Gender Roles In the Household.. - Page 2

Originally posted by: DiscoDhokla

hahaha, I am 😂.

But thank you for replying and yes. This is so common omg ! My parents do it too. My mom is like your brother cooks despite being a boy and your sister cannot cook. I always say cooking is a life skill and cooking doesnt define your gender. I get so so mad ! They both are almost the same age and they often get compared and it makes me so mad. Like you said about tech right same thing happens in my house too my dad asks my husband when he has tech related issues and I am like why do you think I can't help you. Seriously Saraf it riles me up so much. I totally understand your frustration.

Sometimes, I really really wish to slap down the reality on their faces but again. If one wish to be a wall then you can’t waste your energy by smacking your head onto it.

Originally posted by: SarafWasima

Sometimes, I really really wish to slap down the reality on their faces but again. If one wish to be a wall then you can’t waste your energy by smacking your head onto it.

  I agree with you some older folks pretend as if they cant hear you and it really makes so mad. Kids in my family and my husband too we question our parents when they say such bizzare statements that we dont agree with. Like for example - why do you think i cant assemble that piece of furniture? give me a logical explanation how does the furniture know if its a boy or a girl assembling that? why do you think a girl has less strength compared to a boy? Every single time my mom says oh you are so lucky he helps you I answer back isnt it his house as well? I have decided not to give up till she thinks its normal and its no one has to be praised 😂😂.

I believe all the responsibility should be shared equally.. I remember once my FIL said kya karegi ladko jyada padke Or bahar kaam karke akhir karna toh hai ghar pe chula chokha.. That's the first time we had arguments

Hey Disco…wow such a long time…thanks for the tag…bade dil key qareeb wala topic hai …had always debated this since childhood but never questioned the status quo until came to college n used to have long debates with male friends…lol totally believe there should not be gender classified work in this day n age…it should be based on your capabilities instead …one doesn’t have to change the tyre of a car to prove a point if one can’t physically do that …that having been said, I see a sea change in the scenarios in homes from my childhood to current times…but that vein of patriarchy is very much still there and does rear its ugly head every now n then through various mouth pieces …bottom line is be responsible for your own life  n own chores …there is no shame in asking for help but the culture of gender classification in daily chores has to go. 

Edited by Pr1yanka - 11 months ago

I remember Sudha Murthy's interview where she said and I quote, "Boys should know better household work, actually much more cooking than girls. Reason being that you want a wife who will work with you, who will bring almost the same salary then don’t tell my mother used to cook fantastic things. Your mother was a housewife, she could do all those things. When you expect your wife who works as hard, to be like your mom, how do you expect the moment she comes home she should be like your mother? How do you expect the moment she comes home she should be like your mother who will pickle or something? " The stereotypes are so deep rooted that even today's generation is not being able to understand that women are not the only one responsible for household chores. Although this is observed and talked about after marriage and those phases where partners live together but the thought arises from childhood when children observe their parents both returning together from the office but mom hurriedly walks towards kitchen while dad takes time to relax and advances to bedroom...

superb topic..... and very important in current society life...

to be frank... i dont think this difference still exists... bcz most of the families.... parents are working and children are taught to help ther parents with house hold works... whether its boy or girl.... as a helping hand...

most of the boys may knw atleast to prepare a tea, omlette, maggie noodles ... even prepare a bread toast 

then there a minor category still believes... household shd be girls department... and teach the boys... not to enter kitchen... not to do household works etc.... how wrong they are in giving such lessons to the boys.... in future if they are alone and need to prepare something for them... then realises this difficulty.... ok.. now ther is youtube to teach simple cooking... but the feel to do work... that comes like big SELF respect for these boyz...

Interesting topic. I do believe in shared work load between partners  irrespective  of their gender. It is deep rooted in our society  that men are expected to do less work. 

Especially  if you are in joint family gathering then it is somehow expected that all females go and strive in the kitchen while the men can sit and relax. I found this discrimination  worse because you visit a house as a guest and one of you gets treated as guest due to his gender while  you are tasked with work load in another household  as well.  

I am not against helping. I am against the expectations  that I need to help because I am a female. 

We have talked about  ages about how women are expected to be a good cook, provide 24*7 child care and even work in an competitive world. But men can make work their entire world and won't  lift a finger at home but still accepted as if contributing  equally or in case more than his partner 

Originally posted by: BlurredLines

Interesting topic. I do believe in shared work load between partners  irrespective  of their gender. It is deep rooted in our society  that men are expected to do less work. 

Especially  if you are in joint family gathering then it is somehow expected that all females go and strive in the kitchen while the men can sit and relax. I found this discrimination  worse because you visit a house as a guest and one of you gets treated as guest due to his gender while  you are tasked with work load in another household  as well.  

I am not against helping. I am against the expectations  that I need to help because I am a female. 

We have talked about  ages about how women are expected to be a good cook, provide 24*7 child care and even work in an competitive world. But men can make work their entire world and won't  lift a finger at home but still accepted as if contributing  equally or in case more than his partner 

right? Why are all expectations only from women? My husband visited his family in india couple months ago and he attended a family gathering he saw all guys sitting on the couch expecting to be served by the girls of the family. He was like I realized how deeply this is rooted now. And such instances make it so obvious. He was like I also joined them in serving and setting food up while male cousins were like why are you helping them come join us? He was shocked and I was just smh when he told me 🥺

In my opinion everyone should know the basic life skills irrespective of whether they use them on a regular basis or not.

"Boys don't need to enter the kitchen or do household work" and "Girls don't need to fix things around the house or do outside work" were  ingrained in the minds so much that it is hard to come out of that mindset for some people.

What can we do about it?

We can't do anything about other people's beliefs or thought processes.

We need to change our selves.

When boys (partners, children and to some extent brothers) are around, Let's not make a habit of getting up and offer them water and putting things away after they finish using them.  Let us teach them cooking.  Let them rinse and put their plates in the dishwasher after eating.  Let us teach them how to load a dishwasher.  Let us show them how to do laundry or shopping.

When we are sick,  we should not worry about how our family will survive without us or worry about how we have to clean a messy kitchen once we get better.  Let us just stay in bed, take rest and concentrate on getting better.  Let us not give them instructions unless we were asked.  Before going on official or personal trips, there is no need to stack the freezer for the family.  Let them manage their own meals.

We also need to learn to fix household appliances, fix basic problems in a car or basic plumbing issues etc.,

Cheers..

Edited by Savera84 - 11 months ago

Don't get me started on this topic!😭 

Everyday,there is a debate with my mom and conversation goes like this

Mom: You don't get a husband and in laws who will help you with chores. You need to learn how to manage your job and household

Me: i can't manage alone for my entire life. That's so scary. 

Mom: we also had thoughts like this before our marriage..but we faced reality and you need to do it too!

Me : i won't marry then!

Mom: flying chappal mode activated

😭

I am really scared of the responsibilities and these expectations .. i don't know if i will ever be ready for marriage or not..

Sorry if this went off topic