Raman - Majboori or Choice?

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eternalasha

@eternalasha

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#21

Originally posted by: krikumar.91
Happy that he included Ishu atleast there... Let us see if he changes himself for Ruhi...

Yes the proof will be in the pudding

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eternalasha

@eternalasha

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#22

Originally posted by: pyaaribehna
what majboori does raman have? in addition to the many things that he is raman is now confused as well. as a father he has the responsibility to correct adi . adi was trying to eat bhang and ashok and shagun did not notice it. ishita did and tried to stop adi. I mean they can use this point to get custody of adi. the custody does not depend on adi's wishes alone. in a public place the kid was unsupervised and he tried to eat an intoxicating food and his custodian was nowhere to be seen. he raman if he was as smart as he says he could have used this to fight for adi's custody. but no he makes ishita apologise to adi to get him to call him papa. adi changed his surname did n't he now what will raman do to make him change it back? make ishita do something else? who is ishita to him? what right does he have to make her do things that hurt her self esteem and insult her in public? does she not have the same right as well?

pyaaribehna. You raise an excellent point that the situation of the unsupervised Adi allowed to have Bhaang could be used to win Adi's custody.

He has choices at hand that he can't even see. He is not thinking straight at the moment.

Edited by eternalasha - 11 years ago

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Sree

@Katyayani_devi

Trailblazer

+ 6

Posted: 11 years ago

#23

nice post. raman can't handle himself n d situations smartly as a matured sensible adult.cvs r confused abt d characters raman n adi it seems lol.cvs through raman character a fully grown middle age man n father if 2 kids majboori mei ceo bana n sab majboori mei situations ko handle kartha.cvs has to get clear d difference btwn flawed adult middle aged man character - a kid in a man's body n they ve to know kid in a adult man's body wat is called lol.cvs through raman character handling d situations n tracks r senseless n pathetic. seems kekta cvs majboori with their aadat se majboor of dealing any sensitive issue in their typical ghisapita style of presentation.

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Heema22

@Heema22

Sparkler

Posted: 11 years ago

#24

Na to Ramen ki majboori hei ya choice hei . This is his desperation.

Once someone reaches end of the rope he has no choice but tie a knot and hang on . ( I read this somewhere )desperation will push you to things you know will never make you whole again and even to lose the very thing you'r despite for .

Aadi is sociopath in making . Aadi ke patang ki dor khichani chahiye , Zada dhil thik nahi hai . Raman remembers him as his baby innocent little boy . Now Aadi has changed and he is not the same son as he is wishing for . Aadi has learn to control and get power .he is playing games . Power games . Ramen may be able to force him to do what he want. However, if he chooses this path, he will be modeling an erroneous fact that their child already believed: that power and control is my ultimate goal. Instead, ramen as a parent of this controlling child needs to disengage from the power struggles. Power struggles, by definition, require two parties to be fighting for control. If one party disengages, the struggle ends. Parents often fear that this means they will "lose" and their controlling child will "win." You can, however, disengage without admitting defeat.

PS . Aadi is playing control game . Power struggle I am talking about is between Shagun ( Ashok ) vs Ramen . Ramen needs to disengage from this power struggle .

Edited by Heema22 - 11 years ago

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Nida

@Gurmeet4Drashti

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#25

I completely agree ...

He actually can win back Adi's love and respect by carrying out different measures and shouldn't stoop low the next time in order to just hear his "son" say 'dad' !!!

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TBDRESS

@TBDRESS

Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

#26

I can see how what looks like a "choice" to outsiders may come as a "majboori" to Raman. Firstly, I am not a parent and so I cannot relate to or comment on what emotions and attachements come from being a parent. I know it is easy to say that Raman should just let go of Adi, but honestly, as a parent, I don't know how easy that is to do.

We all know that what Raman did yesterday was wrong and we can all see that this will not win him Adi's love or respect. But from Raman's point of view, it appears that he was the ideal loving yet firm parent to Adi way back when. And where did that get him? Despite doing everything right, it appears that it was so easy for Adi to walk away from Raman and believe all the lies that Shagun fed him. As a parent, I cannot imagine what it feels like when the child you loved and pampered so much walks away from you so easily. But I can imagine that any of this is bound to change you as a person, lead to irrational fears and guilt and make you behave in ways that appear unreasonable to the outside world but are justified in your own head thru a convoluted vortex of fears and insecurities.

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eternalasha

@eternalasha

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#27

Originally posted by: Walden
I can see how what looks like a "choice" to outsiders may come as a "majboori" to Raman. Firstly, I am not a parent and so I cannot relate to or comment on what emotions and attachements come from being a parent. I know it is easy to say that Raman should just let go of Adi, but honestly, as a parent, I don't know how easy that is to do.

We all know that what Raman did yesterday was wrong and we can all see that this will not win him Adi's love or respect. But from Raman's point of view, it appears that he was the ideal loving yet firm parent to Adi way back when. And where did that get him? Despite doing everything right, it appears that it was so easy for Adi to walk away from Raman and believe all the lies that Shagun fed him. As a parent, I cannot imagine what it feels like when the child you loved and pampered so much walks away from you so easily. But I can imagine that any of this is bound to change you as a person, lead to irrational fears and guilt and make you behave in ways that appear unreasonable to the outside world but are justified in your own head thru a convoluted vortex of fears and insecurities.

Great point @Walden, I am not a parent either and so I haven't walked in these particular shoes of Raman - good question - would I do the same in that Situation.

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eternalasha

@eternalasha

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#28

Originally posted by: Gurmeet4Drashti
I completely agree ...
He actually can win back Adi's love and respect by carrying out different measures and shouldn't stoop low the next time in order to just hear his "son" say 'dad' !!!

Thanks Gurmeet4Dhrasti - bullies usually respect those who stand up to them

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Heema22

@Heema22

Sparkler

Posted: 11 years ago

#29

Originally posted by: eternalasha

Sorry , I am late responding to your question .I have not been on the forum for last three days . Very busy life and different timezone don't help either .

Ramen is involved with two power struggle games . One with Aadi and other with Shagun and Ashok . They are woven together . To disengaged from power struggle you need great self esteem and self confidence . Ramen lacks both .It is important to understand that both people in a power struggle are trying to control - one overtly and one covertly. Challenge for Ramen is not getting hooked into fighting . The most effective response is a non-emotional, neutral response. If necessary, giving choices can be an effective way to stop the fight without resorting to threats. But ramen is a father it's impossible for him to forget his identity and love for Addi . Parents cannot even pretend that they don't have a child . it's very painful so Addi is the reason, why Ramen is not able to disengage .

Edited by Heema22 - 11 years ago

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eternalasha

@eternalasha

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#30

Originally posted by: Heema22

Sorry , I am late responding to your question .I have not been on the forum for last three days . Very busy life and different timezone don't help either .
Ramen is involved with two power struggle games . One with Aadi and other with Shagun and Ashok . They are woven together . To disengaged from power struggle you need great self esteem and self confidence . Ramen lacks both .It is important to understand that both people in a power struggle are trying to control - one overtly and one covertly. Challenge for Ramen is not getting hooked into fighting . The most effective response is a non-emotional, neutral response. If necessary, giving choices can be an effective way to stop the fight without resorting to threats. But ramen is a father it's impossible for him to forget his identity and love Addi . Parents cannot even pretend that they don't have a child . it's very painful so Addi is the reason, why Ramen is not able to disengage .

Thank you for taking the time to respond Heema22

Yes you have mentioned in other posts I believe, that Raman has low-self esteem. Which is probably why the leaving of Shagun/Adi probably made him believe he was a failures as a man/husband/father.

And despite his bravado, he is not as confident and hence also has the need to be right. As you say if his self esteem was higher he would be able to choose his fights/walk away.

From your posts it seems like you have a psychological type background - very incisive.

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