Does Jasmine understand her position in the household ??? - Page 4

Originally posted by: 1987Roso

I’m a girl and I support my parents in their old age, we live in Canada and I do have 2 brother but guess who stayed behind, me! The girl.

Even when I get married I’m keeping all these responsibilities in-fact I called off my wedding in 2017
Because the expectations from my former in-laws were to drop all these responsibilities and focus on them

not happening.

I was also expected to change my last name post marriage

not happening either.

Why should I drop my identity? It’s my ancestral name if a man isn’t dropping it for me why should I drop for him!!

Well that's great and keep it up! If only every other girl would have done the same as you especially here in India then things would have been a lot different, I though have decided to not get married at all because I simple don't trust that I can find someone who would actually agree to stay with me along with my parents and family.

@bold coming to identity what about your kids, who'se name are they going to carry, have you decided on that?

Originally posted by: 1987Roso

I’m disgusted that these laws exist in Goa, but why is rangu making shows on it

to spread awareness ?, I Doubt it.

These laws should not excuse its 2021

When will India move up the scale

I believe this problem should be addressed in every part of India not just Goa alone, because although in Goa it's only permitted for hindu men, the muslim men are allowed to have upto 4 wives all across the country which is also wrong irrespective of it being permitted by the faith, you can't bar one community from practicing something so regressive while give another group a free hand at it, then there is mizoram as well where polygamy is permitted as well provided the husband is able to provide for the wives and take care of them. The problem should be tackled all across the nation.

Originally posted by: Rein123

Well that's great and keep it up! If only every other girl would have done the same as you especially here in India then things would have been a lot different, I though have decided to not get married at all because I simple don't trust that I can find someone who would actually agree to stay with me along with my parents and family.

@bold coming to identity what about your kids, who'se name are they going to carry, have you decided on that?

oh my kids if I have any, would always have their fathers name. I have my fathers name they should have theirs.

Originally posted by: 1987Roso

oh my kids if I have any, would always have their fathers name. I have my fathers name they should have theirs.

Why father's name? Why should a child always be known by their father's name? This is what I am talking about when they say about carrying forward the lineage.

I believe if its a girl then she should carry her mother's name while the boy can take the father's name or make it a draw of some kind to decide. Giving them the father's name by default is like saying they have the highest authority and final say in everything.

Originally posted by: Rein123

Why father's name? Why should a child always be known by their father's name? This is what I am talking about when they say about carrying forward the lineage.

I believe if its a girl then she should carry her mother's name while the boy can take the father's name or make it a draw of some kind to decide. Giving them the father's name by default is like saying they have the highest authority and final say in everything.

yea maybe but I believe that I have nephews who are taking my families name ahead if I didn’t and I was the only girl then maybe I would give my child my family name

But in my case no

I’m keeping my fathers name not my mothers, my kids can have their family name. Had I didn’t have brothers who had kids then yeah things would be different… then I would keep mine.

Originally posted by: Rein123

Why father's name? Why should a child always be known by their father's name? This is what I am talking about when they say about carrying forward the lineage.

I believe if its a girl then she should carry her mother's name while the boy can take the father's name or make it a draw of some kind to decide. Giving them the father's name by default is like saying they have the highest authority and final say in everything.

also here there’s a trend of abbreviating names but I think that’s just confusing for kids having long names

Originally posted by: 1987Roso

I’m keeping my fathers name not my mothers, my kids can have their family name. Had I didn’t have brothers who had kids then yeah things would be different… then I would keep mine.

But that's the thing, why does the presence or absence of a brother matter when it comes to deciding whose name is to be carried forward, that is just like giving them the responsibility of carrying forward the name of the family, why does it have to be that way? Why should the children be imposed with their father's name by default when there can be a way to work around deciding the same. Why not just let the child decide whom they want to identify with instead?

Originally posted by: Rein123

It's easy for you to say that not having a male child as a reason be thrown out of the window since you don't seem to understand main reason for why such mindset prevails to begin with, it simple, it's all about money and social security.

In western developed countries people don't care much whether they get a boy or girl anymore as they they are coming out of the joint family system which if you ask me is the main root cause of the problem. Over there whether you have a son or daughter both of them move out once they become adults so there is no expectation or galat fehmi that having a son means that he would be your support during the old age or the daughter will be an economic liability where you have to spend a huge amount of money on her dowry and wedding as at the end of the day both of them leave you once they get married off. There I guess the bride and groom manage most of the expenses of the wedding themselves.

How many educated women india still continue to work post their marriage and support the parental home?? Not many right? In a country where you have no social security or any sort of financial assistance from the government after your retirement what do you really expect? In a way we women have done this to ourselves. Earlier I could understand girls were not sent to school or educated much, but today what is stopping women from continuing to work and contribute as a member of the workforce? Do you know that the workforce participation percentage or rate of women in India is very low almost comparable to that of KSA or Pakistan's, so why wouldn't such biases exist? What I said may sound harsh but it is the truth which needs to be addressed, once this is done the bias will automatically be taken care of.

Originally posted by: Indira1211

I was just giving you my opinion..as frankly I do find that the craze to have a son is quite sick …everyone is entitled to an opinion…ok.. and I do understand the joint family structure, dowry situation, financial security etc.. …it’s not like people don’t live in extended families in the western world..but it is limited as many couples do live separately after they are married .🤷🏻‍♀️

They do live with their extended family but they move out the minute they find housing elsewhere and it's not that widespread as you just pointed and that is what i'm trying to say as well. Moreover their reason for staying with in laws is most of the time economic, here even when you are able to afford to get a seperate place of your own the in laws seem to have a problem with it or make a fuss over it calling the wife a family breaker or something since joint families are viewed as ideal and moving out of the parental home which you share with the in laws is frowned upon, that serial anupamaa itself is an example of this.

And I can verify this from my own personal experience where my aunt who was the DIL of the house forced my uncle to move out and shift to a villa of their own just because she didn't want to live with us i.e. her in laws, my grandmother literally curses her everyday for this reason.

Irrespective of how disgusted you are with the craze for a son it's here to stay until the core issues highlighted aren't addressed first, so there is no point of arguing or complaining that the society should be gender neutral.

Read this article for further insights

https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/where-gender-prejudices-reign/article26352327.ece