Taming the Shrew Take 14: Sacrificing too much in a Relationship

Lavanya is excited that she has got a contract to make shoes for almost every shoe outlet in Shimla. This would put her designs and her career up and front of every other competition. This would give her an opportunity to put to rest the accusation that Rhea is more talented than her. And, all the customers and friends who praised Rhea's designs and humiliated her at her exhibition would be made to eat dirt.

So what is Girish to do? Accept her suggestion and employ a Nanny so that their kids are not sidelined or take it upon himself to attend to their children? Girish chose to give up some of his own needs to make the extra time needed for the children. In any case, he is a house husband. Now, his duties increased. But he was happy to make the sacrifice for his children.

Now Lavanya is making another demand - either give up supporting PakhVeer or lose her.

Should Girish give in to Lavnya's demand, go against his inner self and dump PakhVeer for Lavanya? Would you if you were in Girish's shoes (no pun intended)?

Close relationships require sacrifice. In fact, many people include sacrificing in the very definition of what it means to truly love another person. In India that is the implicit expectation of every marriage (love or arranged) "and indeed in the western world, studies have shown that couples are happier and more likely to remain in their relationships if the partners are willing to sacrifice for each other.

Sometimes that sacrifice can be life-changing, such as deciding to move to a different house or city in order to keep peace in the famil; other times it might be something small and seemingly mundane, such as choosing Veer over Anshuman in the TV serial Tumhaari Pakhi 😉. The point is, one needs to be supportive of the other to make the relationship work.

However, sacrifice also raises questions of power. Girish has always been happy to sacrifice in the relationship and Lavanya has shown very little reciprocation. This imbalanced pattern of sacrifice has led to an imbalance of power in Girish-Lavanya relationship. Inevitably leading to the scenario that he is facing today - Girish is in a situation where he is expected to give up and give in. Even if it means going against his inner principles.

Surely, Girish has to wonder whether such a sacrifice is worth it. Numerous questions are probably running through his mind:

1. How committed is Lavanya to him (their marriage)? Would such a big sacrifice (going against his inner principles)) truly bring him closer to Lavanya? Would this sacrifice enable him to be at peace with his conscience?

2. Would Lavanya do the same for him? Sacrifice is two-sided. So would Lavanya do a similar sacrifice for him if he were to make the demand? In the current situation - why is Lavanya not working with him to figure out what is best? Why is she simply expecting him to change his support for PakhVeer to accommodate her and Anuja's malicious demands?

3. Lavanya knows what she is demanding goes against his moral principles then why is not respecting his feelings? Is she taking for granted that no matter how rudely and badly she behaves with him he will always do her bidding?

I am not suggesting that Girish do anything drastic - but it is important that Girish let Lavanya know his feelings so that can negotiate a solution.