Posted:
Hey all,
I present to you a very small OS. This one is not 'fun' to read, so please accept my apologies in advance. This is perhaps the first time I wrote something, without watching the episode. I have read enough posts to know what happened last night. I started thinking about what I would feel if I were Raman. As much as my hands itched to, I have refrained from judging Ishita's actions. This one is only about Raman's thoughts.
The title of this one is "Jaane Kyon Log Pyaar Karte Hain" from Dil Chaahta Hai. I wanted to use "Jaane woh kaise log the", but that would have made the story sadder to read.
*****
This was perhaps the first time in his short marriage that he was really disappointed with the goodness in his wife. As he walked into their room, he saw his wife helping the woman who had crushed his soul, broken his faith in relationships, and managed to ruin his relationship with his own children. Raman did not have any more spite or hatred for Shagun. He had moved on. The moment Ishita had entered his life, his relationship with Ruhi was on the mend. His misdirected focus on ruining Ashok had been skillfully diverted to better his own life.
But Shagun hadn't let him go that easily. Every since he married IShita, Shagun had made it a point to interfere in his life, and interrupt every positive moment. Little did Shagun know that her antics had only helped him see the light in his new wife. So, he went on, moving from the darkness towards the light. His life was good, his business booming, his family at peace, and his relationship with his wife had also reached that sweet and delicate phase that he had long forgotten.
The antic that Shagun had recently pulled had made him want to hide down into the pits of the earth and not crawl out at all. She'd used the extremely private and delicate situation of Ruhi's delivery and the circumstances to almost ruin his relationship with his daughter. That was when Raman had really let go of Shagun. He'd made up his mind that the woman was not worth spending any waking moment mulling over. And that is why, barely a few days after that incident, he saw his wife bring in that woman into their home, their bedroom, his heart forgot how to beat.
Knowing Ishita, he could have guessed that Ishita helped a drunk Shagun, although why she would choose the Bhalla house as a roof for Shagun was beyond his understanding. He knew she would give him an explanation, and he would even come to accept it. But that wasn't something he was prepared to go through that night. HE wanted to be alone. He wanted to remain numb. He wanted a drink. He decided against it, because drinking had only seemed to worsen his plight in the past. So he sat there on the couch in the living room, trying to catch a wink, and deciding if there was any other place he could go. The image of that woman lying on his bed, what used to be their bed, 6 years since she had walked out on him was bad enough. But he couldn't bear to imagine his new wife helping SHagun through the night. If this is what humanity was, he'd be damned if anyone called him human.
He switched on the TV, and was flicking through the channels when things started coming back to him. He remembered those nights during the fag-end of his marriage, when Shagun would object at even spending the night on the same bed with him. It had started with excuses of headaches, and tiredness due to the recent difficult child-birth she had gone through. But soon, even Raman's presence on the couch in their room had begun to irritate her. Raman used to sleep on the living room couch, and wake up way too early in the morning and go back to their bedroom, so no one ever found out. Every morning when he tiptoed into their room like a burglar, he used to sweat at the thought of being caught by his parents. What would he tell his father? How could he make his mother understand?
He slammed the remote down on the coffee table when he found a channel that least annoyed him. The same woman had practically kicked him out into the living room, again. He didn't believe in past lives and karma, but he knew then that he must have done something abhorring in his previous life, to have been handed over such a painful punishment.
Shagun's presence in his room wasn't the only problem he was facing that night. As generous and kind has his new wife was, she seemed to have decided that bringing Shagun home into their bedroom was the right thing to do. But, it didn't look as if she realised what that would do to him. She seemed barely apologetic about the act, but not one did she ask him if he would be OK? Even his own family admonished Ishita for bringing helping the woman, but no one seemed to understand the floodgates that would open in his heart.
That is when the thought came to him, did Ishita even think of him as her husband? He went through the various phases in their marriage. He mentally re-played every drama they'd been through. He reminded himself of every reaction Ishita had towards him. Yes, she was the best mother Ruhi could ever hope for. Yes, she was a very kind, soulful, generous woman who had won over the hearts of everyone in his family. Yes, she had brought in the much needed calm in his life after Hurricane Shagun had left it shattered and soulless. But was Ishita being kind and generous to him, as she was being with Shagun? Was he just a project born out of pity and love for Ruhi? Did she just think of him as an undeniable roommate, or even a casual friend who'd be with her for the rest of her life, help her raise Ruhi and take care of his needs?
For the last few weeks, ever since he'd had that sincere thought of gifting her a remote holiday, he had thought their relationship had changed. It was in that delicate phase where both the parties had noticed that there was a change, but weren't quite sure of what that change meant. They had become acutely aware of each other's presence, and had even experienced a few moments of intimacy. All that had given him hope that his heart still had scope for love. The love that exists between 2 people, the kind of love that is a bit selfish. The love that chooses to ignore everyone else when you are with the one you want to be. The love that kicks you in the guts when un-reciprocated.
He realised what was tormenting him so much that night. Yes, it had been brought on by Shagun's entry. Yes, it had brought on bad memories of his past. But what had worried him most that he had faced rejection again. Not at the hands of his ex-wife, he couldn't care less about her. But rejection at the hands of his new wife. He first thought he was being silly. But no matter how he analysed it, and no matter what Ishita's intentions were, rejection is what he'd felt. That is when he had been downright rude to her, and told her to leave him alone when she had come to explain everything. In the bottom of his heart, he knew her explanations would make sense, but he wasn't really angry about Shagun being there, was he?
He picked up his pillow and walked into their daughter's room. He sat on the rocking chair facing his daughter's bed, and tried to rock himself to sleep. As he had once done 6 years ago; the night Shagun had walked out. He'd spent nights staring at his daughter's crib, and wondering how they'd ever make it alone, without Shagun.
Only this time, he heard his daughter call out to him "Papa, did you have a fight with Ishima? You can come and sleep here with me. I'll even let you play with my hair if that helps you fall asleep."
"Everybody said, "Follow your heart". I did, it got broken" - Agatha Christie
***** How was it?
Fan Fictions
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
