Trust and feminism are two seperate things!!! - Page 2

Originally posted by: Reina1

Originally posted by: uamaz

Hi, thanks for your detailed reply.
I agree trust comes from both partners and ishita should never have lied or hidden things from raman - had raman spoken to ishita as per mihirs suggestion we wouldnt have gotten to the situation we saw between ishita and raman. Another reader hit the nail on the head about ishita and raman have not reached the stage of understanding to confide and understand each others actions. Had ishita underdtood raman's insecuritiss or raman understood ishita would nev. Cheat we would never have got the drama we saw...

It will be intriguing to see how thdy build this understanding between the couple

Originally posted by: Reina1

Oh man, I have stayed away from this forum for too too long. I would come occasionally, and see the unreasonable bashing of characters, and just turn away. In the midst of this your post, and I believe another one I saw are as breath of fresh air. I don't understand people's need to bash Ishita, why because she chose to take a stand for herself? For her own respect? It might not be a conventional feminist stance, but in India it is a strong one. Because in India, people like Romi can sleep around with ten women at once, and its attributed to 'jawaani'. But a woman wants to maintain a pure relationship with a friend, and its construed in all the wrong ways. Why is a woman more accountable than man, when a man is in theory more 'sexually driven' than woman. Why is the prospect of female infidelity looked down upon, yet a man can do so in several serials with little to no complaints? Why is there this disparity? I mean even today, my mom is skeptical of the number of male friends I have, and mind you I live in Toronto. But 'boys will be boys?' NO. All these ideologies of women being in any sense answerable and accountable to their sexual relations while men are given a loose reel to do what they like, is why feminism needs to exist. Raman manhandled her, abused her, questioned everything she valued, and she should just run back up and give him an explanation to the actions that followed, which were actually for HIM. I think its great that this show is promoting this thought, because, I as a girl am told to adopt these nonsensical principle of 'sharm and haya' taught to sit quietly and wait for one man who has had a few hundred women. To cross my legs and protect my 'purity'. No, I am not obligated to do any of those things, I may choose to, but if I choose otherwise, I am just as answerable as a man.

The issue here is trust and respect of a woman, it is to beat Raman's fear of losing people, and his inability to trust women, its a progressive step in their relationship not a step back. How else will you explain how the Raman we saw in the first episode, is happily married? Ahh I am sorry, I have been so upset and disappointed, seeing women on this forum not supporting Ishita, another woman because they want the hero to come out victorious. Alas it is why, I refrain most often from watching Indian soaps, but my grandmother's perpetually on TV tuned to every Indian channel there is will not allow me to quit.

Originally posted by: smilydear

I have a slightly different view to saw this whole scenario. I just want her to say you have to Trust me that's it,why ? Copy pasting what I mentioned in other post ...

It's about a couple to take there relation to any level. Ishita and Raman needs to talk. She should know what is bothering him. If you remember Amma's accident case .. Raman was the first one who came (after fire scene ) and asked her to say some thing then she said ' you ar living to me, hiding stuffs from me, secret meetings are going on' ' I couldn't understand anything , you tell me , clear my thoughts' and he only said ' you have to believe me , I am not doing anything wrong, what you saw is not the whole truth' . That is called a matured stand from a hubby's side as he wants to value this marriage.

Why can't now Ishita took the first step to ask what is bothering him or if he can't spell that time and now she knows because of Mani he is insecure ' what can't she said ' You have. To trust me.' This is not about trusing anymore ... So she has to give him some hope to hold on I am not wrong , don't give the full explain action if you don't want and want him to search by his own But you sure can give him Hope to look beyond...

Originally posted by: uamaz

Finally, this track involves ishita and mani but it isnt about them - it is about raman overcoming his past demons one of which is infidelity - he needs to figure this out himself and learn to trust which is not going to be easy for him given his bitter past - if a relationship requires clarifications from the other person to explain their actions - that is not a relationship that wiill last - this is yeh hai mohabbatein - where both ishita and raman need to learn thst the actions of the other are motivated by mohabatein - just my pov no bashing please

Originally posted by: rooj-i

Hi,

Im a silent reader these days but your topic intrigued me. I am about to enter in married life myself and I believe in equality between men and women myself. I sort of agree with feminism but the trust part, I have different views.

I am one of those women who has a hard time trusting people because of my past so I understand where Raman is coming from. Trust is an issue that comes after doubt is solved and in this sense what Raman has been through or what he has seen between ishita and mani is making him react the way like he should. He is trying to protect himself, which is true because that is the first reaction any sane person would do when they think they have been deceived time and again. Raman has doubt and rightly so because not once ishita confessed or said anything along the lines of "I love you." You can do something for someone on the notion of "I care about you" but that doesn't spell the three main words for that relationship to establish. So trust is important but it comes when they have that relationship and in this case they don't as both of them married because of ruhi so for them to trust each other hasnt been established yet. Because without love, the relationship will be doomed no matter how much you trust the person, you will have doubt that your partner doesn't love you, even if you love them.

Now there is another thing that comes into play here, firstly no man or woman will tolerate their significant other getting close to their friends other than him/her. I mean the way ishita hugs mani and not raman, of course it will bother him just like it bothered her when he carried unconscious shagun out of hotel and she should see that. Secondly, no woman in her right mind would ignore the changed behavior of her significant other, especially the one who loves him regardless of he loves her or not. So she should see that but again it's an ekta show so that logic is thrown out. Then there is the issue of them talking, just because our significant not say anything staright forward, doesn't mean that a certain issue not bothers them. That is a misconception we hold when we bring up something to our significant others that could clearly create an issue but they stay quite for many unkown reasons but it does bother them and it is our job to talk to them. Firstly hiding secrets will not help relationship, no matter what the intentions, you should not hide. And if you did, you must talk to them if you don't want to break what you have or if you love them. That is how trust is built, we should never blind trust someone and we need to talk, especially in this case.

Ishita need to realize that in order for her to have trust with raman, she needs to build it first by confessing her feelings or even clarifying things a little after hearing him. She doesn't need to explain her actions but she shouldn't hide important things like romi issue. She needs to talk to raman regarding mani and make it clear who mani is after she confess because that is the only way raman would understand since he have had the doubts. Then the last thing she needs to do, especially if she is not willing to explain her actions, is keep distance from mani. No woman in her right mind would go back or get closer even after all this. To her, her relationship will be important if it is and she would back off for the time being. Because if you care about your own house or love, you would take this step on your own, not because of what the society thinks.

So that is all I have to say and I am speaking from my personal experience.

Rooji

Originally posted by: canadianbeauty

<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#660066" size="2">Love your viewpoint! Right on the money.</font>

<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#660066" size="2">However, this part is one at which I slightly disagree with you. This is definitely about Raman and his insecurities and trust issues. However, </font><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2" color="#ff0099">some of Ishita's behavior can also be construed as inappropriate and dishonest</font><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#660066" size="2"> - this burden falls on Ishita. They have both behaved poorly.</font>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><font color="#660066">Ishita's intentions were cleanbut
she has to realize that it didn't come across that way. Any normal,
well-reasoned person could safely assume from her words and actions that she
was having an affair with Mani. </font><font color="#ff0099">Clues: hugging him and holding his hand
constantly, leaving her house at late hours in the night to meet him. changing
his name in her phone, telling him that she loves him and should run away with
him.</font></font>

<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#660066" size="2">Both of these two need to get past their egotistical mind frames, and try to understand EACH OTHER.</font>

<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" color="#660066" size="2">They are fighting two different battles, but they have the same goal because they clearly both really love eachother.</font>

Originally posted by: uamaz

You are right they are both at fault and this will continue because they approach problems from different perspectives but never come together to communicate and solve together- the only time i got a glimpse of them working together was when they came together to get rid of param but then param disappeared himself and that working and communication. Disappeared.