"Teri himmat kaise hui? Himmat kaisi hui Tejo ko haath lagane ki?"
It was entirely possible, as Fateh replayed the scene in his head, that he had officially lost his mind. And perhaps he had. Perhaps the last six months had finally weighed down on him and his sense of self had collapsed under it all. He ran his hand through his curly hair, wincing as the open wounds reminded him yet again of what he'd done.
His hands that had never, not once, been raised against another in anger, had nearly thrown a man to unconsciousness in the middle of the street. He hadn't known the truth of it all, he hadn't even asked for details when he'd jumped off of his bike with Tejo calling his name behind him.
Fateh had seen the red mark on Tejo's cheek and rage had filled him to the point of blindness.
"Kuch nahi hua Fateh, bas college main ek jhagda hogaya tha. Main rokne ki koshish kar rahi thi aur bas-"
He hadn't listened to the rest. By the time Tejo had caught him, the small hand on his hand breaking him out of his fury, he was standing with his hands around the collar of a scrawny boy. Fateh hadn't hit him, instead, he'd grabbed the collar of the boy's sweatshirt and shaken him off of the ground. Yelling into the boy's face over and over again.
"Himmat kaisi hui teri? Bol!"
He'd scared the boy into tears and Tejo had dragged him away to diffuse the theatrics.
The open wounds on his hand now were not a result of pummeling the boy who meant nothing, but instead a result of his own inability and rage that had led him to beat his punching bag with bare hands.
Fateh sighed in frustration. While he'd had no intention to hurt the boy whose hand had marredTejo, his rage had scared even himself. He had never felt so undone. The red mark on Tejo's cheek had been blistering and it had taken everything out of him to not do the same to the boy. Fateh had wanted to bury him, so far underground that he could never dream to do something of the same nature.
"Fateh, please!"
Her small hand had pulled him out of his own rage, and her desperate plea had walked him out of the fury. He'd heard it in her voice, as he always did with her, that she wasn't worried for the other person, she was worried for him. Since the beginning of his winning her over, she had always caught him from hurting himself. Be that a flame, a stumble, or his biggest heartbreak in the form of Jasmine. Tejo had, consistently and without fail, saved him even from himself.
And what had he done? Caged her in this sham of a marriage that had done nothing but make her unhappy. In the months that had followed their wedding day, Tejo had done everything to be the daughter-in-law the Virk family deserved. And she'd done it simply by being herself. Her courageous, ambitious and kind self. Fateh had watched her fall in love with every member of his household, and they'd fallen just as hard. She had been, on paper and objectively, the right choice for his family.
What it had taken five months to realize was, she was the right choice for him too. Every day, with her patience and unfaltering kindness, she'd shown him exactly why he'd always gone to her before anyone else. Even when he'd been trying to win Jasmine's heart, it was Tejo who had been his friend, who he'd speak to more often than he did Jasmine.
Jasmine was a wild dream come true and when she broke his heart, Fateh had realized he could breathe without her. That breathing without her was the best way to breathe. He'd loved her with a fervour madness that had surprised even him. A desperate need that clung to him, had lived inside him, to be everything Jasmine wanted. And in all of it, Fateh had lost himself. Who he was, what he wanted, everything that had made him, him.
"Your dream isn't a Canada job and you know it. Give your Punjab a chance to show you what you can be when you choose to simply be who you are Fateh."
Tejo's words rang in his ears. It had been a conversation a month into their marriage when Fateh had shared his aimlessness and lack of hope. She'd looked at him as if she knew more than he could possibly ever know, and he laughed. Tejo typically looked at him that way, as if she had years of wisdom over him.
"Are you ready to clean your wounds now or should I come in an hour with the same question?"
Fateh's head snapped to the direction of his bedroom door. Tejo was holding a tray of medicinal items and he looked at her sheepishly. She raised her eyebrows and waited for his answer. Fateh said nothing but nodded towards their bed.
"Kya zaroorat thi yeh sab karni ki? Tumhara pata hi nahi lagta Fateh. Kabhi zidd, kabhi pagalpan, kabhi itna gussa!" Tejo started.
"Lo, hogaya lecture shuru," he said under his breath.
"Haan, hogaya shuru lecture. Kyunki tumhe ek baar main samajh nahi aata na?" Tejo interjected.
Fateh kept from rolling his eyes, knowing if he did his superhero fast wife would catch it immediately. He sat down beside her on the bed and she caught his right hand with a gentleness that damn near broke his heart. Fateh watched her tend to his wounds, the pain nonexistent. He watched her lips move in fury but he couldn't hear her, as he often tended not to do in the past few weeks. Did Tejo know her lips were mesmerizing? That when she spoke it was nearly impossible to look away from her?
Her hair moved forward and he caught the wisp with his free hand. Slowly, carefully, he tugged the strand behind her ear and she looked up at him then. Her lips parted in surprise and for the millionth time, he wondered what sound she would make if he caught them with his own.
When Fateh had lovedJasmine, everything about her had felt like a dream. Even touching her had felt like a privilege that he thought he would taint. But Tejo had always been real, always within grasp, always by his side. Loving Jasmine had been a childlike madness, a dream he thought he would never wake from.
Tejo was a reality that felt both like a blessing and punishment to his false ideas of love. Tejo had shown him in the past few months, what it truly meant to be understood and be known by someone else. She had been there, patient when she needed to be, and angry when she had the right, but always by his side. He'd turned away from her so many times, to escape the shadow of Jasmine, that he hadn't realized how many times he'd begun to turn towards her.
"Thank you," she whispered, but Fateh kept his fingers in her hair.
And then, choking on his own maddening need, he moved his hand to cup the back of her neck. Her heat was real and insistent, and the pain in his left hand numbed.
There were days in their marriage that he didn’t know if what he felt or Tejo was mere friendship or more. Did friends want to constantly hear what the other was thinking? Did friends stay up most nights, talking about their day or their plans for the next? Did friends know the soft scent that was only Tejo's, light vanilla that hypnotized him? Did friends wait desperately at the gate in the hopes of a lunch date between busy schedules?
Fateh breathed deeply. It had taken five months for him to realize that the need that had stirred in him was love. But it was love on a scale more maddening than the one he thought he'd felt for Jasmine.
No, this was something else. Something entirely new. For what Fateh felt around Tejo was a peace he'd never known. She quieted the furious thoughts in his head and when she spoke to him her words filled the space in his chest where he ached. There was no one in the world who could be her and Fateh had been a fool to run after a woman who wasn't even an ounce of the spirit Tejo was.
When the realization had come to him, that this peace was love, that love could be both the calm and the storm, he'd nearly lost his wit's end. He'd spoken to his grandfather first, who had told him that love, real love, the kind that was enduring and strong, was both peace and storm. That there was nothing, not a thing in the world, that was even close to the peace that one found in their lover's arms. And there was nothing, not a thing in the world, that was even close to the raging storm of what it felt like to be loved and to love.
It was every moment that he looked at Tejo after, that he knew exactly what his grandfather had meant. Fateh had nearly suffocated under his own need to reach out and touchTejo. Even just a small nudge. And as soon as he did or as soon as her small hand laid itself against his skin, he was calm again. Grounded in a way he had never known he could be before.
"Fateh?" Tejo questioned, her large eyes widening at his clutched hand on her neck.
Please just let me hold you, please, please, please, he begged her.
He had spent months apologizing to his wife, for what he'd done to her and to himself. How much he had ruined, how much he was still desperately trying to fix. He would apologize forever, beg for forgiveness until his last breath if it meant that Tejo would never leave his side. This woman, this crazy and stubborn woman, who had shown him how confident he could be, how self-assured he was and where it would take him, had injected herself into his veins.
Fateh could barely speak, his tongue thick and heavy in his mouth. Instead, he pulled her close, his hand pressing completely against her neck, dragging her forehead to his. He closed his eyes as he breathed her in. He knew he was crossing a boundary. In all their moments even when they had allowed each other to touch the other, it had never been this intimate. As if he were breathing her in.
"I'm sorry," he finally choked. Sorry for tying you to me. Sorry for this marriage that nearly destroyed you. Sorry for every moment I hurt you.
Tejo pulled away from him then, her eyes searching his. He saw her hesitate and then she lifted her hand, cupping his cheek in her warm palm. As if by instinct, he turned his head into her warmth, his lips placed in the middle of her palm.
"Just don't ever worry me like that again," she half-whispered, her fear tangible. He had heard over and over from his family how well his wife knew him, perhaps better than he knew himself. But Fateh knew her just as well. The small breaths she took to ease her anxiety, the way she bit her lip when she was angry, and the sound of her fear.
He could study her forever and frankly, he intended to. Fateh wanted to know how her hands would feel on his chest. The noises she could make if he caught her by surprise. He wanted to know the look in her eyes when he told her there would be no one else for him but her. He wanted to know it all.
But first, he had to make her believe him. Believe that his love for her was nothing like the childish insistence he'd felt for Jasmine. He had to convince Tejo that he was a man desperate for just a sparing glance from her. He wanted nothing more than for Tejo to look at him with even an ounce of what he felt for her. And Fatehknew he had a lifetime to make it happen for them both.
"Next hand," she demanded and Fateh laughed.
Tejo Fateh Singh Virk, get ready to fall in love with me, Fateh thought, a small smile dancing on his lips as he watched her again.
"Shadain," he said softly, catching her by surprise. It had been months since he'd called her that and suddenly the light in her eyes was all he could see.
XXXXXXX
A/N: Hey forum waasio! I literally just binge-watched this show over the weekend and my god am I in love with every maddening trope this show has given. The first love vs real love, the love triangle, the characters, the fated to be together trope. I am so excited to see how FaTejo's story unfolds. Fateh and Tejo have been hinted at as endgame both implicitly and explicitly since the very first episode. These two are tied in a way that is unlike anything else. Tejo is the calm and level-headed person that Fateh's fervent love is deserving of. I know that once he falls in love with her not only will it be a mature awakening for him, but it will be a madness on a different level. Fateh will grow in love, not fall in it by betraying his own principles and family in the way he has up until this point. First love can be one helluva drug but real love, enduring love takes time. And the best kind of love is friendship set on fire. FaTejo already have their friendship although it's a little lost at the moment, but once they come back into each other, all that needs to be done is for that friendship to be aflame. SO exciting!!
Cricket
