******
And as the dance ended and as everyone moved on and practiced their pieces Rohit was hit by a massive idea to initiate a couple dance. And with keen agreement from everyone they had, everyone found themselves prepping for a long and eventful night filled with fun, frolic and laughter.
Ishita found herself waiting for Raman. It was funny how recently everything seemed to be so put of place without his presence. It was as if she needed him to be around her. As if he was her drug. Her personal dose of ecstacy. Something she wanted to be forever high on.
Ishita didn't care that Rohit had forced her dance with Subbu. She hadn't bothered to look at Subbu's face as the dance started. She hadn't cared about the wishful glances that were thrown towards her. The gossiping words, the ooh and the aahs. They hadn't mattered.
"Biwi wali harkatein kyun kar rahi ho," she could almost hear Raman's taunt echo in her mind. "Kyunki biwi hoon," that would be her reply the next time he said that she mentally vowed, grinning at her coined statement. Her eyes locked at the doors she burst into a grin and a smile as she locked her gaze on Raman walking towards the room. Excusing herself from Subbu she walked over to her husband. Her Raavan Kumar. Almost rushing, almost tripping on her own feet. She realised that she missed him. That a second apart from him now felt like an eternity. And she didn't even know why.
**********
The girl then dragged him as she flung her head in the air and laughed to her heart content. And for once in the mess that his life had been lately. Raman found himself struggling to smile. He tried to flex those cheek muscles of his, but it hurt.
And then she moved, running along the pathway as she flung her stiletto away the minute her bare feet touched the sand. He had picked them up and he had followed her as she spun around the sand. And the moonlight intensified her beauty. She resembled a Greek goddess in all her beauty, and he knew it was wrong. It was wrong for her to be so enchanting at her worst.
He hadn't known when he had taken his phone or when she had started recording them. She, the forgotten child of nature, had momentarily merged with the sea and he feared for her. So when she dragged him along with her, he found himself passing a comment or two and then he had joined her convincing himself that he wasn't losing himself to her, but instead protecting himself from a crime he would be blamed for if her drunk self fell into sea. Or if the waves dragged her away.
"You're crashing, but you're no wave," she had whispered as they walked towards the shore and away from the water hours later of fooling around with the waves. Of running away and to the water and walking along the coast and under the moonlight and he hadn't know if she had meant her or if she had meant it for him. Her voice wasn't hearty now. It was hollow now.
She had fallen onto the sand and along with her so had he. Their domino effect, he mused. And he had placed his blazer on her shoulder covering her up and shielding her from the cold. She inturn had placed her head on his shoulder, as they waited for the sun to rise.
Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you never say to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It was that night that Ishita had wondered if it had been it all. He had dumped twelve years of a relationship over a medical report he wasn't even sure of. Was this what it equalled to? Was this what their life equalled to? All the dreams and the hopes that she had foolishly dreamt of? Hadn't she spent months crying over him? Wasn't that enough? Weren't those tears enough for her while he probably shed none. While he'd be starring afresh with his wife. She needed to end it all. And what better than to start a fresh. She would start afresh.
I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin'
And it's all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin')
You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love
He couldn't love. He could receive love but he couldn't love back. If he loved, his love would come too strong. It would chase the other person away. And if he had to keep the ones he loved closer, he wouldn't tell them that he loved him. He would love them unconditionally. He would love his daughter unconditionally, he promised. He would live for her. Where did he go wrong? Wasn't he the ideal everything? The ideal father? The ideal son? The ideal husband? The ideal brother? Then why would she claim that he suffocated her? Maybe he did suffocate her, maybe he came too strong. Maybe he'd never fall in love, and maybe he'd never know what that emotion meant, tonight had ended and a new day was rising. Tonight, Raman Bhalla had died. And in his Raman Kumar Bhalla was born. The man he'd turn out to be years from. Ruthless Fearless. Feared. The man with no weakness.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
And as they waited for the sun to rise she had confessed her past. Her childhood. Her want for a child. Her fiance. Their relationship. Her family. The love she grew up in. The break up. And her condition. She broke down as she ranted to her heart's content.
And he found himself talking about his life for the first time. About his family. About his father. About his siblings. The Empire he had refused to take over. His ex-wife. The son she was sowing seeds of hatred in. And the less than a month old fetus that he had fallen in love with - his daughter.
And they had discussed it out. Among whispers, tears, drinks and laughs. They had discussed it all. And the sun had risen. And she had fallen asleep in her arms. As the sun had risen, filling the skies in hues of orange he found himself carrying her to his room.
He wanted to meet her again. He wanted her in his life. And the funny thing was that he wanted her to be much more than the stranger. He wanted to give her more. He wanted to elevate the stranger from her sadness and at the same time lift his mood and sort out his life. And out of the various scenarios that crossed his mind, he thought of the worst. The selfish man in him in desperate need of her sanity and pain debated over pawning his child to her. His to be born child needed a mother, and she needed a child. As as selfish as he could be he found himself waiting for her to wake up. To discuss it with her. To spend another day with her forgetting all about his pressure, pain, workload and futile efforts. And when she did wake up, she didn't remember him.
He stood locked up in the adjoining room in his master bedroom for that night as she gushed to her friend on how she felt better, how she felt like she had moved on, and on how she felt lighter. But she didn't mention him. And as they left, her friend and she, the friend looked back as she saw the man who unknowingly healed Ishita by offering the very same thing she was in dire need of - unbiased company. The friend looked back as she gave him a sad smile and acknowledging nod thanking him for what he had done.
And Raman was once again left behind with the words that fate was a cruel mistress indeed.
He found himself whispering a silent thank you to the figure that walked away. And breathing in a sigh he booked a ticket to Delhi. All his daughter had was him. It was him and her against the world.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Back in the present Raman looked at his wife as she stood before him, her hand held out as she waited for him at the door. She looked pretty and excited and almost hyper. A deadly combination when it came to her, one would agree.
Mere Bina Main Rehne Laga Hoon
[Without myself, I started living]
Teri Hawaon Mein Behne Laga Hoon
[In your wind, I am drifting]
Jaane Main Kaise Tera Hua Hoon
[Don't know how I bacame yours]
Mujhe Tho Lagta Hai Main Shayad Tere Dil Ki Dua Hoon
[Feel like I am a wish of your heart]
Tujhko Jo Paaya, Tho Jeena Aaya
[With you, I learnt to live]
Ab Yeh Lamha Theher Jaye, Tham Jaye, Bas Jaye Hum Donon Ke Darmiyan
[Now this momement may pause, stop, lives between us]
He placed his hand in hers and smiled as she locked her arm with his as she led him to a partially enclosed patio with an adjoining pool that stood at the extreme end of the property. The area was dimly lit - adding a sense of enigma to the classic sense of architecture that was the patio built purely of sandstone.
Ishita let go of Ramans's hand as background music played.
Pehle Se Zyada Main Jee Raha Hoon
[Now I am living more than earlier]
Jabse Main Tere Dil Se Juda Hoon
[Since I'm attached to your heart]
Rahon Pe Teri, Main Tho Chala Hoon
[I am walking on your path]
Tu Meri Manzil Hai
[You are my destination]
Tere Kadmon Pe Bas Rukne Laga Hoon
[I've started stopping only at your feet]
Teri Nazar Mein Nayi Si Adaa Hai
[There is a new grace in your eyes]
Naya Sa Nasha Bhi Ghula Hai
[A new charm disolved to it]
Kayi Dino Se Bandhaa Tha Baadal Jo
[The cloud which was tied for long]
Tere Hi Baalon Mein Khula Hai
[Has opened in your tresses]
Teri Hadon Mein Meri Basar Hai
[ am living within you]
Ab Tujhe Bhi Janu Kidhar Hai
[Now where else you need to go]
Jahan Rahe Tu, Main Woh Jahan Hoon
[I am that world where you live]
Jise Jiye Tu, Main Woh Sama Hoon
[I am the air where you live]
Teri Waja Se Naya Naya Hoon
[Because of you, I am new]
Pehle Kaha Na Maine Ab Yeh Tumse Kehne Laga Hoon
[I haven't told you earlier, but now I am telling you]
Ishita locked gazes with Raman as she stepped a step closer to him with each beat that flew.
She put forth her hand as if asking himself a dance and he held onto it and pulled her closer to him as she threw her head back and let out a laugh. He places one arm behind his back and with the other he twirled her around like a princess in a ballroom. And when she did fall onto him, he let her cling onto him and lead the path with her moves. He just held her waist and moved along to her body. And in the moment, that he was an emotional fool he placed a light peck on her forehead, right above the red vermillion concealed under her partition that marked her as his. She closed her eyes at his unexpected move, relishing the moment that was hers. And Ishita buried her face in Raman's chest breathing in his scent and letting lose herself in all that was him.
And it was Ruhi who ran towards them screaming, "Papa, Mama, daanceee!"
It was Raman who bent down and pulled Ishita along with him as he picked their daughter in his arms. It was Ishita who rubbed her nose against Ruhi's cheek. It was Ruhi's, "Papa daari chubti hai," that earned a laugh from Ishita," and Raman's, "Ruhi. Papa ne toh shave kiya hai," that caused Ishita and Ruhi to look at each other and burst into fits of giggles.
And in that moment Raman felt blessed all over again. He had his wife and he had his daughter. His life here was almost complete. Now all they needed was Adi.
Or maybe he didn't. And as he held Ishita and Ruhi closer to him, and as selfish as it was he didn't think of anything else that mattered to him other than his two ladies and their moment. His precious precious jewels.
Tujhko Jo Paaya, Tho Jeena Aaya
[With you, I learnt to live]
Ab Yeh Lamha Theher Jaye, Tham Jaye, Bas Jaye Hum Donon Ke Darmiyan
[Now this momement may pause, stop, lives between us]
*****
Ishita woke up in an half empty bed that missed her husband, she tucked her sleeping daughter in bed and went out in search of her husband. Her husband, she liked the sound of it. Ishita blushed as she tied her hair in a bun and picked her dupatta from the head of the bed.
She blushed as she remembered him say the words that she now cherished more than anything else hours ago. Blush, she had been doing that lately.
"Would you have married Ishita if she wouldn't be able to give you a heir? Would you marry her if she was infertile?" Nalini had asked Raman during the truth, dare and rapid fire fire session earlier.
Raman had smiled, thought for a while and then replied, "I would have. It doesn't matter. I believe in fate. And I believe we are fated to be. Isiliye humare zindagi mein koi aur tikh hi nahi sakta. And marriage? Marriage binds two individuals. Jab hum shadi karte hai, we marry for each other. Because somewhere down the line we want to spend the rest of our lives together. It doesn't matter what, when or how it takes place - it just does. And kids, they're the gifts showered upon you, just like Ruhi is Ishita's. Kids can strengthen your marriage but you can't base your marriage on a kid. The answer to your question is, if I loved her I would have married her, because she gives me a reason to live for. A reason to survive yet another day and to fight against all the odds. Infact, jab se mili hai she has always been my better half. Agar mere bas mein hota and if fate was on my side then I would have married her hours within meeting. She's my happy little pill, and Ruhi is an added bonus."
Ishita grinned as she hid her face in her palms. Her Raavan Kumar and his recent sweet talks. He was going to be the death of her.
********
"Aditya. Shagun. Aditya. It will always be Aditya and Shagun, Raman. You don't need to remind me that I'm just Ruhi's mother. I'm well aware of the fact. And I can take care of my daughter. Do what you want with your wife, I won't care. I shall never care." Ishita screamed in a fit.
"You are my wife."
"The irony, because you mean nothing to me Mr. Bhalla. Nothing at all. You were Ruhi's father to me. I don't even know what you are anymore. And the funny thing is that I don't even care."
Raman could picture a furious Ishita staring back at him as the words 'I don't even care' echoed though his ears.
He took another swig of his beer as he leaned against the terrace wall. Wouldn't his demons ever leave him? Couldn't they just rest in peace?
Why did they haunt him all these days? He knew he lived in a glass house that would crash and fall. He knew all wasn't well between Ishita and him. He knew he was being delusional enough to think she cared about him. He knew she didn't. He knew he was taking advantage of her happiness. He knew she pretended because she was around those who shunned. He knew he had all his cards on the table and he knew that she had hers against her chest and that she wouldn't pick his up. He knew everything, damn it. And yet he chose to believe in his delusion.
"Nightmares?" she asked as she joined him on the rooftop. He smiled at her as he scooted to make place for her, tapping on the concrete wall besides him, encouraging him to join her.
What has he done? What good had he ever done to deserve her? And how stupid was he to let her go? How darn stupid. And now he had her and didn't have her at the same time.
She smiled as she walked towards him, as she leant forward her hand as if asking for him to pass on his bottle of beer.
"But you don't drink," he found himself replying.
"I have my moments. And I'm a good wife, Mr Bhalla," she chucked.
"Good wife," he chucked and it earned him a playful whack on his shoulder. His abusive Madrasan so used to going all physical on him.
They shared a bottle or two of beer as they discussed practically nothing.
"Let's dance," she proposed. "There's nothing a dance in the moonlight can't solve,"
"There's no music,"
"When did we ever need music,"
And he gave her his hand as she placed hers over his. And as he lost himself in her eyes and as they twirled in the moonlight in all their simplicity, he found himself falling for her all over again. They might have danced for hours or minutes. He wouldn't know for time had ceased to exist. All he knew was that she was here, and he was here and all they needed was each other. That they had a future that they had yet to live. And that he was falling for her. That she was breaking down the walls that surrounded his heart, and there could be nothing as perfect as her, other than their daughter. That she was his and that he would never let her go.
And as her body crashed against his, he lost himself in her eyes. Maybe it was the fairylights that twinkled in the background, maybe it was her, maybe it were their heartbeats that now beat as one or maybe it was their rapid breathing but Raman Kumar Bhalla descended his lips upon his wife's as she closed her eyes in anticipation. There was a keen sense of certainty in that moment. Maybe it was the undying yet unrequited loved that they had for each other. Maybe it was the universe that tried it's level best to bring them closer. All that was known was that two people were falling in love and a whole new galaxy was created in their wake.
It was as his lips met hers, and as his hands lightly cupped her face had it made all the difference. As their lips moved in synchronisation, as they silently gasped for breaths in between kisses not wanting the moment to end. It was when her hands left her face and traced along her curves, or when she dug her hands into his hair and he enclosed his arm around her waist pulling her closer to him, almost merging their bodies through the flimsy excuses for clothes that they wore for the moment that they realised that they never wanted this moment to cease. Maybe it was magic in air. Or the pixie dust that came along with midnight. Maybe it was the twinkling lights or the moment that was them. They were successfully creating magic.
******
"You don't know how precious a child is. You are having the one thing I could never have. Be with her," she whispered as she picked a fistful of sand further letting it slip right through her fingers.
"Rooh, soul. If I ever had a child I would name her Rooh. Someone to complete my soul," she snuggled closer to him, the early morning December cold finally getting to her. She placed her head on his shoulder.
"Anika, mercy. The one thing I'm in need of,"he whispered as he placed his head over hers.
"Ruhanika," she whispered as she spooned another spoonful of frozen yogurt that he had purchased for her minutes ago.
"Ruhanika," he whispered as he looked over at the sun rising on the horizon.
****
People aren't always what you want them to be. Sometimes they disappoint you or let you down, but you have to give them a chance first. You can't just meet someone and expect them to be everything you're looking for and then be angry when they're not every hope and aspiration you projected onto them. It's foolish to believe that someone will be what you imagine them to be. And sometimes, when you give them a chance, they turn out to be better than you imagined. Different, but better.
-Chloe Rattray, Sacr Noir
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