. She didn't saw that image again but she remembered that picture, that smile on Raman face. How he was happy and excited with her, how they were smiling and Raman fingers were entangled with her. She never wanted to drag his past in their present and future but unwantedly she was thinking about that. Where he was in also in same situation. He knew he need to clean the air between them, but he was not ready to face her. Mihir was right, he was betraying her. She always supported her in every thick and thin, gave him a meaningful life but what he did?
" 2 din ho gaye hai Ishita, aur main aur tum in khamoshiyon ke beech main reh rahe hain. yeh sab is tarah se tumhaare saamne aaega, yeh nahi socha tha. Dil chahata hai ki tumhe sab bata doon par himaat hi nahi hoti hai sach bolne ki. Darta hoon tumhe khone se main Ishita. Maa Papa ko toh main pehle hi kho chuka hoon, ab tumhe...tumhe nahi khona chahata. Aadat ban chuki ho tum meri. Ab tumhaare bina jeena mumkin nahi hoga mere liye " [ 2 days are passed Ishita and we are living between the silence. I never expected that the things will disclosed in front u like this. My heart wanted to tell everything but I am scared Ishita. I already loose Maa Papa because of this and I don't want to go away from you. You became my habit now and it will impossible for me to live without u now ]
Kaha Bhi Na Mene
Nahi Jeena Mene
Tu Jo Na Mila
" Ishita bahu..." she came out from her thoughts and saw daai ma was standing on door with the plate in her hands. It was nite time, Raman didn't reached at home where she was alone in her room, battling with her heart and mind again. Raman was already not facing her and today her mother she also declined to help her. Mothers are the best friends of their daughters, she heard this line from her many friends, she herself wanted to feel that with Shanaya. She always gave her respect like mother but it is not necessary to got everything what u expected.
" are Ishita tum yahan par kaise? kuch saamaan bhooli kya? " [ hey Ishita u and here? Did u forgot your stuffs here? ]
" Mom woh...bas aise hi milne ka mann hua, ghar bhi kafi time se nahi aai na isliye aa gayi " [ No mom actually I was missing home and its long time and we haven't mate so I thought ] she said slowly. She hardly visited her home after marriage. Peoples usually said girls missed their parental home after marriage but this thing was not applicable on her, Raman made his home her, initially he was not her but was with her always. He was with her but right now she needed someone to guide her. She came to her mom for help but she forgot that her mother never bothered for her and something same was happened today also. she tried to speak every time but stopped by her. She knew her voice was going in dumb ears. " Mom actually... me and Raman, actually things became complicated between us. I mean... "
" Ishita...what are you saying? you are not happy with him? don't tell me that decided to leave him. Look Ishita, stop thinking about happiness, compatibility and all. life is all about enjoyment, happiness and pleasures u know. I wondered why u kept yourself in your hospital. Oh I understood your problem, look at your self. Your are no more desirable na, I mean look at your pale face, improper hairs, dark circles. dear, husbands wanted to see their wives in an attractive looks not in a daily wears. OK, I will help you. Go to my beauticians, they will do a perfect makeover for you and trust me Raman will became mad after seeing you, like your appa " she slowly whispered in her ears and started to laugh loudly where Ishita was watching her, again with disbelief looks. But she knew that she will never understand her. Her mother was engrossed with her own world while she decided to left the place.
She took a deep breath while recalling the incident. She felt someone hand on hwe shoulder. The touch was known for her. The person in front her always gave her comfort with her presence. She smiled on looking at her while other one also reflected back. They sat on couch again. She silently rested her head on her lap, she knew she will find solace with her.
" Thinking about baba na beta? " She looked at hwe face, she was smiling silently on her. She nodded in positive again. " I am missing him daai ma, his presence, his talks everything. Why this difference came between us? " she whispered slowly.
daaima caressed her hairs gently while she closed her eyes. she knew if he was avoiding her, she was also doing same thing by not initiating. and they knew both of them are equally affected and hurt because of this silence. She looked at daai ma again and found she was smiling by looking at her.
" you have answer of your own questions beti. both of you are sailing in same boat, going through same emotions and fear and you both have to heal each other beti, no one will help you in this "
" I am scared daai ma, I don't want to lose him. I can bear his silence but I will unable to bear distance from him. I can't live without him ma "
" Trust me Ishita, he will with you always. You will never loose him beti. He is so sensitive from heart. He saw many things from his childhood and somethings affected his heart badly Ishita. He need someone to pour his heart. Please be with him, he need you, he needs his wife Ishita" She lifted her eyes and found daai ma was looking at her. She was right, she is his wife, his friend how could he backed now when he needed her.
She nodded in positive and assured daaima that tonight will be the last night of their silence, she will break this silence. She knew she can't live with his silence. Her eyes suddenly went on door and her eyes became widened on seeing someone presence.
Tujhe Bhule Se Bhi Na
Bola Na Mene Chahun Fasla
Raman was standing on door, she looked at clock, became early today. Tired face, loosened tie, messed hairs. He kept his bag on sofa and came towards her, Each ascended step was increasing her heartbeat. She looked at daai ma who was smiling looking at him. She caressed her head and left room after giving him a assuring nod..
" you go and...and fresh...c...lo..the..s " she was fumbling with her own words and decided to leave place. She didn't dared to look at him and started to went towards the cupboard but stopped when she felt his grip on her wrist. her steps were going backwards now and soon she felt they were close to each other again, after whole 2 days which were like eternity for them.
" I am sorry Ishita " he whispered slowly in her eyes while his hot breaths fanned her earlobes. His hands reached on her shoulders and faced her towards him. They were facing each other now, he was looking at her, she was looking at ground, was not ready to face him.
" I am the sole reason of these tears na Ishita? "
" No...no Raman, its not like that. I am fine "
" You didn't know how to say a proper lie Ishita " he lifted her face by her chin and faced her towards him. He saw her pale face but never found enough courage to heal her, to make her smile. His hands reached on her face and wiped her tears which were falling from her eyes.
Bas Fasla Rahein
Ban Ke Kasak Jo Kahen
Ho Aur Chahat Yeh Aur Jawan
" I want to share something with you Ishita. Will you listen? "
" Raman... I don't want to force you "
" You never forced me Ishota I know I shludnt ask such type of questions from you but still asking. I want to pour everything to you Ishita. I can't bear this burden more "
" I am always for you. and will always with you Raman " their heads were joining now while fingers were entangled. She didn't knew what is there for her future but right now her husband needed her. Daai ma words wee ringing in her ears. She knew he will never leave her alone.
Teri Meri Mit Jaani Hai Dooriyan
Begani Hai Dooriyan
Hat Jani Dooriyan
Fanah Ho Sabhi Dooriyan
PRECAP
They were sitting together now, while he was feeling contented she was going through some more questions. She looked at him, his head was on her shoulder while fingers were entangled but this time more tightly.
" Raman,... can I ask you something? "
" Hmmm "
" Please don't get it in other way I wanted to ask only "
" you can ask anything from me Ishita "
" Did you still love her? "
Edited by aarohi26 - 9 years ago
Cricket
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