This fic doesn’t follow logic. You’ve been warned.
The woman on the other side of the screen looked at the man beside her. “This is hopeless,” she said. On the other side of the screen was Jasmine Kaur Sandhu, now glaring at the doctors. “I’m not a monster! Tejo stole Fateh from me!” she screamed for the umpteenth time. The woman put down her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I think it’s time,” she said.
So, Jasmine Kaur Sandhu, now named Jassabelle was told that she’d be sent on a luxury trip to the moon. Being the airhead she is, she agreed instantly. She was even told Fateh will be joining her soon.
The day of her trip had arrived and Meanjolika, I mean Jassabelle went inside the rocket. She eagerly waited for Fateh but the door soon closed and the ground started to rumble. “Wait, where’s Fateh?! Get me out of here! I’m warning you, don’t take panga with Jasmine Kaur Sandhu! Where’s Fateh?!” she screamed, trying to break free. “You know if you do that, you’ll only hurt yourself” a voice said. “Who are you?! How dare you?! You know who I am?! No one says no to Jasmine Kaur Sandhu!” she screamed. “Like I said, you’ll only hurt yourself.” The voice said again.
The rocket finally took off, and if you really tried hard to listen, you could hear her screams which then turned into whimpers.
It had been a few days. T***i aunty, sorry, sorry. Force of habit you see. Satti aunty paced the room. Jassabelle was supposed to return yesterday but no sign of her yet. She saw a woman in a lab coat walk towards her. “Where’s my daughter?” She asked. “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but Jassabelle, I mean” the scientist started before coughing, “Jasmine’s rocket malfunctioned. She’s stranded on the moon,” she added.
Aunty now screamed in horror as she cried, “My Jasmine is gone! My Jasmine is missing” before passing out. All her family members ran towards her.
Meanwhile…
“We were waiting for you sir” a man in a black suit said. Then another man came out of the shadows. It was Rupi uncle! “Yes, thank you” uncle said and smirked.
The following scene could be seen at the Sandhu house – Satti aunty was crying, grandma was whimpering because she lost her ticket to Canada, Mamiji was dancing cuz Jassabelle is gone, Dilraj was busy eating parathas, Abhiraaj was baffled, and Rupi uncle was smirking in a corner.
At the Virks residence – Mahi was cackling in her room. Turns out Rupi uncle and Mahi were two of the masterminds behind “Operation Removal of Meanjolika.” Nimmo aunty kept saying “ho hai, ho hai.” Turns out she was so shocked that this was all that she could say. Smol prick, I mean, Amrik was grumbling, saying that he’ll save his bhabi, even if the whole world hates her.
So now Amrik also ends up on a rocket. However, due to “technical error” or him being extra kaabil, he ended up landing on Mars.
After 50 years, sus finally managed to come to planet earth. Turns out a group of astronauts found her. They were scared at first, I mean anyone would be if they saw a dishevelled chudail. Long story short, they somehow manage to bring her back to earth. One of them suggested chudail, I mean s**u, like, Jasmine stays under observation, but she ran away.
Fortunately, she doesn’t find anyone she knows in the village. Chameli was shocked to see how much has changed since her departure. She goes to her home and finds all the doors locked. Jassabelle then runs to the Virks residence like a possessed doll causing everyone on the street to run away.
Then she reaches a field which seemed to be void of any humans, before seeing what looked like a flying roti (it’s an UFO but this is Jassabelle level intellect we’re talking about). A beam of light came out of the roti, before a person was thrown out. Chamelika, I mean Jasmean ran to the person.
“Amrik?” she said out loud. “Bhabi” Smolprick said out loud. “What happened to you?” Jassabelle asked. Amrik now narrated his story. Turns out, after landing on Mars, he was being chased by aliens. “Get him” they screamed as they ran down the terrains of Mars. He soon found himself near the edge of a cliff. Then he looked at his sides. The only way to save himself was to jump in what he assumed was a pond. The aliens following him accidentally fell from the cliff, and died. So, he was made the king of all aliens. According to Amrik, he had developed enemies so they conspired against him, causing the citizens to complain which resulted in him being returned.
In reality, they realized he was too stupid to run a planet. The organization of United Aliens of Mars even made a special request to NASA to never send Amrik anywhere. Due to his dumb decisions, Mars had faced the biggest economic crisis and had to depend on Neptune’s financial aid for 25 years. Not that he’d ever admit it.
The two airheads decided that all of this happened because their families betrayed them. They decided to find Fateh, but unfortunately even the Virks' residence seemed unfamiliar. “Why are the doors locked?” Meanjolika asked, as she struggled to open the door. Suddenly they heard a man scream, “chor chor! Someone is trying to break in!”
Meanjolika turned around to give said man a piece of her mind. “You know who I am?! Jasmine Kaur Sandhu!” she yelled. The man looked at her quizzically. “Yeh lo, which circus are you from?” he asked. “What?!” she exclaimed. “How dare you talk to the bahu of Virk khandan like that?!” Amrik exclaimed. The man rolled his eyes, “are you drunk? Did you lose your brain? What bahu? They have 3 daughters, all are married” he said. Chamelika looked at him in her typical psychotic and surprised pikachu style. “What bakwaaz are you spewing!” Amrik exclaimed. “Shut up. I’m not spewing bakwaz. You both are” he said, and then added “if I see you clowns near this residence, you’ll end up in jail” he said and walked away.
Both good for nothing looked at each other. What now? Where will they find Fateh?
They were walking alongside the road when they saw Mahi walk in their direction. “Mahi! Mahi!” they exclaimed and ran towards the girl. The girl looked up at them, fear drawing on her eyes, then she started to run in the opposite direction. The useless duo followed her.
Before they were met with a pair of angry eyes.
“Grandma, these two loonies were following me, '' the girl said. The older woman looked at the duo in shock. How on earth did these trash cans end up in Moga? Why were they shipped back? Are they really that useless?
“It’s ok my dear. They can’t hurt you” Mahi said. The crazy monkeys looked at the old lady and Amrik spoke out. “Why is my little sister hiding? Who are you old lady?” he asked. Mahi’s left eye twitched. She would beat him into a pulp but she knew better.
“She’s not your sister. Ok punk. Her name isn’t Mahi” Mahi said. Amrik tried to glare at her, but only ended up looking constipated. “Don’t even think about challenging me. The whole village knows there are two loonies out in the lose” Mahi said, gritting her teeth.
Mahi then turned around, and walked away with her granddaughter, while keeping her arm around her grandchild.
“Maybe we should follow them,” Chameli said. This was probably the only useful thing she has uttered in the last 50 years. Her chamcha agreed and decided to rent a car. Turns out the money they had was outdated. So they made a deal, by that I mean, they begged to be dropped off wherever Mahi was being dropped off at, in return they’d find a place to exchange the money to pay the driver. Meanjolika brought out her bootleg Oscar worthy performance of crocodile tears, and the driver finally agreed.
Mahi knew she was being followed. She was irritated to say the least. Then an idea played in her head. Maybe seeing the truth wouldn’t be so bad for the duo after all.
They all made it to the new house Fateh and Tejo were living in. The two faltu fools stared in awe. Mahi was living here!
“I knew you two will be following me,” they heard the old lady say. Amrik felt that there was a dark aura surrounding the old lady. Mahi gave them a side eye and an evil smirk. He gulped. Old lady seemed crazy. “Come follow me, children,” Mahi said. Then added “Fateh is inside.”
S**u ran inside, pulling the door open, simultaneously slamming it on Amrik’s face. Outside, he could hear the old lady snicker.
“Fateh! Fateh!” Chamelika exclaimed. Finally she was here, and no one could stop her from winning Fateh *author rolls eyes*
“Who, who is it” a hoarse voice asked. Jasmine turned around and saw an old couple. “I’m looking for Fateh! Where is Fateh!” she yelled, in her ever “I’m entitled because I’m a hoor paari” tone.
Mahi now walked in and introduced the old man. “Oi su, I mean Jasmine, this is Fateh.” Jassabelle looked at her, her eyes looking crazed once again. “Jasmine? The name sounds familiar” the old man said. “You’re lying!” Meanjolika exclaimed. “Actually no, you remember when you’re shipped to the moon? That was the year 2021, and this is the year 2071” Mahi said, and then showed her a calendar. “No it can’t be!” susu exclaimed.
“It’s true,” the old woman beside Fateh spoke out. Then Fateh said “you look familiar.” Meanjolka now stopped her drama mid-track and looked at him. “I’ve seen you, in my vivid nightmares,” Fateh added. “You remember me! See Tejo, you couldn’t steal him from me even if you tried!” she screamed looking above. Tejo furrowed her eyebrows “does the witch think I’m dead?”
Then Chameli ran towards Fateh, who instantly hid behind Tejo, with fear in eyes. Tejo hit Chameli on the head with her cane. “You’re so shameless! Can’t you see you’re scaring him!” she exclaimed.
Later that day, witnesses say that a screaming Jasmine and a shocked Amrik who now had a black eye and a swollen forehead, were seen being pulled out of the Virk’s residence.
Special thanks to:
@I_StandStrongFLs for helping me with fixing the errors this fic ❤️
@Mandy_21 for giving me the idea of a sad Dadi due to her lost ticket to Canada
Going to tag some people 👀
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
Arjun
Cricket
