Hey Y'all. It's me. I'm Back again... with another OS about our lovely RuNak. But this one is more melancholic... Hope y'all have some happy videos to watch in stock! Anyways.... this one was quite long too. Longer than I anticipated.
Based on the prompt by @Fruitbae... Special dedication to you. And to everyone else who wants some actual progress (realistic I mean) between the two leads...
Anyways. Enjoy Reading!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It burns.
Aniruddh could feel the heat of the whiskey as it slid down his truth. For principle’s sake, he never drank at home despite everyone’s persuasion. Only when social events called for it. But today, it was necessary. He sensed he could not go on without something to numb him from all the things that had happened the past couple of days. His mind was on the verge of a short circuit; too many things within a short period rendered him utterly exhausted without rest. He couldn’t think anymore; he needed a break. Alcohol was good for battling his inner demons, or so he thought. But it did not bring him the reprieve he hoped for. Not from the gnawing guilt and confusion that enveloped his mind. Still, he continued.
Glug... Glug…Glug… The amber liquid in the bottle kept getting lower as his glass kept getting refilled. He had a vague idea that he was drinking over the limit of what he usually does, but it didn’t matter to him. He needed to get drunk to forget everything. As he drank glass after glass of whiskey, both his vision and cognizance became hazy; he barely noticed a hand gripping the glass he was about to down. Sensing an obstruction, he slowly moved his head toward those hands to discern the source.
It was Chotton. His mentor, his companion, his guide, and more than all, his friend. He could never really hide anything from him. Nor did he want to; he felt maybe this was divine intervention. He cocked his head slightly and gave a wretched smile to his uncle. He patted his hand in the space next to him on the balcony sofa and motioned him to sit. It was a beautiful night; the soft white light of the moon illuminated the dark house, devoid of human presence. His entire family had gone to pacify the Mukherjees in the wake of Arshi’s suicide attempt and the following marriage reversal rasam to nullify his marriage with Jhanak. Maybe the fact that his family was out gave him the courage to drink openly, which he wouldn’t otherwise. Though surprised that Chotton was at home at this time, he considered it a welcome one. Talking to Chotton always gave him clarity and freedom. Always ready to listen and not one to Judge, his presence in his life was invaluable to him growing up.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to voice out my concerns to him. It will help me think at least.
He poured a glass of whiskey and slid it over the table to Chotton.
“One glass for you Chotton. Give me company na?”
“Ani, you have drunk too much. Stop it now, else you’ll get a bad hangover,” Chotton advised him.
“C’mon Chotton. It’s not too late yet. Besides, won’t you drink at least one glass with me? For my sake?”
“No. Please Ani, listen to me. Drinking is not going to help you in running away from your problems. Understand. Please stop this. You have drunk enough for the night!”
Chotton tried to pry the glass full of whiskey away from Ani’s hands. But to no avail; Ani was quicker. With unprecedented speed, he grabbed the glass and downed the whiskey in one go, unafraid of the burning sensation that would follow. The burn blinded him to other sensations. And it felt good to be blind to many things at the moment.
“Haaah…. That’s a good one. Chotton, you also have na? I feel bad as the only one drinking.” Ani was grinning from ear to ear, an unbothered soul.
What happened to Ani? He usually doesn’t drink so much. Is he so affected by today's events?
Chotton was troubled by Ani’s sudden penchant for drinking. He could comprehend to a certain extent what disturbed him. In fact, He wanted to have a good long conversation regarding the recent set of events with him.
Huh. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Ani won’t be as frank when he is sober.
“Ani, share with me what’s hurting you?”
Chotton probed him gently with questions to try and decipher his state of mind.
“Chotton, nothing. It’s nothing. Just wanted to drink is all.”
But Chotton remained doubtful. He knew Aniruddh would eventually spill the beans. He just needed to nudge him in the right direction.
“Ani, you’ll hide things from me now?”
“No, no. How can I Chotton? You know I never hide anything from you!”
“Then? Ani…. Is it about Arshi? “
“………”
Seeing Aniruddh hunch his shoulders forward defeatedly without a reply, Chotton’s heartfelt pain as if stabbed. He softly put his hands on Aniruddh’s shoulders to comfort him.
“Ani… Arshi is fine. You know that right? She is safe and back at her own home. We saved her Ani. Don’t worry anymore.”
“Chotton….”
Aniruddh quietly sniffed and turned to Chotton. He could never refuse anything to Chotton; all the effort he put into suppressing his emotions suddenly was on the verge of exploding. He concluded he was better off confiding in Chotton than bottling it up inside his heart and mind.
“Am I- Am I that bad? “
“No Ani, no. Why do you think that?”
“Then why-why- why did Arshi do this Chotton?” Aniruddh pressed his hands against his temples, close to full-blown crying and misery. He felt that his tolerance for turmoil had long past the quota for the day.
“Ani… you are not at fault for her decision,” Chotton emphasized.
Aniruddh hiccupped loudly and gave him a sardonic grin. He knew Chotton was trying to soothe him with a harmless lie. He wasn’t a fool not to notice.
It doesn’t change the fact that she did something extreme that could have led to her death. She did this because I betrayed her; lied to her; and hid things from her. This is all on me.
Self-blame was his mantra for the day.
“Chotto- “
As Aniruddh opened his mouth to respond, a pleasant female voice disrupted him. It was Jhanak. He had forgotten that Jhanak was still in the house. As for why she came to the balcony, he could only speculate.
Oh. She must have something to say to Chotton.
“Chotton, I finished all the work for the day… is there something else to be done?”
Jhanak sounded tired, much like himself. He could understand why, after all, Arshi is her cousin. Overcome with a sense of curiosity, Aniruddh slowly turned to face Jhanak at the question as did Chotton.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
How long will the day drag on like this?? I wish it was tomorrow already.
Jhanak felt like the rug had been yanked underneath her feet after hearing about Arshi Didi’s suicide attempt. Even if they did not hold any affection for each other, she still respected her cousin as her older sister and wished for the best. The burden of the secret she had been harboring was dependent only on the hope that Arshi Didi would get married to Sir Ji soon. But as they say, Man believes one while God does another; all her hopes came dashing to the ground as the marriage truth was revealed most unceremoniously.
She felt like a usurper, stealing the future meant for her sister. Every word Sir Ji’s family uttered about her, and her mother still reverberated in her ears, etching scars in her already bruised and battered heart: homewrecker, greedy, thief, characterless. Maybe they were right, she was one, The other woman. Even though she never meant to be, fate had other plans for her. Pleas and explanations were unheard, and abuses were returned. Requests about Arshi Didi’s health were not answered, leaving her a bundle of nerves and guilt. The only assurance she got was the fact that the entire family left for her aunt’s place, save Chotton. The only one who knew the truth in its entirety; the one who supported her and fought for her against his own family. Thinking of asking him about her sister, she approached the balcony after finishing the work for the day.
“Chotton, I finished all the work for the day… is there something else to be done?”, she asked Chotton unaware of the figure sitting near him on the sofa.
“Actually… I wanted to ask about Arshi Didi. Is she… is she…. Is she alright?” Jhanak continued hesitantly.
It was then her eyes noticed Aniruddh glancing at her intensely as if trying to figure out what she was pondering about.
Oh. I didn’t think Sir Ji would be here.
She immediately averted her eyes from him and focused on Chotton. Chotton on the other hand, was silently observing the interaction between herself and Aniruddh. After five seconds or so of silence, he replied in the affirmative.
“Yeah. She is fine and back home safely. Don’t worry Jhanak” he softly supplied.
Oh. Thank God. I feel my soul restored.
Jhanak let out a huge sigh of relief, happy that her sister was safe and sound. The lingering tension left her body upon those words. She felt her knees buckle; she quickly grappled forward and clenched the armrest of the sofa with all her might to prevent her fall.
“Oh! That was close.”
“‘twas. Closh.”
The slurred rejoinder of a man so familiar to her halted her in her tracks. Tears were the first thing she saw on his face when she raised her head to face him.
Is he…?
Jhanak's eyes darted back and forth between Aniruddh and Chotton to attempt to figure out what was happening. Soon, her gaze landed on the near-empty bottle of whiskey and a pair of glasses.
Oh, I see.
She felt improper to stay any longer. As she turned to leave, she felt a hand grasp her wrists and spiral her around to face them. It was Aniruddh. He opened his mouth to ask her something but thought otherwise and instead scrunched his eyebrows in silence. He looked crushed; dry tears marking his face, a mismatch for his usually effervescent demeanor.
Tears do not suit him as a smile does.
Jhanak thought to herself pensively. His tears disturbed her; more than she wanted to admit. She wanted to wipe them off his face, to cheer him up, but she could only do so after knowing what troubled him.
“Sir ji… are you… alright?”
She said each word with uncertainty.
“………..”
Met with silence on her question, she stood awkwardly, unable to determine her next step.
Maybe I should leave, that would perhaps be the best help I can offer right now.
As Jhanak contemplated retreating, Aniruddh's arms suddenly slipped around her waist and pulled her closer for an embrace. He buried his head in her clothes and began weeping as if a dam had just exploded inside of him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Uh-uh Sir Ji?”
Her inquiry only yielded more wetness on her clothes. She looked at Chotton flabbergasted, who only nodded his head indicating he was as perplexed as she was. Uncertain what to do, she reflexively embraced him as he kept sobbing and gasping for breath like a dying man. Her arms protectively tightened around his head forming a cocoon of warmth and protection, intending to shield him from everything that can cause him agony.
Nothing will happen. I swear, Sir Ji.
On her periphery, she observed Chotton get up from the sofa and move out of the balcony to provide them with privacy. She nodded in thanks and turned her back to Aniruddh. He appeared oblivious to everything except for her.
As if her embrace provided the comfort he sought, the tears he shed slowed down to a halt. He sniffled a little and gradually raised his head to see her. His dark eyes brimming with pain and regret met hers brimming with encouragement and patience. Gathering courage from her demeanor, he cautiously opened his mouth to speak.
“Jhanak…”
“Haan?”
“Are you happy now?”
“???”
“I am Sir Ji”, She lied apologetically to coax him.
I am sorry that I am being dishonest Sir Ji. I’d rather lie than hurt you right now.
Tears started pooling in Aniruddh’s eyes at her reply. The light dimmed in his eyes as if all hope had been extinguished. Jhanak became startled and tried to appease him to no progress.
“You are lying. I know… I know you stopped truly smiling the moment you set foot in my house. Did you think I wouldn’t know? Not once…. Not twice…. Many times, I have been the reason for your anger and pain since then. All I wanted was to protect you and see you succeed in life and career. Wanted to be by your side as your biggest supporter. That was all I ever wanted Jhanak. All I ever wanted for you. I promise…”
“Maybe Arshi also felt the same way as you? She stopped smiling too… and now. She would have died... Died! Do you know? All because I was an idiot who didn’t have a handle on things….”
“I failed both women whom I considered by my greatest responsibility.”
He expectantly looked to Jhanak for comfort.
“……….”
Sensing her reluctance to answer, he hugged her tighter as if she were his sustenance and wept again.
“I feel like a loser Jhanak…. I want to keep you both happy and content. What can I do to make amends? How can I make Arshi trust me again? I loved her…. I imagined my future with her… seeing her like this feels like my soul has been sucked out. Tell me Jhanak… tell me na?”
“What can I do to make you happy? Her happy? Everyone around me happy?”
“I don’t want to lose you…”
Wet and hot liquid streaming from his face, he looked like a child pleading for help. Help to save him from the misery he cannot endure.
This man…. loves Arshi Didi very much, doesn’t he?
Then… me?
Oh. OH. No…It can’t be.
ME… TO HIM??
Only visible as a mop of black hair, Jhanak lovingly took a glance at Aniruddh. Realization slammed her heart as memories flooded her; their fall in the hay, his embrace as he saved her from the truck, his proud demeanor as she danced in the fest, and many more. Something beautiful bloomed in her heart; something she didn't want to name till now. Love. Her love for him. For who he is. For all that he is.
No.
The budding feelings withered as they bloomed in an instant. Because she knew he chose someone else, her sister, who loved him as she did, if not more.
Her soul shattered into a million pieces, knowing the futility of these newly discovered emotions.
He chose her… not you.
Not naming it would have been better Jhanak.
She smiled wretchedly to herself, her eyes all blurry; tears threatening to fall. With great pain, she controlled herself.
“Jhanak?”
“Hmmmm”
“I want to sleep… escape from this pain. Can you help me?” Aniruddh asked in a muffled voice. It seemed he had finally stopped crying.
“Hmm hmm”
She cleared her throat slightly and started humming a sonnet in her best voice. She was never a great singer; this was the only exception to an otherwise countless number of pieces. Childhood memories bound to this song, her mother patting her head with tears marking her face, longing for her father who never came back. Growing up, this song was a source of anger; anger at her mother for her decision and her father for being a deserter. Ironically, in this second, she understands her mother who has departed this world leaving her alone.
She gently tousled his hair as her vision became unfocused, a wonderful imagination playing before her.
She and him waltzing in the pleasant moonlight, holding each other’s hands and smiling; an impossible dream. She kept singing, a sad sonnet recalling the loss of a lover….
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is a song I absolutely love.... there are many versions, perhaps most famous compositions from Made in Heaven and Kashmir Files. If you have some time, please read the history behind this poem.
But my favorite is the one by Zeb Bangash sung for Pakistan Coke Studio S-12 Ep-2 with slightly different lyrics.
I would absolutely recommend reading the following part with the music on, elevates the experience by 100x.
Coke Studio Season 12 | Roshe | Zeb Bangash
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Roshay madno cholhoma
Upset with me, my lover has left.
Wal weisgaswai abas,
Duniya neendri te khwabas
Roshay, roshay madno cholhoma
Let us go, my friend, to fetch water;
The world is fast asleep, love;
My lover being upset has left me.
Wal weisgaswai babrai,
Chok looi namo loole tabri
Zah na aak myani khabrai
Walo myani roshay madno
Let us go, friend, to gather basil,
He wounds my heart with an axe,
Disdains even to inquire of me,
Come, come my upset lover.
Wal weisgaswai hyandai,
Paneneo kaed haso rhandai
Teman teo moun hue banay
Walo myani roshay madno
Let us go, friend, to gather herbs,
Heartless people make fun of me,
What would happen if they were in a similar plight?
Come, come my upset lover.
Wal weisgatchav van tay
Lookav barihas kan tay
Tee booz tami saadan tay
Walo myani roshay madno
Let us go, friend, to the woods:
People poison his ears against me,
Naively, he listens to them!
Come, come my upset lover.
Wal weisgaswai abas,
Duniya neendri te khwabas
Kus weni dedi tai babas,
Walo myani roshay madno
Let us go, my friend, to fetch watch;
The world is fast asleep, love;
I yearn for a response from you,
Come, come my upset lover.
Maa, Am I destined to walk the same path as you?
To yearn for a lover who I can never reunite with.
Someone who chose another woman?
Fate is truly cruel as you said.
Jhanak silently sobbed with no one to soothe her. Her tears fell on Aniruddh’s hair to no response.
He’s probably asleep.
With one hand, she supported his head as her other arm propped a pillow to let him lie down on the sofa. She gently removed his arms from her, being careful not to disturb his sleep, and then laid him down on the sofa. Taking off his shoes and socks, she placed his legs at the other end of the sofa. She then kneeled on the floor near him, her hands outstretched. Her fingers slowly caressed his face and wiped away the tears that had dried.
Trembling, she finally gathered the resolution to express the words she always meant to convey to him.
“Sir Ji, I know I am a weakling to say this when you are asleep. But bear with me...”
“I may have hurled insults and taunts at you, even assassinated your character at times. But I only ever intended to protect you as you did for me. That day at the bus stop, I asked you to leave only because you could have died by Tejas’s hand… I never meant any of the words I expressed. Truly…”
“Thank the gods that I was able to be of help in donating blood. I had lost my reason in life, you see? The only person that ever mattered to me was my mother who is not there anymore. No one else cared about me; only you. To be of help to a person in the most desperate moment, a person who saved me, the only person whose life mattered to me, in whatever way I could. I was immensely happy.”
“But we only ever give each other pain and misery, even if unintended. I don’t like the person I have become, hurting you every moment. This has to stop. And for that, I have to leave… so please let me. For both of us”
“Just that…one more thing to say. I promise I won’t say this again.”
“I… to you…Sir- I… “
“No”
“I love you, Aniruddh. Now and forever.”
“I only wish that we had met under different circumstances. Perhaps then….”
Jhanak cleared her throat again in an attempt to prevent herself from crying then and there. Recognizing that Aniruddh was waking up, she quickly wiped her eyes and stood up. With large strides, she left the balcony and met Chotton outside observing them astutely.
“Chotton I- “
“Jhanak. Is what you said true?” he asked with his eyebrows raised in concern.
Chotton might not like the fact that I love Sir Ji.”
“Yes”
“But Jhanak- “
“Don’t worry Chotton. This was just a coincidence. Forget it. Anyway, I am leaving. So, this won’t cause problems.”
“It’s not about that Jhanak I- “
“Chotton, let's not talk about this anymore.”
“But- “
“No Chotton. I have made my decision.”
Chotton frowned and tried to speak to Jhanak. Seeing that she is resolute, he decided against it.
“Give me five minutes Chotton.”
Jhanak told Chotton and left the balcony to get something. After said 5 minutes or so, she returned with a comforter and a bundle of papers. They seemed like legal paperwork. Chotton was intrigued.
“What is this, Jhanak?”
“Wait. Let me put this over him, the night is chilly, and he’d get sick at this rate.”
She passed over Chotton and kept the papers on the table. She then opened the comforter to cover Aniruddh with it. Once assured that he was adequately covered against the cold, she took the papers in her hand and sorted them out. It was the copies of her marriage annulment papers that required her and Aniruddh’s signatures. She kept one copy of the papers along with what resembled a letter under an empty whiskey glass. The other paper she turned to Chotton and handed it over.
“Chotton, these are marriage annulment papers his dad gave me to sign after the rasam. I have signed these. One copy for him to sign on the table and one for you. Please hand this copy to his dad for backup.” She said with an unreadable face.
“Jhanak… are you sure?”
“Yes, Chotton. This is the best for both of us. His life got derailed because of me. I hurt Arshi Didi also in the process… I want to rectify this. I want them to be as happy as they were before I came.”
“Besides, I don’t want to lie accepting defeat. I won’t repeat the same fate as my mother did.”
She replied tacitly. She had agreed to her aunt’s proposal to get the heat off her and Aniruddh. But She absolutely will not let anyone else decide her future, it was hers to write.
“But he would feel unhappy if you left like this.”
“He will understand Chotton. Of that, I am positive.”
Chotton perceived that he couldn’t persuade Jhanak. The amount of abuse his family members deal her every day forced him to agree with her. He handed over some money for her safety.
“Keep this with you Jhanak, don’t say no. I know you haven't received the passbook yet. For my peace, please!” He cupped her hands in request.
“But- “
“One more thing, be ready by 4 AM tomorrow… I will make arrangements to drop you off to prevent anyone from finding you.”
Overwhelmed by his kindness, she nodded in gratitude.
“Okay, Chotton. I will stay in touch not to worry you. Please take care of yourself, and others.”
“Him too…” She slowly motioned to Aniruddh who was fast asleep.
If we are meant to meet, I am sure fate will let us meet.
She gave one last glance at Aniruddh, then turned towards Chotton with a clipped nod and strode towards her room to pack.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Aniruddh slowly squinted his eyes open, sunlight streaming on his face. It was probably about 6 AM.
Did I end up sleeping here the night? Shit… I must have drunk too much.
He tried to formulate his thoughts amidst a splitting headache. The hangover from yesterday seemed to inhibit his ability to think properly. He massaged his temples to alleviate his pain, thankfully it worked to some extent. As the headache lessened, his eyes focused on the papers on the table. He carefully put the glass aside and took the papers in his hand to examine. To his surprise, they were legal papers describing the annulment of his marriage with Jhanak and her signature on it. As he tried to make sense of things, a bunch of incomplete memories cascaded over his mind.
“Are you alright?”
“Died By Tejas’s hands…never meant…. The words I expressed…”
“Donated blood…. happy to be of help…. the only person whose life mattered to me….”
“I to you…”
“I love you, Aniruddh.”
“I wish we had met under different circumstances…”
His heart thundered in his chest as he tried to remember them with clarity. He had an ominous feeling that something bad was about to happen. As he was about to rise from the sofa to check on Jhanak, he noticed another piece of paper sticking out from the annulment papers. He quickly took it out and opened it to read it. It was a letter from Jhanak to him. His hands trembled as he started reading the content.
Sir Ji,
Sorry for everything and thank you. I wish all the happiness in this world for you. If our destinies are intertwined, we shall meet again.
Yours Jhanak.
Jhanak…what have you done??!!
Anirudh crumpled the letter in fear. He at once rose from the sofa and rushed to her room. Fear of the worst sort crept up in him as he opened the door. As he suspected, there was no trace of her, it was as if she had vanished into thin air, like a mirage. The empty room was now void of her presence. Without wasting time, he rushed downstairs to find Chotton, only to see him entering the front door from outside. The foreboding feeling came back again; he hurriedly strode to Chotton to ask him about Jhanak. However, he abruptly came to a halt seeing his attire.
“Where have you been Chotton?” he asked sharply.
“Do you not know?” Chotton replied enigmatically.
Oh God no!
“Where is she?” He asked half pleadingly, half commandingly.
“Gone” Chotton replied curtly.
“What do you mean Gone?”
“Gone means gone. Did you not see the annulment papers Ani?”
Aniruddh was stumped. He was extremely furious at Jhanak for pulling this stunt. But even more at Chotton for supporting her.
“How can she leave me like this? And how can you support her on this Chotton?” He screamed in outrage.
“Ani… talk softly. You’ll alert the others at this rate! ” Chotton tried to silence him. But Aniruddh was having none of it.
“How dare she? She can’t disappear like this…. Not from me. Not this way.” He wailed. His knees gave way in shock as he fell to the floor.
“She said you would understand. Ani… I think this was the right thing to do.”
Chotton kneeled and touched his shoulders to comfort him. Aniruddh paid no heed to Chotton though; he unwrapped the crumpled piece of paper on his hands. He read the letter again, and again, and again in disbelief. There were tear stains on the paper, indicative of Jhanak’s state of mind as she wrote. And yet more tears continued to fall and stain them, from his own eyes.
I love you, Aniruddh.
Words said in his slumber continued to reverberate in his mind; his eyes widened as realization dawned on him.
I love her. Not Arshi… her. My Jhanak… My wife. My love. My life. My everything.
Emotions he was frightened to label. Love. It was too late. She had signed the annulment papers already and left his life in a whirlwind, much like she had come.
I had forced her into this.
He had a sneaking suspicion Chotton knew about her whereabouts. He would refuse to tell him, surely. For both their sakes. But what does it matter? She left on her own and his marriage with Arshi is already fixed. She was too kind to him, his family, and her own. She would never come back this time. Leaving him to suffer for his mistakes.
Pain seared through his chest as he thought about this, making him unable to breathe. He fell to the floor on his side, curled into a fetal position with his arms and knees over his head, impervious to the outside world. All that escaped him were gasps as he bawled and unending tears that accompanied it.
Come back Jhanak…. Is our tale meant to be left unfinished? Please…. Please….
Will they ever meet again as they both hoped? He doesn’t know… but undoubtedly the one thing he can say with certainty is this… his life won’t be the same without it. He won’t have a life without her. Perhaps they were doomed to be star-crossed lovers after all….
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Finally, 4.7K words! I don't know why I end up writing more than I plan to. On that note, this OS is very dear to heart... So please let me know if you were able to feel the emotions, I wanted to convey. Your feedback would immensely help me in improving my next ones.
Have a happy day Y'all!! Toodles 
will read and comment...
(call me a sadist but seeing a show's characters in pain is always a great way to understand how deep the water runs 
)
comment:
p_commentcount