SS -Yeh Ishq Nahin Asaan (Ch.6 & 7 on Pg.20 9th Jul'15) - Page 11

Hi Friends.Here's the 5^th chapter. I intended to write pure fluff in this chapter but it turned out to be completely different.

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Chapter - 5

"Ishita tum andar kaise aayi ??" Raman found it hard to believe that she was actually there and was sticking to him right now.

She wrapped her right arm tightly around his waist to stop herself from falling off the couch.

"Ishita tum gir jaaogi yaar!" He struggled to make space for her.

"Ssh!! Raman..dheere bolo..ab saare ghar ko uthaaoge kya ?" . She struggled to get comfortable and placed her head on his chest . And that's when she heard his thundering heart beats.

"Aap ka dil itne zor se kyun dhadak raha hai ?"

"Ab tum aise andhere mein aake daraogi toh koyi bhi dar jayega..toh yeh toh hona hi tha..lekin tum andar kaise aayi?"

"Main is ghar ki bahu hoon..spare key hain mere paas"

"Very impressive Madrasan! Aur agar kisi ne hume yahan aise dekh liya toh?"

"Murugan!! Pehle toh ..stopping talking so loud..aur kitne sawal poochte ho aap? Agar koyi aa jaaye toh main aise blanket ke andar ghus jaaongi" Saying this she slid down a little, covered herself with the blanket completely and in the process pressed up against him.

"Okkay!.Meri Jhaansi ki Rani ...u have to stop doing that because you are squishing valuable stuff here ". He flinched a little and tried to move her knee which was awkwardly resting againt his lower body.

"Sorry !!!.." She moved back with a jerk and would have fallen off the couch had he not caught her and pulled her back at the right moment.

"Ishita...this is not going to work..this couch does not have enough space for 2 people. .aur tum kitni moti hogayi ho yaar !"

"Main hi pagal thi ! I am going back". She made an attempt to get up sounding completely pissed.

He let out a small laugh and held her tight " Arre..mazak tha yaar..ek kaam karte hai..tum is taraf aajao..tum phir se gir wir gayi toh baad mein mujhe hi blame karogi". They got off the couch and he made her lie down first , a look of concern reflecting on his face now.

"Tumhara pair..does it hurt now ?"

"Stop worrying Raman..I will know when it hurts" .

He placed a cushion under her injured leg and made sure she was comfortable. Slowly ,he eased himself onto the couch , trying to adjust himself in whatever little space was available. They both turned to lie on their sides facing each other and propping themselves up on their elbows , with their heads resting on their palms.

"Ab theek hai ?" He asked her and she nodded. He noticed that she had pinned up her hair and slowly reached behind her neck and removed the clip causing her hair to fall all around her face .

"Its my turn now" He said winking at her and started running his fingers through the length and breadth of her hair..sometimes twirling it and sometimes just feeling it. She watched him do that , slightly amused and with a faint smile playing on her lips. He took a hand full of her hair, brought it forward on her neck and nuzzled his face into it , breathing in the scent of her flowery shampoo.She pulled his head back a little. " Raman, hum hall mein hai..zyada adventurous hone ki koshish mat kar na". She warned him.

"Matlab.. thoda adventurous ho sakta hoon right ?" he asked her unable to contain his excitement .

"Hmm" she said , closing her eyes ,her lips curving into a smile.

He dipped his head back into the crook of her neck and started kissing her , slowly moving all over her neck. She draped her left arm over his shoulder and held him close to her , enjoying the feel of his lips on her skin.

His kisses grew more urgent and he started sucking and nibbling on her neck causing a wave of sensation to rise from the pit of her stomach.She clutched his shoulder tightly, her nails digging into his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt. Her breathing became ragged and he suddenly lifted his head up to look at her face. Lack of sufficient light in the room made it difficult for them to see each other's face very clearly. She was thankful for that as she felt the heat rising in her cheeks under his passionate gaze.

As though he could read her mind , he sat up and leaned over to turn on the floor lamp placed next to the couch. "Raman turn it off ! Agar kisine dekh liya hume toh.."

"Toh ..nothing will happen..Biwi ho tum meri.." He turned around and dimmed the light. "I want to see your face" he added , caressing her cheek. She closed her eyes and sank her head back into the pillow.

"Waise tum dinner table pe kuch keh rahi thi..care to reapeat that ?" he asked her , holding her chin.

"Hmm ? Mujhe yaad nahi." She said trying to suppress a smile, her eyes still closed.

"Accha ? Main yaad dilaoon?" He asked her breathing into her ears , his voice turning husky. In a sudden movement his hand that was holding her chin made its way down her neck all the way to her waist , his fingers grazing her contours in the process and making her gasp. "Ramann !!" She jerked open her eyes.

"Raman kya ? Aage bolo" , he teased . His fingers found the slit in her kurti and he slid his hand up and squeezed her bare waist.

"Ramann pleassse !!" she tried to push his hand away but he caught hold of her wrist and held it behind her in a firm grip.

"Raman please what ??" His voice was thick with desire now and he moved his face closer to her's thrilled by the colour rising on her cheeks. He kissed her chin and moved his lips slowly down her neck , going further down and paused right above her cleavage. He was breathing hard now and she felt his hot breath on her skin right there. Before she knew it , the words were out of her mouth " Kiss me Raman !" . His lips rammed into hers and she shivered from the impact. It was nothing like the first kiss they shared. He devoured her lips and his tounge probed every corner of her mouth arousing new sensations in her body. She felt his hand loosening the grip on her wrist and she brought her hand up wrapping it around his neck. She revelled in the wetness of his mouth and tried to match his fervor by kissing him back passionately. But the intensity of his passion overpowered her at some point. He bit and suck on her lower lip making her moan a little. His hand found its way back up her kurti rubbing her waist and moving up further, feeling and squeezing her ,unheeding of her protests. She gasped and called out his name repeatedly trying to stop his roving hand. He let go of her lips and moved his head further down her neck and she shuddered when his lips came crashing down on her cleavage. She bit back a moan, the sensations going through her body pleasurable yet too overwhelming for her.His lips moved over her mounds roughly and she shuddered again.

"Ramann stop !!" She managed to say ,her speech slurring. It went unheeded.

His hand pushed her kurti up and his fingers closed around the waistband of her leggings, tugging on it, while his lip were busy exploring her upper body. She struggled to sit up and placing her palms on his shoulder pushed him back with more force than she intended. He was jolted back to his senses and he froze, suddenly conscious of their surroundings and what he was about to do. He moved back immediately and sat up planting his feet firmly on the ground, wanting to give her some space. He cursed himself mentally for getting carried away like that and looked at her apprehensively. She was breathing hard , her face flushed , her lips swollen, beads of perspiration on her forehead and upper lip and she was avoiding his eyes.

Oh God ! Was he rough with her ? He shut his eyes tight , cursing himself again. And weren't they supposed to talk about it first? And how on earth can he forget that they were in the hall ? Damn! the last thing he wanted was for her to think he was insensitive and uncaring. He had always sensed an apprehension in her when it came to physical intimacy and when he had planned their special getaway , talking to her about it had been foremost on his agenda. But they hardly got such private time with each other and he had only been able to inform her about his plan and she had readily agreed to it.But in any case hadn't he promised himself that he would put her comfort before everything else?

While Raman cursed himself for acting like a moron, Ishita only saw the disappointment on his face. He wasn't even looking at her properly. Her biggest fear was coming alive right in front of her eyes. She started to panic and turned away from him facing the other side. Her insecurities reared their ugly heads one by one inside her head. "Why did she push him away like that ? But they were in the hall, her mind tried to reason. Would she have pushed him away ,were they in a more private place , like their bedroom ? She didn't have an answer to that. She knew this would happen , all along .It broke her heart to see the disappointment on his face. She had been quite comfortable upto a certain point but then somewhere she felt slightly overpowered. Was she like this with Subbu ? Her mind warned her it was inappropriate to think about it now. But she needed answers desparately. Subbu and her , they had a conservative upbriniging which always got in the way when things proceeded beyond kissing. She had never shied away from showering her affection on him but when things heated up , they both were unsure. They had had a few clumsy and awkward encounters but they were always clear that they would go all the way only after marriage. She felt a little grossed out by the memory of it and she hung her head down in frustruation.

He turned to look at her and it broke his heart to see her like that. He moved closer to her. "Ishita ! I am.."

She beat him to it " I am sorry Raman ! I am so sorry I pushed you away like that..I shouldn't have ! God ! I shouldn't have!! I don't know why I reacted like that..I know I have disappointed you. .." She paused briefly blinking back her tears. Crying was the last thing she wanted to do in front of him now.

"Ishita..what are you talking about ? What disappointment? I got carried away and .."

"You don't have to say anything to make me feel better. I know Raman ! I know what I am and I.. "

" You are not listening to me!.Look at me Ishita !" He held her shoulders but she continued to avoid looking at him. She pushed his hands away , leaned over and turned off the lamp not wanting him to see her face. He reached over to turn it back on."DON'T Raman! Can we just..can u leave me alone for sometime ?"

He lost his patience .He got up and turned on the lamp and kneeled down in front of her holding her hands in his. "I am not going to leave you alone. Now listen to me very carefully and do not speak until I finish what I have to say. I am sorry I got carried away like that. I didn't mean to rush thingss. I shouldn't have but I lost control. For a few minutes there I even forgot we were in the hall and ...I know Ishita..I know! ..I mean ..whenever we have come close to each other..I have sensed that nervousness, that apprehension in you, something that holds you back from expressing more freely. And trust me I wanted us to talk about it before we...but I just lost my senses."

She listened to him attentively, taking in every word . Her eyes frantically searched his face for any sign of disappointment that he was trying to mask with those words.

"Now tell me why on earth would you think you disappointed me ? You..you can NEVER disappoint me..you know that .right ?"

"I..I don't know..you looked disappointed for a second there and I .."

"Oh God..Ishita..I was disappointed with myself..for..for losing control like that!" He thought he saw a flash of relief on her face before she hung her head down.

He got up and sat next to her on the couch without letting go of her hands. He turned her to face him.

"Don't you trust me ?"

"Ofcourse I trust you Raman" She lifted her face to look at him.

"Then tell me..whats bothering you ?"

She remained silent.

"I know there's always a certain amount of nervousness when two people come together for the first time and its quite natural..but is it just that ?"

"Raman..its not just OUR first time..its..its MY first time too..I know we have never discussed this before..but you do know that right ?"

"hmm..Honestly..I...I mean I would be lying if I told you I never thought about whether you were in a physical relationship before..because you were in a relationship ..right?. And sensing your nervousness everytime we came close to each other , I have wanted to ask you this. But I didn't want to be misunderstood. I didn't want you to think I was one of those morons who measured the worth of a woman by her virginity. What has happened or not happened in your past does not really matter to me"

He circled his arms around her and gathered her close. "And so what if its your first time..its ok...trust me I wont rush you like the way I just did...but I really don't understand why you would think you would disappoint me? Because its your first time? That's really ridiculous ! You know..as long as you are in my arms you wouldn't disappoint me." He rubbed his nose against her's and waited for her to say something. She remained silent and as much as he tried to read the expression on her face he just couldn't understand.

"Ishita..kuch toh bolo..please"

She hugged him tightly surprising him a little. He breathed a sigh of relief , happy to get some response from her. He felt her clutching him tightly and he worried for a second whether she was crying . He tried to pull back but she held on with more force and he just let her be. He held her for the longest time before he felt her relaxing her hold and when she pulled back he was relieved to find her more composed.

She looked him in the eye. "Raman ..I ...its not just about being the first time..its.." She paused unsure of how to proceed. While she held his gaze confidently , he saw the effort it took for her to speak to him about it."

He held her close and touched his forehead to hers "Please don't hesitate ..you can tell me anything".

"Raman ...there was a time in my life when I felt completely worthless as a woman...I had invested a good part of my life in a relationship but at the end of it..I was told I wasn't worth it..because I wouldn't be able to give birth to his kids. What does that say about me ? That there was nothing in me worth fighting for apart from my ability to have kids? In all those years that I have been with him..this is all he saw?

His eyes grew wide in shock for a second . "Ishita ! tum..". She cut him off. "Let me speak Raman. I know ..thats probably not the best way to interpret it. But when people around you constantly remind you of your short coming ,somewhere it gets to you..and I am no super human..to not feel anything..it got to me very badly..everybody saw my pain ..while some sympathized with me ,some treated me like a reject. And while I embraced the reality of my medical condition and tried to move on..the woman in me took a bad hit..I personally know couples who cannot have children and irrespective of whose inability it is they would never ever think of being separated. Toh phir mere saath aisa..anyways, that doesn't matter now. And when you came into my life." she cupped his face... "you turned my world upside down..when I started to have feelings for you..i also started to worry whether I was good enough for you..and honestly I didn't feel I was good enough for you. " She turned away a little feeling conscious again.

He closed his eyes momentarily thinking of all those playful taunts that he threw at her.

She drew her legs up, hugging her knees. "I mean think of it this way ..Subbu rejected me because of my inability to conceive and you accepted me for Ruhi's sake which is fine..I knew very well what I was getting into when I agreed to get married to you..and at that point in time all I wanted was Ruhi. ..par dil ke kisi kone main woh baat shayad rah gayi thi..that I am not good enough to be a companion to anybody ." She turned to him now and moved closer to him.. "But you changed all that..trust me you did...I know you love me for what I am..par mere dil mein shayad woh dar humesha se hi tha...what if I am not able to live upto your expectation...what if I.."

Her words didn't register anymore as his mind recalled his words to her on the day of Holi. What did he tell her ? That he wanted to take their relationship forward, now that Adi is coming back to him and his family is going to be complete. And that night when he went close to her to get a hold on that letter ..he recalled the look of pure disgust on her face the next day when she realized what he was upto. But she never ever questioned him about that.Oh God...did he unwittingly play a part in making her feel this way? Did he ever tell her that he wanted to make love to her because he was madly in love with her? Would it even make any sense now if he brought that up and apologized to her?

He looked back at her and saw her staring at him intently. She had stopped speaking.

"Kya hua Raman?"

He continued to look at her , thinking how does he even begin to tell her what he means to her. He was still trying to digest the fact that his Jhaansi ki raani could have such deep rooted insecutrities.

"Raman..you are scaring me now ..maine kuch galat kaha ?"

"No ! No !..oh God Ishita ..you are crazy !" He cupped her face and looked deep into her eyes. "Everyday when I wake up , I ask myself what did I do to deserve you ? How on earth did I get so lucky in life?There is not a thing about you that I would want to change.I love you just the way you are and nothing in this world will change that. Do you understand me ?"

Her arms went around him. "Raman I don't doubt your love for me. After all that we have gone through and faced together , I would be a fool not to realise how much you love me ."

"Then stop thinking that you would disappoint me...I..." He paused, struggling to come up with the right words to express himself. He kissed her fully on her lips as that was the only way he could make her understand what he feels for her. "There..does that convince you..? " he asked her.

She smiled ."Raman !". He kissed her again slowly and gently savouring her lips. He pulled back and asked her again "Now ,are are you convinced?". She blinked back her tears and smiled.

"Madrasan ! Itna bura tha kya? Tum ro rahi ho?". He tried to make light of the situation.

She hit his shoulder playfully . He took her in a tight embrace and they leaned back on thecouch. Minutes ticked by with neither of them wanting to speak or move.

"Ishita ..tum theekh ho ?" he spoke up.

"Hmm.main theekh hoon.."

"Ek baat poochoon and will you be honest with me ?"

"hmm.poocho "

"woh resort wala plan ..engagement ke baad..are you really ready for it ?"

"kab nikalna hoga hume ?" she asked him without lifting her head from his chest .

"Main kya pooch raha hoon ? Are you ready for it ?"

She lifted her head and pecked him lightly on his lips. "wahi pooch rahi hoon.kab nikal na hai hume?"

He smiled and she ran her fingers over his dimple. "Engagement is tomorrow evening .So we will leave the day after ,early morning . It's a 60 km drive from here."

"Ok"

He moved a few strands of hair away from her forehead.

"Sona nahi hai kya ? Time dekho..its 3:30" . She picked up her phone and set the alarm for 5.

"Are you sure you want to sleep here ?" he asked her .

"hmm. Thats why I have set the alarm for 5..kisi ke utth ne se pehle main uth jaaoongi..".

They settled back on the couch and she placed her head on his chest , draping her hand over his waist.

He held her protectively and stroked her hair. She listened to the steady rhythm of his heart beats and drifted off into sleep. He knew she had bared a part of her soul to him tonight and he promised himself that he would drive every insecurity out of her.

Thanks for reading !

To be contd.

It's a wrap with next chapter.